The Desire

Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

REMINGTON

T he last few days have been horrendous.

Not seeing Elouise or Blaise has been like being starved of oxygen and not being able to breathe but having to push through anyway.

My private life is a mess, but at least my work life is under my control again. The meeting with Felisha was interesting to say the least. She is emotionally devastated but is still a strong kickass woman. I have a newfound respect for her, and way more than what I have toward her father. After speaking to her, I met her personal assistant, who is also her best friend and seems to be the only one who truly cares for Felisha or has her back.

I have also learned that under all the cockiness that Flynn portrays, he is a strong man who won’t walk away from a fight. Giving himself just the one day to wallow in his self-pity, he then turned up to the office the next day, giving a perfect press conference then working the rest of the day like normal. Then today, he was in early, and I’m about to walk into a meeting with him, Nic, and Forrest about the castle purchase. Tori isn’t in the office today, and I’m a bit relieved about that. I’ve managed to avoid her since our run-in at the hotel. I care deeply for her, but I know that she is the only person who will push me on anything Elouise, and I’m not prepared to discuss things with her just yet. It’s between El and me, and until we see each other and talk, then the topic is off the table with Tori.

Walking through the door into Nic’s office, I’m the last to arrive.

“Who pissed in your porridge this morning?” Flynn looks up at me from his favorite seat on the couch in the office, as if nothing has happened in the last few days, chirpy as hell and ready to give me shit.

Trying to cut him some slack, I don’t reply as harshly as I feel. “This is my normal face when I see you.” Taking my seat near the desk, I give Nic and Forrest a normal chin lift.

“Well, good morning to you too, asshole.” Nic’s reply hits home. Why is everyone calling me an asshole lately? I mean, I couldn’t give a fuck, but it’s bugging me. Have I been worse the way I’ve been treating everyone? I mean, El has good reason to say it, but everybody else has been labeling me with it too.

“Morning,” I mumble and let Nic take over the meeting. Once he starts talking, then we all take on the seriousness that is needed in a business meeting.

An hour has passed, and the lawyers have been instructed that we are ready to take possession of the castle next week. Nic and Tori will fly up to collect the keys and have the locks changed and stay a night or two.

I haven’t bothered to remind him of the important fact that he is buying a haunted castle. Not that I’ll admit it, but I think El was right. I experienced a few weird things myself, like doors closing and noises in the middle of the night. The second night we were there and at the same pub in the village, El asked one of the old locals about it, and he told her a story he’d heard when growing up. That there was a woman who owned the castle back in the 1800s who was living in sin with a man her family didn’t approve of. Then mysteriously they were both found dead in their bed one morning by the servants. Word was the family did it, but nothing was ever made of it. Just swept under the carpet, so to speak. El is convinced it was probably the woman in the painting who was so unhappy that she was about to be married to a grumpy man, because she had found true love with someone else. The shit women will make up to find romance in anything.

I also want to tell Nic it’s too late, I’ve already christened the castle with El, but I don’t think that’s a good idea. I should have probably thanked the ghosts for pushing her into my bed, although it was inevitable to happen before we left the castle anyway. Nothing could have stopped the pull between us to be together. I quickly push the thoughts of El to the side before I lose my concentration on work.

Finally, we finish up and move on to the other topic of Flynn.

“Rem, where are we at?” Nic looks at me, almost pleading silently that I have some news.

“We are getting close, I can feel it. After talking to Felisha and her friend, I learned there is unrest in their company, and my gut feeling says the video came from someone on the inside of her dad’s empire. That information is not to leave this room. I must say, I was doubtful of her at first, but I do think she is on our side with this and has been fighting her own fight trying to get to the bottom of it too. And for some reason, she actually thinks Flynn is a gentleman the way he has handled this whole thing, supporting her. Do I need to ask how you have been supporting her when we told you to stay away from her?” Looking at Flynn across the room, he gives me nothing except a smile that tells me I can sing for an answer.

“Anyway, when we get close enough, we will leak it to the press that we know who it is and see if we can flush them out, but we just aren’t quite there yet. I’m not letting it go now, though. I made that mistake last time, and it’s not happening again.”

“Thanks, Rem.” Nic drops his pen down on the desk and sits back in his chair, looking at me the way my father would when he knew I’d done something stupid and he was waiting for me to own up.

He can either read minds or he’s just thinking about the same thing I’ve already decided on.

Finding courage, I start talking. “I need to say a few things to you all about something personal, before we go.”

I gulp down the air that seems to be thick in the room now and stuck in my throat as Flynn sits forward on the couch, rubbing his hands together.

“Oh good, time to talk about someone else’s dramas for a change. Let’s have it.” And Flynn is just making me feel worse.

Forrest just rolls his eyes at his brother. “I’m sure you should have been a woman. You love gossip more than the trashy websites that are writing everything about you.” He leans closer to me, giving me a slap on the back. “What’s going on, buddy?”

I know that no matter what happens in the next few minutes, I am going to feel better with everything being out in the open.

“I have something to say, and just let me get it out before you react. I’ll keep it as simple as I can.” The fun expression on Flynn’s face now fades as he sees how uncomfortable I look.

“Long before I met you guys, I started seeing a counsellor of sorts who helped me work through when my head is scrambled, or my overactive brain needed release. But I haven’t ever shared this because it’s a little unconventional, and I don’t know why I care, but I know some people will look at me and think less of me for it.”

“Nothing wrong with therapy, man.” I wish Flynn would stop being nice to me.

Nic looks at me and nods to keep going.

“You might change your mind when I tell you my therapy is that I box and kickbox the hell out of a woman who is a trained psychologist and counsels me while we spar.” I feel like the air is getting sucked out of the room, and that’s not even the worst thing I need to tell them.

“Wait, what?” Forrest looks confused, and I get it.

“Cherie is an extremely talented, competitive fighter who grew up street fighting and turned her life into something more by helping people who need a way to release their problems in a way that works for them. I can tell you now, she would take any one of you on and have you pinned on the mat before you even threw your first punch.” Now I can feel my words coming out quicker as I try to justify myself.

“You hit a woman?” Flynn is trying to process what I just said.

“And that’s the part that I struggled the most with in the beginning. It goes against every bone in my body, but Cherie made me see that it’s not done in a form of violence toward her, and that I don’t want to hurt her in any way. She uses her body as a tool to help people, and it’s her choice. She wears body padding now, but in the beginning she didn’t, and it fucked with me, but I couldn’t stop going back for how great I felt after the sessions. And I can assure you the only one with bruises at the end of the session is me. I’ve never won against her, even after all these years.”

The room is silent for a few moments until Nic finally speaks up, and I’ve never been more thankful for that man as I am right now.

“We all do what we have to in life to get through. I know you, Rem, and I trust you would never hurt a woman… ever. It’s not our place to judge you or your life choices. I don’t give a shit what you are doing, and to me, that’s a better outlet than turning to drugs or alcohol.”

“Thanks,” is all I can say, and I’m struggling to even look at the other two, but I know I need to own this. Turning back to them, I try to pull my shoulders back and appear strong, but it proves harder than I thought.

“I don’t get it, but I kind of want to meet her. Anyone who can beat the warrior man here, the one that protects us, must be some kickass woman.” I knew it. Flynn can’t help himself, and women in general fascinate him. But he has no idea what he is walking into, meeting Cherie. She’s nothing like the little London socialite women he seems to collect along the way. She would eat them for breakfast.

Deciding that I’m not going to tell him that tonight he will get his wish, I need to get the next secret out before I lose my courage.

“There is something else, and I’m not sure you will take it as easily, but this one I don’t care what you think, say, or want to do about it. It’s the only thing I would ever say is important enough to me that I will walk away from this job and all of you if it becomes a problem between us. I didn’t truly understand that until just now, but to be the best man to protect you, I need to put myself first which will make me a stronger person to be there for all of you.”

“Fuck, what is going on!” Forrest is now getting concerned. “We have each other’s backs no matter what, and you know that, so what the hell have you done?”

I take a deep breath and slowly breathe it out. “Elouise and I have been together ever since Scotland, and although there has been some drama between us the last few days, I intend to marry this woman one day soon if she’ll have me. Flynn, I didn’t ask for this to happen, and I’m sorry. I know you like her, but I couldn’t stop it. She’s mine, and I knew it the moment she asked me to kiss her in Rome. I would never step in front of you, but she has been clear from the beginning she isn’t interested in you.”

“Bastard!” Flynn jumps out of his seat and moves toward me.

“Hit me. I deserve it,” I demand, standing and not moving away. I keep my arms lowered and wait for a fist to connect. Flynn’s arm is up and moving, but from the corner of my eye, I see Forrest is moving from his seat and grabs Flynn’s arm.

Wrapping him up, he holds him back. “You hit him, so help me God, I will end you, little brother.” Forrest’s deep voice fills the room with the force he intends Flynn to understand. A voice I have never heard from Forrest. “She doesn’t want you, she never did. Back off, dickhead.”

“Me, why the fuck do I have to back off? He’s been fucking Lou behind my back this whole time and didn’t say a word. That’s a dog act. And she’s not the innocent woman I thought she was either. You don’t treat a friend like that. What, I suppose you both laughed at me every time I openly flirted with her? Wow, way to make me look like an idiot!” Flynn struggles out of Forrest’s hold and shakes himself, trying to tame his temper. Running his hands through his hair, he walks away toward the window, which is probably safer for both of us.

“Watch your mouth. You can say what you like about me, but don’t you dare disrespect El. She doesn’t deserve it.” He knows full well I will take him if he ever says a bad word about her.

“El, oh how fucking cute!” he huffs, and this time I’m moving toward him. This time it’s me that Forrest steps in front of, placing his hand on my chest.

“Enough!” Nic’s loud stern voice bellows through the room. “Sit the fuck down and listen.” He glares at both of us like he won’t take no for an answer.

Knocking Forrest’s hand off my chest, I step backward and sit in my chair but don’t get comfortable. I’m on the edge of it, ready for the next time Flynn wants to take me on. There is no holding back now. I meant what I said.

For the first time in my life, I will fight for a relationship and the woman I love. There are no ifs, and, or buts.

We are like two bulldogs on the opposite side of a fence, knowing we can’t move but growling and snarling at each other.

“This is exactly why Rem didn’t tell you, because he knew it would hurt you.” Nic looks at Flynn, making sure he has his full attention. “One day, Flynn, you will understand he had no choice on being with Lou. When she’s the one, nothing can stand between you, nothing! Not even a best friend. Now suck it up because it’s not changing, and I’m not losing any of you.” Before Flynn could open his mouth to reply, Nic has already turned to face me and starts again. When Nic speaks like this, you all shut up and listen.

“And you,” he says, pointing his finger at me. “Like I told you, fucking messy. Don’t keep fucking secrets from us. We might not like what you have to say, but the sooner we know, the sooner we get past it and move forward. That goes for you two as well,” he adds, glaring at Flynn and Forrest. “I didn’t choose my friends at random. I trust the three of you with my life, hell, with Victoria’s life, and I don’t do that easily. We are one unit, and nothing like this is going to change that. So, work it out now and bury it. If that means you two need some gloves and a boxing ring, then find it now. Beat the shit out of each other, get up, kiss and make up, and then get the fuck over it. We don’t have time for stupid shit right now. And if nothing tells you more how much Rem thinks of you, Flynn, the morning after we were all graced with your ass all over our news feed, Rem and Lou had a pretty big argument. He should have been home sorting that out with his woman, but instead, he has been here working, trying to fix this for you. His friend. The one whose back he always said he would have, and he has every single time. If their relationship doesn’t survive now, just know that is because he put you before himself.”

“Didn’t have to,” Flynn mumbles under his breath.

“No, he didn’t, but he did it anyway.” No one is speaking now, and Nic’s words are sinking in with all of us.

“If I fuck this up, that’s on me. Just like this, I let secrets come between us. I should have trusted her with my fears, but instead, it has led her to lose her trust in me. And that feels like a knife slicing open my heart, so damn painful. Take it from me, there will be no more secrets with anyone. This is who I am, laying it all out, even when it’s hard to do.” The aggression that was raging through my body is subsiding slightly, and I just hope they can forgive and accept the real me.

Again, the silence is deafening, and I just want to run from the room, but that’s not what I’ve chosen to do. I’m standing up and owning every part of my life.

Flynn huffs. “The last thing I will say on this matter is that if she wasn’t going to be with me, then at least she’s with someone I trust to take care of her. So, whatever the hell you’ve done, fix it, asshole. Seriously! Because if you let her go, then I will knock you out like you will deserve.” He almost growls his words at me.

“Understood… and I just want you to know we both tried so hard to resist this. But that’s a story for another day.” I’m almost pleading with him to forgive me. I know when the dust settles on all this, and it will, that Flynn will find El’s list of demands funny. It just might take a while.

A few more words from Nic and he tells both Forrest and me to leave, and I don’t hesitate to get out as quickly as I can. Forrest is right behind me. And all I can think of is that El is going to kill me for telling the boys without her knowing. Another battle to fight when we speak.

Walking down the corridor, I can tell Forrest wants to say something, but he just doesn’t know if he should. Not hesitating, I walk into his office in front of him, waiting for him to pass me and then closing the door.

“It’s now or never, man.” I look at him and wait.

“He’s a handful, but my brother is a good man. He will get past this and be happy for you. This last week has just been a lot.” Forrest is always so calm, and you don’t get much from him, but when he speaks, it’s direct and no waffling like Flynn.

“I know.” And I do. That’s why I didn’t want to say anything, but I couldn’t keep it to myself any longer. It was eating me up inside, and I knew when I woke up this morning it was time.

“One last thing. She’s a lucky woman, but you’re an even luckier man. Treat her like she deserves to be treated and there will never be another harsh word spoken from us.” He gives me that stern almost fatherly look.

“I promise, Forrest. With everything I am, I will protect her and love her until the day I die, and then some.” When he turns his back to me and walks to his desk, I know it’s time to go.

We all need space this afternoon to process before we sit down at a table with three hundred odd people all putting us under a microscope while we pretend that not a thing is wrong with any of us.

Nic keeps reminding me how messy I am. Well, bring on the messy!

“Holy shit, you weren’t kidding, you own a dress. I don’t just mean that it’s in your possession, but you know how to own a dress.” I’m standing next to the town car I hired for tonight to pick up Cherie. I wasn’t letting her find her own way there or walk into a room full of people she didn’t know without a friendly face.

“Oh, shut up. Surely you didn’t think I live my life in workout gear. I truly worry about you sometimes.” I can tell she is trying to use the confidence she has in the gym to dismiss the compliment I gave her.

“Shall we?” I motion for her to hop into the car so I can close the door and head to the function.

Walking around to get in the other side, my stomach twists again like it’s been doing all day. Three times I almost made it to my car to drive home and talk to El before tonight, but I have a feeling there is more at play than just what I want. Especially if Tori is involved. I couldn’t help myself and checked the tracker on Tori’s phone. It has shown her at my house all day, so there is something going on.

“Tell me about this Flynn guy. Does he know about me?” Cherie blurts out in a hurry, and I can tell the nerves are starting to kick in for her.

“I finally told them this morning who you are to me,” I say, looking at her across the seat from me.

“Wow, that’s huge, Rem. How did that feel?” I love how she asked how it affected me, not what they said. I may never box with her again, but I know she will always be there for me as a friend. Because that is what she is. She stopped being just my therapist years ago.

“At first like I was exorcising a demon, you know, the one I carry about hitting a woman, but once it was out, it was quite cathartic.”

Her face lights up with a smile of pride that she has in me, that finally after all the years of talking about it, I have finally done it. “I guess we are getting to the end of our sessions. You won’t need me anymore now that you have Elouise. She will be your sounding board, and good luck to her I say.” She laughs at me, trying to hide the sadness that we are both feeling.

“I think you’re right, but instead, I want you in my life, actually our life, as a dear friend. You will love El, and once she gets over that you aren’t my hooker, then I’m sure you two will become great friends.”

“What the actual fuck, Remington! Explain. Now!” She’s not laughing, and there’s panic, fear, anger, confusion, and every other emotion written all over her face as I start telling her what has happened over the last few days.

“You didn’t think all that might have been handy to know before I dressed up and got in a car with you tonight to face a scorned woman and her best friend? Damn it, Rem, I’m tough, but that is like putting raw meat in front of a couple of hungry bears. There’s no hiding from that frenzy.” She rolls her eyes at me, and I can see she would love to hit me right now and actually mean to hurt me.

“I’ve seen you stand up against far worse. You’ll be fine.”

“You don’t get it, do you. When I’m in my fight gear, I know how to face anything. But you stripped me bare and got me in this glittery thing that gives me no protection against any of this.” And all of a sudden, I feel terrible. I didn’t think of that. To me, Cherie is hard as steel, and I’ve never seen her any different. But she’s right, it’s always been in the safety of her environment. Not like this.

“Shit, sorry. You can say no, and we will turn this car around now and take you home.” I would never expect her to do anything that would upset her.

“Fuck no! But you owe me, big guy. Just remember that, and one day I will come calling to collect, and you won’t be able to say no.” And there she is, the fighter I know her to be. Shield up and ready to go into battle.

“Let’s get your woman back, and in the meantime, I’m about to hand a few men their asses when they least expect it. Tonight might be the most interesting night of my life to date, and that’s saying something.”

“Damn, what have I done now?”

Both of us laughing, I didn’t realize that the trip is over, and we are pulling up in front of the building where the function is being held. Cherie managed to take my mind off everything, even if only for a moment.

“You’ve given me a challenge, and you know how I love to win. So, buckle up, buddy.”

Christ, I’ve created a monster.

Okay, let’s do this. Let’s get my girl. Because my body is aching just knowing she is almost near.

ELOUISE

“I don’t know about this, Tori.” I’m standing with my eyes closed as she walks me toward the mirror, not letting me look at myself until now.

It’s been three hours here of a procession of people Tori organized to come to the house. First a massage which was divine, then hairdressers, makeup artists, and me trying not to freak out every five minutes. Blaise took it all in his stride mainly due to Sally being here to spend the day with him, which Tori of course had arranged without telling me.

The babysitter arrived fifteen minutes ago, and after settling her in with Blaise and giving her the rundown of the house, I’m now dressed and ready to see what I look like.

I have felt sick all day and wouldn’t have eaten anything if it wasn’t for Tori making me, and now, I’m even regretting that, because it feels like it’s about to come back up.

“Okay, take a deep breath and then open your eyes,” Tori whispers in my ear from behind me, and I’m almost too scared to do it.

But slowly, I raise my eyelids and don’t recognize the woman before me.

“Stunning. Just absolutely gorgeous.” I can hear the emotion in her voice as I’m still trying to come to terms with the makeover she has done on me.

“I can’t believe it,” I whisper to myself, my hands moving over my mouth in shock.

“I can. You never believed me when I told you how beautiful you were, even in your shabbiest clothes. But now maybe you will see what we all see, dressed up in a gown that leaves nothing to doubt. Time for the world to see the true queen you are.”

Feeling water welling in my eyes, I quickly fan myself because I can’t ruin the makeup now after all the effort that went into me looking like this.

“Don’t make me cry.” I turn and look at my best friend who has always believed in me.

“Okay, then I’ll tell you the truth, you look like shit tonight, bitch.” Tori’s words have the exact effect she was hoping for. I can’t help but laugh at the posh-looking redhead standing in front of me telling me how awful I look. My Tori is a woman of many talents.

Pulling the laughter back, I turn and take one last look in the mirror before I take my clutch from the bed and stand next to Tori, holding my arm out for her to take.

“Shall we?” Smiling at each other, we link arms and head downstairs to say good night to Blaise before we leave.

Walking into the lounge, Blaise looks up from coloring, and for the first time today, he stops talking and just stares at us. He’s so stunned that his English words are lost and all he can say to me in French is, “ Tu es si jolie, Elouise. Papa t’aimera ,” in his sweetest voice.

I crouch down to him as he comes to give me a cuddle, but he hesitates to touch me. Reaching for him, I wrap him in my arms and whisper in his ear, “ Je l’espère, chèrie. Je t’aime, Blaise, et merci .” To have him tell me that his Papa will love me hit me so raw. I wanted to promise to bring Papa home with me, but I know enough that you never promise a child something unless you know one hundred percent that you can deliver.

As we start walking to the front door, Tori asks me what Blaise said.

“He just said we both looked pretty.” I leave it at that. I want to keep that special moment for just Blaise and me.

Opening the front door, Nic is standing waiting for us, and he just smiles at me as he leans in to kiss his fiancé. I never doubted for a minute he would be here to escort us. There is no way he would let Tori go on her own, or me for that matter. Tori promised she wouldn’t tell Nic, but either she couldn’t help herself, which I expected, or Rem has told him, because the way he is looking at me right now, it’s obvious he knows everything.

In a way, that gives me a little comfort because he isn’t telling me not to do this.

“Good evening, beautiful ladies. I will be the envy of every man in the room with you both on my arm.” His deep Australian accent sounds so smooth as he tries to woo his soon-to-be wife. He puts out both his arms for us to each take one to be helped down the few steps.

“Pfft, not likely. Lou doesn’t need a man to walk her into the room. She is going to stride in there like she owns the place and claim her man,” Tori blurts out as I almost throw up in my mouth.

“We all know that’s not going to happen, but nice try, Tori,” I say, sliding into the back of the limousine and on to the opposite seat so Tori and Nic can sit together, I feel so out of place, even if I do look the part.

“Don’t you dare retreat into that shell of yours just yet. This is your Cinderella moment, and you better live it to its fullest.” Tori is waving her finger at me like crazy, trying to make her point.

“Great, so if I can’t sort Rem out by midnight, then I’m turning back into my usual pumpkin-looking self.” I roll my eyes at her.

Nic grins. “It’s almost seven pm, and I think if you make it to nine pm still clothed after Rem takes one look at you in that dress, then you’ll be doing well. I don’t think the midnight pumpkin hour will be a problem for you, Lou.” His subtle wink confirms what I need to know.

Nic absolutely knows everything.

I don’t know how I managed to walk from the car into the building, smiling at every person who greets us like I don’t have a care in the world. I tried to keep my head down as we walked past the wall of photographers and flashes blasting us. At other events I’ve been to there were some, but nothing like tonight, and I know it has a lot to do with Flynn. There was extra security greeting us at the car, and I know that would have been Rem’s doing, making sure we were safely ushered through the madness.

But now it’s time, and as I take my first step into the room, Tori leans toward me with the biggest smile, mouthing the words to me, “Go get your man.”

It’s like the whole world is standing still as I look across the ballroom and see Rem in his perfectly tailored tuxedo. More than ever, he takes my breath away.

Until the moment I see him lean down and talk into the ear of a woman that is standing very close to him.

Both of them laugh and smile, sharing what looks like to be an intimate moment.

She is gorgeous, blonde, and everything I’m not.

Suddenly I can’t breathe, and it’s not from his hot looks this time. And it’s not a figure of speech either, I literally can’t seem to get any oxygen into my lungs.

The moment he turns and our eyes meet, the room gets darker, and all I see is him running toward me as I start to fall.

No, this can’t be happening.

It’s not how my Cinderella moment was supposed to go.

This is not how everyone was supposed to notice me, but there’s not a thing I can do to stop it.

Don’t worry, Flynn, I’m about to become the next viral video on the internet of a woman making a fool of herself, to knock you off the most-streamed views.

I suppose you call that karma.