29. Chapter 22
Chapter 22
Stone
“ N o Mississippi town does Christmas quite like Dasher Valley. And what a privilege it is to have a part of the Christmas festival hosted in the new Dasher Valley Community Center. Thank you all for coming out today, and don’t forget to stop by the kitchen for a bowl of Mrs. Phyllis’s Pineapple Jambalaya. Remember all proceeds go to support Hannah’s Hope.”
As the gathered crowd applauds, I exit from the front of the newly constructed gym and make my way to my family standing off in the corner. Mom embraces me. “I’m proud of you, son.”
“I’m glad this place gives him a good reason to come home more often,” Stella remarks. “But now I actually need to step away and go bug my constituents.”
“Bye, Seester.” I grin at the new District Four Mississippi State Representative as she grabs Gracie’s hand and darts off towards a group of older folks gathered around and watching the Ring Rudy the Reindeer game. Seems President Marshall’s endorsement of her really paid off and persuaded the people of District Four to vote for an Independent.
Jared’s holding their son, Abram, while Lucas is chatting with Brother Johnny, and Mom is still looking at me like I'm the greatest thing in the world. And even in the midst of this sweet moment, a certain hollowness settles within my soul.
It’s not because I’m without Jesus anymore. Though I still miss days and struggle, my prayer life is stronger than ever and I’m crawling through the New Testament, soaking in every word as if I’ve never read it before. Surrendering is hard work, but the peace and fullness that accompanies it is indescribable. Something you just have to experience for yourself.
But I miss Lucy. Everyday it’s clearer and clearer in my heart and mind that she’s the woman I want to marry. I’m still scared I’m not ready and I’ll fumble her hard even though I’ve made insurmountable progress overcoming my fear of commitment and belief that God is out to get me. He’s not. Just because things don’t go the way I want them to doesn’t mean that He doesn’t care. He just wanted my surrender.
And just because you surrender doesn’t mean that your fears dissipate.
It just means you’ve got help from the Creator of the universe to overcome them.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Jared asks. I realize he’s handed off Abram to his mom, and Lucas has flanked the other side of me.
“Let’s go for a walk around town,” Lucas says. “I need funnel cake.”
“Need?” I laugh, and then set off with the guys .
Not long after we reach the sidewalk on Main Street, Jared speaks up. “How’s everything going, Stone? And be honest with us.”
The resistance to share pulls at my thoughts like a phantom pain, but as of lately, it’s not as strong as it used to be. “I miss her, you know?”
“Bet you do.” Lucas smirks. “So you going to get your woman back or what?”
“What if I’m still not ready? What if the moment I’m in her presence again I fall into old habits? I still have thoughts about her.”
Jared and Lucas crack up. Jared says through his laughter, “Dude, that is the most natural thing in the world.”
“Don’t get me started on thoughts I had about your sister before I—”
“Nope, stop it right there,” I interrupt my brother-in-law. “I get your point.”
Jared straightens up and claps my back. “Don’t let fear win anymore, Stone. I’ve seen your hard work. You’ll never be finished changing. There will always be something to refine. The thoughts won’t ever completely disappear, and it’s not about that. It’s about what you do with them.”
“I understand why you needed to step away from her in order to prioritize healing,” Lucas joins in. “She was like a drug to you. But it doesn’t have to be that way anymore. You have a stronger sense of who you are, and you have rooted yourself in Christ. There’s nothing to be afraid of anymore. You’re much stronger.”
“That’s what Stanton has been saying,” I concede. “We do Bible study together now before our Call of Duty game sessions. ”
“And why haven’t we been invited to play Call of Duty? ” Lucas asks.
I shrug. “It’s an open invitation. Most Saturday mornings at six a.m.”
“Ah, too early. That’s why,” Jared comments, and we laugh.
We arrive at the funnel cake stand and order our own cakes of sugary, powdery goodness. We take them over to the picnic tables and chow down to the sounds of children laughing, parents hollering for their kids, and the occasional passerby who pauses to chat for a bit.
Once we start to walk back to the Dasher Valley Community Center for the outdoor bonfire starting soon, I ask for their advice on exactly how to approach Lucy once more. “She’s leaving for Korsa in about a week as far as I know from when we were still talking. She’s going to be there through New Year's. I was supposed to go, and we were supposed to dance a regency-style waltz to that Duomo rendition of ‘Wildest Dreams’ by Taylor Swift.”
“Let me guess, you planned that, right?” Lucas jokes, and I punch him in the shoulder.
“I was on board with it. That dance meant holding her in my arms and seeing her wear a stunning gown. Of course I was in.”
“Here’s a wild suggestion. One I may have made to your brother-in-law here when he let Stella go back to New York City. Take a page out of Lucy’s rom-com books and go after her. Meet her there. Walk in to that song playing. Hold her and dance. Then whisk her away to have an open and honest conversation with her. It’s a palace; I’m sure there are plenty of places to talk quietly.”
I grimace. “That’s what I’m afraid of. Being alone with her. ”
“Don’t be nervous about that, Stone. You may very well be tempted. It’d be weird if you weren’t, but remember that you have learned how to have better control. Trust the Lord.”
“Right.” But I still frown. “What if she shoves me away and doesn’t want to dance with me?”
Jared responds. “Wait it out. Catch her after the ball, then, and ask her for a proper conversation.”
“And if she says no?”
“Respect it and tell her that you’re ready when she is. Then come back home and do what you’ve had her doing—wait. You made a grand gesture. It’ll leave some sort of impact on her.”
“Good advice.” Lucas nods. “You’re a certified communication expert. How’d that happen?” “Marriage is the best practice.” He grins as Lucas puffs out air and agrees, tugging at the sleeves of his flannel shirt.
“I’ll think about it,” I say. “There’s a lot I would have to do with both of the community centers to plan my absence.”
“Plan your absence through New Year's,” Lucas mentions with a wink. “Just in case the woman is stupid enough to keep a hopeless fool like you around.” But as he says those words, he laughs and draws me in for a bro-hug.
“Love you, man,” I say through my laugh, feeling a little more confident than I did before, though the fear is still lurking somewhere in the depths of my nervous system.
The next day, as I’m making the long drive back to Juniper Grove, I look up plane tickets to Korsa. I also take a huge risk, asking the mayor of Juniper Grove for Lucy’s sister’s phone number, since he used to be her boss. I reckoned if he didn’t have it then it would be a sign not to go.
But he did have it.
And Lorelei answers my call.
“Lorelei Spence,” she answers in a voice that’s slightly deeper than her sister’s. “Who am I speaking with?”
I swallow and release a breath away from the speaker of my phone. “Hi, Lorelei,” I begin. “My name is Stone Harper, and I’d like to talk to you about your sister.”
Silence ensues between us, just the rumble of the road beneath my tires. Finally, she clears her throat. “What about my sister?” If a tone could cut and kill…
“To be frank,” my voice shakes. I try again. “I love her, and I would like to show her I love her by honoring an agreement we had regarding your wedding. I promised her a regency dance to a Taylor Swift instrumental, and I want to follow through.”
Lorelei is quick as a whip to answer. “What are your intentions post-dance?”
“If Lucy May will have me, I plan to honestly date her with the intention of marriage.”
She laughs, murmuring something about intentions of marriage. For a moment, fear grips me. She’s going to turn me away. And if the bride doesn’t want me at the wedding, there’s no way I’m going.
Especially to a royal wedding.
“She told me everything, Stone. Did you actually do what you said you would do and work on your relationship with Christ? Can you truly love my sister? ”
I vehemently nod though she can’t see me. “Yes. I can. And I do. I want to prove it to her.”
“You hurt her badly. I know—and she knows—that she allowed it to happen because of her own attachment issues. She’s been working hard on overcoming her anxious attachment. If you show up to my wedding, which I am allowing you to do only because she sent me pictures of the little book you wrote her, and I found it to be honest and true, then you better be one-hundred percent sure that you will not play around with her feelings.”
I take a deep breath, a smile breaking out across my face. I’m too relieved to care that Lucy showed Lorelei my story. That’s her twin sister, after all. Of course they talk. “Thank you so much, Lorelei. I look forward to meeting my future sister-in-law.”