Chapter 20 #2
“You’re home.” The voice came from behind, spoken softly, but it sounded like the boom of a canon.
Marcus felt, rather than heard, the tenor of the voice. It stabbed him in the back, opened him up, and left him to bleed out. There was pain in that voice, as well as anger. Worst of all, there was apathy, a sense of distance from the speaker as if she did not even want an answer.
He forced himself to straighten. Then he forced a neutral expression on his face. And only then, when he was ready, did he turn.
“I am,” he said simply. “I am surprised to see you are awake.”
Lucy stood in the foyer. She wore a nightrobe, her hair was left to fall freely over her shoulders, and her milky skin shone in the dark. She looked beautiful, so innocent, so pure, and Marcus hated himself a little bit more for how much he had hurt her.
Someone as beautiful as she does not deserve any of this…
“I could not sleep,” she said without emotion. “So, I thought to have a warm glass of milk.”
He winced at her words, memories of just two nights ago washing over him. Had she done it on purpose? Was she trying to remind him of what had almost happened? Does she even care anymore?
“I hope it helps,” he said simply. “Now, if you do not mind…” He turned to walk back up the stairs, desperate to escape.
“How did everything go?” she asked quickly, forcing him to stop again.
“Excuse me?” He did not turn around.
“Your business meeting,” she said. “It sounded rather urgent, and I pray that nothing is the matter.”
Marcus frowned to himself, wondering why she was asking. He doubted that she cared at all. Likely, her plan was to twist the knife already lodged in his back, forcing him to admit his lies and tell her the truth of it.
She knows why I cancelled today. Why is she so persistent? What does she want from me?
Marcus was not used to showing emotions, or dealing with them, for that matter. They were anathema to him, so the idea that she might want to talk was frightening as well as awkward.
He straightened his shoulders and turned once more. “It was urgent, just as it had the potential to be dire. Luckily, the crisis was averted.” It was that, thanks to a hard day of work. Not that Marcus cared one bit. “Thank God I was able to host the meeting on such short notice.”
Her upper lip curled but she was quick to smother it. “I am glad to hear it. Just as I am glad to hear that your priorities are not misplaced.”
“You know what my priorities are, Lucy. I have never lied to you about that.”
“I know what you say they are.” She walked to the base of the steps, never once looking away from him. And while he saw the coldness in her eyes, he thought he saw something else… is that hope? “I just do not know if I believe them.”
He scoffed. “Believe what you wish. The simple fact is, I was honest with you when I told you why I wished for this marriage. Just as I was honest when I told you what I expected from it. That has not changed.”
“Only because you will not let it,” she pushed. “Change is not a bad thing, Marcus. I do not see why you –”
“I do not care what you see,” he spoke over her, his voice sharper than he meant. Not done on purpose, but he was on the back foot, like a cat backed into a corner and forced to lash out. “What I care about is what we agreed on.”
“Remind me…” Her eyes narrowed. “What was that again? You have changed your mind so many times now that it is hard to keep up.”
“Boundaries,” he said, matching the coldness of her voice. “You would raise James, I would continue my life as I have been doing, and the only reason that you and I need ever spend time together is in public. And only then, so that we might fool the ton into thinking that we are happy.”
She scoffed. “It is lucky then that you are such an adept liar. You are sure to fool everyone.”
He clenched his jaw. “As I said, I never lied to you.”
“You did,” she said sharply. “You’re just to… to stubborn and stupid to see it.”
“I have given you a lot of freedom in this new life of yours, Lucy…” He turned stiff and his glare was filled with warning. “But I must warn you that I will not be spoken to that way in my own home. Not by you. Not by anyone.”
“Do not fear, husband,” she said with venom. “If you have things your way, we might never speak again. I cannot help but feel I might enjoy such a state of being as that.” Her eyes flicked over him and he saw her pain, just as he felt it in his heart. “In fact, let us start right now.”
Marcus frowned. “What do you –”
Before he had a chance to finish the question, Lucy turned and stormed away. Her steps were heavy, each one was like a hammer battering Marcus over the head, and he winced and grimaced as if with pain until their sound faded and finally vanished.
What she left behind was a silence so weighted, so utterly devastating, that Marcus’ body trembled and he gripped the banister of the stairwell to keep himself from falling to his knees.
The foyer was empty and silent. The townhouse felt just as much. He looked around the large home, he felt the weight of the silence on him, and he wondered to himself how he had lived this way for so long without noticing just how lonely he was.
Is this not what I wanted? Is this not what I asked for?
If it is, why does it feel so wretched? Why does it feel as if the world has ended and I am the last man left living?
Once again, Marcus knew the answer and, once again, he was too stubborn to do anything about it. Such was his life, such was the reason he would never be happy, and such was the reason he was destined to spend his days alone.