Chapter 26
Walking out onto the balcony, I’m not surprised to see Fallon reclining in one of the chairs. He must sense me because he holds up the beer in his hand in greeting.
“Stop being a creeper and sit down. You want one?”
I drop into the chair next to him and pick up one of the bottles from the ice bucket sitting on the terrace floor next to him.
Even though it’s near three in the morning, there are still fireworks going off sporadically around the city, and I watch how they briefly light up the horizon before flickering out.
Holding the bottle up for inspection, I don’t recognize the label so it must be one of those expensive, boutique beers. Figures. He probably gets the stuff flown in special just for him.
“I haven’t had a beer since your party,” I muse. That’s not entirely correct. I had one beer at Curtis’s party to celebrate Julien’s soccer scholarship offer from CU.
Fallon’s party was where my fight with Marshall went down and the stuff that happened afterwards with Jacinda.
Then, there was the ER visit to get my stomach pumped because someone slipped GHB in my drink.
That night was one of the worst nights of my life.
It was also kind of a turning point for me and Liz.
I think, deep down, she never truly trusted me again.
It was the beginning of the end for us as a couple.
She started to gravitate more toward Ryder.
I remember the two of them dancing at junior prom.
I could feel it then; sense that I was losing her.
Instead of twisting the top off the bottle, I put it back in the bucket. “I think we need to get some things straight.”
“I figured as much,” Fallon dryly remarks, drinking the rest of his beer in two swallows.
He knew this conversation was coming. He kissed Liz right in front of me. I should have punched him in the face. God, I wanted to. I still want to.
“Is she asleep?” he asks.
I bend forward and lean my elbows on my knees, my hands clasped in front of me.
It’s hard keeping my emotions in check, especially when it comes to Liz.
My habit of reacting first without any thought to the consequences of my actions is a hard one to break, but I’ve been working on it.
I don’t want to be that guy anymore. The one who hurts those he cares about without meaning to.
“She and Jules are conked out together on her bed,” I answer him.
After the fireworks ended, we came back inside where Liz promptly went to her room.
She hadn’t spoken a word to any of us during the fireworks or when we came back to the suite.
I told Jules to go be with her. He has a way of calming Liz, so I knew he was the right person to help her.
After an hour, I peeked in on them and saw that they were snuggled up together and fast asleep.
“Why did you kiss her?” I ask him, wanting to understand. “And don’t give me the New Year’s countdown excuse.”
We all know that Liz is still in love with Ry.
She may also still love me—she may even love Fallon as well, as nauseating as that is for me to think—but Ry is who she wants to be with.
She’s made that very clear for months. But he’s going to lose her if he doesn’t come to his senses.
There’s only so much hurt and heartache a person can tolerate before it’s too much, and Ryder’s been pushing Liz toward that line of no return.
What’s that old saying? Sometimes love just isn’t enough?
I should know. Look what happened between me and Liz.
Fallon crosses his ankles and leans back in the chair to tip his head up at the night sky.
My face feels like an ice cube after a few minutes in the below freezing temperatures.
Luckily, I put on my coat and gloves before stepping out onto the balcony, so at least the rest of me is comfortable.
Fallon is wearing the dress shirt and trousers he had on earlier, but he doesn’t seem to be affected by the cold.
“Jealous?” he replies.
Of course, he would have to give me a snarky answer.
“Well, yeah. That’s a given. And you can stop with the privileged attitude.”
He turns his head to look at me. “Christ, Jay. I don’t know what answer you want me to give you that won’t end up with us in a fistfight.” He sighs and runs a hand over the back of his neck, then reaches down for another beer.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I hope Ry finally gets his head on straight and fights for her.”
Fallon sips his drink in contemplation. “After he arrived in Spain, we had a private talk. I told him if he ever screwed up, I would be there to take her away.”
My heart clenches and my old possessiveness comes roaring to life.
Liz is ours, not his. And how stupid does that sound?
Liz doesn’t belong to anyone. I made that mistake over and over again, trying to keep her as mine.
Always afraid that she would leave me for Jules or Ry.
It was one of the things that eventually pushed her away.
She used to talk about choices, and how she felt that no one ever listened to what she wanted.
No one ever gave her a chance to make her own decisions.
She hated feeling like nothing was in her control.
Standing up, I walk over to the balustrade and lean back so I can face Fallon.
I cross my arms and tuck my hands under them to try and get warmer.
I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to stay out here.
I’m also exhausted and want to go to bed.
Tomorrow is our last day in the city before we fly home, and Fallon promised Liz that we would spend it visiting the places she never got a chance to see when she was here with him.
“I hate him for what he’s doing. He’s running scared because he thinks the cancer is going to win.
He’s shutting us out, shutting Liz out, because he thinks he’s protecting us.
I know better than anyone how panic and fear can make you do and say really stupid things.
Things you regret and can never take back. ”
“We’re going to be there for both of them,” Fallon replies, also standing up and coming over to join me.
“But I’m not holding back anymore when it comes to her.
I’m also not going to fight you for her.
She gets to make the decision of what she wants.
No matter who or what she chooses, I’ll always be there for her as her friend. ”
“The baby complicates things, man, whether it’s mine or Ry’s.”
He waves me off like that doesn’t matter, or he doesn’t care.
“Fallon, you do realize how young we all are. The thought of having a kid now should scare the ever-living shit out of any of us. We’re not adults. You’re the only one of us that has the means and the money to take care of a family. Why do you want that burden?”
I take a step back when he spears me with a look so full of anger, I’m actually afraid of what he might do. Throwing me off the balcony comes to mind. Fallon is no one to mess with. He will slice you down where you stand and laugh while doing it. Look at what he did to Marshall.
“Let’s get one thing straight. Liz is and will never be a burden. Her kid—”
“My kid. Ry’s kid. Don’t you ever forget that,” I bite back.
We face off, both of our fists clenched tightly at our sides. It wouldn’t take much for us to come to blows.
“Liz has dreams, Fallon. She wants college. She’s excited about the summer internship with your dad.
There’s a lot of stuff she wants to do, and I don’t want her feeling like none of that matters anymore.
I know her. She’ll give it all up for the baby, just like she has given up so much for me and for Ry. ”
Fallon’s posture relaxes but I remain on guard. Our stares hold for a few minutes as we come to an uneasy understanding.
“She’s not going to cry over him anymore.”
I make a scoffing noise. “How do you propose we accomplish that?”
And yes, I said we. Because Fallon is right.
I love Liz and loving her means letting her find her own path.
I plan to do what I should have done when Ryder first told me and Julien about his feelings for her.
I’m going to man up and do the right thing.
I’m going to be her friend. Her best friend.
Just like we started out as when we were six years old. Just like we’ve always been.
“For starters, we’re going to make her YOLO list happen and give her one hell of a birthday party. The rest, we’ll figure out as we go.”
Julien, Ry, Liz, and I have always had an unconventional bond.
Our friendship and love transcend what is viewed as normal.
It makes no sense for two—now three guys, since Fallon has weaseled his way into our group—to want one girl.
Love one girl. Thank God Julien has Elijah now.
Quadrilaterals are hard enough. I wouldn’t know how we’d work this thing if it were a pentangle.
Fallon and I tap fists to seal our unspoken deal and walk back inside, the warm air hitting us and thawing some of the chill.
Instead of going to our rooms, we both head to Liz’s.
She and Julien remain sound asleep and haven’t moved an inch since I looked in on them.
He’s got her back spooned to his front and an arm wrapped around her middle.
I go to his side of the bed and kick my shoes off before settling in next to him.
Fallon slides in beside Liz and lays his head on her pillow. We’re both out within five minutes.