The Desire

Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

REMINGTON

T hey tell me he’s the best pediatrician in London, and he’d better be with the price he’s charging me for the after-hours appointment.

He might be the best doctor for kids, but the way he is staring at Elouise like he wants to examine her instead of Blaise, then this might be the only visit we have here.

“So, tell me Blaise’s story and what resulted in the change of circumstances of you gaining custody.” Dr. Keats glances only briefly toward me, his concentration still on Elouise and Blaise. For his sake, I hope he is centered on my son, which is the reason we are here.

“His mother died, and I only found out he existed when he arrived on my doorstep on Friday night.” Surely that’s all he needs to know. Because to be honest, there isn’t much more to tell him.

I can tell he is waiting for more, looking back toward me. “Oh, and he was with her when it happened,” I add.

“Was it traumatic for him?” Finally, he is interacting with us both, looking between me and Elouise.

“I don’t know, I haven’t spoken to him about it.” The look of disgust on his face that I haven’t tried to reach out to my son makes me want to get up, take Blaise and Elouise, and storm out of here.

Pompous prick!

Before I can even answer, Elouise has my back and jumps in.

“Which isn’t Remington’s fault. Blaise only speaks French. I am doing the translating until Rem can get his French up to speed. So, we are doing the best we can in hard circumstances.” Looking across to me, she gives me the reassuring smile that she wasn’t about to let me look like an asshole.

“I see. I’m sure it’s been a difficult few days then.” Finally, a look of respect toward me from Dr. Douche. “May I ask for you to help me with talking to Blaise then too? Not sure my French will be good enough, and I want him to feel comfortable with me.”

I sit back and watch him go through everything with Blaise, from all the physical examination, to testing his hearing, eyesight, and a gentle conversation about what happened with his mum. I have to hand it to him, his thoroughness makes me think he is worth the small fortune I’m paying him.

“Blaise seems to be a healthy little boy with just a few little things I would like to keep an eye on, nothing serious, but I think it would be worth monitoring. He has a little heart murmur I can hear, and although it is probably nothing, as we have no prior history on it, I would like to check on it later just to be sure it’s normal. Many children have them and grow out of them.” I’m not about to tell him I had the same issue when I was younger because I don’t want him dismissing it in case it gets worse.

“I will have my secretary set up some appointments for you and be in touch. Who should I tell her to contact?” I want to tell him me, but I know it will be Elouise who takes on that role because I can’t be here all the time, it’s a fact of life.

“Please have her speak to Elouise, but I would like to be emailed as well and with the reports each time you see him if I’m not here. So, I can keep a file on his medical history too.” I look into Elouise’s eyes, trying to make her understand it’s not that I don’t trust her but more that I’m a details man. I want to know everything.

Her nod is enough to tell me she realizes what I’m like.

Driving home after the appointment, the car is silent. I didn’t know what to say, and obviously neither does Elouise except for the occasional giggle with Blaise in the back seat. He’s been talking to himself, well, actually I think he was singing a song that sounds happy, so at least he wasn’t too traumatized by the doctor. Not sure I can say the same.

It’s a strange feeling to say I trust him with my son, but I just don’t trust him with my nanny. Ughh, I hate that word, but I suppose I need to accept that’s what she is at the moment.

Driving up my street, I’m reminded that I love my house, but there’s one thing that still annoys me to this day about it, that I don’t have a garage to drive straight into. Especially now that I have Blaise, it would be nice to be able to get him out of the weather. Summer isn’t too bad, but winter and the rain is going to be painful going forward. I drive in through the security gates and park at the front door, and before I even have a chance to get out of the driver’s seat, Elouise is out of the car and coming around to get Blaise out.

“I’ll take him.” My tone is short with her. It shouldn’t be, but I’m still feeling agitated at the way Dr. Douche looked at her.

She might not be mine, but she’s not going to be his either. She deserves better than a man who is trying to hit on her in the middle of an appointment.

It’s surprising how quickly Blaise feels comfortable with me, and I know he doesn’t really know me, but there is something between us that I can’t explain. I just want to protect him, and he trusts me to take care of him. I know we have a long way to go, but it’s a good start.

The day was long, and I let Elouise take control once we got inside. It didn’t take her long to feed, bathe, and get him into bed. Listening to her talking to him, I might not be able to understand what she is saying, but what I can tell is how gentle she is with him. His little laugh coming from the bathroom when he was playing in the bath made me smile. Although he has had a difficult time lately, he is still happy, and that makes me feel content that we are doing the right thing so far. It’s the moment he goes quiet that I’ll be worried, because one thing I have learned from my niece and nephew is they never shut up. Every time my sister is FaceTiming me, I can hardly hear her. She tunes them out, but I don’t seem to have that skill obviously.

Standing in the kitchen, I have two glasses of red wine poured, waiting for Elouise when she is finished upstairs. But very quickly, I’m dismissed when she only comes down to tell me she’s going to bed. The problem is that she has already changed and is in silk pajama shorts and a singlet that hugs every curve in her body. Her ass cheeks peek out the bottom of the shorts as she turns and walks back toward the stairs.

My brain takes me back to a place I promised myself I had moved on from, and the tingle in my hands reminds me of what it felt like to have that ass gripped tightly as I took her hard.

Fuck, this is going to be a long twelve months.

The first glass of red on the counter, I down in one go, the second following straight after, and then I pour a strong scotch to take my mind off her as I open my computer and throw myself into work. I might not be in the office at the moment, but it doesn’t stop me from overseeing everything. I have Ian, my second-in-charge, standing in for me, but I can’t completely walk away. It’s what calms me. Being in control is what I need to settle the craziness that lives in my head on a daily basis. My mom called me hyperactive as a child, and I don’t know if I was or wasn’t, you didn’t get things diagnosed back then, but all I know is I have a lot of energy that I need to work off daily. Otherwise, if I can’t either physically or mentally put my body to work in some way, then I feel this rush that I can’t keep calm. It’s why I love to do dangerous things that take my body to the extreme and push the adrenaline over the edge.

Because when I’m done, the peace that comes is actually what I crave.

No one knows that. They just think I’m an adrenaline junkie, but it’s more than that.

I’m chasing the calm that I can’t ever seem to find.

I hope that Blaise hasn’t inherited the same trait, because two of us in the same house isn’t going to work. For the short time I spent with his mother, she seemed relaxed and lived a calm life. Fingers crossed that Blaise is more his mother than me.

For all our sakes.

“Flynn, I don’t give a flying fuck if you think you can handle it, I’ve heard that before. Let Ian do his job, and you don’t respond to that email until we know more. Got it?”

His mumble in my ear that I’m being a prick is a standard answer.

“Tell me something new. Now message me once it’s sorted.” I hang up on Flynn before I lose my shit with him.

I can’t believe Flynn was stupid enough to get caught on film having sex with the daughter of one of our biggest competitors, and the video has ended up in the hands of someone who is claiming to be a wannabe Insta influencer. Who is now trying to blackmail him and the Darby Hotel company to stop them from posting it online. Ian is busy getting everything on the background of this woman, as well as talking to Felisha Kentwall and her father, who have received the same threats and want it shut down just as quickly as we do.

Broderick has also been called back from Australia where he is visiting with his girlfriend who is also Nic’s mother. If anyone can get behind the scenes and dig up information, it’s Nic’s private investigator. I wish we didn’t have a need for him in our business, but things keep cropping up that call for his expertise, which is the type we deliberately don’t ask too many questions about.

Although the Kentwall family want everything buried quickly too, I don’t trust them. I mean, how the hell did the video get leaked in the first place, and who set up the camera in her hotel room? There is more to this than what is showing on the surface, that I’m certain of. It is way too convenient to be happening with one of our competitors.

Fucking Flynn! I suppose I should be grateful it hasn’t happened before now.

This morning has been what I needed, a crisis that I can jump on to, to help Ian sort out. I hardly got any sleep last night because I couldn’t stop thinking about Elouise and the way Dr. Douche was looking at her; it lit me on fire, and I wanted to claim her again, which is all kinds of dangerous. And even after wanking myself off to get the image of her perfect little ass in those silk shorts out of my head, I still couldn’t shake it. So now I’m cranky and pissed off at both this situation Flynn has put us in and myself for not being able to clear Elouise from my wank bank. This never happens to me. I have many hot bodies I have slept with, and yet I can’t picture a single one, and the only image that keeps going through my brain on repeat is my nanny.

“Thought you were on leave.” Her soft voice coming from the door has me looking up.

“I am, this is what leave looks like,” I snap at her a little too quickly. The truth is I’m never fully on leave.

“Okay then… well, sorry to disturb you, but Blaise is going to need more clothes and ones that fit him. I’ve looked at what he arrived with, and it’s not much.”

Why is she bothering me with this? That’s what I’m paying her a heinous amount of money for.

“I’ll give you my personal shopper’s details,” I say before looking back at the screen with the problem that Flynn created and Ian is trying to sort out. A video I don’t want to have to sit through again, of that I’m certain.

“Oh my God, you are such an ass. He is four, he doesn’t need a damn suit. He needs play clothes.” Hearing her feet getting closer to my desk, I look up at a woman who is about to let loose with some rant that I’m not in the mood for today.

“Elouise, sort it out. It’s what I pay you for.” Standing abruptly, my chair rolls back quickly, slamming into the wall.

“Don’t you dare speak to me in that tone. I’m not your punching bag when you are stressed. Now here is your first father duty. Get your keys, you are taking us shopping. To a normal store that sells clothes that will make your son comfortable to be able to play like a regular little boy.” She glares at me, hands on her hips.

I may as well be fucking her because she is annoying enough to be my girlfriend. Another reason why I choose not to be in a relationship, if this is what living with a woman is like.

“Watch it, Elouise, today is not the day to pick a battle. As I said, I don’t shop for clothes.” I’m waiting for her to back down, but she is only getting more fire in her eyes. It should piss me off, but instead, it’s only fueling the fire in me. This is not ideal.

“Oh, it’s not a battle, it’s more of an order, isn’t it. You pay me money, so it gives you the right to order me around, apparently. Well, I have news for you. Paying me doesn’t absolve you from your duties as a father. This little boy is scared. He might not be showing it, but who do you think he would rather be in a change room with to try on clothes… Yes, I can see it finally registering in that stupid male brain of yours. He looks up to you, Rem, give the kid a break and at least spend a few days with him before you go back to work.”

I want to tell her to get fucked, but part of me knows she’s right, and I hate that.

“Are you done?” I can’t turn off the hate dripping in my words.

“Are you taking us shopping?” I had no idea that Elouise had this much confidence buried deep down in her.

“Fine, give me ten minutes.” I pull my chair back from behind me and drop into it, already typing an email as she replies.

“Then to answer you, yes, I’m done.” Turning to leave my office, she speaks sternly as she is exiting. “And make sure you leave the asshole attitude in this room. Blaise doesn’t deserve a sulking father because he was guilted into spending time with him.”

My fingers tense into fists above my keyboard as I try to stop from answering her the way I want to.

I might be in a bad mood, but what is up her ass this morning? I might not have spent much time with her when we were out in a group, but still, I never would have guessed her to be so moody.

Ughh, this is going to be the shopping trip from hell.

There is a reason I don’t shop, because I hate it and it’s a waste of my time. But now it will be twice as bad with a woman in a foul mood and a little boy who will be overwhelmed with all the people, lights, sounds, and visual stimulation.

Sitting into my chair and laying my head back against it, it dawns on me why she wants me there. Why didn’t she just come out and say that when she asked me? Blaise needs me there to feel protected in a world that he doesn’t yet understand. So, while she will be looking for clothes and making sure he has what he needs, my job is to be his rock. The place he can cling on to in the stormy and turbulent waters.

Damn, women are hard to understand. Someone needs to write the road map. Mission impossible, now that I think about it, because they are all different. But it would be handy if they came with a manual.

I finish the email to Ian with the extra input that I need to contribute, and I have to trust that between him and Broderick, they will be all over this without me being there. Ian is good at his job, otherwise he wouldn’t be working with me. But the truth of the matter is this is why I didn’t ever want kids.

My job is my life.

It isn’t a typical nine-to-five, five-days-a-week deal. My role in the company is twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, three hundred and sixty-five days a year. We never know when a threat will come, and it’s my job to make sure we have mitigated as many of the risks as possible before they even occur, or when things come out of left field, I need to drop everything to make sure it’s stopped before it even gets started. Nic and the guys learned early on that I only go to them with things they need to know about. The day-to-day security issues that my team deals with are not something they need to be worrying about. The same as I don’t need to know about the finances of the company. I trust that Forrest has that under control and that when I spend the money, the bills get paid.

So instead of me being in the office, like I normally would have been right now, probably yelling at my team or being debriefed at what they were turning up, I will be shopping.

For fuck’s sake, someone help me!

Taking a deep breath, I pick up my phone and walk out, and all I can think about is how this will be worse than having my eyes scratched out by a cat, my least favorite animal.

The trip in the car is calm, and I can tell Elouise is trying as hard as I am to put on a happy front for Blaise. We are a united team when it comes to him, and regardless of what’s happening, it will always be the truth. For all the ways we irritate each other already, there is one thing we agree on, and that’s Blaise’s welfare. I might be new at this and am obviously struggling with having someone depending on me, but I’m trying.

“I still can’t believe you wouldn’t let me take you to Harrods,” I can’t help mumbling as I’m walking around the back of the Range Rover to help Blaise out of his car seat.

“You’re ridiculous, Rem.” And for the first time today she is actually laughing. It’s a nice change to the stress of the morning and her yelling at me.

“What? It’s a one-stop shop and would have had all the best labels.” A perfectly good reason to me.

“Oh, and you forgot to mention the personal shopper that you would have enlisted the help of too. There will be plenty of time when he hits teenage years where he will be happy to max out your platinum credit card with all the latest fashion, I’m sure. Take the win now that he knows no difference and that I’m a practical person. These clothes will get paint on them, holes in the knees from playing football, and rips in the sleeves from climbing trees or jumping off fences.”

I fall into step next to her, with Blaise between us and each of us holding one of his hands. “What makes you think he will be climbing trees and fences?” I smile as the words leave my lips.

“Because he’s your son, I thought that would be a given.”

Now it’s me letting the rumble of laughter escape me. “Fair point.” Looking down at Blaise, I wonder what he is going to put me through as he gets older. Damn, this could be a bumpy road.

Walking into the Marks and Spencer store, I’m taken back to my childhood, when my mother would drag me in here to get my new shoes for school every year and twice a year for clothes, the start of spring and autumn. Mainly to check on what size clothes I was. I never thought I would be back here buying clothes for my own son. I know Elouise is trying to do the right thing by me, but I’m not sure she understands how much money I have. I could buy a wardrobe full of Ralph Lauren clothes for Blaise and wouldn’t blink an eye if he put a hole in them the first day he wears them. I’m humoring her today, but once I know what size he is, I will have clothes delivered to the house and she will do it my way going forward. My son deserves the best I can give him, and this certainly isn’t it.

Stopping just inside the door, I can feel the hairs on my body start twitching at the number of people and the noise. I know I love action-packed activities, but this is different. Not that there is any threat to either Blaise or Elouise, I just don’t like being places where I have no control over what is going on around me. I take calculated risks, but to me this is just one big mosh pit of people and racks of clothes.

As Elouise starts to venture into the mosh pit with a shopping cart, I can feel Blaise edging closer to my leg, and it occurs to me that from his height all he can see is a lot of legs, shopping bags, and people’s backsides or crotches. Instantly I lean down and lift him up into my arms. I can feel the nervousness in him as his body is rigid.

I know he can’t understand me, but still, I offer my words of reassurance.

“You’re okay, little man. I’ve got you.” Maybe it’s just the tone I’m using, but it’s working as he settles a little more relaxed into me and starts to look around to see what is going on.

Things like this will get easier for him, but today, it’s overwhelming.

“You’ve got ten minutes, Elouise. Blaise doesn’t like it.” Walking up behind her, she doesn’t even flinch or acknowledge me.

Still flicking through the racks of boy’s clothes, she pulls things out and lays them over the side of the cart.

Fuck this, she can look for clothes, I’m taking him somewhere that looks like more fun.

I walk out of the aisle and toward the sign that’s hanging from the ceiling, crooked, but obviously no one around here cares.

Toys.

If us boys have to suffer shopping, we both need a reward.

“Okay, little man, let’s find something that takes away the pain of this place.” Pointing to things, I watch Blaise’s reactions, trying to work out what interests him. “What sort of toys do little boys like? You know I’m new to this. You need to help me.” I head into the section where there is a train set, and on the other side of the aisle are farm sets. His little feet start to kick back and forth, letting me know he wants out of my arms.

Crouching down and resting him on the ground, he reaches out for the farm set. A barn with what looks like a variety of animals, cow, horse, chicken, and goat. Of course, he’d be drawn to something that reminds him of home.

“You like that?” His face lit up like a Christmas tree tells me the answer.

“What an adorable little boy you have.” A super-sweet, almost too sweet voice comes from behind me as I turn to see a woman with a shopping basket hooked over her arm. She’s wearing tight jeans with black knee-length boots over top. A tight black shirt tucked into her jeans, with her breasts spilling out the top of it and fake blonde hair that is pulled up in a messy bun. Bright red lipstick and way too much makeup for a trip to the department store.

“Thank you,” I reply bluntly and turn back to Blaise who is my main focus.

“How old is he? Let me guess, five. He looks big and strong. I’m good with kids, they seem to gravitate to me.” Her voice is already grating on me, and I just want to walk away, but my mother taught me manners.

I don’t trust easily, so when a stranger shows interest in my son, there is no way she is getting one piece of information about him.

“That’s nice,” is all I reply as I stand and try to look over the top of the shelves to see where Elouise is. Still digging around in the clothes racks and completely oblivious to the fact that I need her.

“It’s so lovely you are shopping with your son. Where is his mother?”

I shouldn’t have answered like I did, but I was hoping it would shut her up. “She’s dead.” The aggressive tone I used didn’t even make her bat an eyelid.

“Oh, I’m sorry, so you are a single parent like me? It can be so hard and lonely. Maybe we should exchange details and we can meet up to chat about it.” Who the hell is this woman and where the hell did she come from? Do I have sucker written on my forehead or am I giving off some rich bachelor vibes?

Looks like I need to get myself out of this, because if the dead comment didn’t give her the hint, then nothing will.

Right, let’s just get the farm and get out of here.

I try to take Blaise’s hand, but instead of clinging to me like he was less than ten minutes ago, he drops to his knees to look at more toys on the bottom shelf, pulling another farm off the shelf that looks different to the first one he picked up. Of course, he starts wrapping his arms around this box too. I’m trying not to make a fuss, and I can hear this woman still talking next to me, but I’ve blocked out what she is saying.

Not wanting her to hear me say his name and getting frustrated because I know that no matter what I say, he won’t understand me anyway, I don’t know how I’m going to get him up without just pulling strongly on his arm.

Crouching back down, I grab the box out of his arms, pick up the other farm that he picked first, and also grab the third farm that he hasn’t even seen yet. The look on his face is one of confusion, but as he starts to stand up, my spare hand clasps down onto his shoulder and I start steering him out of the aisle in the direction I last saw Elouise. I can still hear the voice behind me of the damn woman who obviously thinks, for God knows what reason, that I want to talk to her. She is following me, and I can’t seem to get Blaise’s little legs to move quick enough.

Finally, Elouise comes into view and looks up from the mountain of clothes she has in her cart, and her facial expression looks confused.

“Rem, what’s wrong?” As I get closer, Blaise starts talking to her in French, and I don’t have time to explain, so I do the only thing that makes sense to me.

“Let’s go, you have plenty, we’ll just buy them all,” I bark at her and just march past her and grab the cart from her on our way to the cash register.

“Rem, wait!” she calls after me, but I’m not stopping. Thankfully I find a cash register that is free, where I dump the boxes on the counter, and as Elouise catches up to me, I grab all the clothes out of the cart and throw them down too.

The crazy clinger woman is still standing in the line behind Elouise, smiling at me like we have some weird connection. There is only one way to get rid of her.

Tapping my credit card on the machine and ushering both Blaise and Elouise past me to head to the car, I turn to the woman who is now calling me by name since she must have heard Elouise use it, asking for my phone number.

I answer it in a final statement that will hopefully sink in. “Nice to meet you, sorry, I need to catch up to my wife and son.”

Stomping behind Blaise and Elouise out the door, all I can hear is El laughing and mumbling under her breath, “Did the nice lady scare the big tough security man, flashing her big titties at him and batting her eyelashes.”

“El!” I growl as I open the back hatch and throw all the bags in.

Storming around the car and lifting Blaise into his seat, I strap him in, and like a hammer hitting me in the chest, I see the look he is giving me… I’ve scared him!

Great, just great.

This is why I hate fucking shopping! Next time we do it my way.

Jumping into the front seat, I turn to El. “Time for ice cream, and I don’t want to hear a word from you.”

Still laughing at me, she pretends to zip her lips, but the giggle still escapes. Which has me just rolling my eyes at her and hoping Blaise will love me again after a double scoop of rainbow ice cream.

Am I buying my son’s love? Absolutely! Because I seem to be failing at this parenting gig, and I don’t know how to fix it.

Not the best way to start, but it will do for now.

Maybe I don’t just need French lessons but should enroll in parenting 101 too. I can run a whole division of a huge multinational company, yet I don’t know how to father a four-year-old.

I’m quickly learning which job is harder.