17. Adaline
Ican’t help but wonder if I’m making a mistake.
Deep down, I know I’m not. Asking Asher Hartford on a date, as a single woman,isn’t illegal. In fact, it was probably well overdue.
Forgetting the outside world, forgetting the doubts and the voices and the demands forone evening might do me the world of good. Getting lost in eyes that I haven’t gotten lost in for years, unearthing those buried feelings I had for Asher once upon a time and basking in them like a warm towel after swimming in the iciest waters…
All of it sounded… right.
None of those reasons managed to make the shivers stop skating down my back,though, painting my arms with goosebumps like the spring weather hadn’t made the apartment feel like a steam room. None of them calmed the tornado of doom that swirled in my stomach when I thought about tonight.
That was all that was occupying my thoughts as I waited by my door, anticipating themoment my legs remembered what their job was and walked me out of my apartment and down into the lobby.
I twist my body, facing the gold mirror resting by my doorway, purely stationed therefor the last-minute outfit checks and affirmation recitals anytime I leave.
I wonder if this is what Goldie meant by ‘wear something slutty’?
My eyes drape over the tight, velvet, emerald green midi dress that’s clinging to everypronounced curve I love more than the colour they’re covered in. The flecks of glitter that are sprinkled over the lush fabric make me look like some princess from a fantasy land that I’ve no doubt written about.
As a redhead, this colour was my secret weapon.
When all else fails, wear the emeralds.
That was the treasured bit of advice my grandma shared with me the day I leftCalifornia. I hadn’t understood what she meant until the night of the first red carpet event I’d attended on my own, to which I wore a dress similar to this one, only more on the elegant side.
I was lucky my skin wasn’t too pale; the glowiness and slight tan made me look likesun-kissed poison ivy. The auburn waterfall of my hair that cascaded down the open back of the dress only doubled the illusion.
When I’d given up trying to distract myself with my reflection, absorbing the result ofthe two hours of getting ready and a mini-meltdown when I lost an eyelash only to find it stuck to my elbow, I sucked in a breath. I held it for a moment or two, feeling the ice melt from my lungs, before letting it leave my body, my eyes fluttering shut as I did.
Slowly, I creaked them open, and before I could overthink myself into cancelling, Iclicked my heels and pulled on the door handle, practically running into the hallway.
My heart only seemed to climb up my throat the further down the elevator went, thatimpending doom feeling luckily getting lost somewhere between the fiftieth and fifth floors. Once I reached the bottom, the doors springing open to reveal the mostly beige marble lobby of the building, I stepped out and timidly strode towards the revolving doors, fully aware of the eyes on me.
“I didn’t think you had an event tonight, Adaline. Where are you off to?” The securityman, Robbie, called from where he was stationed by the glass doors.
“No awards evening or premiere, thank God,” I breathed as I clicked my way over tohim. He chuckled, knowing, after many of these fleeting conversations, how much I hated them. “I’m actually going on a—”
My eyes drifted through the glass doors, immediately clinging onto the whitebutton-down and green slacks that matched my dress, slowly rising to find Asher Hartford, with a bouquet of daisies in his hands. “Date.”
Robbie clocks where my line of sight has shifted, letting out a scoff. “Ohhhh,” hedrawled. “You’re the one he’s waiting for?” I flick my eyes to Robbie. “This guy’s been trying to get into the building for about twenty minutes now, claiming he was waiting for someone.” I blink at him. “But I’ve never seen this sucker in my life, and knowing who lives up there, I thought it best to keep the riff-raff out.”
A lazy smile danced on my lips as my attention turned back to Asher, his eyespleading,a smile that mirrored mine gracing his face.
I throw my eyes to Robbie again. “If you don’t recognise him, does that mean youhaven’t watched every movie I’ve been in?” His eyes turn to globes. “Robbie! You promised you were my number one fan!” I jest with him, nudging his shoulder before his wrinkled smile brightens the room and shines off every marble surface. “This is Asher, he’s my date.”
He shakes his head. “Oh, well, you two have a lovely evening, Adaline. And justbefore you go, what’s the name of that movie?”
“DEAR JESSE JAMES!!” Asher called from behind the doors. I couldn’t help but leta blush creep onto my cheeks as he looked at me. “You look really pretty!” He shouted again, doing nothing for my already crimson cheeks.
“Well, at least he has half a brain to realise that,” Robbie said, stealing my attentionback. “Right, well, I’ll get right on that. Have fun, superstar.”
I gave him a wink before pushing open the door, the April breeze blowing my hairbehind my shoulder.
My eyes lift and finally meet with Asher, watching him in fascination, like I stillcouldn’t believe I was doing this. I could tell he was doing the same with me, his eyes lingering over the velvet that covered me, before our eyes met on cue.
“Tell me, how bruised is your ego after not being recognised?” I chuckled. Asher wasprobably more well-known than me. I imagine not being recognised was something he craved, rather than something to be embarrassed by.
“Not nearly as bruised as it would have been if you decided to change your mindabout tonight,” he admitted, his eyes quickly falling to the daisies. “For you,” he guided the bouquet into my hand, a perfectly blossomed definition of spring.
“They’re beautiful. You really didn’t have to,” I said, bringing the flowers an inchbelow my nose, letting the breeze wash the fresh scent all over me.
“It’s nothing.” He urged. But it was. “Besides, if the world found out I’d taken youout on a date and not brought you flowers, God knows what would happen.”
Like he conjured up what I and pretty much all of my friends feared the most, a fewflashes invaded our moment, one from the left of us, a couple from the right.
“Speaking of, shall we?” Asher held out a hand for me, his grasp guiding me into theblack limousine behind him, before we sped off into the streets of the sleepless city.
“This is probably a stupid question,” I started, as Asher and I waited in the lobby ofone of the city’s new and highly sought-after bars, one that was already listed in several ‘best places to spot celebrities in NYC’ articles. “How did you manage to get a reservation… here?”
Before he could answer, my eyes glided over to the waitress heading our way, amaroon cocktail dress swishing at her thighs as she walked. “Mr. Hartford, Miss Moore, would like to follow me?” She asked sweetly, her body twisting back the way she came.
“After you,” Asher purred, my feet seeming to forget their job for a second beforefollowing after our waitress. “I actually own the place, so reservations aren’t particularly something to worry about.” he practically whispered into my ear.
Actor who was also a bar owner?Oh, the story I could write with that trope.
“Still humble as ever.” I cocked my head over my shoulder to whisper back, catchingAsher’s smirking eyes locked on me.
White tiles covered the back of the bar, a wall of spirits, catalysts for both devilishand heavenly decisions, adorning just in front. Several feet of solid emerald made up the bar’s countertop. My eyes glided over it as we walked past, smiles and laughs and knowing looks of the people occupying the bar stools, cushioned in the same colour as the dress of the waitress escorting us, filling the room.
“Is this table suitable for both of you?” Our waitress asked, my feet halting just in timefor me not to bump into her.
“It’s perfect. Thank you.” Asher said from behind me.
The waitress nodded at us, decorating our curved booth with two slender menus beforeslipping away into the smoke and haziness of the bar.
I slipped into the booth, the fabric of my dress making it easy to glide on it. Asherfollowed in pursuit, stopping an inch or two away from me, before grasping the menu and inspecting it.
“If you own the place, why do you need the menu? Didn’t you come up with thedrinks yourself?” I asked, picking up mine and doing the same.
“Isn’t a guy allowed to make sure his menus look right?” he asked, a smirk thatspurred on something dangerous in my stomach shadowing over me. I had to look away.
“He is, and I can see why.” My eyes go wide as I point at a section of the menu. “Didyou know that you’ve spelled tequila wrong on here? Oh wow, several times actually—”
“What? Let me see that,” he chuckled, leaning his head over me, the darkest of cherryand leather scents taking over my senses.
“Little liar,” he whispered, his dusky eyes on me.
“Just testing you,”
Right on cue, a dangerous cocktail of guilt and shame swam in my stomach, my eyesdiverting to the part of my dress that clung to my exposed thighs before I squeezed them shut, appreciating the darkness for a second.
“What can I get you?” Our waitress called from the edge of the table, her mousy voicemaking my head spring back up.
“I’ll take an old-fashioned if that’s alright?”
I eyed the menu once more before I looked back at her. “A cherry martini, thank you.”
“I’ll be back in a second!” The girl called, returning not a minute later with ourdrinks, my hands, as well as my mouth, happy for the distraction.
“So,” Asher started, taking a sip of his drink, the crystal glass clanking back down onthe table. “It seems we have at least… what, seven? Eight years to catch up on?” The way he looks at me makes my heartbeat flutter. “So what’s new with you, Adaline?”
I snorted a laugh, taking a quick sip of my drink too, wondering why I had such asudden craving for cherry. All it took was Asher to shuffle, his deadly scent rolling against me like a wave, for me to remember. “I didn’t realise this was a week-long date. I think we’d need that long if you want me to cover everything.”
Asher shuffled, and I had to squeeze my eyes shut this time. “Only tell me the partsthat meant something to you. And if that includes every moment since the last time I saw you, then I’ll happily close the place so we have the time to do that.”
I’m pretty sure everyone in the bar heard my gulp.
“Well,” I took another sip, also picking off the cherry on the top of the glass andsinking it into my mouth. “A month or two after filming finished for Jesse James, it was my eighteenth birthday, which meant I could finally leave home. I think I told you how my parents and how they…” I waved my arm around enough for him to nod, saving me from digging up the decaying parts of my past. “So the second I could cash in what I’d made doing stupid commercials and—”
“Really stupid teen romcoms?”
“Slightly stupid teen romcoms.” I corrected him, my spine settling into the booth. “Ileft. Packed my room up and got on a flight to New York, and I never looked back.”
“I’m glad you did that for yourself.” The corner of Asher’s mouth tipped up before hisgaze fell to his glass, his index finger tracing the rim of it. “Do they still talk to you, your parents?”
I let an eye roll chart its course. “No, not really. I don’t think they ever forgave me forleaving. Not entirely.” I sucked in a breath, ignoring the tiny quiver of my bottom lip. “The only reason I call home now is if I’m there for work or to talk to my little sister. Who, sadly, seems to have replaced me the second I left.”
“Your sisters’ Goldie Moore, right? Yeah, I think I saw a commercial she was in theother day, promoting a kid’s sitcom.”
My sigh was the only answer he needed to understand how I felt about what my parentswere forcing her into.
His smile went tight. “Let me guess, they used the ‘I provided you with the resourcesfor acting so I’ll be taking a cut of your royalties’ card on you both?”
I shook my head, my brows drawn. “Surprisingly, no. Not much, anyway. Whichprobably makes sense as to why we never moved house in the years I was acting, they knew they couldn’t touch my money. But with Goldie…” I paused, tilting my head and eyeing him, hoping if I stared hard enough he’d be able to see the gated-off mini mansion my family resided in now. Infinity pool and all.
His head bounced into a nod. “She’s getting the treatment I got. One minute, we’re inthe middle of nowhere in South Carolina—”
“South! It was South Carolina.” I say to no one but myself, not realising the wordsweren’t just in my head, before I hand all my attention back over to Asher. “Sorry. Carry on.”
He chuckled before he carried on. “And then the next thing I know, we have a hillsidevilla in Laurel Canyon, my friends and everything I’d known for the past seventeen years were two thousand miles away.”
I shook my head. “Wait… you moved because your parents spent what you made?”
His head fell back as the frosted glass fell to his lips. “And then some.”
“God, Asher, I’m so sorry.”
“And I’m sorry. For you and your sister.”
My shoulders rolled into a shrug, as I took another swig of my martini to soothe my speedyheartbeat. “She’s a fighter, stronger than I was at her age, anyway.”
“Oh, I don’t know, you were pretty feisty yourself at times.”
“Only when you pissed me off.”
His smirk curled once more. “Likewise.”
We both dropped our heads and took quick but savouring sips of our cocktails, minedoing nothing for the mix of emotions already taking over my body tonight.
“But I’m pretty sure that feistiness wasn’t only reserved for me and my… cocky, teenage ways.”
Oh no, I wasn’t in the right mood for him to mention—
“How did Nate feel about you leaving, when you finally left home?”
I don’t know why my ears pricked up at the mention of his name. I knew it wascoming. I didn’t like how my heart sank, either, like that feeling you get when you know the night is coming to an end.I was already missing the nervous flutters. Those pre-date jitters that I was trying toconvince myself I hated. The dare and the panic and the—
Wait.
How did Asher know that Nate and I knew each other back then?
Nate told me that he’d…
My eyes focused. “You remember him, don’t you? You know he was the guy Iintroduced you to that night we all went for dinner.” I searched Asher’s face, noting every time the corners of his mouth inched higher. “You do, don’t you!”
He nodded as he chuckled at me. “Of course I remember who he is.” A smile that waswhiter than the bar tiles bloomed on his mouth as his glass touched his lips again. “And I’m assuming from the look on your face that he told you that I either blanked him or didn’t recognise him in the times we’ve crossed paths?”
I nodded, putting no effort into hiding my smile. “He thinks you’ve got no idea you’ve met before.”
The glass fell from his lips, the muscles in his neck bobbing as he swallowed.“Well,I’ve never been great about letting grudges go.”
“Oh yeah? And what grudge did you have with him?”
“He got the girl, in the end.”
I stiffened, goosebumps marching down my arms. I felt my lips pop open, my lashesblinking at the words.
His eyes glassed over. I could practically see the memories from that time in our livesplay across his mind, the blue in his eyes shining at the same time it dulled.
There were moments during that shoot when I found myself not thinking about Nate.It was before he’d ever confessed that he liked me like that, so the guilt of picturing myself with someone else wasn’t as intense as it is now. And in the times that Asher was the version of himself that made my smile hurt in the best way? I could see a version of us that had potential.
Young love is all a bit like that when you think about it. You fall in love so often andwith so many different people, things, and places that, when you realise it, life just feels exciting.
I fell in love with Nate and felt nothing but peace.
I fell in love with a side of Asher and felt seen.
I fell in love with my sister’s strength and stayed curious about it.
I fell in love with my hometown and moulded a corner of my heart into the shape of itto keep it there.
I suppose I saved every crevasse and cave I could find in my heart for all thosethings. And I suppose I was naive, thinking that the love for those things was limitless. That it would always be there. Too far away from the harsh realities and the way life lets you down.
In the time between dipping my eyes to the table, the dull hum from the bar’s pianowading between, I explored the cobwebbed corners of my heart that had once held those things, those people, searching for the space I’d reserved for the version of Asher that I liked.
I didn’t have time to figure out whether the darkness I found was just in Asher’scorner, or whether that was just how my heart had looked since it had been broken.
The way Asher cleared his throat brought my attention back onto him. “But,seriously, how did he feel about you leaving home?”
I shook the thoughts free from my head, an unconscious smile tugging at my mouth.
“Oh, I uh… I don’t think he cared, to be honest.”
He let out a snort. “I doubt that. You two were inseparable; I’m surprised he didn’thide in one of your suitcases just to be with you—”
“Well, he didn’t.”I gritted out the words, anger and hurt weaving themselves between them. I barely letthe thought of Nate cross my mind before the sharpness of my voice echoed in there, my eyes locking onto Ashers in a heartbeat.
“I’m sorry,” I barely whispered, my eyes roaming his. Like I was drifting off into thePacific.
“No, no. I’m sorry.” he muttered, edging closer. ”I assumed you two were still…together.” My heart ached, flashes of the summer before he left invading my mind. “You don’t have to talk—”
“I’ve never told anyone what happened between us.” The words were out of mymouth before I could clamp it shut. “Not even Flo or Jacob… Emerson,” I clarified, before downing the rest of my martini and gently setting the glass back on the table.
I don’t know why I suddenly felt the urge to spill all my secrets. I don’t know why, ona date with Asher Hartford, I thought it’d be appropriate to explain the seven-year-long feud between Nate and me. I don’t know why I couldn’t stop the story from crawling up my throat, ready to be told somewhere that wasn’t just in my head.
But Martinis are a wicked little creation, aren’t they?
I raked my fingers through my hair, tugging free the knots as I breathed in threw mynose, my hands gripping the back of my neck. I held my breath, for one second, then two, before letting it all out, my hand falling back to my lap.
I raised my eyes to find Asher watching me, telling me he was ready to hear what heknew was haunting my thoughts.
“We were inseparable from the moment we met, when we were eleven… or twelve. Ican never remember. But we were neighbours, went to the same school, and after I threw a water balloon at him one afternoon,” Asher’s brow raised. “Long story,” I shuffled in my seat before I carried on. “After that, we lived in each other’s pockets. He was my best friend, and nothing could ever convince me that we wouldn’t ever fall out.”
My mind travels back to the endless summer nights by Sunfall Pier, our laughter-filleddays, our cinnamon bun-baking evenings, and mornings we’d walk to school to the sound of birds chirping. That one birthday of his, where we spent the day at Sunfall, reading. When I kissed him for the first time…
My eyes fall back onto Asher. “About a year after I met you, when filming finally finished, he told me he loved me.And I told him the same. I’d had a feeling that I’d fallen for him, and after one or two many evenings listening to me spill all my secrets and showing him all the parts of me that I kept hidden… it was bound to happen.”
The memories wandered my mind again. “He was my best friend. He knew whatI wanted to do with my life. He knew every detail. And I knew him just the same.” I take a breath, my eyes dipping down Asher’s shirt before springing back to him, intrigue and anticipation swimming in his pale blue pools.
“But, the summer before he left for college, I saw him change. I don’t know whatcaused it, but he was just… different. And on the day he left for college, we made a promise to meet, a year to the day, on Sunfall Pier, the one just past Malibu, where we… fell for each other, I suppose. I was heartbroken that he was leaving, but I was leaving too; I had to leave, and he knew that. We had to let each other grow.”
I felt my voice fade into a quiet stillness, like my body knew that admitting all thiswas killing me.
“Over that year, he never returned my calls, my letters, or my texts. Nothing. It was as ifhe’d just vanished, without any explanation. I was in New York, learning how to live on my own for the first time in my life, without rules, without schedules… without him. And he was… gone.”
A humourless laugh ran through my nose, my shoulder knocking forward. “And I wasstupid enough to go back to the pier, one year later, and I was even more stupid when I thought he’d actually turn up.”
Pain coated Asher’s face, the surroundings of the bar blurring and fading intonothingness. “He never showed up, did he?”
All I could do was shake my head, letting it fall like I’d lost that last bit of strengthI’d been clinging onto. I hated the way I could feel tears begin to border my lash line, threatening to spill and decorate my cheeks with seven years’ worth of grudges and deleted texts and hatred for the boy I loved.
But then I felt something. My skin warmed as I noticed the hand on my chin, strongand safe, delicately tugging it upwards to meet an ocean of sapphires.
I couldn’t help but gulp, before my eyes fell to his mouth.“He was an idiot, for leaving you like that.” I tried to let my head fall, but Asher’sgrip on me wouldn’t let it drop an inch. “If he couldn’t see what was waiting for him while he lived his life, just as you were doing, then he’s a bigger fool than I took him for.”
The remnants of the cherry that had existed in my mouth came back to life, pullingme closer to Asher, only slightly.
“The next time I saw him was at the table read for Defenders.” Asher’s head fallsback slightly, the words ‘oh shit’ reading on his face, as his hand falls from my chin.
I still kept my eyes on him. “Yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever wanted the ground toswallow me up more than I had when I saw him again. So much time had passed, but it was as if there was only a day that separated us. I was so overwhelmed, and when I eventually remembered that he left me stranded there that day, I saw red.”
Asher’s head dropped to the side, his expression stilling.
“So that’s how we exist now. We don’t dare talk about why he never showed, we stayout of each other’s way, we’re civil when we’re around other people, or have to attend events together. And now—”
“And now you’re co-stars who play childhood friends to lovers.” Asher realised.
“Irony’s such a sweetheart like that.”
A few beats of silence graced us, like we both needed the quietness and frail humfrom the bar’s music to re-enter the conversation, before my attention fell to Asher’s parting mouth.
“That night you guys invited me out with you, I told him to leave us so I could haveyou all to myself.” His voice was so solemn, so painful, like admitting that hurt as much as seven daggers thrown between his shoulder blades.
“What?” I shuffled my body to face him.
“I caught how much he liked you, he told me that he knew he wanted to be more thanfriends with you, and I know I’d only known you for a few weeks then, but I liked you. A lot. And I saw the way you looked at him, too. Like you were in love with him.” He paused, his eyes holding mine, and his hands skated to catch mine. “I’m only telling you this in case that was… the reason he never came back to you. In case it was my fault.”
Something in my gut told me it wasn’t, and while I should have been happy that I wasone step closer to solving the mystery that’s kept me tossing and turning for so long, it only made my heart ache more.
“Asher… we were all kids, we had no idea what we were doing, we all mademistakes. I’m pretty sure I called you an asshole more times than I should’ve.”
We both synced our laughs, the air thinning out, easiness drifting in and settlingaround us.
“So, how are you finding it then, working together?” he questioned, settling back intothe booth and finishing the last of his drink.
“It’s hard, but I knew it would be. We haven’t been this close in so long; even whilefilming Defenders, we always kept our distance.” I recalled what had happened today, how I’d stormed off, too frustrated to even sit next to him. “But this one… it’s hard. Harder now you’re here.”
“Is that so?”
I tilt my head and playfully narrow my eyes at him. “Asher, you just admitted that youand he have some weird angst between the two of you, all because you both liked me, and I liked both of you.” his eyes squeezed shut as his head fell back. “It’s like a fucked up love triangle, only what makes this worse is that we have a whole crew and half the world watching us—”
“You liked both of us?”
His words hung between us, in the space that separated our faces, that had, somehow,gotten far closer than I intended them to get. Guilt and shame reminded me of their presence, but, as if the colour of his eyes had spelt me, I simply ignored the feelings prying me away from being close to him.
“At a moment in time, yes. I did.” I breathed, my hands slipping from his, falling against his lap. I felt himtense and saw how he couldn’t tell what the feeling was as he dropped my gaze.
Was I watching Asher Hartford experience being nervous for the first time?
“And now?”
“Well, one of you hates me, and apparently now has a thing for blondes.” My gazefell, remembering the photo of Nate and Amber, their smiles pure as anything. “And the other… I’m not too sure how I feel just yet.”
Our heads were practically one. Our foreheads brushed, his lips a breath away frommine. It would be so easy to steal a kiss, to let him steal one from me. The rage I felt towards Nate was persuading me to do just that, to close the space and kiss Asher Hartford.
But just as my eyes were starting to flutter shut, my lips prepared to part, and my chest was rising and falling at a pace that made me dizzy; Ifelt him shift away.
My eyes flung open, and I clung to his, filled with the same feeling that had shackledme.
I watched his lips part, a sigh falling out before his words did. “If we’re ever going tomake it through this shoot in one piece, Adaline, kissing you, as much as I want to, will only hurt us. All of us.”
“But he—”
“Still, very clearly, feels things for you, Adaline. It’s worrying how obvious it is, andhow you don’t see it.”
I stagger a breath. “Really?”
“I know what it looks like to be in love with you, Adaline. And every time I watchedyou turn your back to him today, that feeling was all over his face.”
I drop my head, my eyes skimming over the emerald fabric clinging to my body,regret and relief blending and blurring within me. “It’s Addy.” His eyes ping to me, a soft, helpless, moonstruck smile, gracing his face. “My friends call me Addy.”
A laugh ripples out of him. “Friend-zoned by Adaline Moore,” he sighs, raising his emptyglass to cheers me. “Maybe in another life, we would’ve worked.”
I clink my glass with his, mirroring his smile. “It’s a shame you lost that Polaroidfrom our movie.” I let my head fall back. “At least then you’d have proof that we kissed.”
Asher let a chuckle slip from his lips, “I’m sure after another martini, I can get you to confess that you stole it from me.”