The Desire

Chapter 4

Chapter Four

ELOUISE

M y heart is breaking for this little boy.

Losing a mother at such a young age is tragic enough, but then to have so much upheaval in the days following must be so confusing.

I don’t know how to answer his question, so I’m sure the emotionally stunted man sitting next to him has no idea. So, when the words come from his lips, it surprises me.

“Safe up with the stars.” The tenderness of Rem’s reply has the tears that I was trying to hold back now trickling down my face. Rem set his large hand softly on the top of Blaise’s that is still resting on Rem’s arm. I wish I could capture this moment with a photo, but it is too precious to intrude on. That first connection between the two of them you can never replace.

Instead, I softly repeat Rem’s words in French so Blaise understands. “ En sécurité avec les étoiles .”

Blaise nods at Rem and gives the first true smile I have seen from him since he arrived on the doorstep. And although he likely doesn’t realize he is doing it, Rem gives him a small reassuring smile in return.

Shocking us all, he does his best to repeat my French words, which brings a little giggle from Blaise, as his pronunciation is terrible, but at least he is finally trying to reach out to him.

For someone who was adamant he never wanted a child, he is doing okay with his first attempt of reassurance.

The morning slipped away quickly as we went through the process of the DNA swab and having Wallace pick it up and take it straight to the lab. I sat with Blaise and played with some of the toys the guys got last night. I didn’t give them all to him, as it would have overwhelmed him. Just a few little cars, some Lego, and two soft teddy bears. I did have to laugh at the teddy bears that are exactly the same, just one bigger and one smaller. Maybe they were thinking it would help with being like father like son, but it just made me smile that these big tough guys even thought of it.

All the playing and overstimulation from the day is catching up with Blaise. Adeline suggests she take him upstairs for a nap, and I’m betting that as soon as his little head hits the pillow he will be out like a light.

Rem was in his office while we played, I think it was all too much for him.

Now sitting here alone in the living room, the last twenty-four hours are all running through my head. One minute I was at school, then the next minute I was here for a completely different reason than I thought. I should go and let Rem know that they are having a sleep, but I doubt I need to. He probably already knows because of the security system.

Stacking up the toys in a neat pile at the corner of the rug, the tiredness that I was feeling yesterday starts to come over me again.

I just need a moment to decompress and breathe, to just be alone. Not with a child near me or trying to be the calming translator for everyone, and especially nowhere near the grumpy man who has me constantly back-flipping who I thought he was. This morning, I was about to tell him where he could jam his coffee, being the arrogant jerk he was, demanding I do what he needs me to, already having an email ready to go before we discussed anything.

Shit, the email!

Reaching for my phone and opening the email, my eyes nearly pop out of my head. This man is crazy, there is no other word to describe him.

Employment Letter of Offer

Elouise Patterson

Dear Elouise,

Please find your offer of employment from Elders Enterprises in the job description of a teacher/nanny for Blaise Elders.

The job will entail living on site in the residence of Remington and Blaise Elders on a full-time basis. You will be responsible for Blaise Elders at all times, with personal leave being approved ahead of time on an as-needed basis.

This will be a twelve-month contract that will be reviewed in six months’ time, depending on the progress of Blaise Elders with integrating into an English daycare and school environment and social situations.

The job will also involve traveling with Remington and Blaise Elders when needed, and all costs to be covered by Elders Enterprises.

The salary for a twelve-month period will be one hundred thousand pounds, plus an expense allowance to cover all needs for both you and Blaise Elders while in your care.

You will be allocated an assigned driver and car to be used at any time.

The rent on your current home for the next twelve months will be paid to hold the property, as well as a cleaner/caretaker to service it during your time away from home.

Elders Enterprises will also help to negotiate with your current employer, if needed, to hold your position for twelve months while you are working in this role.

Once we are advised of your acceptance of this offer, the employment contract will be forwarded to you to review and sign. Elders Enterprises will also pay for external legal advice with a firm of your choice to review the contract for you before you sign it.

We expect that this offer will be finalized in forty-eight hours from the date of this letter.

Yours sincerely,

Remington Elders

What. The. Actual. Fuck!

This man is certifiably insane.

Actually, no, it’s worse than that. He is a completely arrogant douchebag.

Jumping to my feet and marching to his office, I can feel my temper raging, and he is about to have it unleashed on him.

Not even knocking I’m so angry, I throw open the door, coming to a stop in front of his desk. His head whips up at the intrusion.

“Elouise, what’s wrong?” He jumps to his feet in a panic.

“You high-handed prick. I’m not some little pushover you can order to be at your beck and call. Take your job and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. I won’t take orders from you!” If I was outside on a cold day, you would literally see the steam coming out of me.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm the fuck down. I see you have read my email and it’s not to your liking.” His voice where it had compassion to it when he was concerned for my safety a moment ago is now long gone, and it’s replaced with a calm controlled voice I haven’t heard before. This must be his boardroom voice where he uses it to get what he wants. Well, it’s not going to work with me.

I might lack confidence around these big business tycoons and know that I don’t fit in, but I do have self-respect, and that’s more important.

“To my liking, are you serious! Yes, Rem, the money is a ridiculous amount that would be three years’ wages for me. Who pays someone that sort of money? Oh, that’s right, you do, so I can be your private beck-and-call girl. Someone who can take care of your problem upstairs. I get it, kids weren’t ever on your agenda, but guess what, shit happens! And you need to learn to deal with it, because you can’t just throw money at a problem and hope to solve it.” My hands are on my hips, and I have been giving it to him with all the attitude I can muster.

“Are you finished your rant?” He sits back in his chair like he doesn’t give a crap what I just said.

“God, why did I even think that I was attracted to you in any way?” Huffing, I throw my arms in the air.

“You weren’t, remember? You told me you just wanted me to fuck you, that’s it. There didn’t need to be any attraction there. A one-night stand that was better than your fucking vibrator. I believe I executed your wishes to your liking, end of story, moving on.” He places his hands on the desk, clasped together, trying to show no emotion.

“This has nothing to do with that night!” My frustration turns to anger now. “But while we’re at it, you were the one that wanted to be in my bed last night, so you can’t tell me there was no attraction.” I stare at him with eyes that I hope convey the disgust I’m feeling toward him as I say the words that hurt me on the inside. “Or was I just the body that was here, ready to be used to fuck away the panic you were feeling?”

My breathing gets faster as I continue to rant. “Someone you could control, oh yes, just like the letter of offer. You can’t leave the house unless I say so, you will do as I tell you so I can still live my playboy life with no responsibility for my son. Yeah, nah, not happening, asshole.” Turning, I’m ready to walk away.

“Elouise.” His voice is not as raised now. I want to keep walking, but something holds me back. I’m standing there just breathing, albeit rapid, but breathing still, and I try to slow it down. I’m not ready to turn and face him yet, because I know I will explode again.

“Can we start over and talk about this calmly?”

Hearing him moving from his chair, I don’t know what to do. Am I capable of a calm conversation right now?

Before I have time to contemplate it much more, his hand rests on my shoulder as he steps in closely behind me.

“El, please. I’m sorry, it’s not how this conversation was supposed to go.” His words are soft enough to caress me if I weren’t so angry, although I can feel the warmth of his hand, and as always, it’s doing something to me that I try to shut down every time. It makes me think about something I can’t have, and after this morning, I’m not sure I would even want it.

“Come on, El, please, just sit down and let’s talk this through.” He pulls on my shoulder to turn me to face him.

His body’s too close to me, so the only solution is to step away and sit on the chair. Damn it, he got me to do what he wanted anyway.

Sitting with a huff, I cross my arms and face him. I’m not the one who needs to be talking and explaining anything.

“Okay… I see it’s up to me to explain.” A small smirk appears on his face, which is kinda cute, not that I would admit that to him. It’s a smile that tells me he is humoring me but is happy to do it.

“You think?” I roll my eyes at him, waiting for him to start.

“I’m sorry I treated this like a business deal, it’s not what I meant, but I wanted for you to understand that I would never use you or take you for granted. I find if everything is in writing then there are no misconceptions down the track. I need your help, El, I think that’s obvious.”

Well, I’ll give him points for not being stubborn enough to deny that.

“Go on.” I want to hear what else he has to say before I tell him my thoughts on everything.

“I know I’m asking a lot, and I understand if you say no, although I’ll admit I’ll be pissed, but that won’t be at you…”

“What you are asking isn’t just a lot, it’s huge! You want me to put my life on hold for you.”

“No, not for me… for Blaise.” His eyes drop from focusing on me, shielding any emotion that may be showing in his eyes that he doesn’t want to give away.

Bastard. He knows how to hit me in the heart. Sure, use the cute little lost boy against me. Using my weakness to get what he wants.

Ughhh.

“That’s not fair.” I look at him, waiting for his eyes to come back to me.

“Maybe so, but it’s true.” Now his eyes are almost pleading with me. “He needs you more than I do. I don’t know how to help him if I can’t communicate with him.” This man is such a contradiction.

One moment he is the sexiest man I’ve ever seen, the next he’s the asshole who was just in the room before, and now we have the compassionate guy who is almost desperate to work out a way forward.

My neck is sore from the whiplash.

“Look, I know this is a lot to take in, and everything in the letter is negotiable. It’s just a starting point. Is the money not enough? Is that what you were upset about?”

“You have no idea anymore how the normal people of this world live these days, do you? That is three times my yearly salary. Which to you might be pittance, but it’s a job I love, and it’s enough for me to get by. So, no, it’s not the money.” Relaxing my body language, I drop my hands into my lap. I still want to be angry with him, but I just can’t seem to stop myself from letting it go.

“It’s just a lot. Sure, I know how to look after kids, but I’m not a parent either, Rem. I don’t know how to raise a child. I know how to teach them, and I can help him with his English so the two of you can communicate, but you can’t just pay me to become his mother while you don’t change any part of your life.”

I can see he is getting agitated. “That’s not what I’m asking you to do!” he huffs at me.

“I beg to differ.” My voice holds a little too much sarcasm in it.

“I gave you time off. I know I will have to find a professional nanny for those limited times, and when they aren’t here, who do you think will look after him when neither of you are here?” He jabs his thumb into his chest indignantly that he is taking some responsibility.

“Oh, how kind of you, giving me the clause that tells me I have to work twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, but oh, lucky me, I can have time off when I notify you in advance. Are you fucking kidding me, Rem? I doubt that would even be legal in any job.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.” Standing now, he starts to walk around the room in frustration.

“Why don’t you just hire one of those professional nannies then?” It would make more sense.

“Because they’re not you.” His low grumble that I could only just make out tells me more than he knows. He wants me here, but he doesn’t know how to handle that emotion, and to be honest, neither do I.

“Hmmm,” is all I can say as I let him walk until he is ready to tell me what’s in his head.

Finally, he stops at his desk in front of me, leans back against it, ankles crossed and hands on either side of him, grasping the desk, hard enough his knuckles are turning white.

“Can you just think about it and stay with me for a few days until you have made a decision? By then we will have the DNA results and Adeline will have left. I can’t imagine that is going to be easy on Blaise, and he is going to need you to help with that.”

How does he do that so easily, pull at my heart strings? I hope it’s not intentional, but then I have a feeling he’s a man who is used to getting what he wants in life and knows how to get it.

My mind is racing, and I have no idea how to even comprehend everything that is happening around me. I know what I need to do.

“Okay,” I reply gingerly.

“Okay, you’ll do it?” A look of hope washes over his face.

“Steady on there, boy. Okay, I will think about it. I need some air. I’m going for a walk.” Standing, I start to leave the room and the panic hits him.

“Don’t be long!” comes from him with too much demand in his order for my liking.

“Rem…” I drawl, turning back to look at him.

He swallows hard, his Adam’s apple moving, and I can’t help being transfixed on it.

“Please don’t be too long, it’s turning cool outside.” His voice is less bossy this time, although his face still shows panic, even though he’s trying to hide it.

“Then I better get my coat, the English weather is unpredictable.” I walk from the room with a smile on my face, chalking one point to me in the battle that I can see is far from over yet.

Walking back from my room and past Blaise and Adeline’s room, I quietly open the door and see them both still fast asleep. Good, I have time for a quick walk.

Just walking from the house and down the road a little, I realize I have no idea where I am, and I’m hopeless, with no sense of direction. Okay, I need to mark down this address before I get lost. What a great look that would be.

While I pin my position on Google maps, I see that down the road and around the corner there looks to be a park which is perfect. I don’t need to walk, I just need fresh air away from Rem who makes me feel like I can’t breathe every time he gets too close to me.

It’s not a huge park, just big enough to have some nicely manicured gardens with beautiful box hedging around the edges. A few trees for shade in the summer, a pretty little gazebo on one side with children’s play equipment and a swing set. This will be a perfect place to bring Blaise.

I’m so glad it’s empty at the moment because I just need space.

Sitting on the bench in the gazebo, I can hear the slight rustle of the leaves in the trees. The breeze is picking up a little. I hate to admit it, but Rem was right. There is a little chill in the air this afternoon.

My phone in my hand, I push Tori’s name which is the real reason I wanted to leave the house. I need to talk to her but don’t trust that Rem wouldn’t be listening to me ranting like a crazy woman. Not that I would be saying anything I wouldn’t be happy to say to his face.

Still, I need to talk to the only person I know I can word vomit to about men who have no freaking idea about the real world.

“Lou, what the hell is going on over there? Nic is on the phone to Rem, and I can hear a lot of yelling.”

Just the sound of Tori’s voice has the tears starting to fall, and I can’t tell her why.

“That would be the arrogant asshole Remington complaining that I didn’t just fall at his feet and do as he commanded me to.” I try not to sniffle so she doesn’t know I’m crying, using my shirt to wipe the tears from my face.

“Do I need to come over there and sort the idiot out? What the hell happened?” This is why I love my best friend. She has no idea what happened but is on my side anyway.

“Oh, where do I start?” Dropping my head back, I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and just try to get myself a little calmer.

Rattling off everything that has happened to Tori, including reading her the contract Rem sent me, is exhausting. Meanwhile, she is constantly talking over the top of me with outrage at his stupidity.

“I’m so fucking frustrated and confused as to what to do,” I tell Tori as I sigh, getting to the end of everything. I needed to vent to her, and Tori’s voice comes screaming through my ear as she yells across the room to Nic.

“You can tell Remington that he is the biggest dickhead I know. An absolute twat!” She is just as mad at him as I was when I first read it.

“Right,” I agree with her comments.

“This is what you are going to do. Of course, I want you take the job for so many reasons. Number one is because you will be closer to me, less than ten minutes away at all times, and I miss you like crazy. Secondly, I know you, and there is no way you will leave poor little Blaise to battle through the next few months trying to find his place in this world. You are what he needs. Thirdly, because you can travel with us whenever we are on work trips, and Lord knows there is way too much testosterone on the plane on most trips. And lastly, the money will help you finally buy that house you have so desperately been saving for. But don’t you worry, Rem is going to pay for being so stupid. You tell him, if he wants you that desperately—which being a man who we both know is in complete free fall that he not only wants you but needs you—that you want double that amount. It’s two hundred thousand pounds or it’s no deal.”

“Tori! I can’t rip him off.” I scream so loud that if anyone was in the park, I’m sure they would have jumped with fright.

“You aren’t. Take it from me, he can afford it. That way when you walk away after twelve months, you can buy a home closer to the city and of far better quality than either of us ever dreamed of. I know it will be a hard year, especially living with an arrogant bosshole. But we both know you can put him in his place, and it will be worth it in the long run.”

“But what about my job? I doubt they will say, ‘Sure, take a year off so you can go live a life of luxury. We will keep your job open.’ No one is that important.” Picturing that conversation with my school principal in my head, I’m already dreading it.

“Lou, you have been around these guys long enough to know what happens. When they want something, they make it happen. That is the least of your problems. The only question you need to answer is, can you live with Remington for a year?” Tori doesn’t even understand the half of what she is asking me.

That’s my biggest worry.

How the hell am I going to live in the house with a man that, every time I see him, makes my heart skip a beat? I can’t breathe when he is too close to me and his cologne is wrapping around me. And him being the same man I lie in bed at night and masturbate to my memories of the night he fucked me into absolute sexual bliss.

I close my eyes and drop my head. What the hell am I going to do?

I whisper into the phone, “I don’t know, Tori, I just don’t know.” There is no confidence in my voice at all.

“Do you need me to come over? I can be there in a few minutes.”

I know the boys always talk about the brotherhood of male friends and having each other’s backs. Well, I can tell you that has nothing on a woman who feels she needs to protect her best friend. As angry as I am at Rem right now, and totally confused about my decision, I won’t inflict on him a full Tori rage.

“No… I’m okay. I’ve just got some thinking to do…” Lifting my head, I open my eyes and realize the sun is starting to lose its strength, and the cold air now registers with me since I have stopped ranting.

“I’m here if you need me. Just remember, you aren’t doing it for Rem if you choose to do this, it’s for Blaise and for you. Rem can go fuck himself.” With determination like that in her voice, I now understand why she has fit perfectly into their corporate world. I can just imagine her in a boardroom getting her point across. Pity I’m not even one tenth as strong as she is.

“Thanks, hun, but can you do me a favor?” And this is where we differ.

“Sure, anything.”

“Don’t talk to Rem about this. He has enough on his plate, and he doesn’t need Tornado Tori descending on him. I need to handle this one on my own. Okay?”

“Ughh, you are too kind. I’ll try, but I’m not promising anything. If he brings it up with me, it’s game on, asshole.”

“Tori.”

“Okay, my lips are sealed. But that doesn’t mean my hand won’t punch him in the arm the next time I see him.”

“Oh God.” I can’t help but laugh at the image of Tori facing up to Rem who is a full head taller than her. But then again, I wouldn’t put it past her.

“Now you need to get back to the house. It’s getting later, and Nic just showed me a text message from Rem. He’s worried about you.”

“No, he’s not, he’s just worried Blaise will wake up and I won’t be there.” I start to walk a few steps before realizing I’m going in the wrong direction. Turning around, I walk back toward Rem’s house, feeling a little self-conscious of being on my own in a place I don’t know.

“He’s already awake and asking for you. Now just get back there and sleep on it tonight. Call me if you need me, otherwise I’ll be there in the morning whether Rem likes it or not.”

Tori’s words are like a virtual hug, knowing that she is so close and if I called her, she would be here as fast as humanly possible.

“Thanks, hun. I’m okay. I’ll message later tonight. Bye.”

“Talk later.” Her voice is gone, and there’s silence in my head again.

Turning the corner of his street, I can see his house in the distance, and I know I’m so far out of my depth.

I don’t belong here in this world.

But can I manage to survive it for a year and blend in? Or more to the point, be confident enough to be more than the hired help, which is what I will be. When we are out somewhere, how will he introduce me? As Blaise’s nanny, someone who works for him?

How did I go from his one-night stand to the friend zone and now the hired help? I’ve gone the opposite direction of every fairytale romance ever told. I guess I’m no Cinderella who went from the maid to the princess.

I push the button on the gate, and it opens automatically; he has obviously been waiting for me.

Seeing Rem standing at the open door and the warm lighting of his home behind him, I know what I need to do.

“El, are you okay?” He steps back so I can pass by him at the front door.

“I will be. We need to talk,” I say with determination in my voice that I’m not feeling deep down inside.

But isn’t that what they say? Fake it till you make it.

Well, this is me faking it. When really, I want to crawl into a ball in my own bed and forget this all happened.

Suck it up, Elouise, and show this man that you can play in his world too.

Or at least try to.