Chapter 17
“No, Lord and Lady Hampton rarely leave their country seat. Lord and Lady Hampshire are the ones you should be very aware of. They hold considerable influence amongst the ton as one of the oldest, and largest, families in London.”
Catriona tried not to sigh. They’d been at this for some time now. Joseph was guiding her on all the influential families in London, and she was fast beginning to wonder if she could truly learn all of them. There were just so many.
Unaware of her inner conflict, he went on, pacing back and forth in his office with his arms folded behind him. “You may like Lord Macintyre. His family hails from Scotland. I believe he is participating in the London Season to find a wife.”
Catriona perked up. “Is he a good potential suitor?” she asked, immediately thinking of Ava.
“No,” Joseph answered instantly. “He is three times your age and has a terrible temper.”
“Then why would you assume that I would like him?”
“You have Scotland in common.”
“So?” she asked with a laugh.
He stopped, turning to face her. “You instantly seemed to like Henry when you two first met. Unlike with others…”
She opened her mouth to protest, but the way he mumbled that last bit gave her pause. She frowned. “Did it bother you that I got along so well with Mr. Macdonald?”
“Of course not.” He turned away.
Catriona stood, approaching from behind. “If I didn’t know any better, Joseph, I would think that you were jealous.”
She meant it as a jest, just to tease him. She certainly didn’t expect catch a hint of redness on his cheeks.”
“Enough,” he clipped in a tone that brooked no argument. “Let us continue with the lesson.”
She’d hoped to probe a bit more, to see if she had truly caught him blushing or if she’d just imagined it, but he moved on to another family and she resigned herself to listening instead.
Catriona hadn’t realized just how intricate the ton was, though she supposed she shouldn’t be surprised. She’d spent the last three years indoors, preparing for the Season in smaller ways rather than integrating herself in society. It was nearly as overwhelming as it was exciting.
By the end of it, however, she was happy to be done with it. Having to be in the same room as Joseph when all she could think of was what it must feel like to have his lips pressed against hers again was torturous.
“Dorothea?” Catriona poked her head into Dorothea’s nursery and saw her sitting at the same small table. This time, however, she was not alone. Her governess was there, reading in the corner of the room.
Catriona slipped inside, her heart warming at the way Dorothea perked up at her presence. But she kept her attention on the governess. “I’m going to steal Dorothea away for a few hours,” she told her.
The governess frowned, looking uncertain. “Ah, I see. Is… His Grace aware?”
“You needn’t worry about him,” Catriona said dismissively. “I will have her back after luncheon.”
The governess rose, still looking unsure, but her title as duchess held far more sway than Catriona first thought because the other woman didn’t give another word of protest. She only nodded and said, “Yes, of course, Your Grace.”
Catriona smiled, turning her attention to Dorothea who was already standing eagerly on her feet. She held out her hand, and Dorothea rushed up to take it. She kept her question inside until they had left the nursery.
“Are we going to our secret?” Dorothea asked.
“Not today,” Catriona told her. “I had another thing in mind. Something I have been planning since yesterday.”
“What’s that?”
“We’re going for a picnic by the river,” Catriona informed her. “I already have everything prepared downstairs.”
“I’ve never been on a picnic before,” Dorothea squealed excitedly. “Will Daddy be coming with us?”
“Not today,” Catriona told her with far more optimism than she felt. “But hopefully next time we’ll be able to drag him away from his desk. What do you think?”
Dorothea nodded, looking serious all of a sudden. “Daddy works too much. That must have been why he got sick.”
“Yes, that’s what I think as well. So next time, we’ll ask him to come with us. But this time will just be you and I, all right?”
“All right.” Dorothea’s smile returned. “Will Aunt Ava and Aunt Maisie come next time as well?”
“Only if they bring their dogs.”
“They have dogs too?” Dorothea gasped which made Catriona laugh.
“Of course, they do.”
“Then I want a dog as well,” Dorothea said with determination. “But I don’t think Daddy will let me have one.”
“You never know what may happen in the future, Dorothea.” They made it to the foyer where the butler stood waiting with the picnic basket in hand. Catriona took it from him with a murmur of thanks, and then she took Dorothea’s hand again, leading her out to the back.
“Do you really think it’s possible for me to convince him?” Dorothea asked.
Catriona was almost certain that Joseph would never allow it, nor would he particularly care if she were to suggest it herself, but she didn’t want to kill Dorothea’s spirit so she said, “I believe so, yes. And if he does say yes, what will you name it?”
“Hannah,” Dorothea said without hesitation.
“Why Hannah?”
“That was my mother’s name.”
Catriona nearly stopped walking at that. That was the first time she’d ever heard anyone make mention of the past duchess. Had it not been for Dorothea’s presence, she would begin to second-guess whether she had ever existed.
They delved out into the garden, making their way to the fence that barred them from the river on the other side.
Dorothea took the lead here, showing Catriona how she had slipped out that fated day.
The hole was indeed big enough for Catriona to slip through if she wished to, but she’d asked the grounds man to open the gate ahead of time, so they took that exit instead.
The entire trip to the riverbank, Catriona could only think of Hannah—the once nameless duchess who was now forming a presence in her mind.
Her curiosity welled within her, but she forced it back, knowing that this was neither the time nor the place.
She’d brought Dorothea out here to bond with her, not to make her relive her past and talk about her deceased mother.
Nina barked loudly as Catriona began setting up the picnic, throwing herself into the shallow end of the water. Dorothea giggled and raced after her but stopped right at the bank, looking just about ready to jump in herself.
“Be careful, Dorothea,” Catriona called out to her. “I wouldn’t want you to fall into the water again.”
“I won’t,” Dorothea sent over her shoulder. “I don’t want Daddy to get upset with me. Or with you.”
“Your father always seems to be upset with me,” Catriona said with a laugh.
Dorothea turned and made her way to the blanket, sitting primly down with her legs tucked to the side. “He is always upset with me too,” she murmured as she reached for a small cucumber sandwich.
Catriona’s heart softened. “It is only because he wants what is best for you.”
“I know. But I think he’s too overprotective of me sometimes.” She looked up at Catriona, eyes glowing in the sunlight. “I like spending time with you.”
Catriona reached out on instinct, brushing her fingers across Dorothea’s cheek in a tender motion. “I like spending time with you too. And I think Nina does as well.”
Nina came bounding over at that moment, panting heavily. She shook off her coat and then crept closer to plop down next to the blanket which made Dorothea smile broadly.
It was truly a beautiful day. A gentle breeze drifted past, the refreshing lemonade cooling Catriona’s heated body.
Dorothea told her about her lessons for the day, about how good she was at learning other languages but she seemed to struggle with her numbers.
She told her how fascinated she was by Ava’s playing that day and when Catriona suggested that Ava visit again to teach her how to, Dorothea lit up with excitement.
As the sun began its slow descent, marking the arrival of late afternoon, Dorothea and Nina began to play with each other. Catriona had brought a book with her, and she was content to read while Dorothea chased her dog along the riverbank, the sound of laughter filling the air.
It was such a beautiful moment, such a lovely picnic, that she doubted that anything could ruin it.
“Catriona!”
Oh, how wrong she was.
Fury tasted bitter on his tongue, a familiar presence that Joseph both despised and welcomed. He marched over to where Catriona was slowly getting to her feet on the blanket, so angry that he was beyond words.
She had the nerve to look at him with surprise, those big green eyes utterly confused as to why he looked so angry. As if she couldn’t fathom what she must have done wrong.
“What’s the matter?” she asked, sounding almost concerned.
“What in God’s name do you think you’re doing?” he barked. In the corner of his eye, he noticed that Dorothea had stopped her playing and that she stood still as if she was too wary to approach.
“We were having a picnic—”
“Don’t you know better than to take her here? She nearly drowned here, for God’s sake! And you!” He whirled to Dorothea. She flinched, and his anger abated for just a second. “Go home. Now.”
“Yes, Daddy.” Dorothea hung her head as she quickly walked off. Nina trotted behind her, pushing her nose into Dorothea’s hand as if she was trying to cheer her up. Joseph ignored the sight, ignored the pinch of guilt he felt. He was doing what was best for her.
When he turned to face Catriona once more, the rage in her eyes nearly made him take a step back. “You are utterly ridiculous!” she hissed. “What is the matter with you? It is not such a bad thing to have Dorothea relax with a picnic once in a while.”
“And you thought to bring her here? Clearly this place isn’t safe for a child her age, and you of all people should know that. She nearly drowned on your watch, after all.”
“I would have never allowed that to happen, and I’m offended that you even thought it! She’s lonely and bored, Joseph. I was only trying to spend time with her so that she doesn’t feel like a shadow in her own home.”
“She doesn’t feel like that.”
“How would you know? You hardly pay any attention to her. All you do is demand complete perfection without realizing the pressure you’re putting on a little girl!”
“Don’t tell me how to parent my child—”
“You need someone to tell you how to parent your child because you obviously don’t know what you’re doing!”
Joseph took a step back this time, his head so hot with anger that he couldn’t think straight. Catriona’s chest heaved, her face red, her eyes blazing. He’d never seen her this angry, and even through the haze of his anger, he was touched that it was on behalf of his daughter.
“If you didn’t want someone who voices their opinion, Joseph,” she went on, “then you never should have married me. I cannot just sit back any longer and watch as you pay more attention to your work than your own daughter. And then you have the nerve to get angry with me when I try to spend time with her, which you should be doing! You are robbing her of the right to be a child.”
“You don’t know anything, Catriona. You haven’t been here long enough to understand what you’re talking about.”
“I’ve been here long enough to understand that you need someone to tell you what you’re doing wrong. And if that angers you, then perhaps marrying me was a mistake.”
He nodded, his body going cold all of a sudden. “Yes, perhaps it was.”
Shock and hurt struck her face at once. He nearly called his words back at the sight, an apology rushing to the tip of his tongue. She didn’t give him the chance to voice it, however. She was already stalking away, picking up the skirt of her dress as she marched away.
Joseph watched her go. With every step she took, his regret sank within him like hot stones, chasing away his anger.
He ran his hand down his face then through his hair, not knowing what to do with himself.
He wanted to chase after her, to tell her that he hadn’t meant those words, but he stayed there instead.
But all he could think of when he had seen Dorothea racing around so close to the riverbank was her falling into the water.
He saw her flailing, saw Catriona’s delay because she had been far too focused on her book.
For a brief, horrifying moment, all he could imagine was the one thing he’d dedicated his life to preventing.
He’d already lost one person; he could not survive it if he lost another.
Yet Catriona’s words echoed in his mind. Her anger lingered. The hurt that had flashed in her eyes was now forever imprinted in his head.
Dorothea’s lowered head as she trudged away at his command, Nina trailing after her instead of remaining with her owner as if she knew that Dorothea would need her company more, was now a memory that would haunt him forever.
He’d always protected Dorothea, had always ensured that she was never in harm’s way. And all these years, he never considered that he might have made a mistake. He couldn’t lose Dorothea, but right now, it felt as if he already had.