Chapter 26
It took Gabriel longer than he was proud to admit that he had made a terrible mistake. But that just spoke to how stubborn he was.
Sophia left his home the same night that he told her this marriage had reached its end point, and he worked as hard as he could to convince himself that this was the right decision. The only decision, as he saw it.
She knew what this marriage was. She agreed to it! Why now? Why did she have to complicate things? This is her fault, not mine!
He went to bed that night with a forced smile on his face.
Again and again, he repeated in his head the conversation they’d had, determined to believe that he had done nothing wrong.
Things were going so well, they had both seemed to understand the place they were in, and there had been no need to try and escalate.
In fact, Gabriel was convinced that she wanted him to shut her down. Yes… that is why she had said those things. She did not want more from this marriage, and she feared that he might, so she knew that by broaching the topic that he would have no choice but to deny her and force her to leave.
In many ways, he was doing her a favor…
The smile he wore as he went to bed did little to make him feel better, and it certainly did little to provide him a good night of sleep. He tossed and he turned, unable to escape the look of utmost heartbreak and pain that his wife had worn the last time he saw her.
Even still, when he woke the following morning, Gabriel managed to convince himself that things were for the best. He rose with the sun, he bathed and dressed himself promptly, he then made his way to the breakfast room with a view that as the day wore on, he would feel better about his decision. He had to.
It was when he reached the breakfast room that everything changed.
There was a single place set at the head of the table and at the sight of that singular setting, Gabriel balked. He stumbled back. A cold sweat broke across his brow and he started to shake.
Ordinarily, Sophia would be awake by now.
She would either be here waiting for him, or he would be able to hear her getting ready.
It was surprising, the difference that a single person could make in a house, how much fuller it felt with just the one more body drifting through.
That body was gone now, and its lack of presence was startling.
You are imagining things… reaching for answers that you do not need. You are happy that she is gone – damn thrilled! This is best for the both of us.
Gabriel forced himself to take a seat. Just as he forced himself to pretend that everything was normal.
Not so long ago, this was common, and Gabriel had coveted his private time as if it was gold.
He liked being alone. He liked being able to do as he pleased, not having to think about anybody else. This is who he was!
Make a plan for today. Keep yourself busy. Remember why you have been single your entire life and why this marriage was never supposed to work.
It had been less than a month since they married but Gabriel struggled to remember what he used to do before he and Sophia wed. How had he spent his time? How had he kept busy? What was it like to be single? He had no idea.
So it was that he spent the morning drifting aimlessly through the house.
Again, he ran through their argument, and again he told himself he had done the right thing. In fact, he tried to find a semblance of anger somewhere within, convinced that Sophia had manipulated him. If she had just let things go as they were going, this never would have happened.
Why did she ambush me like that? We were in a good place. She must have known what I would say. What did she expect to happen?
It wasn’t even midday yet and Gabriel found himself standing in a random room of the house, turning on the spot, no idea what to do with himself.
He had work he could focus on but could not bring himself to do it.
He had friends he could visit, but the idea of doing such reviled him.
He could read. He could go for a ride. He could do anything that he wanted!
Sadly, as he was starting to realize, he did not want to do any of those things.
Not alone. Not without someone to come home to, to talk to his day about, to enjoy the company of.
He had not realized how much he coveted Sophia’s company, and now that he no longer had it, his entire world felt like a castle built on sand.
Gabriel had changed. And this new version, that which he did not want but could not escape from, missed his wife. It really was that simple.
“Your Grace, you have a visitor.” The butler stood in the doorway to Gabriel’s office.
Gabriel snapped his head up, an unexpected flutter of excitement rippling through his body. He had been trying to work all day, convinced that if he sat down at his desk and forced himself, that he would be able to forget his mood and move on.
It was not going well.
“A visitor?” Gabriel perked up… hope felt deep in his core. It was stupid, and he knew it was impossible, but he dared to imagine that it might be Sophia. “Who is it?”
“It is Lady Clarissa Harwood, Your Grace,” the butler said.
“Oh…” Gabriel slunk down in his chair, his good mood plummeting as quickly as it had come on.
“Shall I tell her that you are busy?”
He very nearly said yes. With his mood the way it was, the last thing Gabriel wanted was to spend time with anybody. And seeing as he and Lady Clarissa had a history, he knew too how fraught with danger such a situation would be. And… how wrong.
But why would it be wrong? Technically, I can spend time with whom I want. I do not need permission. I do not need to feel guilty. Sophia was the one who left, not the other way around.
It was funny to think, but there was a time not so long ago where spending time with a single lady was exactly what Gabriel would do to make himself feel better.
He was known for it. A rake of the highest order, the actions of a scoundrel were synonymous with his name.
Dammit, he used to enjoy that about himself.
Deep down in the darkness that was his soul, he had no desire to return to that state of being.
He wanted to wallow in self-pity and malign himself for his actions.
But he also wanted to move on, to forget Sophia, and to remember what life used to be like.
He wanted to return to his old self again… or so he kept telling himself.
Gabriel had no designs on Lady Clarissa.
What had once excited between them both amounted to little more than a fling, and now they were merely friends, as well as doing some business together.
He was sure too that she knew this, and her reason for being here had everything to do with this business.
She is a friend is all, and a friend is exactly what I need right now.
“No, no,” Gabriel told the butler. “Tell her I will be down in one moment.”
“Your Grace.” The butler bowed and hurried from the room.
Gabriel took a moment then to center himself. To remind himself of who he was. He did not need Sophia. He did not need her permission for anything. And he certainly did not need to think about her and what she would say if she learned that Lady Clarissa was here to see him.
Once he was ready, he made his way downstairs.
Lady Clarissa stood in the foyer waiting for him.
She was dressed in half-dress, the type that would be worn to a garden party or a promenade.
She was a beautiful woman, and she knew it.
Fully lips. Sparkling eyes. A curvaceous body that she used to full effect.
Once, Gabriel had coveted and enjoyed it in equal measures. Now… he really did not care.
“Lady Clarissa,” he greeted grandly as he started down the staircase. “This is a surprise.”
“A pleasant one, I hope.” She beamed when she saw him coming, and when he reached the bottom of the staircase she swept toward him. “I meant to send word ahead but thought I would take a chance that you are not busy.”
“You caught me at a good time.” He took her hand and planted a kiss on the back.
“Wonderful,” she said with a smile that was knowing, as if she somehow knew… No, that is impossible. “I assumed that you might be preoccupied with your wife.”
Gabriel’s chest tightened. “Ah, yes, my wife…” He gave his head a shake and smiled. “She is out today. So, it is just me.”
“Home alone.” She clicked her tongue. “That is a devastating state of affairs, on a day such as this one. Have you been outside today?”
“Not yet.”
“That settles it then.” She took his hand. “We are going for a walk.”
“Oh…” He leaned back and tried to pull his hand free, but she hung on. “I don’t know if I…”
“Nonsense.” She laughed and slapped playfully at his chest. “It has been so long since you and I have spent time together, Your Grace. I have so missed your company.” She looked at him expectantly.
“As I have missed yours,” he said with some indecision.
“And there we have it.” She cocked an eyebrow at him. “A walk is what we need. Unless there is a reason we cannot?”
Technically, there was no reason. Even when Gabriel and Sophia were in a better place than they were right now, he was free to do as he wished – that was the entire point of this marriage! It was not a love match. It was not real. He was his own man, and that was never up for debate.
Yet guilt swirled through his gut so that he felt it like razor blades tumbling through his intestines. Blood pulsed through his body so that he grew warm and started to sweat. He was doing nothing wrong, but it felt like he was.
“Th – that sounds like a good idea.” He firmed himself and pushed down the morose feelings that attacked him. “A walk, and a chance to catch up.”