Chapter 31
Julien: Checking about Thursday.
Julien has a soccer game. It’ll be a home match and played at Fallen Brook. Unfortunately, Jayson has a swim meet that day as well, which will also be a home meet.
Me: Trying to figure out how I can do both. Will get back to you.
Julien: Want to study together tonight? Elijah is helping out a friend at work by taking over her shift. Jay and Dad went to Home Depot. I’m bored.
Me: I’m actually not home at the moment. I’ll text you when I’m back.
Julien:
And why am I not home? Because I’m parked in Ryder’s driveway.
Randy should still be working at his auto shop.
Brea confirmed through Hailey that she and Freda were at the store.
Jamie lives with her long-time boyfriend, Jack, in an apartment across town and I don’t see her car here.
Which means, Ryder should be home alone right now.
I blow out an uneasy breath. Here goes nothing. Or it could be everything. I’ve tried playing nice. Now, it’s time to play dirty.
I walk to the front door and ring the bell. I refuse to use my house key. I ring it again after a second, and then again, my impatience getting the better of me.
“Jesus, hold on,” Ryder says as the front door flies open and his mouth gapes wide when he sees me standing there.
I push my way inside and go straight for his jacket that I know will be hanging in the coat closet.
“Elizabeth, what—”
God, I’ve missed him. I want to throw myself in his arms and never let go. The jerk.
“Shut up,” I warn him, my voice hard. I throw his jacket at him and grab his shoes that are sitting on the floor beside the door. Then I take his arm and pull, hard. He resists, so I yank even harder.
“What are you doing?”
“I said: Shut. Up. We’re going for a ride.”
I push him out the door and lock it. He stumbles down the steps in his sock-clad feet as I use all my strength to force him to follow me. His mouth is still hanging open, his beautiful light brown eyes wide, confusion clear as day on his handsome face.
When we get to my Hellcat, I yank the passenger door open and physically shove him down into the seat. Then I slam it shut and walk around the car to slide into the driver’s side. Once buckled, I start the car up and rev the engine. Ryder is staring at me in disbelief.
“This is what’s going to happen,” I say as I back out of the driveway. “You will not say a freaking word to me. You will be quiet and listen. Nod if you understand.”
“Elizabeth—”
“Be quiet!” I yell at him, and he jumps at my angry outburst, then he quickly nods and doesn’t say another word. Good.
As we drive, I hit the music app on my phone. Sia’s “Helium” starts to play. It’s our song. The song we dance to. The song I hum whenever I think about him.
When it ends, I replay it. Three replays and fifteen minutes later, I turn right onto a dirt road.
“I love you,” I tell him. “I have loved you since I was nine years old. I know our relationship hasn’t been an easy one. I know I’ve hurt you. I know the baby changes everything. But I’m also not going anywhere, no matter how hard you try to push me away.”
Driving up to the top of the hill, I put the car in park and turn it off.
I’ve driven us to his quiet spot. I get out and sit on the hood, the heat from the engine warming me up and chasing away the bone-deep cold I feel.
I hear Ryder open his door and get out. I hear the swish of fabric as he puts on his coat; his quiet footsteps as he slowly walks over; the groan of the car as his weight pushes it down when he props himself next to me on the hood.
I stand up, pivot, and move between his legs, stepping into his body until we are close enough that I can smell the sandalwood of his aftershave.
His fists clench tightly on his thighs like he’s struggling with all his might not to touch me.
We’re at eye level now and I take the time to memorize his face and drink in the amber brown of his eyes that are flecked with streaks of green. I’ve always loved his eyes.
Taking my gloves off, I reach one hand up to cradle his face and he shudders out a breath. He opens his mouth to speak but I move my fingers and press them gently to his full lips, shaking my head.
“No talking.”
My other hand moves over his shoulder and around his neck, my fingers smoothing through the soft hair at his nape.
Ryder releases another shuddering sigh. I keep eye contact with him as I lean in until our lips are scant millimeters apart.
The electricity sparks between us are like a physical thing. I can feel its energy surrounding me.
“I’m going to kiss you,” I whisper next to his lips. “Afterwards, I’m going to hold you and tell you how much I love you. If you don’t want any of those things, you have until the count of three to say no.”
Ryder’s eyes glaze over. “Elizabeth.”
I press closer. “One…two…”
His arms come around me with such a crushing force, all the air is squeezed out of my lungs in a whoosh. And then, happiness explodes inside me like a million fireworks going off at the same time as our lips meet and he kisses me.