31. Chapter 23
Chapter 23
Lucy
“ M y baby, you are breathtaking,” Mama blubbers, reaching out her hands as if to touch Lorelei’s pinned-up, slicked back hair but remembering she shouldn’t mess it up.
“I never thought this would happen to someone in our family,” Dad exclaims. “You’re royalty. Do I look good enough to walk you down the aisle?”
“Dad, you look snazzy in your suit,” I comment.
“Very decadent, indeed, Mr. Spence,” Mama coos, running her hand down his chest.
Dad beams. “Don’t get me started on how attractive my wife looks in that navy blue dress.”
“Okay, enough you two.” Lorelei laughs. “You both look stunning.”
I feign hurt. We won’t touch the punch of actual hurt I feel at the fact that Lorelei and Finley will not be having bridesmaids and groomsmen per stupid royal wedding laws. “What about me, older-by-one-minute sister of mine? ”
“Yes, Lucy.” She rolls her eyes. “But you always look amazing, and you know that.”
I shrug, smiling wide at my beautiful twin. Her hair is sprayed back so that not a single flyaway occurs. The bun on top of her head consists of little ringlets with white flowers pinned in at strategic places. Soon, a crown will be placed on top, denoting her as Crown Princess of Korsa, a title she will upgrade to Queen in two weeks upon returning from her honeymoon.
She looks every part the princess one would imagine my sister to look at the moment. Her wedding gown is made of silk, fitted around her chest and waist, then flowy until it drapes the ground. There are no sparkles or lace or rhinestones as I would choose. It’s long-sleeve, the ends of each sleeve coming to a pointed “v” on her hands. The scoop neck shows off the Korsa family’s crest that she wears around her neck in the form of a necklace. She only dons simple diamond studs in her ears and the silicone engagement ring. (She prefers not to have a gem or metal on her fingers.)
I twist my own silver ring, wondering why I feel so nervous right now when it’s my sister walking down the aisle in front of the entire world.
“Can we have a moment?” I ask Mama and Dad, pointing between me and Lorelei.
“Of course, baby,” Mama says, taking Dad’s hand. “We will be right outside.”
Once the large, arched door to Lorelei’s room in Stjarna Palace closes, I take my sister’s hands. “This is happening, Lorelei. Tell me your true feelings. ”
Her smile never dims as she gives my hands a squeeze before dropping them. “I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel queasy. The thought of everyone inside the church watching, the cameras on me, the world tuning in… It’s overwhelming. But I keep reminding myself that Finley will be right there beside me through it all, and that’s a comforting thought.”
“You guys are sickeningly sweet,” I blurt as tears press against my eyes. “I’m so dang happy for you, Lor. Can I please hug you?”
Lorelei takes a step in her white sneakers and wraps me in a tender hug. “I love you so much, Lucy. Thanks for helping me get to this moment in my life.”
“Whew, okay.” I release her and step back, dabbing at the liquid gathering underneath my eyes. “I love you, Lorelei. You are so deserving of this.”
She walks towards the door to let my parents back in as she says, “As you are deserving of good things, too.” She winks.
Mama and Dad rejoin us. They dote on Lorelei for a few more minutes before the wedding planner arrives to move us to our places. We are all escorted out to a royal limousine that will transport us to the First Church of Korsa where the wedding will be held. Once we are in front of the massive medieval-style church, complete with stained-glass windows that tell various Korsan mythology stories, Mama and I are escorted into the church to take our seats on the front left dark-oak wooden pew. I sweep the crowd as I walk, and I swear I see Stone in the back.
But a second glance reveals it’s just another tall, blond-headed man. Many of these Korsan men are tall with blond hair and blue eyes .
There I go, chasing shadows again…
There has to be over five-hundred people here, and I know my ex is not one of them. I briefly say a prayer that Lorelei will not panic and bolt (or pass out) the moment she lays eyes on this massive crowd.
As I sit, I wave to Finley who looks absolutely dashing in his princely attire in Korsan colors of navy blue, gold, and white. He waves back with a winning smile on his face, and then I briefly bow my head towards the King who is sitting in an overseeing position upon his golden throne. Above him is the Cross of Christ.
King Erik smiles gently and nods his own head in recognition, and for a brief moment, disbelief that I’m even remotely connected to this life washes over me. The urge to take notes throughout the ceremony for future books is strong, but I remind myself I’m here to enjoy this moment, celebrate my sister and Finley, and continue taking every passing scene in my life as it comes. My therapist, Brandi Kelly, gave me that advice, and I can’t remember a time where I’ve felt so content.
Of course, mending my relationship with Jesus has been beneficial. Grandma Netty’s note in her journal about surrendering to something stuck with me after I read it on the beach trip. When I got home, I made the conscious choice to surrender everything to God and see what comes of it. The next morning, I picked my troubles back up in the form of social media stalking Stone, but then God reminded me that I had surrendered it, so I gave it back to Him. Every single day has something that I have to give over to God. Even if I have to give it to Him every five seconds because I’m stubborn and anxious.
But I no longer feel defeated. I don’t think of myself as used, dirty rags.
I am a daughter of God. I’m loved, cherished, and forgiven, even when I still stumble back into old ways. I’m not stuck there anymore.
I’m healing.
So much so that Stone hasn’t been the sole object of my prayers lately. Instead, I’ve been praying over my literary future, my family, and my friends. I’ve started looking outward and upward instead of inward and downward.
And it’s made all the difference.
Queen Sylvia arrives, and I catch my breath at how beautiful she is with her silvery white hair and Korsan blue gown. She’s positively regal, and my heart stirs when I remember my twin will be in this very position one day.
She’s going to rule the land in business-casual attire and tennis shoes, of course, but still.
Finally, Finley’s siblings filter in, and I quickly wave at his younger sister, Astrid, as she sits on the opposite side of the aisle from me.
“Eternal Source of Light Divine” by Handel starts playing, and I nudge Mama, reminding her she has to stand as the mother of the bride before the rest of us can. Her blue eyes sparkle with tears as she smooths down her dress and stands, turning her attention to the back of the church where Lorelei will enter momentarily.
I stand along with the rest of the crowd as my twin and father enter through the dark, wooden-framed arched doors.
But I know there'll be a million videos surfacing of that moment.
So I watch my soon-to-be king-in-law’s reaction as I bite my bottom lip to keep from shouting in excitement.
Love pours from his eyes; it’s in the softness of his expression, the parting of his lips as he gasps. After a moment of pure bewitchment, a coruscating smile breaks across his face, and he leaves his post, bounding down the stairs and meeting Lorelei and Dad right where the seating begins on either side of the golden aisle. He hurriedly takes her hand from Dad, bowing to him then wrapping his arm around Lorelei’s waist as he leads her up the five stone stairs.
Stone.
It’s a shame I can’t think about using that descriptive word in its adjective form without thinking about the person who makes it a proper noun.
Regardless of my healing journey, I still miss him.
And that’s how I know there was something deeper than lust between us.
I wasn’t lying when I said it.
I love him.
Presently.
A love that is a ghastly thing echoing around my heart.
As the ceremony begins, I find my thoughts drifting to the little story he wrote for me. After reading it, I cried and cried, attempting to determine if he meant the words he said or not.
Upon reflection, I remembered Stone never lied to me. He was always upfront and honest with what he knew to be true. He couldn’t be honest about his feelings for me at the time because fear had him in a chokehold and the feeling that he could never deserve me was kicking him in the shins.
It was this one line he wrote from the male main character’s perspective that gave me pause and pried open my heart to believing his reason for walking away: “I am choosing you in my rolling away for a moment, Lioness. I am choosing to better myself so I no longer stab you in the foot as you walk. I am choosing to shave off my rough edges and become something better for you. Become a pebble who doesn't cut you. Because I can’t imagine my life without you.”
The male character was named Stone and was depicted as an actual arrowhead stone. The female character was named Lioness and depicted as an actual lioness. It was cute and written more as a friendship story than a romantic story, but Stone did write a note from himself at the end that said it was because of our easy friendship that he fell in love with me.
I read it over and over for days. I allowed Brandi to read it in confidentiality. I talked to Lorelei about it and sent her images of the text. And we all came to the same prayerful conclusion: Stone had never lied to me, and it didn’t look like he was starting now.
The crowd claps around me, and I blink to attention, kicking myself for zoning out so heftily. But it was simply the transition from the priest’s scriptural reading to the vows.
I tune in completely, dismissing Stone from my thoughts, and watch my twin and the love of her life exchange holy and royal vows to each other and their country .
When the ceremony is over and we’ve all arrived at the ornate ballroom in Stjarna Palace, I watch for Gabriel to enter to dance with him as I promised on Thanksgiving. I search the crowds of women in stunning dresses, full of bright colors that counteract the long, dark days of the winter season in Korsa. The orchestra begins playing some unknown-to-me tune that has a happy, upbeat flow to it. Men are dressed to the nines in tuxedos, and all around me, people speak in a language I do not understand. Mama and Dad are somewhere, but I left them on my initial high of being at an actual ball. Now, feeling overwhelmed and a little lost, I make my way to the edges of the golden room in my silver stilettos that tie into a bow around my ankles. I lean against a cool, white column, recentering myself through deep breaths.
I watch as Astrid asks Anders to dance, then she catches my eye and throws a wink in my direction. I laugh, wondering when she got that grumpy man wrapped around her finger. I’ll ask her about it tomorrow over tea in the royal gardens.
Suddenly, someone taps me on the shoulder, and I spin around, breathing a sigh of relief. “Oh, good. You’re here. I was looking for you.”
Gabriel flashes me a million-dollar smile, and in his french accent, says, “I’m promised a dance, yes?” He offers his hand, and I slip mine into his. He leads us out onto the polished wooden floor area meant for dancing. The song transitions into a waltz, and I follow Gabriel’s lead. We are clumsy and a bit ridiculous, but I laugh through our errors, enjoying this moment and blocking out the haunting memory that me and Stone were supposed to do a well-practiced waltz to an instrumental Taylor Swift song that Finley promised he would play when I asked him about it months ago.
As Gabriel begins to spin me around, my arm flies out, and someone catches hold of my wrist as Gabriel releases me, and I spin right into someone else’s arms.
I snap my head around to complete the spin and see my new dance partner.
My breath hitches as I gaze into familiar, baby blue eyes and inhale Bad Boy by Carolina Herrera.