Chapter 25 #2
“I know what you told me you wanted,” she said. “When we first married, the reasons given, those I am aware of. But so much has changed since then, Gabriel. Surely, you can see that? And I want to know, have you changed as this marriage has? Or am I wasting my time?”
“Sophia…” He took a tentative step towards her. “Wasting your time? I don’t know what you mean.”
“I have been thinking.” She swallowed back the lump in her throat. Her hands shook and her body started to sweat. “These past weeks have been wonderful, but they aren’t enough. And should we continue, I need to know if it is worth it. Where are we going? And how long is it going to take?”
“Should we continue?” He leaned back in confusion. “Are you suggesting that you might wish to end our arrangement?”
“Do I need to?” she pushed back. “I know what I said I wanted, Gabriel. I know where we began. But things have changed. I have changed. And I need to know, have you changed? Are you capable of such a thing?”
A shadow of understanding passed behind his eyes. “You wish to know if this marriage will develop into something more. A love match.”
“I want to know if you want it to.”
“Where did this come from?” he asked. “Why now? Have things not been going well? Are we not in a good place?”
There was a part of Sophia that wanted to tell him. She wanted to explain what she had heard in the washroom, what Clarissa had said, and how it sat on her subconscious.
If she did that, however, she feared it might give him a way out. A chance to lie to her again. Once he knew what was in her heart, he could easily manipulate it.
“I thought we were.” She dropped her voice and looked away. “And I want to believe it. But I need to hear you say it. Has this marriage reached its end? Or do you have more to give? Do you even want to?”
She knew what he was going to say, even before he said it.
It was the way he looked at her that gave him away.
The pain behind his eyes. How he could not look at her directly.
The change that took her husband in that moment was palpable, a sudden dispassion that was emblematic of the man she once knew.
Gabriel’s expression hardened and he straightened his stance. The emotion behind his eyes vanished, and when Sophia looked at him, she did not recognize the man who she was falling in love with.
“You knew what this marriage was, Sophia,” he said. “When I offered it, I told you exactly what was expected. And you accepted that. You even wanted it.”
“Things change,” she said, but without conviction.
“Things do,” he agreed. “But I do not. I am who I am, and you knew that going in. In fact, I had assumed that was why you said yes in the first place.” He cleared his throat. “You wanted freedom, and I wanted a convenient marriage. That is all this ever was and will be.”
Her heart cracked down the middle, and it was all Sophia could do not to shy away and crumple into a heap on the floor. “So…” Her voice cracked with sadness. “That’s it? This marriage. It is… this is as far as it will go?”
“It is as far as it was ever supposed to go. You knew that.”
“I thought…”
“You have changed.” A smile touched his lips, as if he was proud. But he smothered it and turned stern again. “And I am so proud of you for it. Ironically, because you have changed, perhaps this marriage is no longer feasible.”
“Gabriel…” Her chin began to wobble, and she wanted so much to go to him. But doing so would do her no good. She knew that now.
“I am sorry, Sophia.” He sounded like he meant it. “I never wanted to hurt you. But you deserve someone who is capable of feeling… who has access to such emotions as that. It simply isn’t me. I’m sorry.”
They stood across the foyer from one another; a distance of maybe ten feet but it felt like double that. Gabriel stood tall, hands by his side, and there might as well have been a brick wall in front of him for how unreachable he looked.
Sophia was breaking inside. The truth… she had expected it. She had known her questions would lead there. But there was a part of her that hoped it might be different because as much as she had changed, she knew too that Gabriel had also. Even if he refused to admit it.
“What now?” Sophia said.
“I am not sure.”
She sniffed back the tears and nodded once. “You are right, Gabriel. This marriage was for a singular purpose and now that this purpose has been served I…” She choked on the lump in her throat, barely able to swallow it back. “I do not see the point in my staying here.”
“You’re leaving?”
“Unless you can think of a reason for me not to?” It was a final plea. A final chance for Gabriel to understand where this was going and to stop it.
If he does care for me, this is it. Somewhere, deep inside, I know he does, and right now I need him to realize it. To accept it. To admit who he really is.
“No…” He looked away. “There is no reason. I promised you freedom and this is it. You are…” He cleared his throat. “You are free to go. I will not stop you.”
Sophia wanted to cry, but she did not want to do it in front of Gabriel. Her tears would have no effect on him and would thus be a waste. More than that, she didn’t want her tears to be the reason he changed his mind.
“As you say…” Sophia pointed her chin and looked upon Gabriel for the last time. It was a look that a stranger might give to someone who entered their home, dismissive and unsure. Gabriel found her eyes, matched it in kind, and that was his final response.
Sophia turned and walked away. Slow up the staircase, was there a chance that Gabriel would call out to her? Maybe… but he did not take it. He watched her go, surely knowing that once she did there would be no turning back.
That he did not stop her was proof enough that this was the right decision. Sophia’s marriage was over, and it was time she accepted it, moved on from it, and started her life anew.