Chapter 5
Chapter Five
REMINGTON
W here the hell is she!
She’s out there wandering around in a foreign place, talking to Tori. I knew that’s what she would do. Just like I called Nic to let off some steam about how goddamn frustrating women are, to which he laughed hard at me, and I didn’t appreciate it. He totally understands what I mean, having Tori. She drives him crazy every day, but somehow, he loves her for it.
Beats me how.
It’s one of the things I love about being single. When a woman annoys me, I can simply walk away. Except this time, I need Elouise, so that’s not possible. It’s going to be a long year with her living under my roof, but I have no other choice. And to be honest, I don’t know what I will do once that year is over. I will still have to hire a nanny to care for Blaise when I’m not here, which does grate on me slightly. I grew up with my mother a stay-at-home mum, which meant she was there in the morning before school, and when I came home, she was there to greet me and my sister with open arms and usually some homemade afternoon tea.
I haven’t thought about that for years. It’s funny how you take for granted the things your parents did for you, until one day, something triggers you to look back and understand how hard they worked to make your life so easy.
Blaise and Adeline woke up, and I managed to communicate with her that there are some snacks in the kitchen for them and that Elouise is out taking a walk. Adeline mentioned that as soon as Blaise woke up, he was asking for the pretty lady and where she is. I felt like answering, “Yes, I’d like to know that too.”
I messaged Nic to find out if Tori was still on the phone with her. At least that way I knew she was still safe and hasn’t done a runner on me. Not that I think she would, and I know it’s the sense of panic I’m still feeling, which is so uncomfortable and not something I’m used to.
I hate not feeling in complete control!
Sitting in my office, watching the security cameras, I see her a few houses down the street walking slowly back toward my home. Head down, shoulders slumped, her body language tells me that she is struggling. After walking to the front door, I continue watching the security screen so I can see her approaching the gate. Stopping for a minute, she seems to contemplate coming in but finally reaches for the buzzer, and I’m already opening the gate.
As I open the door and watch her walk toward me, I feel an overwhelming sense of relief which is unexpected, but one that I shake off as just relating it to my Blaise anxiety that I can’t seem to settle.
“El, are you okay?” That’s not what I thought I was about to say, but the words overtook my original thought of telling her that she should have been back before now.
Fuck, thank God I didn’t say that. I’m not her father, and she’s a grown fucking woman. That would have just started the screaming match again, and that is not what either of us need.
“I will be. We need to talk.” Not even making eye contact with me, she walks straight toward my office and doesn’t stop to see Blaise and Adeline, who both look a little worried.
“She rattles off something in French to Adeline, which I interpret to be something about being back in a minute, before I storm down the hallway after her.
If there is one thing already pissing me off about having her in my home, it’s that she seems to think she is the one who is running this show.
Not fucking happening!
My house, I’m the one who is in control.
Damn women are hard fucking work!
Walking into my office, I close the door behind me with a little more force than I should have, and it has her turning and glaring at me.
Count to ten, Rem, don’t fire her up before she even starts talking.
I can’t sit behind my desk this time. Pointing her to the couch that is set to the side, she just nods and takes a seat as I drag one of the chairs from the desk to be in front of her, trying to keep a casual feel to this talk.
“The floor is yours, Elouise,” I say, inviting her to get out every concern that she has bottled up, and I’m sure Tori has had a hand in planting more thoughts too.
“I want to help Blaise, and as much as Tori will yell at me for saying this, I want to help you too, but…”
My heart started to slow until she ended the sentence with a but.
“But what?” Christ, woman, now is not the time to leave me hanging.
“We need to set some rules, and that letter you sent me needs some serious tweaking. Christ, I hope you have someone vet your other contracts before you send them, because that really pissed me off. To be honest, you are lucky I’m here.” The way she glares at me, she reminds me of Tori in the office some days, and I can see why they are such good friends. What the hell am I getting myself into?
Ignoring her dig at my letter, I just brush over it and want to get her to continue. “I can do that. Just name it, we’ll change it.” I’m finally able to relax back into my chair a little, knowing deep down it will be okay.
“You don’t know what I’m going to say yet you are already agreeing. Maybe I should just ask for the ridiculous amount of a two-hundred-thousand-pound salary like Tori said.” Her little giggle has that calming feeling you get when that first mouthful of a really smooth whiskey is sliding down your throat.
“Done.” I don’t care what she wants to be paid, I’ll pay it.
“Wait, what!” she shrieks and sits up tall like she is about to jump out of her seat. “I was joking, that’s just highway robbery, I couldn’t do that to you. Just forget I said that.” She wrings her hands nervously, thinking she has done something wrong.
“El, let’s get something straight right now.” Leaning forward, I take her hands in mine. “I would pay you whatever you asked me to for one simple reason… I trust you. I will be able to walk out that door every day to do my job of keeping everyone in our team safe, knowing that my son is safe with you.” Her hands are so cold that I start rubbing mine over the top and stroking with my thumb to help warm them. “I know I could hire an agency nanny and then bring in a tutor, but this is not just a normal situation. Blaise has been through hell, and I don’t want to put him through any more trauma. He is already attaching to you as someone he likes and trusts, like we all did when Tori first introduced you to us. That’s what’s important to me.” I should be letting her hands go, but they feel so comfortable in mine.
“But I have no idea what I’m doing. What if I make mistakes and make it harder for him? I would never forgive myself.” And this is why she is the perfect person. She cares more for that little boy than she does about herself. It’s not about how I’m asking her to put her life on hold for a year, move into my house, or be stuck running my household. She is worried about Blaise.
“Have more faith in yourself, El; they didn’t give you a teaching award for being useless. You know what you are doing, just go with your gut when you’re unsure. I’ve done it most of my life and it’s never steered me wrong. Including now, asking you to help me. We will make a good team, and before you know it, we will be through the year, he will be ready to head off to school, and you will be begging me to continue working for me,” I say, trying to make her smile, but instead, it brings a shiver up her arms, and she pulls her hands away from me.
“That won’t happen. Before the year is up, we will both be counting down the days to be rid of each other.” A small quaver in her voice has me wondering what she is worrying about, but I don’t have the energy to think about it much more.
“So, we can go through and work out all the other problems, but is it a yes?” I just want to lock this in.
“Before I say yes, these are my non-negotiable items. I need to be able to take time off without explaining why. We will need to interview for a babysitter for when I want to go out or just need time on my own. It would be nice to still go out with Tori when she asks me, and let’s be honest, most of the time you’re there too, so we need to have arrangements in place.”
“Makes sense, what else?” She’s right, I don’t want to stop her from having fun with us all.
“At night when you are home, Blaise is your responsibility unless you need to work.” She points her finger at me. “Which can’t be every night. You need to learn how to juggle work and being a father. I’ll help translate, but you will both need to find a way of communicating until we can get his English stronger and…”
“Yes, yes, I’ve already downloaded an app to start learning French.” I roll my eyes at her, because for a moment, I felt like it was a teacher talking to her student. That better not become a thing.
“Good. But I have one more thing.” Now the confidence drops from her voice, and I can tell it’s something personal. Shit, I didn’t ask if she had a boyfriend or someone I didn’t know about. No, that’s not it, my security team would have told me, or Tori would have dropped that in conversation, especially after a few drinks.
I nod for her to continue.
She waves her hand between us. “Nothing like last night can happen again. It was a one-and-done thing at Christmas, and we both agreed to that. Friends, that’s all we can ever be. I can’t be the hired help and be here for relief when you need it.”
“What the fuck, is that what you think of me? Jesus, El. I’m not hiring you to be my prostitute!” I burst out, standing and running my hand through my hair. She must think I’m such a dick to ever treat her like that.
“That didn’t come out right. I didn’t mean that, no, sorry. I never meant that. God, I’m so bad at this.”
“Well, let me help you. You are not the hired fucking help, you are a friend who I’m paying to help me with my totally fucked-up life. And I would never ever treat you like that, damn it. I don’t use women like that, and I would hope you think more of me than that, otherwise maybe this is a mistake.” I feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut. It’s like the memories of my ex, Shannon, from years ago are flooding back into my head. Accusations being thrown around about me that were far from the truth.
“No, Rem, please, I’m sorry. I just meant like last night you needed comfort, and I get that, but it can’t be me. It’s too hard. Plus, it will confuse Blaise.”
Taking a deep breath, I can see how upset she is, and her cheeks are flushed from embarrassment. Well, at least that’s what I think it’s from.
“Look, El, I told you that night, I don’t do relationships in any shape or form,” I say, trying to make sure she understands that I was serious about that. It’s been over ten years since I tried a relationship, and I’m never going there again. It’s just not worth it.
“And I don’t do friends with benefits, so we are on the same page. Let’s leave it at that and move on.”
I want to say more, but she’s right, we need to move on.
There is silence for a moment while we both digest what was said, and then she says in her soft voice, the one that does something to me that it shouldn’t, what I have been desperately waiting to hear.
“Now we agree on all that, then yes, I’ll help you, but only for a year, and then I go back to my old life, and you will continue confidently on with your life with Blaise. Deal?” She stands in front of me with her hand outstretched for me to take in mine.
I’m still rocked by what she said, but I’m desperate to finally sort this out.
Taking her hand which is much warmer now, I say, “Deal, and El…” I can feel a sense of warmth through my body as the panic that has been filling me since yesterday is finally settling somewhat.
“Yes?”
“I can never thank you enough for this. I’m truly grateful.” I know it’s the wrong thing to do, but the sheer relief has me pulling her into my arms and hugging her tightly. There is no one else I would want to struggle through this shit show with, and I want her to know that.
Feeling her trying to pull back a little, changing the subject seems like the right thing to do.
“Now, let’s eat. I’m famished, and I think there is a little boy out there that was looking for you earlier.” Stepping back, it feels right to put the respectful distance between us that friends would have.
If there is one thing I’m good at, it’s compartmentalizing and keeping things in the right boundaries. So being just friends means that that is the last time I will have El in my arms.
“Sounds like a plan.” She gazes at me with a look that is almost one of longing, then she shakes her head a little and walks from the room.
My eyes drop to her cute ass that her jeans fit snuggly.
Fuck, don’t start that shit!
Friends.
Line drawn.
Don’t step over it.
After finally sorting out the contracts last night with El and sending them off to my lawyer, he then turned up at the house this morning with the final copy for her to sign and the package that we have all been waiting for. The one that feels like it is a bomb encased in an envelope.
I told him I would open it later. I just wanted all the papers with El signed, and the rest, I’m already certain I know the answer.
But now I’m sitting here, watching Blaise playing with Adeline on the floor and staring down at the envelope in my hand. Even though I’m certain of the answer inside, I can’t seem to open it. I don’t know why.
Feeling the couch beside me dip, I turn to El as she sits next to me and places her hand on my thigh.
“It’s okay, no matter what it says, I’m here for you.”
I stare straight ahead at Blaise. “But what if he’s not mine?” I whisper, and my real fear is coming out. I didn’t want kids, but the shock is that now I’m not ready to let him go. How did that even happen?
“Then we work it out. Either way he needs you to be his father, biologically or not. Camille wanted you to raise him. We will make sure that happens.” How is El so smart and practical, and here I am, a complete mess.
Dropping my head slightly, I close my eyes and take that deep breath before I finally rip the top of the envelope open and pull the letter out.
Ninety-nine-point-nine percent probability I am his father, and I’ve never been more relieved of anything in my life.
The fear I thought would be rushing through my body doesn’t come, but instead, a sensation that is like nothing I’ve ever felt. Attachment to another human being, other than my parents and sister. I know what it’s like with the guys too, we are so close and it’s more than just friends, but this is so different. The responsibility and feeling of love for a tiny human that I never imagined I would get to experience. Can I say I love my son yet? Yes, but not in a way that I would say is a father-son love that can never be broken, but I’m sure it’s something that will grow over time. We are strangers, yet strangely, I feel him imprinted on my soul already, and I know that no matter what happens in life, I will always protect and care for him until my dying days.
“You look relieved, Rem, but at the same time I can see your brain racing.” El’s hand is still sitting gently on my thigh, and it’s comforting.
“If you’d asked me two days ago, I would have told you I could never be a father, but now I have no choice. It’s time to work out how I do that.” I gently slide the letter back in its envelope, ready to place it in the safe with all my important documents. One day I will look back at it and wonder how I ever doubted Blaise was mine.
“The same way that Blaise will learn how to be your son, you will both work it out together. No parent is an expert the moment the baby is born. You will make mistakes, that’s normal. But no matter what happens, just remember to always tell him how much you love him and want him here with you, reassuring him that he is safe, and the rest will fall into place.” There is something about El that naturally soothes me, even if I’m not asking for it. She knows what to say and when to say it. A quality that I’m sure makes her a wonderful teacher.
“I couldn’t do this without you, you know that, right?” I say, placing my hand on top of hers.
“That’s what friends do.” She smiles at me like we are sharing a hidden joke.
“So you say. Speaking of friends, I have been ignoring messages all morning that I really should reply to. Flynn has been painful. We all know he is like an excitable puppy who wants to play with the new toy.” I laugh a little and El joins in because we both know that is the most accurate description of Flynn.
“Why don’t you spend a bit of time with Blaise first. They can wait a little longer. It won’t kill them.”
“A woman who is not afraid to stand up to Flynn, this is going to be fun.”
“I think he has learnt by now that no amount of his charm is going to make me pay attention to him,” she teases. Winking at me, she stands and walks toward Adeline and Blaise.
She underestimates Flynn, but then again, if he was truly interested in her as the love of his life, he wouldn’t have backed away as easily as he has. He’s just playing his cards and seeing how they fall.
El is talking to Adeline in French, and Adeline now stands up from the floor where she was playing with Blaise.
“We are heading into the kitchen to go and make some lunch, and we’ll leave you two boys to it. Remember, he doesn’t bite.” Her joke is not funny. What does she mean she is leaving me alone with Blaise? I don’t speak French.
Before I have time to object, they have left the room, and Blaise and I are left looking at each other with the same bewildered look. The only difference is that his only lasts a split second and then he is back playing with his cars. Okay, how hard can this be?
Sitting down on the rug with him, I try to fold my legs under me which is no easy feat when you are a six-foot-three man with long legs. Blaise just peeks at me up from under his head of black curls that fall over his eyes when he is looking down. Poor kid can’t even see properly. We need to get him a haircut, but not just yet. I don’t want to scare him.
Without even asking, he picks up a car, handing it to me so we can play.
“ Voiture, Papa ?” Hearing him say Papa now that I know there is no mistake has a cuteness to it but is going take a bit to get used to.
“ Merci, Blaise .” I drive it with him for a few seconds, then I decide he needs a track to drive around.
Taking some of the blocks, I get busy building a road for him to drive on, and before I know it, we have been playing for a while driving our cars on the block roads and occasionally crashing into each other. That brings a laugh from Blaise that gives me a sense of relief knowing he is happy here—well, at least for the moment. But the next big challenge in his life is about to happen, and it’s going to be hard on him.
Once I tell Adeline the DNA results are here, then she will be packing to leave. How can she even do that to him? I could’ve been a serial killer, and she was just prepared to turn up and dump Blaise with me and leave. It’s really grating on me. I only met Camille for one day, and yes, we had fun, but she didn’t really know me either. The more I think about it the more it annoys me how trusting these women are. Part of me is glad Blaise is now here with me instead of Adeline, because I know he is safe.
His little voice drags me back from heading off on a tangent.
“ J’ai faim, Papa .” He looks at me like I know what the hell he just said. Think, Rem, you are going to need to learn how to work this shit out.
What could a little boy need?
A drink? Okay, I make a motion with my hand of holding a glass and drinking from it, to which he just waves back at me. What the hell, I wasn’t waving.
Food maybe? I pretend to pick up a sandwich and take a bite and chew it, then make the noise of when it’s something tasty. Pointing to him and then back to eating my imaginary food, he starts nodding very slowly, not entirely sure we are talking about the same thing.
My phone, idiot, why didn’t I go to that straight away? I type the word food into it and have it repeat it back to me in French, and it makes Blaise’s face light up, and he starts nodding faster with a big smile on his face.
“Yes?” I ask him if that’s what he was asking for.
“ Oui, merci .” Jumping up from the floor, he holds out his hand for me. This is the first time he has wanted to do this. I haven’t instigated it either. I think we were both scared to let our guards down, and here the four-year-old is showing me up by being the first to move forward. I really need to take control of what is happening here. To be an adult, the person who drives the narrative.
Pushing up off the floor, I’m not as quick as his little body just springing onto his feet. I’m a man who takes pride in how fit and flexible I am, but I can see keeping up with a four-year-old will test that in a new kind of way. There is no slacking off at the gym now.
Holding my hand out and taking his tiny one in mine is a new feeling for me, and although it doesn’t feel natural, it’s not terrible either.
Walking into the kitchen, Adeline and Elouise are at the counter, sitting and chatting. The food is laid out ready, but they are just talking to each other and didn’t bother coming to get us.
I have a feeling that El deliberately left me alone so that I would start to make some sort of connection. Not that I need her pushing me to do something. I’m a grown man and can figure this out for myself.
The smirk on her face when she sees we are walking hand in hand tells me I’m right on the money. I don’t know what I was thinking that night in Rome, that she was shy and lacked self-confidence, because all I see in front of me is a woman who is already managing to manipulate me without me realizing it. I need to be careful of Elouise, she has more power than I was expecting. This is going to be interesting.
After lunch, the conversation with Adeline that I knew was coming was brief and straight to the point. She wanted to go home and has decided to leave tomorrow. I still don’t understand how she can just walk away so easily, but I need to move on from that. Nothing is going to change.
Picking up my phone, I know I can’t put it off for much longer. I mean, if it was one of the other guys, I would be pissed at being shut out like I have done to them, but I just couldn’t process everything and I needed space to do that.
I open the group text message thread. My fingers move across the screen and then hit send, and I knew my message will have them all diving for their phones.
Rem: Congratulations to me. Seems I gave birth to a 40-pound four-year-old boy on Friday night.
Forrest: Like it was ever in doubt. Congrats… I suppose. Is that what I’m supposed to say?
Flynn: Shit, I know what I’m saying. Sorry, buddy, but I’m just glad it wasn’t me.
Nic: Let’s be honest, Flynn, there’s probably a dozen or more of your kids running around this world, and that is scary as fuck.
Nic: Rem, I know you think it’s terrible news, but I think he is great. Welcome Blaise to the brotherhood.
Rem: It’s growing on me. Not that I have a choice.
Flynn: Fuck off, Nic. I’m careful. Always followed my mother’s advice.
Rem: Oh God, do we want to hear this?
Forrest: Doubt it. Because let’s be honest, it’s too late now for you!
Rem: Not funny…
Flynn: Wise woman, our mum. Her words of wisdom: ‘If it’s not on, it’s not on!’
Nic: Ughhh! We are forty-year-old men, why are we talking about condoms? Seriously!
Flynn: Some of us don’t have the luxury of ignoring them like you do with your little cock tamer, and this text message is the perfect reminder.
Nic: Watch it! You’re lucky you aren’t in the same room as me right now!
Flynn: Yeah, yeah, Mr. Tough Guy. You know Tori would laugh and agree with me.
Rem: He’s right.
Nic: I liked it when she wasn’t so comfortable around you all. Then she was off limits to your bullshit.
Forrest: You’re kidding yourself if you think she was ever off limits to Flynn.
Nic: True.
Flynn: See, he gets it. You are all fair game in my world. How else am I supposed to keep myself amused and you fuckers from taking life too seriously?
Nic: As per usual this conversation has turned around to be about Flynn. Back to Rem. What do you need from us, buddy?
Rem: We need a meeting, the four of us. I have no fucking idea what this means going forward, and we need to work that out.
Flynn: Nothing changes except we all get to call you Daddy now.
Rem: I will end you if those words ever come out of your mouth.
Nic: Flynn, for fuck’s sake, be serious.
Forrest: I agree, we need to talk.
Nic: Rem, your job is safe, and we will work this out. When do you want the meeting and where?
Rem: Tonight, in the office. Adeline is leaving tomorrow, so I need a plan of action.
Nic: Done. 7pm.
Flynn: I had a date to get my cock sucked, but sure, I can change that for you.
Rem: Oh, don’t change it on my account. You go right ahead, you will only be five minutes late. That’s all you need, right?
Forrest: That’s generous, I would’ve said three minutes.
Flynn: Fucking hahaha.
Nic: Okay, you need anything else today, Rem?
I’m not sure I’m ready for this, but it feels right.
Rem: Yeah, I want you all to come and meet my son.
My finger hovers over the send button, but then I just do it. I can’t hide away from them forever, and I’m going to need their help, that is a guarantee.
Flynn: Fuck yeah, I’m on my way. Plus, I get to see the hottie living in your house now. Might have to move in with you too. Then she couldn’t ignore me so easily.
Forrest: She ignores you because she is not interested. Christ, when are you going to get it? Rem, it would be a pleasure.
Flynn: What, no one is going to acknowledge how lucky Rem is right now? I’m picturing those mornings in the kitchen in her little PJs, hair messed up, and she is looking all soft and supple.
Nic: I swear to God, if you ever touch her, not only will I end you, but I won’t hold Tori back when she absolutely tears you to shreds. She is 100% off limits. I’ve told you before. DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND. DICKHEAD?
Fuck! Sweat breaks out across my brow at Nic’s words. They can’t ever find out what I did. And what makes me feel even worse and like a piece of shit is where I thought Elouise was just a passing infatuation of Flynn’s, maybe I was wrong. Damn it, I knew that night I was making a mistake, and having her here is probably going to be just as big a mistake. Thank goodness El is stronger than I am and stopped anything further from happening. Because I know without any hesitation, I would have fucked her the night Blaise arrived here. With no regrets, I would’ve taken what I wanted from her—sexual gratification.
Flynn: Whoa, okay, boss man. Geez. It was a joke.
Nic: Don’t care. Rem, are you sure you want us all there at once?
Rem: No, but come anyway. Maybe before we head to the office. Tori can then stay with Elouise. I’m sure she could use her friend. I’ve totally blindsided her.
Nic: I’ll try to control Tori when we get there.
Laughing to myself, I know what I’m about to cop from her. If there is one thing I’ve learned about Tori, it’s that she has trouble keeping her feelings about something contained. So, I’m totally expecting it.
Rem: May as well rip the band-aid off now.
Forrest: Was thinking the same thing. See you at 5?
Rem: 5 is good.
Nic: See you then.
Flynn: What, nobody is going to address the fact that 2 out of 3 of you have threatened to end me in this message? Remind me why we’re friends.
Forrest: Probably would have been 3 out of 3 but Mum would kill me for saying that to her golden boy, little brother.
Flynn: Ughhh, you are all assholes.
Rem: Yep!
Nic: And finally, he gets it.
Forrest: He is a bit slow but got there in the end.
Flynn: You can fuck off.
Rem: Done.
Nic: I’m out too.
Forrest: Already gone.
Flynn: All so fucking funny.
Sitting back in my office chair, I smile at the banter. It’s totally what I needed to break the seriousness of this situation. This meeting tonight won’t be easy, but I’m an action man. I need to get things happening straight away. No wasting time. Once I get into the office tonight, I can start moving forward and get everything in place.
But for now, I need to just take a moment before I go back out and let them all know everyone is coming over later and have Elouise explain to Blaise what is happening. All that keeps repeating over and over in my head are Nic’s words to Flynn.
“If you ever touch her, I will end you!”
If he ever finds out what I did, I’m screwed.
Especially if he finds out it was a one-night stand, in one of his hotels, when she had been drinking and he gave me the job of getting her back to her room safely.
Oh, she was safe alright, no one could get to her when she was under me.
Flashbacks of that night play in front of my eyes like a movie reel.
Nope, stop thinking about her perfect body writhing while I pounded into her. The way she screamed for more.
“Down, boy,” I mumble quietly to myself as I push my hardening cock back down. “We can’t ever go there again.” I shake my head at the fact that I even have to say it to myself.
Pushing up from my chair and standing, I readjust my jeans and remind myself why it can’t happen.
I love my job, my friends, and my life. No way I’m risking all that. Besides the fact I’m not made to settle down.
Except the little dark-haired boy in the other room has just changed that statement whether I like it or not.
I need to plan my next adventure. An adrenaline rush is what I need to clear my head. Works every time.
The image of El performing her strip tease flashes in front of me.
Not that type of adrenaline rush, idiot! Something dangerous, like swimming in boiling lava… Oh, that’s right, I already am!