Chapter 9 #2
“That was easy.” Kaed spoke, and she was pulled from the blank spaces in her mind. “Now to the least easy of the two. Ready?” He placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
Shifting in her seat, she sat straighter and took a deep breath. “Ready.”
It was impossible for her to think of anything else but the pain.
Her entire body trembled as his fingers against the cut caused a fire to burst at the seams. He paused, but she shook her head so hard she swore her neck popped. “Keep going. Get it over with.” Her voice strained.
It was like putting a hot iron on a sunburn, it was the only way she could describe the pain. The stitches he’d put in were only beginning to heal, but they felt as if they were being ripped out.
She pulled the towel up and bit down on it to not scream. One of her arms kept it close while the other shot back to find something sturdy to grab and keep herself up. The pillow fell off her and tumbled to the floor.
Each time his fingers would disappear to get another scoop of the medicine, she would feel a cooling sensation against her skin. She then realized he was blowing a cooling breath to reduce the stinging. It didn’t help that once his fingers came back, the fire returned relentlessly.
“Almost there.” She took a trembling breath and began counting. While it didn’t make it go faster, she had to concentrate on something.
An eternity passed in those few seconds until Paradise sang. “Done.”
“Fuck—” she grumbled into the towel. Her shoulders were hunched forward, her eyes were now closed and sweat gathered at her forehead.
Kaed didn’t move, nor did he say anything. The bowl being placed on the table was the only sound that accompanied the crackling of the fireplace and the light rain outside as it hit the windows.
When she got her breathing under control, she squared her shoulders and sat up.
“I don’t understand,” Kaed said, and it sounded like he was fighting to find the words. “You have fought a Yuul, survived several Gorruk encounters, and I’m sure more, yet your skin is untouched. Albeit these two wounds, which will inevitably scar.”
His hand moved on to hers, the one that reached for support. She hadn’t realized that what she grabbed was his leg. His fingers tucked under her palm and held it.
“You defy odds I can’t even fathom.” He continued, “I still just don’t…”
She couldn’t tell if the heat was from the fire, Kaed, or herself. While she was fighting being flustered by way of her wound, her body was tugging with her feelings. It caused her to be angry and direct it toward him, which was unfair.
“Are you asking me a question?” she whispered.
Kaed seemed to be taken aback. “No, well, yes—but only if you can answer it.”
She dropped her head, and her voice felt distant as she responded, “What if I can’t?”
“You can’t, or you don’t want to?” He never let go of her hand, even though she’d tried just then to pull it away.
“Ask the question, and I’ll tell you which one.” There was a warning in her words. She knew whatever answer she’d give him, he wouldn’t accept.
“I think you are more than what you say you are. What that is, I don’t know. You just can’t be whatever you are playing to be.” His hand was gentle with hers, yet firm, telling her he wouldn’t let her go.
“That isn’t a question.”
“What are you?” he quickly responded.
“Human.”
“Stop.” He let out a frustrated breath.
Gently, yet with enough force to ensure she couldn’t resist, he turned her to face him. “I won’t care what you are. You are—”
“I am your duty, I know. It’s more complicated than what I am.” She bit the inside of her cheek. Her face was glossed over with sweat, her lips swollen from biting on them, and the towel for support.
“My duty?” He sat back slightly, his hands moving to her upper arms to hold her in place—did he think she was going to run? It crossed her mind, but as a fleeting thought.
“Kaed.” Exasperated, she shook her head. “I don’t know what you want from me. I am human. Why does it matter what I am?”
He narrowed his gaze. “Duty?” There was frustration and pain behind his beautiful emerald eyes.
“Yes, your duty. Your duty to protect me. Which I am so thankful for, I am…” She bit her lip, pleading with him. “Beyond grateful, but I don’t know what you want me to say. I am merely—”
“You think…” Condemnation filled his expression. While she could see frustration there, he never inched away. “You really must be a human because that is the only reasoning why you would think my duty is why I’m here.”
She swallowed and leaned back from him. “It should be.” Her lips trembled, and for a moment, she began to dream.
Kaed shook his head. “Why are you pushing me away?”
“You don’t understand.” She wanted to pull away, but the soreness in her shoulders and his unwillingness to let her go stopped her.
“Then make me understand.” He leaned closer to her.
“Why does it matter?”
“Because I need to know why…” He paused, not wanting to finish his statement. “In all my two hundred years of life, I have never felt such a pull towards somebody. I’ve never wanted—”
“Stop, please…” You idiot.
“Why?” His eyes blazed with passion, and want to hear her answer his questions.
Truthfully, she was beginning to become scared. Not like fear for her life or an irrational fear of spiders or bees. The fear of him trying to get too close. It would only break them both in the end.
Kaed was too good. Too gentle. For her corrupted heart to plague him and destroy him when she would inevitably disappear.
“Can’t you accept what is and just allow now to be?” Her tone was pleading.
Kaed forcefully relaxed and gazed at her for a long while. The towel she held barely covered the front of her torso, but he never once averted his gaze from her eyes.
She could feel her heart breaking into pieces.
He was someone that, before the curse, she would have gone down to her knees to beg to be with.
He had it all: a heart of gold, strength, willingness to protect her, and was beyond gorgeous.
Even if five hundred or so years ago, they would have never been viable, she would have gone to hell and back to try.
“Fine.” His voice was defeated. “Just one thing, though.”
His hand moved from her arm to her face. His index finger pushed gently under her chin while his thumb brushed the scratch at her bottom lip. He pulled her in closer, and she sucked in air through her teeth in surprise.
They were so close she could feel his breath on her lips.
He stared deep into the sea of her eyes as he said, “I’m not here because my duty calls for it.”