The Desire

Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

ELOUISE

T he last few days has seen everything start to fall into a nice routine. Blaise and I work on words in the morning, and then we spend the afternoon playing. Today I want to take him out of the house and get him used to being with me on his own out in the car and around other people.

We have planned to meet Tori at the park near The Darby Hotel’s head office and have a late lunchtime picnic. I was going to drive, but Rem has insisted that I use the driver he has assigned for me whenever I go anywhere. His reasoning is so I can concentrate on Blaise and not have to worry about traffic, parking, or Blaise getting upset or confused if things don’t go to plan.

For someone who told me he never planned on having kids, he sure is an overprotective father already and one that I think is going to drive me crazy. Not that I can say anything, because he calls the shots here, and it’s early days.

We have packed some cold meats, cheeses, bread, and of course, a salad full of greenery for the bride-to-be who is supposed to be watching her weight. Hidden inside the basket is a little chocolate treat for Blaise, and it’s not really him I’m hiding it from but Tori who is a champion at sniffing out chocolate from miles around.

“Okay, we are almost here,” I translate to Blaise whose face has been glued to the window since we left the house. Luckily, the car seat has him high enough he can see out.

I haven’t heard from Tori since I messaged her that we were on our way, but she is probably in a meeting or busy. I’m used to her crazy schedule. To be honest, I haven’t really noticed it before now, because during the day, I’m too busy in the classroom to even think about talking to Tori.

Art, our driver who I’m sure is more than a driver if Rem has anything to do with it, pulls the car up to the side of the road next to Regent’s Park. Already I can see Blaise getting excited at being able to get out and run around in the open space. It must be such a huge adjustment for him to come from a home where he spent his days running over the mountain with absolutely no restrictions. Even at Rem’s house there is a garden, but still, it is nothing like he’s used to. So, the park is the first time he has seen a large open green area since he arrived in London. One that he is about to be allowed to put his feet on and run off all his energy, and for a four-year-old boy, that sounds like heaven.

I try to explain to him before I open the door that he must stay with me and where I can see him and is not to go with anyone else except for me, Tori, and Art, who I’m guessing is our bodyguard. I don’t want to scare Blaise, but he needs to understand that this part of the world is different from what he knows.

Taking his hand, we leave the car and start walking to the southern end of Regent’s Park, Marylebone Green. It’s the part of the park where I saw in my internet search that there is a wonderland of play equipment, just perfect for what we are after. So, I arranged to meet Tori there. The backpack is my makeshift picnic basket, because of course, Rem doesn’t own one. But to be honest, the backpack keeps my hands free to deal with Blaise easily.

Already the noise of the other kids has him skipping toward them and almost pulling my arm out of its socket, while I’m trying to keep up with him. Finding a safe spot where I can see him and again having a quiet talk to him about our rules, I let him run off onto the playground equipment and join in with the other kids. Being school holidays, it is probably busier than normal here, and some of the kids are older than Blaise, but he seems to be coping quite well. I don’t know who he used to see and play with, and I plan on bringing that conversation into our play time. I don’t want to be constantly trying to drag information out of him. I want our relationship to build and for me to be a safe person for him, someone he trusts, and not the person who is only ever being annoying.

“Elouise,” Blaise yells to me in his adorable accent, waving from the top of the slide and waiting until he has my attention so he can slide down. Grabbing my phone, I video as he lets go and squeals with delight. I can’t stop smiling as he races around to the stairs to line up again.

I need to talk to Rem about getting some play equipment at home. With the amount of energy that Blaise has, I think a trampoline would be perfect. Because let’s be honest, who doesn’t love to bounce? Maybe we can get one big enough that it will hold my weight too. There’s a reason I’m a teacher; it gives me the opportunity to become a kid for a small part of every day.

“Oh wow, he is loving that.” Tori’s voice from behind me has me jumping a little, as I was so focused on Blaise and not game to take my eyes off him.

“I doubt he has ever had a slide or maybe even seen one. He is loving life right now. Plus, the more energy he uses, then there is a higher chance I’ll be able to get him to sit still long enough to eat something and tonight’s bedtime will be easy.”

Tori sits beside me, and we look like chalk and cheese. Her in her Jimmy Choo heels, black business pants, with a yellow fitted shirt under her black jacket. Hair pulled back in a tight bun, her face looks like she just stepped off a model shoot with her impeccable makeup. And here I am looking like a parent of a four-year-old, even though I’m not. Jeans, trainers, a white t-shirt with a yellow smiley face on it, and a navy sweater that is hanging on my back with the arms tied together on my chest. Comfy and practical is going to be my way of life for the next year. If I was at school, I could dress up a little more, but to spend the day with a four-year-old, it’s just not practical.

“I’d love to see where he lived one day. Maybe when he is a little older, we can all go on a little trip to see his home. Of course, only if it wouldn’t be triggering for him.”

Leaning back on the seat now, Tori makes herself comfortable, crossing her legs, and her phone is sitting on her lap. Even though it’s on silent, it is constantly vibrating. I would hate that, but I know it’s part of the business world.

“Just ignore my phone. Nic and Rem know where I am, and the rest of them can just damn well wait.” Closing her eyes, she lets the sun fall on her face like she hasn’t been able to sit in the fresh air for days.

“Don’t get sunburnt, that won’t be a good look in a wedding dress,” I say, watching her sunning herself.

“Like my skin isn’t going to burn red like a tomato the moment we land in Australia anyway. Last time we were there, oh my God, it was so hot. It’s like Nic’s skin was immune to it, but I just looked like my skin was as dry as the Sahara Desert after the sun sucked all the moisture from it. And that was in their winter.”

“You really are a drama queen, aren’t you.” I watch Blaise trying to talk to another child on the pretend pirate ship bridge. I’m curious to see how he goes, not knowing what the other little boy is saying.

“That’s what amazes me about kids,” I say, and the change of subject has Tori opening her eyes and sitting up to find out what I’m talking about. “They don’t even speak the same language, yet they are making friends to play together. So cute.”

“Why can’t adults be the same? If it’s that simple for them, surely, we can all manage it.”

Reaching across, I squeeze Tori’s hand and smile at her. “Now you know why I love to work with kids. Everything in their world is just that simple.” I’m so happy that Blaise is playing, and the smile on his face is so bright, telling me he is having the best time.

Before I can say another word to Tori, my phone starts ringing in my hand. It’s an unknown number which normally I would ignore, but with so many changes happening in my life at the moment, I know I need to answer it.

“Hello, Elouise speaking.” Tapping Tori, I point at Blaise, to which she gives me a thumbs-up, understanding that I need her to watch him while I take this call. I love that we can communicate without words, that’s how close we are.

“Elouise, it’s Dr. Drew Keats, I hope I’m not interrupting anything?” I’m confused about why he is calling me, but then my brain starts panicking that something serious came up on the tests that he did on Blaise.

“Is everything okay?” My voice has a quaver of panic that has Tori looking at me with worry too.

“Oh, sorry, yes, there are no problems at all. I’m just calling to book in those extra tests that we needed done so we can monitor Blaise’s heart murmur. Do you have a moment so I can give you some dates and times?”

“Yes, sure, I just thought it would have been your secretary calling me, so I was a bit worried.”

“I had a few minutes, so I just thought I would touch base and see how Blaise is settling in and how you are finding your new job.” In the back of my head, already I’m thinking the doctor never calls to book in tests, this call is more than that.

“Oh, thank you, yes, we are both doing fine. He is starting to learn a few words and catching on very quickly. We haven’t had any problems. He is eating and sleeping well, so fingers crossed that just continues.”

“And how are you finding working for Mr. Elders? Is he treating you well?” Why is he asking about me?

“Yes, he is, it’s a great job. Sorry, I’m at the park watching Blaise. Is there any chance you can just either text or email me the details of the appointments and I’ll make sure we are there?” I roll my eyes at Tori because I need to shut this down before he gets any idea about taking the conversation to a place that I’m not interested in.

“Of course, sorry, I don’t want you distracted from watching him. I’ll send it through now, and we will see you soon. Have a good day, Elouise.”

“Thank you, you too, Dr. Keats.” Pushing the end button on the call, I can’t help the groan falling from my lips.

Refocusing, I check that Blaise is exactly where he should be. He’s still standing on the tower shaped like the front of a pirate ship that’s attached to the bridge, now with another little girl and boy joining in their game.

“What was that all about?” Tori is already laughing, and I know full well that she could hear Dr. Keats on the other side of the call. She has expert hearing and doesn’t want to miss out on any gossip.

“Dr. McHottie seemed more interested in me than Blaise. I mean, what doctor calls to book in your appointments? Aren’t they normally busy helping sick people?” I flop back in the seat with exasperation.

“Wait, how hot is this doctor and why is this the first time I’m hearing about it? Spill it, woman!” She is instantly sitting up straight and turned toward me.

How can I tell her the whole story, including the way Rem reacted to the doctor flirting in the appointment? Telling her part of the story gives the exact reaction I was expecting from her.

“Lou, why aren’t you playing up to him? You said he’s hot, successful, obviously likes kids as much as you do, and is into you! Far out, here I am telling you we need to find you a man and there is one landing in your lap. Get on that, girl!” No matter how high-class the world Tori is in now, she will always be my Tori, the one I love. Straight to the point, no beating around the bush.

“You are crazy. It’s so not appropriate to be hitting on my client’s doctor. Plus, now is not the right time. I need to devote all my time to Blaise until he is more settled into his new life,” I say, waving to Blaise who is calling to me to watch him go down the slide.

“Bitch, that’s crap. You don’t have to put your life on hold for Rem and Blaise. It’s a job, but you are still entitled to a private life. What if this guy is the love of your life and you let him get away? You will never know unless you put yourself out there. I’m coming to that next appointment with you. I’ll have you on a date with Dr. McHottie before you know it.” She slaps her hand on my knee, and we both start laughing.

“You are so not coming with me. That would be a disaster and we both know it.” Standing from my chair, I wave for Blaise to come over so we can find a spot to put the blanket out and have something to eat.

“You’re no fun. But don’t you worry, I will find a way to get you on that date.” Her wicked grin has me worried, but I’ve got to let it go as Blaise comes running toward me and hugs me around the waist. He is obviously having a lot of fun, and that is my main priority right now.

“This conversation isn’t over, Lou,” she whispers to me and then takes Blaise’s hand, and the two of them walk off to find a spot to eat. He has already taken to Tori even though they can’t communicate. She has that big-energy personality that he gravitates to, which is great for both of us.

But for now, I just need to change the subject with her and concentrate on feeding both of them so she can get back to work, and we can play a bit longer before we head home.

However, all I can think of during lunch are the words that Tori just said:

“ What if this guy is the love of your life and you let him get away? You will never know unless you put yourself out there.”

She thinks she is talking about Drew, but all I can picture is Rem, and I wonder if he is the man that I’ve let get away.

It’s too late now, though, because I have already shut the door on that possibility. And thrown away the key.

REMINGTON

“He did what!” I scream down the phone in my office.

“Mr. Kentwall felt it was the best option. He gave you all extra time, but nothing was solved, so he solved it all for you. He asked me to pass on to Mr. Darby that he now owes him for keeping his name out of the tabloids.” Sandon Bock sounds like a robot as he rattles off the speech that he had probably rehearsed before he called me. His boss told him what to say, and it’s obvious that he doesn’t agree, but he has no choice.

“We don’t owe him shit! We didn’t ask him to do that. How can he guarantee that the footage is completely destroyed, and this person is not going to come back for more money or sell it to the tabloids anyway? All he’s done is fucked us all over. So, you can go tell him this from me, that if his daughter ends up on the front page of the papers and all over the internet, naked and exposed, then he only has himself to blame. I’m sure Felisha will agree. Pigheaded old man. Thanks for nothing, Bock, let’s hope there is no need for us to work together again.”

I don’t even give him time to say anything. I’m so furious that I slam my phone down on my desk so hard that it should have a smashed screen, but luckily it survives again.

Picking it back up, I send out the message to the guys, including Broderick who is working in the office today.

Rem: My office now!

I grab the stress ball on my desk and squeeze it so hard I’m surprised it doesn’t ooze fluid all over my desk.

Hearing their voices coming down the hall, I know they understood my message wasn’t negotiable.

Nic is first through the door. “Talk to me, what’s happening?” There is the tone of the boss but also a controlled man ready to take on the next problem. The only time I have ever seen him truly unraveled was when Tori left him. Again, another reason that I know I don’t need a woman in my life. They have a habit of leaving even the strongest man on his knees without trying.

“The old prick paid them off and had the hide to send a message that you owe him now.”

The look of fury on Nic’s face is exactly how I feel. For both reasons of Kentwall paying them off, which now gives the video footage a value and acknowledgment that it’s Flynn and Felisha. But even more so, for telling Nic he owed him.

“Fucking idiot,” Forrest declares.

“Felisha is going to kill him.” Flynn looks stunned at this information.

The silence is deafening until Nic’s words fill my office, not from the volume he is saying them but the tone that has us all knowing how angry he is. “Felisha will be the least of his problems. Old man Kentwall wants to come at me, then he better be prepared for a fight, because I don’t owe him a goddamn thing. We don’t stop investigating this, get to the bottom of it!” He is now staring at me with such power that I know he is not going to let this go.

“Steady on there, son. I’m not explaining to your mother I’ve had to bail you out of jail for the second time. You leave this to Rem and me.” Broderick was already a father figure to Nic, but since he started seeing Sally, Nic’s mother, he has taken that role very seriously.

“Agreed. I’m on it.” Even if he hadn’t told me to, there was no way I was letting this go. Flynn is my friend, and I’ll never stop protecting him, even if he doesn’t ask for it.

With that, Nic turns and leaves my office without another word spoken. Forrest is close after him, but Flynn closes the door behind them and stands there looking at me.

“I don’t want all the bullshit. Tell me how it is. Should I be worried this is still going to be released?” His body language tells me he is worried about this more than his bravado lets him share with me.

“Yes.” There is no need to sugarcoat it.

“That’s what I thought. Tell me what to do.” Finally, he understands the gravity of the situation. Especially now that Kentwall is placing conditions on Nic.

“Keep doing what we told you. Stay friends with Felisha but don’t overstep. We need to know what’s going on over there while we get to the bottom of this.”

“We are watching a woman we think is the influencer the message came from, but to be honest, I don’t think she is sophisticated enough to pull this off. Regardless, the team isn’t discounting her just yet. So as Rem said, do what he tells you.” Broderick is always stern in the way he speaks when it comes to work.

“Ughh, understood.” Turning back toward the door, he stops as he places his hand on the door handle. “Nic has always been there for me. I don’t ever want my actions to hurt him or this company.”

He can’t look at me when he is so vulnerable.

“I know, and I feel the same. I won’t let you down.” Already my mind is racing with things that I need to talk to Broderick about.

“You never do. Thanks, Rem.” With that he pulls the door open and is gone.

In all the years I’ve known Flynn, I don’t think I have ever seen him this serious and not trying to use comedy to laugh something off.

Seeing him acting like this just heightens my stress levels, because I’m not only trying to protect him, but now, I have to make sure Nic doesn’t do something stupid either. My gut tells me that we are okay for now and I’ve got time, but how long, that is the question.

Sitting at my desk and working through my emails is the best thing for me. Concentrating on things I can deal with immediately. Distraction from the main problem. The next email is one from the company that I used when I went diving with sharks. It’s another adventure that I had been thinking about ever since they sent out a promotional email on it. Ziplining in Cancun in North America. My cursor is hovering over the book-now button. If things weren’t so crazy around here right now, I’d already have this on my schedule and paid for.

But to be honest, it’s usually at the time I feel the instability around me, whether it’s work or my personal life, that always has me thinking about an adrenaline rush that I need to feel better. I don’t know why, but they do go hand in hand. It’s like a reset for me when I’m so scared out of my head that all I can do is think about surviving what I’m doing in the moment, so it silences everything else in my head. And when it’s over, the relief and happiness I feel makes me forget all the negativity around me, and instead I enjoy the adrenaline rush that was pulsating through my body. I take control of my mindset, and I’m ready to go again.

The silence of my office is broken as the door bursts open, and the whirlwind that is Tori comes barreling into my room.

“Okay, we are on operation get Lou a man, and you are going to help me.” She drops into the seat on the other side of my desk and waits for me to react.

“I’m busy, Tori.” I don’t even look up at her because I don’t want her to see my irritation at what she just said.

“No shit, Flynn has everyone around here busy and agitated. But this won’t take long. I need to know who this pediatrician is so I can make sure he is at our next function and Lou won’t be able to ignore him. He is trying to get her to notice him, and she is disregarding him because she thinks she needs to concentrate on Blaise and working for you. But I told her she still gets to live a life, and I know you will agree.”

The hairs on the back of my neck are standing on end, and I can feel the touchiness at everything she is prattling at me. How the fuck is he getting her to notice him and why does she need a man? She has Blaise and me, and that’s all she needs right now.

“Not interested, Tori. She is her own person. If she isn’t pursuing him, then that’s her choice, not yours.” Typing a reply to an email, I hope it will give Tori the hint I don’t want to have this conversation with her.

“But that’s the problem, she thinks he’s good-looking and has all these excellent reasons he is a perfect match, but she is just using you and Blaise as an excuse because she is too scared to put herself out there. Don’t be an ass and help me.”

Standing up, I glare at her. “Tori, I don’t have time for this childish matchmaking. If she wants him, she will do something about it. Now I have a meeting I need to get to. See you later.” I walk away, leaving her with her mouth wide open and questioning my outburst, but I don’t really care.

I’m too busy storming through the building to a meeting that I don’t have just to get her out of my office and to stop talking about how hung up on Dr. Deadshit Elouise is.

In the ride down the elevator, I make the call for the only thing that will get me through today.

“I need a session now. I’m on my way.” I hang up because I know that is all I need to say.

This shouldn’t be riling me up as much as it is, but I’d be kidding myself if I didn’t acknowledge that deep down, I don’t want to share her with anyone else in any capacity at the moment.

Playing happy pretend family has been nice this week. Our friendship is getting stronger by the day, and Blaise is already doing amazing with his learning. I’ve even managed to get a few French words to use with him too, because I don’t want him to think he has to lose his language and culture at all. Apparently, my pronunciation sucks, but hey, at least I’m trying. And having Elouise there giving me someone to talk to at night has been kind of nice for a change.

Yet Tori’s words that Elouise thinks Dr. Deadshit is good-looking and would make a good catch is grating on me more than it should. She is not my girlfriend, and nor will she ever be. It can’t happen, especially with Flynn’s infatuation with her, and also, he is relying on me to be there for him right now. If he was to find out that I had slept with Elouise behind his back, then he would lose all trust in me, and that would kill me. If I’m honest, though, as much as that upsets me about Flynn, Elouise looking at the doctor with some interest in him upsets me more.

I need to work this out of my system and get on with the job at hand—helping Flynn get this video buried for good and not having it hanging over his head.

Arriving at the rooms, I walk in, and Cherie is there ready to greet me.

“Good afternoon, Remington. Second room on the right.” Just hearing her voice is calming, and she hasn’t even touched me yet.

Storming past her and into the room, I’m already stripping down before she joins me. I need this, otherwise I’m about to do something that I know I’ll regret. There is a reason Elouise is in the friend zone, and I need to get control of my head to keep her there.

Being back at the office for a few hours, I know I’ve done as much as I can today, and I promised Blaise I would be home to see him each day before he went to bed. In the future that won’t always be possible, but when we are still in such early stages, I want to keep my word and make sure he knows he is loved and wanted in my home. It’s his home now too.

I’m later than I wanted to be, and the message just came through from Elouise that she is about to take him upstairs to start the bedtime routine of getting into bed and reading a few stories to him in French. She reads simple English books to him during the day, but at night I like the idea of him still getting that joy of floating off into the land of make-believe as he sleeps. My mum used to read to us, although I found it difficult to keep still, but she did it anyway, and it’s a memory of feeling loved every night to finish the day.

I park the car and come through the front door, kicking off my shoes, and I head up the stairs two steps at a time. I can hear Blaise chatting away to her as he picks his books. I have to say, although I know nothing about education in children, to me he seems like he is bright and all the years up in the mountains have not put him behind in anything.

“Papa.” His little feet carry him across the carpet at speed as he launches himself into my arms. It has become his new thing, not afraid to show me his affection when I get home, and deep down, I love that hug as soon as I arrive. Today it hits right where I need it.

“Hello, Blaise, how was your play at the park?” Giving Elouise a strained smile, she translates to him, and between the two of them, they tell me about their day.

“Okay, bonne nuit , enjoy your stories. Papa needs to go downstairs.” Leaning down, I kiss him on the forehead as I tuck him into bed. Stepping back to leave the room, he smiles up at me.

“Good night, Papa,” he proudly replies, and already his eyes are looking heavy. I’m sure the park wore him out, and Elouise will be lucky to get through one book.

I need to keep busy, so I head straight into my office as I reach downstairs. I’ll just tell Elouise to order takeout for us both once she comes down. My guilt over the way I have reacted to Tori’s little revelation is making me uncomfortable with having a nice casual night chatting over dinner and a glass of wine with Elouise.

Diving back into my emails because they never go away is the best option for me. All my staff send reports constantly that I don’t necessarily need to read, but they are important to have things documented for if I do need them, but today, these reports are a good distraction.

Hearing her footsteps on the stairs, I brace myself to mask my guilt at my jealous rage today after Tori’s visit.

“Hey, you okay? You look like you’ve had a rough day or got bad news on something.” Her sweet voice is enough to set me off, and I don’t know why.

“Yep, shit day. Did you get a call from Blaise’s doctor today?” I can’t even look up at her, my eyes glued to the screen.

“Ah yes, how did you know?” She walks into the room a little closer, with hesitation in her voice.

“What did he want?” My tone is now completely different to the one I was using with Blaise upstairs.

“To give me dates and times.” Even though I know what she means, it’s enough to get my head whipping up to look her straight in the eye.

“For Blaise or for you?”

And the moment she twigs why I am in a bad mood, she stands tall and bites back, “Both of us. What’s it to you?” She is ready to take me on, and I’m here for it tonight.

“Nothing, but if you want to go fuck him, do it in your own time, and don’t you dare see him with Blaise unless it’s a medical appointment.” Fuck, what did I say that for?

The gasp of air she sucks in tells me it’s time to leave.

“What. The actual. Fuck. You asshole! How dare you speak to me like that. And for your information, if I want to fuck him, it’s none of your business either!” She turns to storm out of the room, which is probably a good thing, but I can’t let her have the last word.

“Whatever, and by the way, I have booked a zipline trip to North America in two weeks’ time. I will be away for ten days. So, you will be on your own.”

Instead of her just ignoring me like I was hoping and leaving my study, she freezes in the doorway.

“You have got to be joking. You are a father now, you can’t go off and do dangerous shit like that anymore. Blaise already lost one parent, don’t make him lose another.” Her words are like a hot poker being jabbed into my restless body, igniting my anger that has been under the surface for weeks.

“I didn’t ask to be a father!” Standing, I hear the words that I have been wanting to scream out since all this was dumped in my lap.

She just shakes her head, disappointment written all over her face. “And Blaise didn’t ask to have a dad who’s an asshole, yet here we are.”

She leaves me standing here wanting to scream more, but all I feel is remorse for saying such a hurtful thing about my son.

Maybe I do need to book that trip to try to get this under control and reset my stupid brain. That’s two huge mistakes I’ve made today, and now I have to work out how to fix this.

Why did Tori have to tell me about Elouise and drag up the feelings for her that I thought I had buried when we slid nicely into the friend zone?

This is not how you act with a friend, you idiot.

Hearing the cupboard slam in the kitchen, I know I have created a storm that is about to explode. This conversation is far from over tonight.

So, batten down the hatches, the second wave will be coming shortly.

Before I even have time to move too far toward the kitchen, I hear her feet stomping down the hallway, and she reappears in front of me. Inches from my body, I can feel the heat radiating from her.

“Why can’t you admit you hate that someone else wants me and do something about this thing between us.”

And there is the detonation I can’t ignore.

Grabbing her face, I pull her to me as I slam my lips on hers.

I’m not holding back now, and she better be ready for everything I’ve been burying deep down inside me.