Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
REMINGTON
I should be in my hotel room away from people who know me and see me as their boss. Especially with all the media interest in us now, but I can’t seem to settle tonight. I’m on to my second straight scotch, and although it’s top-shelf, it just doesn’t feel smooth like it should.
It’s definitely not the scotch, but it’s my mood that’s souring the good alcohol.
I just want to make the feeling that it’s happening all over again go away by having a drink, but that’s stupid really. My life is full of problems I can’t get control over, which should have me in the office and yelling at people, trying to get action on solving them. I hate with a passion that I’ve left the two most important people in my life alone, and the only thing I’m doing is sitting here in a bar on my own. Trying to stop my brain from thinking about anything at all.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Even worse, I’m hovering my finger over the closed security camera app on my phone, considering opening it, just to see her for a quick minute and to make sure they are both safe. But the last shred of my manhood holds me back from spying on her and feeling like a stalker.
I know the security detail I have watching the house will keep them safe, but that is not much comfort when I know it should really be me.
The reason I’m here is because I want so desperately for her to trust that I am still the man she thought I was before this morning. So, in turn, I need to be that man and show trust in her too and believe that she is strong and taking care of both of them.
I’ve left them before when I’ve traveled for work, but this is different. When I’m away, normally Blaise and El are video chatting with me whenever we can. And late at night, El and I have sat and talked about our days and ended up with me watching her erotically get herself off and come hard under my instructions, which was so fucking sexy. I blew my load without hardly any work needed from my own hand.
So where did this all go so wrong?
I have done everything I could to show her who I am, or so I thought. The night she let me take her for the first time in Scotland, I felt hope between us. It’s why when we both agreed the next morning to continue what we started, there was no going back, we were meant to be together. I breathed a sigh of relief that I had finally found the woman who was made for me. I know I’m not wrong about that, but today, she threw me with her accusations.
Sure, there are things I haven’t told her, that I haven’t told my buddies either, but there was still time to share more of myself as we continued to get to know each other. I doubt I’ve seen all there is to know about her either, but I was working on learning all the parts she was ready to show me. Isn’t that what a relationship is, learning, living, and loving each other every day, through all the changes and challenges? Sharing, caring, and accepting each other for who you are?
That’s what hurt.
I thought she knew who I was, but when she accused me today of cheating on her and visiting a brothel, I saw red.
Then, I did what I’ve learned to do, which is walk away, calming my brain before I speak and ruin everything that I was working so hard to save. I thought I had already done that successfully this morning and was coming home to be able to talk freely to El. Obviously not, so here I am drinking, feeling lonely and trying to figure out my next move.
I’m angry and hurt, but I assume all relationships go through periods like this. Before my first scotch I was ready to walk away and tell her it’s over. I wasn’t prepared to go through being accused again of being the whole problem in the breakdown between two people. It feels like a lifetime ago, but the only time I thought I had found a woman I wanted to be with for more than one night, she stripped me bare of all my money and emotions. The fights between us that happened night after night for over a week were horrendous and relentless, until I couldn’t handle it any longer, and I walked away from her and moved on to another city. Only to find out, after I had moved three different times to new cities looking for work and was working in a bar, that one of the kitchen hands turned out to be the guy she was sleeping with at the same time as me. He was the man she was running off to when she would storm out each night after she screamed at me.
I’m too old to worry about labels, but she was gaslighting me, and I had no idea.
I took it hard, and the months of lead-up to when we finally split took their toll on me. The way I coped going forward was by numbing the emotion of love and taking the prospect of it happening again totally out of the equation. If I didn’t ever get serious with anyone again, I couldn’t get hurt like I did back then, and until now, it’s worked.
The only difference between then and now is that I have just had the epiphany that I didn’t want to fight to save the relationship with my ex, Shannon. Although I was hurt badly by her, and I didn’t think it could be any worse than that, I know that if I can’t be with El, then life wouldn’t be worth living. Shannon was never my person.
But this time, I will give every bone in my body to find the place where Elouise and I can be together, happy, at total peace and madly in love. Elouise is my forever person. It’s as simple as that, and I need to fix this.
I stand from the stool and lift my chin to tonight’s barman, Gus, knowing he will settle my tab onto my charge card that Nic never lets us pay anyway. Walking toward the elevator, I know what I need to do, and if it doesn’t work then I’ll try again, because I am not giving up until my life is in complete control again.
And the only way that will happen is with El right beside me, helping raise Blaise the best way we know how.
I won’t give in until I have what I want.
If I’m honest with myself, it’s more than want, it’s what I need .
Elouise is mine, and it’s about time I tell her and the rest of the world.
ELOUISE
“I can’t believe you did a strip tease in Rome. Holy shit, Lou, and you say I’m uncontrollable when I’m drunk.” Tori is still trying to get through all the sordid details that I’ve told her over too much chocolate but luckily not too much wine. Well, we aren’t at the point we can’t walk, but everything seems to hurt a little less now. But we need to stay sober with Blaise in our care.
“That’s the problem, isn’t it. I’m the good little girl. Fuck that! Sometimes it’s so good to be bad.” My mind keeps going to thoughts it shouldn’t be right now. I remind myself I should still be angry with him.
“Amen, sister. But can I just say you have the shittiest timing to finally tell me your big dirty secret? I’m still mad you didn’t think I would understand, but part of me does get it. We both know I’m hopeless and suffer from word vomititis. Yes, yes, I know vomititis isn’t a word, but it should be, just for me and my rambling. Anyway, I suck at secrets and all that, but this is big for you. Like, super huge, and you needed me, and I wasn’t there for you like you were for me when everything was happening with Nicholas. I couldn’t have gotten through it all without you.” Tori takes both my hands in hers and tries to be serious for a moment.
“I know you don’t believe this, but you are the strongest woman I know, and the last few months have proven that. I just wish you could see yourself like the rest of the world sees you. And I know you don’t want to hear it, but Rem, the way he looks at you even when he is trying not to, that man loves you. To the point that he walked away from you today when you made some pretty big accusations, and then he messaged me telling me that you needed me. He was hurting, but still, he was thinking about you and making sure you were okay.”
“Wait, he messaged you?” My brain starts short circuiting.
“Why do you think I called you back after you called me to talk for the second time today with some lame excuse about checking if you wanted gravy on your roast? Surely you knew I’d already know that answer. Look, he didn’t say why, but I knew it was about him. Christ, I already knew that the moment I spoke to you this morning the first time. I just can’t believe what you are saying is true, so we need to find out what is going on so we can then get on with having cute double dates and planning another wedding.”
I groan at her words, already thinking how badly I’m going to regret telling her everything.
“Can we not go all Tori on this? We aren’t even together right now.” The sadness sinks into my gut again at spending another night alone in his bed.
“Oh, that’s just geographically, but there is no way you two aren’t together. There is no way the heat in this exact room last night when I brought up the date with Dr. Hottie is going away anytime soon. That man would chain you to him if he could, rather than let another man touch you.” Tori laughs at herself.
“Hang on, let’s rewind a little. If you knew we were together, why did you set up this date with Drew?”
“Seriously, Lou, sometimes you are so na?ve. I knew if I pushed you both hard enough something would have to give and either Rem would explode last night and blurt it out to everyone, or I would force your hand to tell me to back off. But we both know Flynn’s naked ass put an end to that but only for the time being. But it could still work in a different way.” The look of mischief in her eyes tells me I’m in trouble, and once again, I won’t be able to say no to her.
Flopping my head back on the back of the couch, I sigh into the air. “I should be worried, shouldn’t I?” I pull my hands from hers and place them over my eyes, spreading my fingers and peeking through at her.
Tori pretends to be shocked. “Whatever do you mean, Lou? You know I’ve got this all under control.”
“Lies, all lies, but tell me your plan anyway so I can hit the anxiety button even harder. If I wasn’t already going to have trouble sleeping tonight, then what you say next I’m sure will push me to the point of insomnia anyway.” Sitting back up, I get ready for whatever crazy scheme she has conjured up.
“I wasn’t joking about the dress for Friday and all the accessories.” Raising her eyebrows up and down, she looks ridiculous, but it makes me smile.
“There is no way Rem will go to the dinner on Friday night after what I said. Plus, I don’t think that’s the place to have our big heart-to-heart talk, do you?” I already know she will have an answer for any question I throw at her.
“Pfft, don’t you worry about that. I’ll get him there. Your job is to turn up and look hot as fuck, and no matter what you said today, he won’t be able to resist you.” And then her second thought pops into her head. “Oh, and don’t worry about Flynn, I’ll sort that too—well, not the sex tape, but the you-and-him problem. I can fix that one easily.”
“Crap, yes, Flynn, I don’t want him hurt, especially now when he is already in a shit place. Like I have already said before, this sounds like a terrible plan. What, you think just because I look good, he is going to forgive me? But that doesn’t necessarily mean I want to forgive him!” I stand up and pace a little.
“What a load of bollocks. Stand still, look me in the eye, and tell me you truly believe that Rem has been cheating on you with a hooker. Really! Come on, you can’t honestly believe that.” Standing in front of me, she pushes me to say what is on my mind like only Tori can.
“Alright!” I throw my hands in the air in exasperation. “No, I don’t think Cherie is a hooker, but who the hell is she and why didn’t he just tell me when I asked, well, possibly yelled?”
“Right, I don’t know the answer to that except to say he is a stupid butthead, and when I sort this shit out between you two, I will tell him how much of a dick he is and how he is going to pay big time for hurting you.”
Wrapping Tori in my arms, I take comfort from her craziness which sounds ridiculous, but it’s what feels normal. If Tori was all soft, comforting, and crying with me then I would know this is way worse than I already think it is and that the world was about to end.
“This burns coming out my mouth, but I’m saying it anyway—I trust you,” I admit, taking a deep breath. “I love him and need him back here where he belongs. I need your help to make that happen.”
Before I can take much more of this touching moment, Tori pushes me away. Dancing around the room, she sings the words, “Lou trusts me and wants my help. Life is good. Lou trusts me and wants my help. Life is awesome. I’m the queen of fixing shit.” And that is when I know she’s reached her quota of alcohol. Time to message her driver to pick her up.
As she is standing at the front door and leaving for the night, I put my arms around her.
“Thank you. Love you, and I couldn’t get through this without you.” Tears are welling in my eyes as she starts giggling.
“Finally, the woman realizes she can’t go through life without me. So, if you ever keep anything from me again, I will kill you! Or maybe not that extreme, but you know, do something drastic, like putting a spell on you so you can’t eat chocolate ever again. Yes, that would be worse than death, I reckon.” She laughs at herself, which is a common occurrence for Tori, but instead of leaving me on the doorstep in tears, she walks down the steps, waving to me over her shoulder.
“My work here is done. Get some sleep. Tomorrow, we start operation find that Cherie bitch and have Rem on his knees begging to get you back on Friday night. No one messes with us!” The driver closes the door on the car, and I walk inside laughing harder that I thought was possible with how bad today had been.
Locking the door, I tidy up our mess and hide the chocolate before I have a crazy child in the morning finding it and getting high on sugar. As I set the alarm on my way up to bed, the house feels so empty.
Checking in on Blaise, I see he hasn’t even moved from where he fell asleep as I was reading the first book at bedtime. I bend down and kiss his forehead, leaving him to enjoy his happy dreams, not knowing there is turmoil all around him.
Finally settling down in Rem’s bed, his scent wraps around me, bringing me both comfort and sadness. Although I understand after talking to Tori that I trust Rem, it doesn’t stop me from needing to know more. If we are to have a real relationship and one that will stand the test of time, any secrets we have need to be revealed, and that takes total honesty from both of us.
I can’t say what I need to say over a message, but I need him to know that there is still hope.
Lifting my phone and before I regret it, I type out three simple words.
Elouise: I miss you.
The dots on the screen dance, telling me he is replying, then stop, then dance again, then stop. My heart is beating fiercely, waiting for the words to appear, but then nothing.
My tears dropping onto his pillow, I pray to whoever will listen, Please, bring him home .
I don’t how long it’s been, but exhaustion finally pulls me to close my eyes, but the moment they do, my phone chimes, and I open them with such speed, I see a reply from Rem that makes me cry harder.
Rem: I know. Sleep.
What does that even mean? And once again, sleep has slipped away, and I curl into a ball, trying to overanalyze three little words.
When I have turned so many scenarios over in my head, finally the only thing I tell myself is that I need to get up tomorrow and do what Tori said.
Fight for my man, and more importantly, I need to fight for myself and what I need.
Which is answers and Rem.
In that order!
REMINGTON
Last night was tough, and all I wanted to do this morning was book a session with Cherie, but I know that’s not healthy. I need to learn how to cope with emotional turmoil on my own if I’m ever going to be able to stand up and be in a relationship with Elouise.
Last night, I was trying to rationalize everything in my head, but no matter what she said or did, I still kept coming back to the same conclusion.
I love her.
We all make mistakes, and Christ, I’ve made many in my life too.
But to get through this, we need to sort through her fear of never being good enough for me and my past trauma of a relationship that scared me.
Pulling my jacket on, phone in my pocket, I’m picking up my wallet when the banging on my door has me reacting by reaching for my gun from the holster under my jacket.
Before I make it to the door to check the peephole, I hear Tori’s voice. “Hope you are decent because I’m coming in.” Luckily, I was, because the door lock opens, and she’s halfway into the room as I drop the hand from my gun.
“Tori, what the fuck? Do you know how dangerous it is to barge into the room of an armed man? Who the hell gave you access to my room key?” My mood was already bad, but this has got my blood boiling, and I have no patience for whatever she is about to unload on me.
If it had been one of the guys who burst in here like that, they would be getting a lot more of a mouthful of colorful language than what I just said.
“Do you forget who I am?” She stands there with her right hand on her hip and her left hand in the air, waving her engagement finger at me. “Boss man’s fiancée. Plus, I have very good persuasive skills. You should know that by now.”
“Is that the same as saying you can be a pain in the ass?” I’m not in the mood to try to be diplomatic this morning.
“Whatever. Now let’s get to work, there are things that need to be sorted.” She makes herself at home at the small table in the room. I could have booked a suite, but what for? It’s not like I want to be entertaining here or am on holidays. I just needed a bed and a place to shower. That’s it.
“Why here? We have a big fancy office building that Nic pays for us to work in. So, tell me, what the fuck is going on and why are you really here?” In the back of my mind, I’m thinking Nic could have warned me that Tori was on her way here ready to ambush me about something. I would bet money it’s about El, and although I greatly want to know everything that was discussed last night, it would be a really bad idea to enter into this conversation with Tori.
“God, you really are an asshole sometimes.” She frowns at me, waiting for me to react, but I don’t.
“Fine, okay, here it is. I’m here because there was no way you were coming into the office today, and I know you will ignore my phone calls. So, in point form, this is your morning brief. Lou and Blaise were fine last night. Flynn is coming into the office at some stage today, so it looks like business as usual. Tomorrow night we will all be attending the charity dinner as per schedule. You will need to be there to protect Flynn, so do not even try to back out of this. And before you ask, yes, Lou will be there. You will be nice and polite. Do you understand!” By the time she is finished, she stands in front of me, hands on hips and not about to take any crap from me.
“Since when do I take orders from you, Tori? I’m head of security here. I make the decisions on making sure Flynn is protected, not you or anyone else. Has he even agreed to this, being paraded around like everything is normal in the world for him? Because clearly, it’s not, and if you’ve spoken to him, you will know he is vulnerable.”
“I’ve already been to see Flynn. He agrees that he should be out there operating as normal so the media have less to talk about. If he is doing boring things, like work, charity events, and so on, then someone will become far more entertaining, and the focus will shift quickly. That is what the PR department have told him, and they report to the big boss man too. Just like the rest of us.” Picking up her bag, she starts to walk toward the door to leave, when she turns to have her final say, which is normal.
“So, if you want to talk like work colleagues, just do your job, Rem, and find out who did this to Flynn. Do it quickly and make sure you are there to protect him and the rest of us Friday night.” Hesitating a little, the tone of her voice drops to a softer tone. “But if you want the advice of a friend, be at the dinner on Friday night. I promise it will be worth your while.”
Opening the door, all I can hear is her mumbling as she walks out of the room. “Fucking useless men. Why do I have to clean up their messes…” Her voice disappears as the door slams shut.
What did she even mean?
Why would I want to go and watch El pretending to be happy and talking to some guy? Was it El’s idea to make me jealous and come home?
There are so many questions that I don’t even have the time or mental space to work through right now. These two were just the beginning. Because Tori’s words hit hard in my gut. She’s right, I need to find out once and for all who set up the cameras and then leaked it to the internet even after they were paid.
Pushing aside my own issues, I do what I do best. I compartmentalize.
Grabbing my things, I’m out the door and calling my second-in-charge to meet me at the office, but first I need to speak to Felisha Kentwall, just me and her, one on one, so we can get to the bottom of this. She might be as innocent as Flynn, but something has triggered this attack on the two of them. I need to work it out. Just getting past her damn security team will be the issue. But I love a good challenge, and today I need a distraction, so this is what I intend to throw myself into. And I’m not stopping until I work it out. By then I might have my head on straight and I can arrange to meet with Elouise so we can talk this out. I know it’s important, and she should be taking priority over work, but it’s just not possible right now and she knows it.
The time for talking was yesterday, and she wrecked that, so now unfortunately she will have to wait until I’m ready.
I’m in control now. I’m not taking orders from either one of the women who think they have me all worked out.
They’re wrong.
On my terms, they will find out who the real me is.
ELOUISE
“I don’t wear red. It’s too loud for me.” I’m standing in the dressing room, in shock at the way I look in the mirror.
Tori is behind me with the most wicked grin on her face. “Loud is the best way to make a statement. Look at me, there’s a reason I’m a redhead; I like to be heard.” Neither of us can deny that.
“Yes, but that’s you. I’m just the woman who likes to go unnoticed in a room. Come and go, and it’s a good night if no one knew I was there.”
I spent most of our nights out in a group just admiring Remington from a distance and wincing every time he spoke to another woman on their own. And there were plenty. He wasn’t as obvious as Flynn, but the single ladies in the room noticed him and made sure they got their chance with him.
“True. But this time we want every man in that room to notice you, well, except my man, but we want the rest wondering who this goddess is in the red dress.”
“I don’t want every man in the room looking at me, otherwise I’ll be as red as this dress.” I sigh at the thought of being on show. “I just want one man to look at me and to be unable to look away until we get through this.”
“Oh, that’s guaranteed.” Tori checks her phone, and I know I can’t take up any more of her time. She’s working, and just because she is engaged to the owner doesn’t mean it’s acceptable to just take time during the day to go dress shopping with your friend.
I take one last glance at myself, and this time, really looking at myself, I can see what Tori means. I do look good, and if I want to make an impression and show Rem that I’m a confident, strong woman, then I have to take a step out of my comfort zone. Because I want him to want to tell me what is going on and who Cherie is. To know that I can handle anything that he needs to share about his life. I don’t want him keeping secrets to protect me.
“Okay, let’s get this one.” I bite my lip with trepidation at what will happen tomorrow night, but I know I’m in too deep now and I just have to run with Tori’s plan, hoping that one day I will be telling my grandchildren about what wild thing she talked me into doing. Correction, my and Rem’s grandchildren.
“Right, now let’s move on to the underwear.” Tori takes my arm as I’m exiting the dressing room, but I stop her walking and stand my ground in front of her.
“No! You’re going back to work, and I’m going to choose my own lingerie. I want this to be something just between Rem and me. You understand, don’t you?” I hope that she won’t be offended that I want to do this on my own.
“Totally.” Leaning forward, she kisses me on the cheek as she backs away from me, smiling. “Make sure it’s something so seductive that his body heats up so hot that nothing will hold him back and you won’t be wearing them for long.”
“I think I’ve got the brief, now go.” I shoo her and turn away from her, and she leaves in the opposite direction. Then I head to the underwear section of the store.
Of course, all this might be a waste of time, if we talk and he can’t get past what I accused him of or his explanation of his actions doesn’t satisfy me. I feel like we are dancing around a box that we suspect may have some explosive material inside. And it could all be sorted out simply, except no one is ready to open the lid to find out.
Why are relationships so complicated?
Walking through all the racks, I know I could wear nothing underneath that dress, it’s so tight it holds everything in place. Knowing I had been walking around all night completely bare, now that would shock Rem completely, in the best possible way. But I know how much he enjoys unwrapping me. I already have a drawer full of the gifts he has purchased for our midday dates, but nothing red.
It’s time to up the ante and watch him enjoy his present. Me.
That’s if he still wants me.
After everything, please let him still want me!