Chapter 6
“We need to talk.” Sophia found the Duke as he was exiting the washroom, and she stood herself right in his way so that he had nowhere to go.
Her sudden appearance clearly caused surprise. The Duke, always cool and collected, started at the sight of her. But it was only for a moment, a blink of the eye, before he found composure and fell back into the rhythms that she was becoming far too familiar with.
“Miss Sophia Ashbury…” The Duke leaned against the doorway and folded his arms. “Following me into the washroom, are we? How very scandalous of you.”
Sophia was expecting him to tease her, so she was prepared for his remark. “I am doing no such thing. As I said, we need to talk. Right now, if it pleases you.”
“And if it doesn’t?”
She blinked. “Ah… I… I would prefer if we were able to right now, if it –”
“If it pleases me, yes,” he chuckled. “I heard you.” He was smirking again, and his amber eyes brimmed with humor that he wasn’t trying to hide. “Very well, what is it that you wish to speak of?”
“Might we…” She looked up and down the empty hallway. “Go somewhere more private?”
“Here is fine.”
The side of her lip twitched with frustration, but she smothered it quickly. The Duke wanted to upset her. He wanted her annoyed. That was how he had unsettled her last evening, and she could not allow it to happen again.
“As you say.” Sophia straightened and forced herself to look at him. “It concerns last evening.”
“Last evening…” He frowned in confusion. “Which aspect of last evening are you referring to?”
Again, she felt the brimming of anger. And again, she smothered it. “I think you know…” She raised both eyebrows at him, and he continued to frown in ignorance. “Last evening, when you are I… we were alone… outside on the balcony… and I…” She swallowed. “I did something that I should not have.”
He rubbed his chin. “I am afraid I have no idea what you are talking about.”
“Yes, you do.”
“I am at a loss,” he chuckled. “You might have to speak more clearly, lest I remain lost forever.”
Her leg was shaking. Her palms were sweaty. Be calm, Sophia. He is only trying to upset you. Do not let him…
“Concerning our…” She cleared her throat, glanced around to make sure they were alone, and dropped her voice. “Concerning our kiss.”
“Our kiss?” he continued to frown.
“Yes…” She widened her eyes at him. “Last evening, when I…” She grimaced.
“When I kissed you…” He still looked confused and for a moment, Sophia wondered if the entire thing had been in her head.
“You do remember, don’t you? We were outside, arguing, and I…
in a moment of… I was not thinking… and that was when I…
and you… we…” She stammered through the explanation, more than aware of the sweat forming on her brow.
The Duke broke into a smug grin. “Yes, yes, I remember…” He laughed and shook his head. “I just wanted to hear you say it. And then make you say it again.”
She glared at him. “Whatever for?”
He shrugged. “It amuses me. Clearly, it does not have the same effect on you.”
It took every ounce of self-control that Sophia had to not explode.
Where she had spent all morning wrecked with panic, it looked to her eyes that the Duke was not in the least affected by what happened.
Did he not care? Or was this just something that happened so often he did not see the point thinking about it?
Sophia took a calming breath, reminding herself why she was here. Get through this and then it will be over. And then you will never have to think about the Duke again.
“I wish to apologize,” she said with much calm. “I was wrong to have done as I did, and I pray that you forgive me.”
“Forgive you?” He leaned back. “Why on earth would I do that?”
She blinked. “Because… because I kissed you without asking. I attacked you –”
“Is that how you see it?” he laughed.
“I was wrong,” she said defiantly. “I should not have done as I did, and I sought you just now to apologize so that we might both put it behind us.” Her defiant gaze softened. “Please, I need us to put this behind us. I can’t… I cannot allow for this to get out. It would ruin me.”
“So, you aren’t sorry at all?”
“What?”
He tilted his head as he looked at her. “It is not forgiveness you seek, but absolution. You said so yourself.”
“Can’t it be both? I did the wrong thing, I admit it. And now I am asking that you both forgive me and see it in your heart to move on.”
“Interesting choice of word,” he mused with a smile. “Heart. Were we not speaking of this just last night? Or rather, your lack of heart and passion? The very reason you sought to…” He chuckled further. “To attack me. As if you needed to prove that I was wrong.”
“That is not why I did it at all.”
“Then why did you?” he asked sharply. “You may apologize. You may beg for forgiveness. But answer me that. Why did you kiss me in the first place?”
Sophia opened her mouth to respond.
In her mind, she had a whole list of reasons. That it was a mistake. That she was not thinking. That the Duke somehow tricked her! But she closed her mouth as those answers filtered through, because not a single one truly explained what had been going through her head at the time.
What does he want me to say? That I wanted to prove him wrong? That his accusations of my reserved nature had me wanting to show him differently? That for the first time ever I stopped trying to present myself as a perfect lady, letting my heart take over, and that was the result?
The Duke chuckled lightly. “As I thought. What you did was not a mistake at all, but a protest. I struck a nerve inside of you and that was the result. A rather surprising one at that.”
“That is not… you do not know…” She stammered pathetically, unable to look at him.
“Would you feel better if I told you how impressed I was?” the Dule continued. “Because I was. Truly, Miss Sophia, I did not think you had it in you.”
“I did not do it to impress you.”
“You did it because you could…” He took a sudden step toward her, and she fought the urge to stumble back.
“Because deep down there is a rebellious side of you that has spent a lifetime wanting to be released. You have a reputation, one that is well earned, but it is not who you are. And last night, you proved it.”
“No…” She could not look at him. But she could feel him standing over her, and she could feel his eyes watching her closely for a reaction. Anything he could latch onto to test her further. “That is not who I am.”
“A shame,” he said. “Because I rather liked that side. It proved that you are human. Better than that, it proved that you have what it takes to be real.”
Her heart was racing now, brought about by his words which struck something deep inside of her. She knew their meaning. She knew their truth. She just did not want to admit it… she did not want to accept how right he was.
How can I? If I do that, my entire life will be a lie. Everything I have done, worked toward, for nothing. I will not accept that about myself. I cannot!
“Perhaps I should be the one to apologize,” he said.
Her head snapped up. “Excuse me?”
“I am sorry, Miss Sophia.” He looked at her earnestly. “If last night was truly an error in character, and that is not the real you, then the fault lies with me. I was rude, I was abrasive, and your actions are a reflection of my character, not your own.”
“That is…” She blinked with confusion, certain it was a trap. “That is very kind.”
“May I ask you something? Before we part ways never to see one another again.”
“Of course…” She leaned back, bracing for whatever this was. He was smirking again, his eyes were laughing, and she knew that whatever he said, she had to deny him.
“Are you happy?”
“Excuse me?” she started in surprise.
“Are you happy?” he said again. “And I don’t mean in the classic sense.
I mean with…” He clicked his tongue as he considered.
“With your life and how it has turned out. How strictly you behave. How controlled you are. I don’t believe for a moment that you are who you try so hard to be, and I can’t help but wonder what pretending like that does to a person. ”
“Of course I am happy. How can you ask me that?”
“Just curious…” There was a knowing twinkle in his eyes, as if he could see right through her. “I did not mean to attack you last evening. All I did, was try and bring out a side in you that I suspected was hidden.”
“You do not know me.”
“I do though.” He took another step closer and she gasped.
“I heard you play. I saw the struggle as you tried desperately to control your urges. There is another side to you, Miss Sophia, and I wonder what that side might be like, was it allowed freedom. Although…” He smiled.
“I suppose I saw that firsthand, did I not?”
Sophia’s breathing was heavier than she realized. Her heart too, that thumped painfully. She was alone with Duke, he was standing right over her, and suddenly she was transported back to last evening.
There were many things about the Duke that she did not like.
He was rude. He was abrasive. He was arrogant and a know-it-all.
But he was also right… and that was the reason for how she was feeling.
Everything he said was accurate, and it wasn’t until she was faced with this truth that it stared so clearly in her face.
She wasn’t happy. At least not like she wanted to be.
As much as she loved her life and all that she was, she knew deep down that there was another side of her.
One that had been controlled and subdued and hidden.
One that she refused to accept for fear of who she would become.
There was so much more to her than she had ever dared to dream…
and now that it was brought to her attention, she could not fathom how she had managed to ignore it for so long.
There must have been something on her face that told the Duke what she was thinking.
“There it is,” he purred gently. “The spark of realization.”
She shook her head. “I… you are wrong about me.”
“No, I don’t think that I am.” He studied her for a moment and she tried to meet his eyes, only to bow her head as if in shame. He was just so confident and assured, so damn certain of who he was. “And now that I know it, I have a question… and please, when I ask it, think seriously on the matter.”
“A question?” she asked, still looking down.
“It will shock you, no doubt. It might cause you to…” He laughed. “I am not even sure. But know that I ask this with full sincerity. No jokes. No japes. Honesty only.”
Silence fell between them, and she could feel the Duke watching her.
Slowly, ever so carefully, she looked up.
She found his eyes and she saw in them the sincerity, as well as the seriousness of the moment.
They were alone in the hallway, but it felt as if they were alone in the whole world.
As if everything had stopped suddenly, focused on them right now in the moment.
Her breathing was heavy… “What? What are you going to ask me?”
“It is quite simple really.” Slowly, he took her hand. She gasped and went to pull away, but he hung on tight and pulled it into his chest. “Miss Sophia Ashbury, I was wondering if you might do me the honor of marrying me?”