15. Nate
Nine Years Ago
“Explain to me again why he’s here?”
A sigh escapes Addy’s mouth, one that brushes my face like another gust of thenighttime breeze, her eyes darting to the window before looking back up at me.“He’s new in the city, Nate. He doesn’t know anyone. He told me earlier that his parents run his schedule, and he doesn’t have the time to really make friends. And the friends he does have are all the way back in… one of the Carolinas.”
She shakes her head, a smirk creeping up my face at my best friend, watching how far she was willing to go to make another person happy. “The fact he’s even here is a good thing, Nate. And doesn’t that sound like someoneyou know? Maybe the girl standing in front of you?”
Her eyes do that thing where they go all round and doe-like, the colour that swam inthem completely overshadowed by the fluorescent blue glow from the restaurant sign that hung above us. I feel the nerves start to drip from me, like the way the raindrops slide off a car window when you drive down the highway, getting lost and making you forget they were ever there.
I didn’t question how she did it. How she made me feel normal… like I hadn’t knownwhat it was to second guess every move I made, or known the pain of an anxiety attack and the way it would stab at my heart. I was scared if I did that whatever powers she had would stop working—
“Nate?”
I blink down at her, the strands of hair that I’d pushed back falling past my foreheadas I shake it. But before I could utter a word, my eyes fell to my hand as she grabbed it, before I met her stare again.
She was right. If we weren’t neighbours, if she hadn’t thrown that balloon in my facewhile her parents didn’t control every second of her life, we wouldn’t have the relationship that we do. We’re lucky to have these nights at our favourite taco place as it was, especially since Addy started working on this movie.
So yeah, I understand all too well why she invited him.
“Yeah, I know.” My head falls forward, the honks from passing cars jolting my headback up, catching her smirk as I stretch out my shoulders, readying myself for the night. “Okay, fine. Let’s go in.”
Her body arched back as she took a step away, studying me for a moment, and herbottom lip sinking between her teeth. “You’re so easy to crack.” she laughed, before a smile that could have lit up the city beamed on her face.
“Don’t make me change my mind.” I eyed her, licking away the smirk that wasbeginning to show, before ushering her under my arm and heading into the restaurant.
With a grunt, I push open the door to the taco place, keeping it open for Addy to glideon in. Her high-topped feet tap on the black and white checkered floor while she scans the room, the quiet hums of the mariachi band playing over the speakers filling the empty spaces of the room.
“Oh, there he is!” she calls from in front of me, before zigzagging her way past thetables to make it to the one Asher was sitting at.
My eyes ditch Addy, locking onto the boy who was clearly older than me, his mop ofblonde hair sweeping over his forehead, his attention solely on the one-player thumb war he was having with himself… like he was nervous.
Huh, maybe he’s more like me than I thought.
And I suppose there are worse things than having Hollywood’s up-and-comingheartthrob as a friend; the leading lady of teen romcoms and young adult dramas is my best friend, after all. Maybe he’ll be—
I watch on as his head bounces up, clocking Addy, and his eyes eating up every part ofher.“Adaline… hey.” he mumbles before his gaze shifts to me. That charming glow faded in an instant. “You didn’t tell me you were bringing your… oh, I was gonna say bodyguard, but he doesn’t look strong enough.”
Right… well, it looks like I’m going to spend the rest of this evening plotting thedownfall of this guy’s career.
Addy’s head whips to me, scanning me to make sure I’d just heard that too, beforelocking her gaze back on Asher. “Oh, um, no. This is Nate, my best friend.” Her nervous chuckle watered down the silence before it thickened. “The guy I told you about.”
Asher eyes me up from his seat, a shit-eating grin invading his face. “Yeah, my bad.”
His face is anything but sympathetic. No wonder this guy doesn’t have any friends.“Pleasure to meet you, Nate.” he says with not an ounce of enthusiasm, before sliding out of the likely sticky booth and pulling Addy in for a hug without warning.
“Oh,” is all that Addy could manage while smushed up against Asher’s chest.
I haveto drag my eyes to the floor, counting the uneven checkered tiles and trying to pick out the vihuelas from the guitars in the music. It was either that or focusing on the way my chest felt tighter and tighter the longer this went on.
Once their second too-long embrace was over, Asher guided Addy into his side of thebooth before sliding in after her, like he was scared that if he was any slower, I’d steal his place.
“So, Nate, been in anything I would have seen?” He asks, settling next to my bestfriend and leaning his annoying muscles and forearms on the table.
“Excuse me?” I shoot back, my eyes darting to Addy, who looks just as confused.
Asher leans back in his seat.“Have you been in any movies I would have watched?TV shows? Mini-series?—”
“Oh, Asher,” Addy interrupts, sitting forward and shuffling to face him. “Nate’s not anactor.” She looks at me and smiles, which slows my heart rate down just enough for me to relax slightly. “We’re neighbours; that’s how we’re friends.”
“Oh,” Asher sighs knowingly, like me not being famous makes sense. “Yeah, I thought youlooked a bit too… normal.”
My instinct is to not speak, leave the insult hanging in the air long enough for Asherto realise that was probably a mean thing to say, or sit there quietly because I and confrontation are as good a duo as baking soda and vinegar. But Addy’s fiery stare gives me a dose of that confidence I’ve gotten all too used to when she’s around, making my head inch forward, narrowing my eyes at the douche himself.
“As opposed to what, looking like a Justin Bieber testosterone experiment gonewrong—”
“Well, look who it is, my favourite customers! Can I get you some drinks?”
The perfectly timed waitress asks us. The signature checkered pants, luminous yellowapron, and glowing smile are enough for me to recognise that it’s Celia.
“Hey, Celia!” Addy beams. “Can we get three refillables, please?”
Celia cocks her head. “Yeahhh, I noticed you had a new addition to this littletradition.” She dips her head to find Asher. “Pleased to meet you, honey; I’m Celia.”
“Asher,” he grunts, with barely a smile.
When she realises that’s as much conversation as she’ll get out of the knock-off Kendoll, she drags her gaze back to Addy.“No problem, honey, I’ll bring you your glasses in a gif!” she sings, before eyeing Asher once more and leaving the three of us in awkward silence. Nothing but side glances and the tapping of my leg to fill the void.
Soon enough, Celia is back at our table with three empty glasses, large enough that Idoubt we’ll even refill them.
“Thank you!” Addy chirps from her seat, before shuffling towards Asher, both ofthem gliding out. “I’ll go fill these up; what would you like, Asher?”
He twists to face her with a smirk.“If they have it, I’ll take a Diet Coke, no ice.Thanks.” He sends a wink her way, sending a wave of nausea over me before he claims his seat again.
He hangs onto the sight of Addy walking off, his overly blue eyes memorising everyinch of her teal skater skirt and white tee before rolling his gaze back onto me.“How come she didn’t ask what you wanted?”
“Because she doesn’t have to. We’ve been coming here every Friday for the pastyear.”
His face stays in that marble statue pose, only making my chest feel tighter the longerI stare at it. “Aww,” he drawls, a mock pout poking out his mouth. “That must suck.”
“Spending time with her doesn’t suck—”
“I didn’t mean that.”
I shrug.“Well, do enlighten me then.”
He knocks his head over in the direction of where Addy left. “Putting in so manyyears like that only to still be friends.”
“But we are friends.” I fired back.
“And it’s very clear that you don’t think of her as just a friend, dude.”
His words were like an arrow, drawn directly at my chest and striking true with eachaim. I felt my cheeks sink, my eyes go wide… the tiniest deer caught in the brightest headlights.
I’d be lying if I said my feelings towards Addy hadn’t crossed the borderline betweenfriends and more than friends. After my thirteenth birthday, seeing her in that dress… I don’t think I’ve looked at her the same way since.
There’s an added charm when she laughs, an extra beat of my heart when she smilesat me. I get this weird sensation in my knees when I see her at school, walking down the hallway and not realising everyone’s staring at her. I find myself thinking about what she”s thinking about when she stares at me and wondering if she wants to see what we could be if we weren’t just friends.
She’s the only person who can make my anxiety float away… also the personwho makes me overthink what we are and whether or not I should tell her how I feel.
Maybe it is stupidly clear how much I don’t want to be just friends anymore.
“Yeah, the way you’re staring at her like an idiot is only proving me right, man.” Asher’s voice filters into my head, a brief shiver from the air-conditioning rippling through me.
I’m suddenly starting to feel her absence more than ever, and she’s only a few feetaway. I drop my head, suck in a breath and picture her, which always seems to help me when I get panicky like this, before springing my head up to reach Asher’s blue stare.“You wouldn’t—”
“Tell her? No, no, you’re secrets safe with me.” He says with a smile that I’m findinghard to trust.
“Okay… thanks, I guess.”
He nods at me.“Of course, dude. Besides, if I don’t tell her, it only makes my chancesof getting with her one day that much better.” He says it so casually I almost miss his plan.
But I shake my head at him, stumbling on my words.“What?”
“You honestly might as well just leave us to it, seeing as though she clearly doesn’tlike you in that way.” He spits, elbows on the table, and eyes burning through me. “I’ll cover for you if you want.”
I let out a scoff, my head falling back, my patience running out like a light. “What thehell is your prob—”
“Okayyy, Diet Coke, no ice for Asher.” she places his glass in front of him. “AMinute Maid for me and a Dr Pepper for Nate.” Addy sings as she finds her way back to the table, stopping me mid-sentence.
Her eyes ping-pong between me and Asher, who has a smile stuck to his face thatmakes it seem like in the time she left, we’d been bonding and forming some kind of bromance. Instead, he was showing me the colours I knew he wore before a word so much as slipped out of his mouth.
“So, what did I miss?”
Asher had changed a lot since he was seventeen, in his attitude as well as hisappearance.
In some ways, he’d blossomed into one of Hollywood’s golden boys, and along the way, he”d figured out howto charm his way around every room that had the pleasure of hosting him. He carries himself with a cloak of confidence draped over his shoulders, and what’s worse is that there isn’t any arrogance sewn into the thing.
But let’s face it, I know I’m stubborn. I’ve been holding a grudge against the girl whostole my heart for seven years. I wasn’t going to forgive and forget what he did, like Addy’s stare told me to before.
We’d resumed filming the diner scene about thirty minutes ago, barely making it pastwhere we left off. And for once, it’s not the fact that Addy is so close to me that’s ruining my mood.
Asher is the distraction. The way he’s swanning around the set, staring at Addy likeshe’s his next meal, makes my anxiety shoot through the roof and soar a mile high.
“Let’s try it again, from Addy’s line,” Sebastian mumbles, agitation rattling throughhis words.
A collective groan from the crew echoes through the room, but what upsets me moreis the way Addy throws her head back and huffs out a sigh, squeezing her eyes shut and shaking her head slightly.
“What?” I ask her, finally shifting my gaze away from Asher the peacock and over toher.
Her eyes spring open, a smile so humourless emerging on her face, hiding herirritation in plain sight. “Nothing.” she breathes, a small chuckle slipping past her smile.
I drop my elbows onto the table and sink my head into my hands. “Look, I’m tryingmy best, but I just can’t get my head straight.”
“It’s not that, Nate.” My head swings over to her, still cupped in my hands. “I don’tcare if this takes all day, but if you don’t stop staring at him like that, then you’ll never get it right. You need to snap out of this silly little… well, whatever it is you have against him, and grow up.”
My eyes met hers dispraisingly, watching her annoyance leap into the fiery pools ofher eyes, before dropping back to the table.
She was right. Every part of me knew she was right. But that didn’t mean I wanted tohear what she was saying, realise that maybe I was holding onto a three-minute longer encounter with a boy who didn’t exist anymore purely because of how he hurt my feelings and objectified the girl I loved.
Stole away the girl I loved.
Kissed the girl I loved.
Won the girl I loved.
So I say nothing. I keep my elbows digging into the table and feel my hands becomeone with my face.
“Now, are you going to stop acting like a child, or are we gonna sit here for the rest ofthe day waiting for you to let go of the past?”
I don’t budge.
In some ways, I’m glad this annoys her. It’s ridiculous that she hasn’t realised that shewas the reason we went our separate ways. I thought Asher being here would jog her memory and bring back every moment of however long their fling was whilst being with me.
If anything, I thought she’d shut down, too consumed with embarrassment, tooashamed to speak, move, or look in his direction… not giggle like a teenager when he flashed her a smile.
But Adaline Moore, I’d figured out, was a lot of things; a beautiful soul, a goodfriend, and an amazing writer. And over the time we’d spent apart, I’d figured out she was also a liar. She was willing to go to any and all extremes to make sure her shiny halo remained extra shiny.
Had that always been the girl I knew? Was she always like this?
“You know, the silent treatment from you, Nate, doesn’t hurt me as much as it used to.A few minutes barely compares to years of radio silence.” I finally peel my face away from the cave of my hands, clocking her dimmed, fiery eyes and hating the twinge of guilt in my stomach seeing them so dull. “Keep this up for the rest of the shoot, by all means.” Her eyes soften. “This is far more comfortable.”
Asher’s booming laugh steals my attention away, reminding me all too well who wasto blame for all of this.“And whose fault is that, Addy?” I ask her, my eyes not budging from Asher, butwhen she stays silent, I shift my gaze to her.
I didn’t realise until now, that it was possible for anger to look so beautiful onsomeone.
Stunned was too small a word to describe her expression, and gaped wouldn’t evenbegin to cover how far her mouth hung open. The fire that lived in her eyes iced over, burning me cold, becoming an amber glacier that had the power to make me take back every bad thing I’d ever thought about her.
But building up a barrier against someone who once owned your heart does the trickwhen you get the itch to tear that barrier down brick by brick. It’s tall enough that I don’t let myself fall into those eyes. It’s thick enough that, when I get the urge to break it down, I couldn’t, even if I had help.
And that was always a good thing.
But now, watching her tear out of the booth and storm off the set, her hand flying toher face to swat away the tears I’d made fall again, I wasn’t so sure.