Chapter 14 #2
“It is not begging,” he said carefully, tempering his rage which boiled inside of him. “You speak of what you do not know.”
“I know women,” she argued. “I know a sad, lonely woman when I see one. And that is your wife.” She turned and pointed toward the door. “Oh sure, she is a fine actor, and she has her lines well rehearsed. But they wear thin and I see through them like glass.”
Marcus groaned. “What did she say exactly?”
“It is what she didn’t say that matters.”
“You speak in riddles.”
“I speak in harsh truths.”
He groaned and ran a hand through his hair. Then he put down the quill, sat himself up, folded his hands, and looked right at his sister. Her expression was typically defiant, all fire and brimstone, but he ignored it.
“We have discussed this already, you and I. As have Lucy and I, for that matter. This marriage is merely a business agreement, two parties coming to terms that are agreeable and benefitting us both. She did not want to marry, nor did I, but we had no choice –”
“And now you have a chance to make it so much more.”
“What we choose to make of it is none of your business,” he growled. “Lucy wanted her freedom, and I wanted a mother for James. We have both gotten what we desired and there is nothing else to be said.”
“Have you asked her this?” Honoria demanded. “Have you spoken since this so-called agreement was reached.”
“We have.”
“And?”
Marcus hesitated… which itself was a problem.
It was easy for Marcus to tell himself that things were going exactly as they needed to. For one whole week, he and Lucy had been man and wife, and for one whole week, everything had run smoothly and without any issues worth noting.
However, and this was why Marcus hesitated, he was not sure how sustainable such a mode of living truly was.
More than once, his mind went back to the day at the lake, when he and Lucy had been forced to pretend that they were in love. It was but a few hours spent together, and easily the best few hours of this marriage so far.
He found in those few hours that he rather liked his wife’s company.
When they were speaking honestly, when they were speaking openly, and when they stopped pretending, they had enjoyed themselves beyond what he thought was possible.
She was fun. She was funny. She brought out a side of him that had long since lain dormant.
There was clearly a connection between them… more than what was seen on the surface… a sense that if they tried, they might be able to turn this marriage into something real.
Real? What does that even mean? Marriage is not real, at least not how the story books say it is. Marriage is a contract, done for a purpose, and we have achieved that purpose. What else could there be?
“I appreciate your concern,” Marcus started carefully as his sister glared at him. “And I will take what you have said into account.”
“You should do more than –”
“But this is between me and my wife,” he spoke over her. “What we have right now works. To you, it might appear sterile and boring, but I assure you it is anything other than that.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Do you promise to leave right after?”
She looked at him flatly. “Are you happy, Marcus?”
He blinked, caught by surprise at the question. “Happy? What does that have to do with anything?”
“I will take that as a no.” She sighed deeply, stood from her chair, and looked upon him with pity. “You are not our father, Marcus, and she is not our mother. You can have so much more than they ever did, if you will only try.”
“I do not want –”
“And Lucy…” She shook her head with sadness.
“Yes, your wife. She is strong. She will do as you ask her, I have no doubt. But how will it be in six months from now… one year… ten? What will you tell yourself when you are old and grey and alone, asking why you are, when you had a chance at real happiness, right there for the taking. So close that if you were brave enough, you could take it.”
“You are being awfully dramatic, Sister.”
“I am being real,” she said, her expression still pain-filled and wrought with worry.
“Maybe you’re right, and the arrangement you have is for the best?
But what if you are wrong? What if…” She dared to smile.
“What if this marriage could be so much more, but you were too scared to give it a chance? Have you thought about that?”
Marcus did not know what to say.
He wanted to believe that this marriage was perfect the way that it was, that it could work because it had so far. And he certainly did not want to consider that he should be trying for that which he never wanted in the first place… love and happiness.
Am I wrong to be so stubborn? Does Lucy deserve more… do I deserve more?
“I will not push you.” Honoria turned and started toward the door.
“All I ask is that you consider the possibility that your wife is not a business partner, and that you are not our parents.” She reached the doorway and turned around, fixing him with a final look of sorrow.
“You do not have to fall in love. You do not have to live happily ever after. All you must do is try. Who knows what will happen if you do.” She smiled a final time, bowed her head, and left Marcus alone.
He was alone too, and never had it felt as it did right then. Married, somehow still alone, and it would stay that way unless he changed it. If he dared to try…