The Desire

Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

ELOUISE

I ’m sitting on the plane heading home from four of the most unexpected but incredible days. I still can’t help but think back to Rem just blurting out to Tori that we had sex. Thankfully, she didn’t even think that was at all possible and dismissed it as him joking with her.

I was so mad with him that it took me a good hour or so to calm down, but as per usual, he started sweet-talking me, or was it dirty talk, I can’t remember, because they tend to be the same most of the time. Both of them turn me into mush and have me falling under his spell.

Regardless, after that hiccup, the next couple days were sheer heaven. Not a soul knew us up in Scotland, so we could do and say what we liked the whole time and not have to be careful about who could hear or see us. It was the first real feeling of new love. Not that we are using the L word, but you can tell it’s simmering just under the surface. Because it’s not like we’ve just met, and these feelings have been building for a while. My head and heart feel so light, but sadly, all good things must come to an end.

It’s so hard leaving it behind and coming back to the reality of home.

Although I can’t wait to see Blaise and get one of my adorable little-boy hugs. We have been FaceTiming him several times a day, and he is feeling much better and I’m sure is being spoiled rotten by Sally. Lord help Nic and Tori when they have children. I think that will be the final factor that will have Sally moving to London permanently and just visiting Australia for holidays. She is trying to juggle living in both places now, but as she gets older, I don’t think the long-haul flights will be so easy. Not that I would know, I’ve never done it, the wedding flight will be the first. Although I’m not sure flying on a private jet really gives any of us a right to complain.

Rem is already in work mode and engrossed in his computer, but this time, instead of sitting across the cabin from him, I’m so close that every so often his hand slips onto my thigh and either gives it a light squeeze or just runs up and down my leg a few times, letting me know he is still there and not ignoring me, checking that I’m okay.

It’s one of the things I love about the way we connect. Words aren’t needed. Touch is everything.

His smile when I look across almost makes me melt into the rich leather seat. I know what I want and what we have agreed on, but I’m not sure how well I’m going to be able to pull this off. The wall I had built between us has fallen and is just dust on the ground, but that means I don’t have anything to hide behind when he looks at me like this and other people are around. And even if he tries, I don’t know that he’ll be able to stop looking at me like he’s about to devour me the moment we are alone. It makes my skin sizzle, and I’m sure my face gives away that I feel the same.

We need to work hard at this, otherwise our worlds will be blowing up before we know it. And I can’t let that happen!

Without making it obvious, I know I need to avoid Tori and the others, and social occasions are certainly off the list for the next few weeks anyway. It will give me time to get better at just being the nanny and not the woman who is falling hopelessly in love with her boss.

As we start our descent, I close my eyes and pray to whoever will listen, please let me keep this man who makes my heart sing and that everything will turn out okay.

Looking back now over the last few weeks, life has been amazing in our little bubble at home. Blaise is too young to understand the body language between Rem and me, and thank goodness he is a heavy sleeper. Because as much as we try to keep quiet, it’s not easy when you have a man pounding you into his bed every night like it’s going to be our last time together. Or how Rem takes great pleasure in trying to break the record of how many times he can make me orgasm. My appetite has increased significantly since we got home from Scotland, and not just for the food that I need to keep up my energy.

We have managed to make it work so that if Tori is coming over, then Rem is at work, out with the guys, or even just gone for a run. That way it makes it easier for me, and for him too really, not to react to each other while she is here. But tonight is going to be a huge challenge. Tori just messaged to say she and Nic are on their way over and they’re bringing pizza for all of us, and the guys are coming too. Something about a big football match that is on tonight that they want to watch and decided it was time to get Blaise into learning about the game.

I don’t care one bit about football, or any sport really, but what I do care about is how the hell I’m going to get through a whole night of a testosterone-fueled sport, alcohol-fueled best friend, and an excitable little four-year-old who absolutely loves all his dad’s buddies being here.

Especially since he’s been finding it far easier to understand them and communicate in some English that he is learning so quickly.

Working with him every day and watching Rem being so patient with him, giving him all the encouragement with his new words, has been so gratifying. I don’t know why Rem had been so against being a father, because in my eyes, he is becoming a great one. He’s still learning French in his spare time, which he doesn’t really have much of, and then it makes me laugh seeing Blaise being the patient one with Rem as he tries to speak to either of us in French.

The major benefit to his whole learning experience is the preschool I found is a dual-language preschool. So not only do they teach English, but they teach in French too. He is learning to become bilingual, but more importantly, he is making friends who understand him too, gaining great social skills that are important before he starts school next year.

I told Rem over the phone that first day I took Blaise to preschool that I need to give him some of the money back because I now get two days a week where I have several hours in the middle of the day on my own. Of course, he refused, which resulted in a heated argument between us and me hanging up on him after telling him I’m not a charity case. But before I even had time to calm down from the phone call, he was loudly coming through the front door, up the stairs, and pinning me against the wall in the bedroom where I was tidying up some clothes. He kissed every objection about the money out of me until I understood that no girlfriend of his is ever to feel like a charity case.

What that day did teach us, though, was that we had two days a week with no little ears or eyes in the house, and the sexting started the moment Rem left the house in the morning, telling me what he had planned for the day and that I needed to be ready.

One morning, as I arrived home from dropping off Blaise, there was a package on the front doorstep. A plain black box with a gold ribbon. A white rose slipped under the bow and a card that read:

To the woman who spins my world and calms my soul xx

Hurrying inside and rushing up to our bedroom, because no, I haven’t slept in the guest room since we came home from Scotland, I gently pulled the ribbon, and the bow slid free from the box. Opening it up, I found gold tissue paper and a note on a card.

I want you in this and waiting for me.

Good girls get rewarded,

bad girls get punished.

Which one are you?

My hands were shaking as I slowly opened the tissue paper to find a black lace lingerie set that felt so soft, a gold necklace with two hearts on it, a large one with the smaller one inside it, and then a black silk blindfold. My heart was racing with anticipation of what all this meant, but before I had time to even think, my phone buzzed in my pocket with a message from Rem.

Rem: You don’t have long, you better be ready for me. I’m rock-hard thinking about what you look like.

My body moved on pure adrenaline, and before I had time to overthink it, Rem was walking down the hallway. Although I couldn’t see him with the blindfold over my eyes, I knew him by the smell of his addictive cologne. By the growl of his voice, I knew I was about to be punished like only he knows I long for. I’m a good girl who wants to be a bad girl just for him.

The memory of that day calms my anxiety but only for a few minutes, and now I’m back to panicking about everyone being here tonight. Rem is due home any minute, and I need to talk to him. Does he know about this? Did he agree to it or did Tori just steamroll him like usual? Because she has been nagging me for weeks for everyone to hang out at our place.

We had a play date at the park this afternoon with one of the little girls from Blaise’s school, Patrice, which was both tiring and full of excitement, so Blaise has already had a bath and some dinner. Not that he will object to being allowed a second helping. Like all kids, he loves pizza, or more to the point, he loves whatever all the guys love. I swear, if he could drink wine or beer, he would love that too, just to be cool like them.

Currently he is lying on the floor on his stomach, elbows on the floor and head in his hands, looking up at the television at a French children’s show that the school recommended as good for his age. But he has no idea that everyone is about to arrive and that I’m secretly freaking out while I’m pacing the living room.

Hearing Rem’s Porsche come through the gates and parking in the front of the house, I’m at the front door before he even has time to get inside and take his shoes off.

Before I even open my mouth, his finger is on my lips and shushing me, then he pulls me into his side and walks me into his study. Putting his work bag down beside his desk, he then turns me to face him.

“Stop freaking out and just breathe. It will be fine. We can do this. Just be yourself, okay?” Looking at me, he now realizes it’s not that easy for me.

“Be myself. That’s a joke. I’m the most authentic version of myself when I’m with you and Blaise. Of course, I’m myself with Tori but not the new-and-improved version of Elouise that she hasn’t seen yet.” While I’m freaking out, Rem just starts laughing at me.

“You mean you’re the real you when you’re busy playing happy families with the cutest two boys in London.” He pulls me into his arms, and I can feel him still laughing as I lay my head on his chest.

I slap my hand on the hard wall of abs. “It’s not funny! It’s okay for you, Mr. Super Security Man, who never gives anything away. You can just put on your work face and nobody will be able to tell what you are thinking. But me, I have it written all over my face that I’m keeping a big secret. One that involves hiding from all of my closest friends that I’m being fucked by my boss on the regular and that it’s fucking mind-blowing.”

“Mind-blowing, huh? I’ll take that.” He sounds very proud of himself.

“Remington! Stop it. I need you to help me.” I feel like I’m about to jump out of my skin with the anticipation of how badly this could go if I stuff it up.

“No, you don’t. You need to have more confidence in yourself. But you asked for help, so here it is. You get through tonight without giving us away, and I’m going to run you a hot bath later, then give you a massage, and finish the night off with some of that mind-blowing fucking you speak of.” And Rem’s lips are on mine as he finishes his last word, kissing me until I can’t think of anything more than how he tastes and the tickle of his beard on my mouth.

Breaking apart and gasping for air, I look at his smile and it warms me fully.

“I’ve got you, El, trust me.” Placing his forehead on mine, we stay in the silence for a few moments before I reply with the only answer I have.

“Always.”

Before we can talk any further, there are little feet running from the lounge. His show must have finished, and he is looking for me.

“Blaise,” Rem calls out, and the feet change direction in the hallway where he was heading for the kitchen, and he is now running toward the study, calling out excitedly.

“Papa! Papa’s home!” Blaise barrels into the room and wraps his arms around Rem where I had quickly stepped back from before he came in.

“Hey, buddy. How was your play at the park?” Rem bends down to be at the same level as Blaise. It always makes me smile, because it’s the little things that mean the world to a child.

“It was fun, and Patrice’s maman nous a donné sucettes .” Both Rem and I starting to laugh because it’s when he is excited that he falls back into his French.

Before he even has to ask, I explain to Rem that he means lollipops.

“Well, aren’t you a lucky boy.” Rem picks him up and walks toward the door, looking over his shoulder at me and waiting for me to follow him. Although I’d much rather lock myself in this room, I walk behind him, knowing shortly I’m going to be in a world of crazy.

With his words circling inside my head, I take a deep breath, stand up straighter, and pull my shoulders back as I hear him telling Blaise that everyone is coming for pizza. The scream that comes out of such a little boy is deafening. I can do this. I just need to keep myself busy being the perfect hostess. Leaving the boys and heading into the kitchen, I start preparing for the arrival of a lot of food, because Nic always over-caters, and a house full of noisy people.

No surprise that they all arrived at the same time and that the guys were starving. So, there was no time for much talking until we were all stuffed with way too much pizza, and the television is now on football. Now I understand the significance to them all wanting to watch it. It’s not just any game but England is playing Australia, and of course it’s everyone against Nic, although Flynn is sitting on the fence with his loyalties, claiming he is now partly Australian after living there for so long. I’m not sure how that works, but of course Flynn always makes up his own rules in life.

Australia has just evened up the score, so it is two all, and Blaise doesn’t care whose side he is on, he just gets excited because it’s fun to him. Thank goodness the clock has just ticked over to the end of the first half, and the room is settling down while everyone uses the time to use the bathroom, get another drink, or check their phones. They all tell me they switch off from work to relax, but the truth is they do as much as they can, but I’m learning a business this big never sleeps.

Preparing a tray of desserts that Flynn turned up with, I carry them into the lounge, bending down so Blaise can pick something before the vultures all descend. Because apparently, no matter how full you are, there is always room for dessert.

Just as I’m standing, Tori who is curled up on the couch next to Nic starts talking to me.

“Oh yeah, Lou, I forgot to ask you, mainly because I’ve hardly seen you, did you organize that babysitter for Blaise for that charity event on Friday night that we all are booked in for?” My stomach does a flip at the thought of being at a big event, while on the inside, I feel so anxious around the people who are usually the ones who calm me at these events. But I know there is no getting out of it.

“I did. Miss Larissa from Blaise’s school is going to be here. She does babysitting, trying to earn a bit of extra cash, which is perfect for us as he knows her, and we are comfortable with leaving him alone with her.” Carrying the tray, I move around the room to Forrest who takes his time picking. He’s always the cautious one in the room and can’t be rushed.

“Yay!” Tori squeals a little too excitedly, and my “oh no, what is Tori up to” radar fires up. “I have invited a plus-one for you for the night. It’s about time you get out and start dating. I mean, Rem can’t keep you locked up here forever.” By now I’m standing in front of Rem with the desserts, and the sheer panic of her words has me overbalancing, dropping the front of the tray, and the sweets start sliding off into his lap at the same time he pushes off the arms of his chair and stands up, looking like someone just picked a fight with him.

There are cakes everywhere! I’m standing here so flustered that I don’t know what to say, and Rem pulls the tray from my hands. I can see the rage in his eyes, but he instantly pulls on that work face I have seen before where he appears calm.

“Sorry,” is all I can say, and to everyone else it looks like I’m apologizing to him for dropping the cakes on him, but we both know it’s so much more.

Sorry I’ve put us in this situation. Sorry I’m not strong enough to speak up for what I want, but most of all, sorry that I’m going to have to go through with this, otherwise Tori is going to start pushing me about why I’m refusing.

“I would’ve been her plus-one if she needs a date. I’d be the perfect gentleman.” Flynn thinks he is being funny, but it only makes it worse.

“Victoria, stop trying to be a matchmaker. Elouise is a grown woman who doesn’t need your help.” Nic takes the wine glass out of her hand, knowing that nobody needs a drunk Tori here tonight.

“Oh, shush you. This is what best friends do for each other. Isn’t that right, Lou. It’s a girl thing, and I just want her to be happy like I am. Well, most of the time anyway. You drive me crazy most days, but the benefits are worth it.” Tori is oblivious to me standing still, looking so stunned, and she continues on her reasoning. “And Flynn, we have all told you that Lou is not interested. I don’t know when you are going to get it through your thick head.”

“How can she not be interested in this hotness? I mean, I’m a perfect catch,” Flynn replies, while Forrest is groaning beside his brother.

Still, I haven’t said a word, but Rem’s deep voice echoes in the room.

“Not happening!” The anger in him makes me jump a little. “She doesn’t need a date.”

I can feel the burn of his stare deeply, right into my core. He’s angry and feels unable to control this, and that’s my fault.

“Don’t be an asshole, Rem. You might be her boss, but you don’t control her love life. Actually, we have you to thank for this date. I tracked down Blaise’s pediatrician, Dr. Keats, the one who hit on Lou. He was more than happy to take a ticket at our table and support the Children’s Cancer Foundation. He was wanting to go but didn’t have a table to sit at so was glad to have company.”

“So, is he just at our table, you didn’t actually tell him it’s a date with Elouise?” Forrest asks. I can always rely on him to see things simply.

“Oh, of course, I’m not that crazy. Lou would kill me if I had done that. But if they are sitting next to each other, I can’t be held accountable. It would be rude to ignore the man all night, and I mean, he is scorching hot.” Not for the first time in my life I just want to scream at Tori to shut the hell up and stop the word vomit. Her pushy personality paired with a little too much damn alcohol strikes again.

“Watch it, woman.” Nic is scowling at her for the comment about Dr. Keats’s looks.

“He’ll sit next to me.” Rem places the tray of now ruined desserts that everyone has forgotten about on the side table.

“Not a chance, he’s not interested in fu… um, fudging you.” She looks toward Blaise, remembering he is in the room and what she was about to say.

“Tori!” Finally, I find my voice, and it’s not to stick up for myself but to protect Blaise. “Little ears.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry. Anyway, it’s already sorted, he is coming, and we need to find time to shop this week to find you an uber-sexy dress that will have him drooling over you all night.”

“I suppose it’s just one night, one dinner…” I try to answer her to defuse the situation, knowing full well that I won’t need a dress, because I intend on faking sickness that night.

But my sentence is interrupted by Rem’s phone ringing, and all the guys are reaching for theirs too, with notifications starting to signal out loudly across the room like crazy.

“Talk to me,” is all Rem says to whoever is on the phone, knowing with all the phones going at once that something big is happening.

“Fuck!” Flynn says with anger.

“I knew this would happen, stupid old prick.” Nic stands quickly, and it seems all concern about a small child in the room has gone out the window.

“Oh, this isn’t good.” Forrest is looking at Flynn with sadness, and my mind starts catching up on what I think has happened.

Rem is already leaving the room, and the guys are up and following him toward the study. I assume it’s to get to a computer and take this conversation to a more private place.

“Holy shit, this is bad.” Tori holds her phone up to me, showing the Google alerts on Flynn and his sex tape.

My heart sinks for him and the woman he was with. How can someone be so cruel as to invade their privacy and then use it for personal profit?

“Can they stop it?” I ask Tori quietly, but I already know the answer. Once something hits the internet, it has been screenshot so many times that it will never go away. It’s there for life, no matter how hard you try to have it taken down.

“Not now. All we can do is start damage control and hope it doesn’t blow back too hard on Darby Hotels, or Flynn. At the end of the day, Nic will always put his friends before money, and Flynn will be his number one priority here.”

I sink down onto the couch next to my best friend, and no matter how much I want to kill her right now, I pull her into a hug, knowing she is going to need it. It’s going to be tough few weeks, maybe months, in front of them all.

“Well, that put a sour note on a fun night, didn’t it?” Tori lays her head on my shoulder, and I can’t help but laugh out loud.

“That is an understatement.” We both giggle together, her thinking it’s just about Flynn, but for me, the whole night went exactly like I was imagining it would. Like a massive shit show.

It’s then I look across and spot Blaise sitting next to the side table, with chocolate on his fingers and all over his mouth. Oblivious to what is going on, he’s just happily devouring the desserts and watching the football that has started again. Lord knows how many of the mangled messes he has eaten, but I have a feeling I’m in for a hell of a night trying to get him to sleep with that much sugar in him.

Why can’t life be simple? I thought I wanted a change, something exciting, on those long days in the classroom with my kids that were climbing the walls and weren’t listening to one thing I was saying.

Tonight, I would take that complete chaos over the stress and anxiety I have brought on myself. They always say be careful what you wish for, and now I understand.

Lying in bed, the house is so eerily quiet. The guys left for the office hours ago, and I haven’t heard a thing from them, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.

After Tori left, it took me a while to calm Blaise down, and in the end, I went through our normal routine of giving him a bath, reading books in bed, and then just sitting with him until he finally closed his eyes and started to slow his breathing down. I mean, there is nothing wrong with two baths a night, and to be honest, with the amount of chocolate on him, it was probably a good idea.

It's one in the morning, and I can’t keep my eyes open any longer waiting for Rem. We need to talk, and I know now is not the time, but I just need to make sure he understands that it won’t matter if I’m sitting next to another guy. Rem is still the only man I want. The one I want to cuddle up to at night, listening to him whisper dirty things in my ear and letting him leave his mark on me so I’m reminded every time I look in the mirror who I belong to. Just because no one else knows that, as long as he does, then we can get through anything.

I keep telling myself it will be okay, that once I feel his body crawl in against me when he gets home, I’ll wake, and we’ll talk then.

But waking up to my alarm and a cold bed beside me, I know he hasn’t been home. My logical brain tries to tell me it’s because he is working to protect Flynn, but my emotional brain is convinced it’s because he’s avoiding me.

But it’s morning, and I don’t have time to sort out my ridiculous head of crazy thoughts. I need to get Blaise up and ready for preschool. I hate being late, and it’s important to teach him the etiquette of turning up to places on time.

Continuing through our morning routine, Blaise isn’t even concerned that Rem isn’t here. Although he tries to have breakfast with us most mornings, there have been plenty of times that he has left early for a meeting or to sort out some problem somewhere. We even had a few days where he had to go to Paris to one of the hotels, and I still remember him coming home so proud of himself and how he got to use his new French-speaking skill. I tried not to laugh, picturing the staff in the hotel and the contractors he was working with, pretending that he was speaking perfectly, when the reality is that he was probably saying sentences that made no sense, but they managed to fill in the blanks to get the idea of what he meant. I mean, no one wants to tell the boss he is wrong.

Ready to leave, I pick up Blaise’s little Bluey backpack off the kitchen counter and hand it to him as he starts running to the front door. I hear it open.

“Rem,” I whisper to myself. Thank God. But the moment I walk into the hallway from the kitchen toward the two of them hugging, Rem looks up at me and his face is stone cold. Not an emotion to be seen, and now I know I’m in trouble.

I need to fix this.

“Hey.” As I walk slowly toward them, he stands up from his crouched position with Blaise. “Can we talk quickly?”

“You’ll be late, and I need to shower. We’ll talk later.” Without even touching me, he leans down, kisses Blaise on the top of his head, says goodbye, and walks straight past me up the stairs.

Standing there watching him go, Blaise takes my hand and pulls me toward the door to go to the car. He loves preschool day.

But by the time I get back to the house, Rem is standing next to the driver’s door of his Porsche, his gym bag in his hand, and he just looks at me as I get out of the car.

“I thought we were going to talk,” I asked, but he stares at me with that same cold look from before.

“I can’t do this now, I need to see Cherie.” And his words are final, not giving me a chance to reply.

Getting into his car, he drives out the gates, the tires screeching as he takes off down the road like I’ve never seen him do before.

“Who the fuck is Cherie!” And for the first time since last night, I’m not feeling weak.

My adrenaline is rushing, and I climb back into the car with my driver, Art.

“Don’t give me any bullshit. Follow him, and don’t say a fucking word to him or let him see us. He wants to be an asshole, then it’s about time he meets my inner bitch too!”

Not a word was uttered as Art drove the Range Rover down the street quicker than usual. At least Art takes his job seriously, being my driver and personal security, which I hope means that his loyalty is with me first and the asshole in the black Porsche second.

Now to find out who this woman is!