The Desire

Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

REMINGTON

O kay, maybe not my smartest move. It was in the heat of the moment, and I was feeling possessive.

Pulling a pair of black jeans on and grabbing a button-up shirt, I head downstairs to find El who is totally pissed at me, and I need to fix that.

Not the way I wanted this morning to go, but here we are, and instead of the cool, calm talk we needed to have, in its place there is about to be an argument, and I need to defuse that quickly. And the only way to do that is to apologize, even if I don’t regret it one bit.

I can hear her in the kitchen, and it’s not like she is being quiet, trying to hide. The banging of things onto the kitchen counter tells me that although she is pissed, she’s still hungry. I can work with that.

Walking in while she has a big kitchen knife in her hand is probably not the safest, but I continue with my hands in the air, surrendering.

“I’m sorry, El. I don’t want you to be upset.” I stand just out of knife reach but close enough that I can almost touch her.

“Upset?! What the fuck, Rem! How am I going to explain this to Tori? You know nothing gets past her, and she’s like a dog with a bone if she thinks something is going on. She will keep at me until I crack.” Her anger subsides, and the fear is starting to make her voice tremble a little.

Stepping closer, I take the knife from her hand which she never meant to use as a weapon, it was just in the air while she talks with her hands. With it now on the counter, I pull her into my arms which at first, she resists, but it doesn’t last long, the moment I start whispering into her ear how sorry I am and asking what I can do to make it up to her. I know money doesn’t fix everything, but if I need to go and buy the whole of Harrods out of every bottle of cover-up she needs to conceal it and twenty different scarves, then I’ll do it. Not that I want to hide it. The possessive man inside me did it for a reason, but I know when I have to back down too.

“It’s not supposed to be like this.” Her little voice is muffled in my chest and sounds like she is on the verge of tears.

Releasing her from my hold, I pick her up and place her on the kitchen counter, pushing her legs apart and stepping in between them, taking her face in my hands.

“Like what, baby?” I ask, trying to keep her from falling over the edge.

“A mess. When you fall for someone, it’s supposed to be all sunshine, hearts, and roses, not fear, secrets, and hickeys.” The moment her brain catches up with what she just said, I can see the embarrassment as her cheeks start flushing.

“Who are you falling for, El?” I tease, trying to lighten the moment, when on the inside I’m puffing my chest out in victory.

“Not a vampire, that’s for sure.” She playfully slaps my chest. It’s not much, but there is a small hint of a smile on her face.

“That’s a shame, because I read that they are good with their mouths, very talented in sucking and the use of their tongue too.” I lean toward her with a quick peck on her lips and look back into her eyes.

“You’re an idiot, you know that, right?”

“So I’ve been told. Now let’s talk and clear up a few things.” She nods, signaling she’s listening.

“Firstly, just so we are clear, I’m falling for you too, and I’m done waiting.” I want to tell her the truth, that falling is the wrong word. I fell a long time ago, but she is already unsteady, and I don’t want to frighten her. But instead, what I said brings back that calming smile I made disappear earlier.

“Secondly, I don’t care how we do this, but I want to be with you. It’s torture having you so close, yet I can’t touch you.”

“But what about Tori and Flynn, and God, I don’t want to confuse Blaise.” The mention of my son as one of her greatest concerns just makes me more attracted to her.

“I know, baby, but more importantly, what about you, what do you want? Be honest with me and more importantly yourself.” Her words that I overheard yesterday in her moment of panic downstairs in the sitting room come back to me now. She feels like she always puts everyone’s happiness before her own.

Her hesitation is evident, but I don’t want to rush her.

But the way she sits up taller with her shoulders pulling back slightly sets my body on fire. She’s ready to stand up and take what she wants.

“You, I want to be with you.” Her voice is strong and solid, with determination that she is going to get what she wants.

“Then let’s work out how we make sure we both get what we want.” Dropping my hands and wrapping her back in my arms, I relish the feel of her against my body, knowing that I don’t have to back away again.

“To be happy?” she asks, looking up at me.

“Yeah, baby, to be happy and thoroughly fucked, same-same in my eyes.” Our bodies move in unison as we laugh.

“New rule, though, no more love bites, Rem.” Then her eyes drop down slightly as she finishes her thought. “Well, in places that can be seen, I mean.”

“Oh, beautiful, be careful what you wish for, or I’ll be branding you with my mouth all over those luscious tits of yours and your ass cheeks that look like a tasty peach.”

“Christ, Rem, you always have to take it to the next-level dirty.”

“And you love every dirty word that comes out my mouth, so stop complaining.” I slide my hand under my shirt that is hanging loosely on her and feel the warmth of her skin on her stomach. My fingers gently stroking over her belly button piercing that I love, I just let it sink in that she is giving me her body, and I will be able to touch her like this whenever she wants me to. “Maybe I should find one of those hidden spots now to leave my mark.”

She pushes down on the top of my hand on her stomach.

“Too soon, Rem, too soon. How about I feed you breakfast… actual food before you get any ideas, and then we can work this out.” This time it’s El taking my face in her hands and kissing me like she has been wanting to do for months. Oh, I think I’m going to enjoy this new El who is ready to take what she deserves.

“So, we agree to keep it between us for a while. And you promise not to break this rule if I climb into your bed every night.” Her words sound like heaven to me. El in my bed every night. For that I think I can keep my hands off her during the day while others are around. Well, most of the time anyway, but I’m not saying that out loud.

“Agreed. Now, are you going to make me do one of those secret handshakes?” I hold my hand out to her and watch her roll her eyes at me.

“Some days I think it’s easier to deal with Blaise than it is listening to your comments.” Standing from her seat at the kitchen table, she starts to clear away the dishes. “Now go and work while I clean up and find some clothes to change into.”

“I kind of like you in mine.” I shrug at her as she bursts out laughing.

“You only like me in these because they are easy access to my body, admit it.”

“Valid point, El, I like your way of thinking.” I stand from my seat, and she quickly turns back around from the sink to look at me and puts her hand up to signal stop.

“Don’t even think about it. Go, work, remember? Before both our phones start blowing up, checking in to make sure we are still alive because they haven’t heard from you.” As she shoos me out of the room, I know she’s right. I still have a few things to sort out, plus I need to review my daily update emails from all the hotels.

“And so it begins, already the fun is stopping.” I laugh as I retreat toward the door.

I’m almost out of the room when her timid voice calls me. “Um, Rem?”

“Yes, baby, I will put your suitcase in my room so the ghosts can’t watch you undress.”

“Asshole,” she yells from behind me as I’m partway down the hallway. “But thank you.”

“That’s what boyfriends do,” is what I whisper under my breath as I’m climbing the stairs.

She might not be ready to hear it, but the word sounds perfect in my mind.

With all my emails sorted, it’s time to send the message to the group chat about the room we found in the dungeon. They won’t believe me unless I send pictures, so maybe I’ll start with that.

Just pictures, no words, and then I sit back and wait for the reaction.

Forrest: Didn’t picture you’d be into that, but okay.

Nic: Why are you sending this to us?

Flynn: Hell yeah, Rem is getting his freak on in Scotland.

I should answer them, but I love leaving them hanging for a moment.

Flynn: Wait, you didn’t take Elouise there, did you?

What the hell, Flynn! You might think she’s yours, but that doesn’t mean you have the right to be so protective of her. My muscles are tightening with agitation, but then I have a thought—if it was Tori, I would be just as protective of a friend as he is being with Elouise. My fingers hover over the phone, and I stop myself from replying so I don’t say something that gives away how I feel about her. As I calm down a little, the messages keep popping up on my screen, and I can’t help but smile at how much my silence is pissing them off.

Nic: Rem? Tell me you didn’t do that!

Flynn: Don’t make me come up there and beat the shit out of you.

Forrest: For once I agree with my brother.

Okay, time to put them out of their misery. My fingers now dance over the screen as I reply.

Rem: Wow, nice to know what you all think of me!

Nic: Start talking and then we will stop thinking anything bad. Now, where is that?

Rem: In your damn castle’s dungeon, idiot. Happy now?

Rem: Surely you can all see how dark and dirty it is, and I’m not talking about sex!

I shake my head at how little they really looked at the pictures, missing the details of the low-level lighting and the rock walls behind it.

Flynn: We are buying a sex castle!! This is gold!

Nic: What the fuck, you’re kidding me!

Forrest: Oh, this is so good. Can’t wait to hear Nic explain that one to Tori.

Flynn: Happy wedding, sweetheart. I bought you a sex-dungeon castle as a present to celebrate. Surprise!

Nic: Fuck off, Flynn

Nic: Rem, tell me what’s going on.

Rem: Well, if you would all shut up for a minute, I would.

Flynn: A bit testy there, Rem, feeling a little frustrated…

Rem: Not a bit, nothing to be frustrated over.

If only he knew what I was doing last night, then he wouldn’t be accusing me of having an inch of sexual frustration in me. Because to be honest, my cock and I are feeling fully satisfied this morning.

Rem: Back to the sex room. It’s in the back of the dungeon and looks like it’s been set up by the owners and looks modern and taken care of. Just dusty and now has a broken door, where I gained entry.

Nic: What makes you think it was the owners, besides the obvious in that it’s their property?

Rem: There are photographs on the wall of a couple, and it looks like it was their personal haven. The same couple are in a single photo on a table with a candle. My guess is whichever one died first, the other one was living in the memories in the room. Although weird, still romantic… I guess. I’m no good at that sort of shit.

Flynn: Wait, what? Photos, holy shit. That’s ballsy. How pornographic are we talking? Show me.

Forrest: Don’t you even think about sending them to him, Rem!

Rem: Give me some credit. What is with you all today, doubting me. I’m the most respectful out of all of you.

Flynn: Debatable.

Rem: That’s rich, coming from you.

Nic: Rem, I’ll call you shortly. About to walk into a meeting. We need to talk.

Nic: Flynn, those photos will never see the light of day. You of all people with a sex tape out there should get the whole privacy aspect.

Nic: Forrest, what happened to your brother when he was younger, was he dropped on his head? I swear, sometimes I wonder where his brain is at!

Flynn: Why do these messages always end up with someone saying shit about me!

He’s right, but I can’t really think too much about Flynn’s feelings right now. Especially when I know I’m the one who is walking all over them with the woman in the next room.

Nic: I’m not even answering that. Now everyone back to work. Do whatever the fuck I pay you all to do.

Rem: On it.

Forrest: Been working this whole time.

Flynn: My brother, the kiss-ass.

And as per usual Nic’s boss comment ends the text messages, and we all get back to our day. I do often wonder though how Flynn really feels about all the shit we put on him. He is the jokester in our group, but nobody likes to be made fun of all the time. Maybe I should be paying more attention to what is said, or man up and talk to him face to face.

Perhaps just not right at the moment when I’m skating on thin ice. Oh man, these next few months are going to be hard, but on the other hand, totally worth it.

If I had my way, I’d throw out in the open now about El and I being together and let the chips fall where they may. But she is too frightened, and I respect that. So, we will do it her way until I believe it’s time to start doing it my way.

Checking on Elouise, I find her now sitting tucked up in the window seat of the room I have been working out of. I love that she is close by but happy to leave me to work while she reads. I’m up and down from my computer, leaving to check things in different rooms as I create my master document that Nic will be working off when he approves the due diligence for the purchase.

Really, there’s no doubt on Nic buying this castle. From the moment he set his eyes on the property advertisement, he wanted it badly.

My phone rings on the desk, and I put my ear pods in so I can still talk to Nic without El hearing what he is saying. Just in case he starts talking about her, I don’t want her to feel awkward. But also, he wouldn’t be impressed that he was on speaker with her in the room. He loves her like a sister and trusts her, but business is business, and he is very protective of his empire.

“Nic, I’m almost finished the report. Should be ready in the next hour.” El looks up at me with a smile and then goes back at her book, readjusting her sitting position and already tuning me out.

“Thanks, Rem. I’m guessing from your messages yesterday that there is nothing glaringly obvious to stop me from buying it?” As he pauses, I can tell he is doing two things at once. It’s the way he works, at full speed, until he clicks off for the day and then he stops momentarily to relax. Makes me think marrying someone who is in the business is not such a good idea, but they seem to make it work and still have down time away from the job. “Of course, except for the obvious that this is going to cost me a crap load of money to renovate and get to the standard I expect from a Darby Hotel.”

“You said it, so I don’t have to. No more than you were already prepared to spend.” I laugh at him groaning at my comment.

“Remind me in six months’ time why I thought this purchase was a good idea.” Nic laughs.

“I won’t need to remind you, because the reason will be standing next you wearing a gold wedding band and answering to Mrs. Darby. Tell me I’m wrong.” I laugh along with him.

“Okay, smartass, that’s enough from you. She drives me crazy, but I want to give her the world, you know what I mean?” I know he is just saying it as a matter of fact and not really expecting me to answer, but it slips out before I realize.

“Yeah, buddy, I do. Money means nothing unless you have someone to spoil with it.” I look across at the beautiful woman oblivious to what I’m saying. The sun is streaming through the window and highlighting her rich brown hair with hints of gold that she has pulled off her face with a clip, but the rest is softly falling down her back. She’s wearing a soft cream wool sweater and blue jeans with a pair of socks on her feet, and her tan knee-length boots are on the floor beside her.

“I suppose you do now that Blaise is in your life.” I want to correct Nic and tell him it’s so much more, but I just can’t, and it’s already eating me up inside.

My job is all about trust, and I’m breaking that important thing with everyone around me, the people who rely on me to keep them safe. Which is both stupid and dangerous, I know. I’m giving this a couple of weeks and then I’ll be revisiting it with El and reinforcing to her how important it is that we let everybody know and that I’m sure they will all get over it. After all, we are grown adults, and it’s none of their business who we are with.

Our conversation continues as we talk specifics and then get onto other issues at different hotels too. An hour has gone past and El hasn’t complained once or even given me a sigh or daggered look. She understands how important my work is and has seen firsthand how this company works. I could almost say she is part of the company, now that she is around so much. I’m sure Nic would hire her tomorrow to keep Tori happy, but her skills and dreams don’t involve the corporate world.

Just when I think Nic is winding up the conversation, his random side question throws me a little.

“How’s Elouise? Are you keeping her safe and happy?”

And all these words come flying into my head. Sure, happily sated in my bed, safe from everyone except me, and that’s probably who she should be protected from . But of course, I can’t use any one of them, but instead just answer with the generic response.

“Yeah, of course I am, she’s doing just fine.” And she is, so I’m not lying.

“Good to hear. Tori just said she didn’t hear from her this morning, so wanted me to check on her.” His voice starts to fade, so I know his mind has already moved on to the next thing he needs to do.

“Yeah, reception isn’t great. I’ll let her know to give her a call or something.” I’m trying to be vague, and in my mind, I think it’s just that she is probably avoiding Tori because she has something to hide. It actually surprises me how she has managed to keep it from Tori for this long. After we slept together that night in Rome eight months ago, I thought the cat would be out of the bag, because girls talk and these two are so close.

“Great, something else I’ll have to fix when I buy it.” Nic’s grumbling now, and I know it’s time to end the call.

“We all know how much the patrons complain when the Wi-Fi isn’t up to their standard. Some of them should learn to just switch off for a while, it’s invigorating.” I don’t get to do it often, but when I’m off on a trip to do something insanely dangerous, it’s usually in a remote area and I’m out of reach to the rest of the world. It’s heaven for a few days.

“Maybe so, but it’s not what they want, so we need to make sure we are giving them a gold-star stay. Anyway, I have to run, I have a ton of work to do. Let me know when the report is finished. And thanks for being so quick and thorough, as always. I would be lost without you, buddy.”

“Will do, and it’s no problem. Just doing my job and keeping everything under control.” Well, sort of. In my work life anyway. Let’s just leave it at that.

Getting straight into finishing the report so I don’t have to leave El to sit around being bored all day, I enter the last piece of information and write the email to Nic, Flynn, and Forrest. I cc Tori in on it, because while it’s information she doesn’t directly need, we always want her to be involved in the big decisions happening in what will shortly be her company too when she and Nic marry. After making a quick call to Nic again to explain a few things, I’m finally done, for now.

Hanging up on the phone call, I sit back and take in the pretty picture in front of me. I could get used to this, El relaxing while I work away, making her life easier. Thoughts of Blaise then drift in too. He loves Elouise, and she’s right in that we don’t want to confuse him too soon. He is used to her being in the house and knows her as his nanny and teacher but changing that to a stepmum is a huge step.

Alarm bells go off in my head at the word stepmum. What am I even thinking about? This is not how I mapped out my life. I wasn’t going to have any children, never wanted to settle down. Now I’m here looking at the woman who has completely taken every bit of control of my world from me, just by being herself.

I didn’t ask for Blaise to come screaming into my life and turning everything upside down, but he did, and I couldn’t love him more if I tried. He has brought so much fun into my house, and it finally feels like a home, in all its mess and noise. But I can never thank him enough for being the catalyst to bring Elouise into both our lives. I would have sat back and just longed for her from a distance, never saying a thing and watching her find some stuffy guy to step in and date her.

Another teacher that would marry her and give her a mediocre life, while I continued to be out there jumping off cliffs without a harness because I’m emotionally inept. I don’t even know why I can’t get past my lack of ability to be involved in a long-term adult relationship. I’m a grown man and should be able to move forward after such an awful experience, but for some reason I’m stuck. And for years after my only relationship that I really thought might have been something, I haven’t even wanted to try to pursue a woman.

But then Elouise pushed her way into my world that night in Rome, and even after agreeing it was nothing, she had already gotten under my skin, and I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I tried so hard to keep it in the friend zone, but once I was at my most vulnerable the night Blaise arrived, there was no holding back the feelings that had been simmering silently inside me.

Still, I didn’t believe I was right for her because I couldn’t give her anything in return, until that night in my office where we couldn’t hold back any longer. But I wasn’t going to let my heart get involved, thinking if I took her from behind and didn’t look her in the eyes while I fucked her that it could be just another one-night stand. Until the moment I slid inside her and I knew it was game over. Elouise had already charmed me with her intellect and witty sense of humor that I was seeing more freely the more I spent time with her, but the moment our bodies touched again, I knew she was it.

No woman has ever ignited me the way she does, and for the first time, I am thinking about wanting more.

I might not have been given the choice about being a father, and I’m trying to learn on the run. With Elouise, she is a choice I am making to find happiness and explore the emotional connection that is so strong between us. And although I think we should tell everyone else, part of me is happy with the time it’s going to give me to make sure I can stand up and be the man that she deserves. Financially I can provide for her, but it’s the emotional side where I need to push myself to make sure I’m not the selfish single man I have been for the last thirty-six years of my life.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Elouise’s soft voice breaks me from my inner thoughts, startling me a bit.

“Like what?” I stand from the desk and close my laptop, sliding it into my bag.

“Like you are trying to figure out how to solve world peace or something as big as that. Is there a problem at the office?” She swings her legs around in front of her and lets them touch the floor in front of the window seat, closing her book and setting it beside her.

“Nothing like that, just enjoying the beauty in front of me.” I walk toward her and run my hand over her head and down her softly falling hair. “How about we head out and do some sightseeing for the rest of the day? I don’t want you heading home and the only thing you saw is a pub in a little Scottish village and a rundown castle.” Taking her hand in mine, I pull her up off the seat.

“Don’t forget the sex dungeon, because I know I won’t.” Both of us laugh as she bends down to put her boots back on, and I grab my work bag to hide it out of sight upstairs. Although I have high security passwords on it and everything is stored on a server, not this computer, I’m still not taking any chances.

Taking El under my arm, we walk out to the car. I can feel the vibration of her phone in her jacket pocket that I’m carrying for her.

“Have you spoken to Tori today?” I ask, just remembering the message that Nic asked me to pass on a few hours ago.

“No,” is all she replies as we reach the car.

Opening the door and settling her in the passenger seat, I pass her the coat and smile at her. “Well, I suggest you do, because Nic already mentioned that she was worried that she hadn’t heard from you this morning.” Closing the door, I walk around to the driver’s side, and as I’m sliding into the leather seat of the Audi, I can’t help myself. “She’s probably just found out about the sex room and is worried I have you tied up and I’m doing naughty things to you.”

“Stop it, Rem, don’t make me laugh. You know why I haven’t called her. I’m terrible at lying.”

Laying my hand on the center console, she places hers in mine for comfort.

“I’ve got you, babe. FaceTime her while we are driving and she won’t be game to ask you anything too bad while I’m with you, surely.”

I start the engine and have just turned the car down through the tree-lined driveway as I hear El’s phone connect and Tori’s voice screaming into the phone. “Lou! Why haven’t you been answering my messages!” And there it is, the firecracker that is Tori.

“Good day to you too.” El turns the camera toward me. “Say hello to Rem.”

“Hi, Tori. God, you two make me laugh the way you talk to each other.” I look sideways and give her a wave before El turns the phone back toward herself.

“Shut up, Rem. Right, now both of you need to tell me what the hell is going on in my castle.” I can’t tell if she is frustrated with El or nervous about the purchase of the property being in jeopardy.

“ Our castle.” And that is when I hear Nic’s deep voice in the background.

“Hey, boss,” I call out and chuckle at Tori who is now telling him to butt out.

“Semantics, Nicholas. Anyway, start talking, you two, and why wasn’t I the first to know?” Tori continues, and I can hear Nic groaning beside her.

And before El can answer, I throw my answer out there. “Because we were both busy last night, fucking for hours and testing out your sex castle for you.”

The look on El’s face is sheer panic and she instantly turns the phone toward me so neither Tori or Nic are able to see how red her face is and how much she is about to kill me.

“Yeah, right, now stop being an asshole and tell me all about it.” I doubt she means for me to tell her about the sex because Tori totally missed how serious my statement was, but Nic’s face appearing behind her does not look so easily fooled.

Why I said that I don’t know, but I think part of it is that deep down inside, hiding this feels wrong, and I don’t want what we are sharing to be a dirty secret.

Or maybe it’s the part of me that I can never turn off. Trying to be in control of everything, including the uncontrollable.