Chapter 10 #2
“Might you?” she asked. “How was it that you came into possession of a child? Who is the mother? Who is the father, in fact?”
It was a fair question, and Marcus could not begrudge her for asking it.
While he meant to tell her, for she had a right to know, he was swarmed with a sudden impulse of anger that he could not explain.
Was it guilt? Was it shame? Was it because he had palmed this child off on somebody else when he should have been looking after the child himself?
“That is not important,” he said.
“But –”
“It is not important,” he growled unintentionally. Lucy reared back, he sighed with embarrassment, and an awkward silence descended upon them.
But what else is new?
Once again, Marcus conceded how ill-planned this entire endeavor was. He was not ready to be a father, and he was certainly not ready to be a husband. While he knew what he had to do to fix it, he wasn’t sure that he could.
“Onto my next point.” He cleared his through, cutting through the silence. “When I proposed this marriage, I spoke of a deal. If you remember?”
“I do.”
“I asked that you act as a mother to James, providing him with care as he deserves and, in exchange, you will be given your freedom. Or, as much freedom as is possible, all things considered. I did not marry you to trap you. I do not intend to subjugate you to my will and my whims. This is a marriage of convenience, and I expect it to stay that way.”
“Good…” She narrowed her eyes as she looked at him. “Although, I would like to know what that means.”
“It means what I have just said.”
“No,” she emphasized. “What you offered me were vagaries. When you say that I will have my freedom, does that mean that I can do as I like? If I wish to leave the home, see my friends, go shopping… or anything else that I please, that I will not have to ask permission from you.”
“So long as what you plan will not call our marriage into disrepute. That is the key, and I am glad that you brought it up. While you live inside these walls, your life is your own, and I do mean that.” He was sure to look at her, so that she could see the truth of his words reflected in his eyes.
“But when you step outside of this home, you are still my wife, and everything you do must reflect that.”
“So, I must behave, is what you are saying.”
“Are you capable of such a thing?”
“Are you?” she shot back.
He scoffed and leaned forward, folding his hands on the table.
“That is the other thing that we must discuss. This marriage will only work so long as the ton believes it. We married in haste, people tend to talk, and if there is even a sense that our marriage was brought through ill-means, it might ruin everything.”
“That is where you and I differ…” She folded her hands on the table to match him. “In my eyes, everything is already ruined.”
“I do not care about that,” he said. “All I care about is James. His life and future are now directly linked to my reputation, which you have become a part of. So, I expect you to do your part and maintain the ruse that is this marriage.”
“Ah, yes,” she said. “That we are desperately in love and happy.”
“In a sense,” he said. “Look…” He exhaled deeply, softening his tone. “I know that you are not happy with all that has happened. And believe me, I am not happy either.”
“At least we have that in common.”
“But if this is to work, we need to learn to live with one another.” His stare was flat.
“While I suspect that most of our lives in these walls will be spent apart, there will be times that we will be together. And once we leave this house, attending functions and galas, we will be together. Our associates, our friends, will see us, and when they do, they need to believe the lie we have spun.”
“And how are we to do that?”
“Through patience,” he said. “Through understanding. Through the realization that neither of us are happy, while neither of us are at fault. We might never learn to like one another, but I am sure that we can learn to be companionable. At the very least, I would appreciate it if you did not buck and snarl at everything I said.”
“I do not buck and snarl!”
He cocked an eyebrow at her.
She grimaced and leaned back. “Well… not at everything you say.”
“Lucy…” On instinct, Marcus pushed back his chair and stood.
Then, he walked around the desk and sat on its end so that he faced her.
She leaned back, put off by how close he was.
“I am not your enemy. And I am certainly not deserving of your ire. All I want is for James to be raised in a home that is not a veritable nightmare. I know too well what that is like, and it leaves scars on a person deeper than any blade could ever hope to carve.”
He had not meant to speak so personally. In fact, Marcus would have been happy if Lucy never learned a single thing about his childhood home and his parents. But he needed to get through to her, just as he needed her to understand how important this was to him.
James will not be raised in a household like the one I was raised in. He deserves better… and I am determined to see it done.
Surprisingly, Lucy did not scoff or roll her eyes or give him a look of argument. Rather, her green eyes softened, and he saw pity pass behind them.
“I… I do not mean to be so hostile,” she spoke softly and looked away as if with shame. “Truly, it is not something I am trying to do.”
“You might have fooled me.”
She chuckled bitterly. “I am still coming to terms with what has happened, and in lieu of answers, I find myself reverting to that which I know.” She shook her head. “Stubborn immaturity.”
“I think we can both admit to being guilty of that.”
She laughed softly and the tension between them melted just a little bit.
“Let us try.” Not thinking, but sensing it was the right thing to do, Marcus reached forward and rested a hand on her shoulder. She tensed, but she did not push it away. “I want you to be comfortable here, Lucy. Just as I want this to work…” He laughed. “However such a thing might look like.”
She eyed his hand on her shoulder and then, slowly, her stare rose to meet his eyes. They were no longer hostile. They were no longer angry. He saw hope in them, a sense that she agreed with his words… that she was willing to admit that he was right.
“I will try,” she said, her smile unsure. “I promise. Also… I am sorry for how I have acted so far.”
“As am I.”
They smiled at one another. They shared the moment. It was surprisingly warm, and comfortable in ways that Marcus did not know were possible.
For the first time since he had met Lucy, he dared to believe that this marriage, that the two of them, might work.
His hand still on her shoulder, he gave it a gentle squeeze. In a truly shocking response, she reached up and rested her hand on top. He froze, her touch sending a pulse through his arm. She seemed to realize it, or maybe she felt it too, because she quickly dropped her hand and looked away.
“Is that all?” she said, now unable to look at him.
Marcus lowered his hand and stood, and then he took a step back. As comfortable as that moment was, her touch had shattered it, and his skin burned where her hand had touched his own.
What was that…
“We are,” he said, turning and going back to his seat. “And thank you for being so understanding.”
“And thank you,” she said. “For being honest. In truth, until now, I assumed you had been lying to me.”
“I thought you might have assumed as much.”
She laughed softly as she stood. “It is nice to know that the man I met at that patronage, the things he said…” An awkward smile touched her lips, she glanced at him, then looked away. “That he was real.”
Lucy turned and hurried from the room.
Once she was gone, Marcus breathed a sigh of relief. That conversation had gone far better than he hoped, and he allowed a flicker of belief that this marriage might not be such a dire thing after all.
All the while, his hand continued to burn where she had touched it. Why it did, he did not dare consider. For now, they were of the same mind, wanting the same thing, and that would have to be enough.
As for what might come next? It was strange to admit but Marcus was curious to find out. Why, he might have even said that he was excited…