Chapter 34
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Scott
What the hell was she doing with Asher? Why was he here? In my building? Taking Trina to dinner?
She better not be thinking of going back to him. After what he did, she shouldn’t even be talking to him. So why was he here? And why was she going out with him?
I’ve been up all night thinking about this, trying to figure it out. I shouldn’t care. It’s her life. I should stay out of it, and I would if I’d seen her with some other guy. But not him. After the way he treated her, he shouldn’t get to show up here and take her out.
“I got the cinnamon rolls,” Cole says, coming into my apartment holding a baking pan.
It’s time for our usual Saturday breakfast, but it doesn’t feel the same without Trina. She wasn’t here last Saturday either and it really bothered me. I don’t like that we can’t do things together anymore. I know the reason why, but that doesn’t mean I’ve accepted it. I keep finding myself at her door, then remember I’m not supposed to go over there.
“I haven’t started the eggs yet,” I tell Cole. “I’m dragging today. I didn’t sleep.”
“Any reason why?” His brows rise. “You have a girl over?”
“No. You really think I’m ready for that?”
“You would’ve been before.”
“You mean before Trina?” I take the eggs from the fridge.
“I wasn’t going to say it, but yeah. You’re not the guy you were before you met her.”
“Not yet, but I will be. I just need more time.”
“Or you need to let yourself be with her.”
“Not gonna happen,” I say, cracking the eggs in a bowl. “Besides, I think she’s back with her ex.”
“Seriously? How do you know?”
“I saw him here last night. He was taking her to dinner. I ran into them when I was coming in the building. When he said who he was, I almost punched him.”
“Why the hell would she take him back?”
“Exactly what I was thinking. The guy kicks her out on the street and she just forgives him? It doesn’t make sense.”
“He must’ve said whatever she wanted to hear.”
“Meaning he lied to get her back?” I huff. “Yeah, that sounds like him.”
“Why do you care? You’re not with her anymore.”
“No, but I don’t want to see her getting hurt again.”
“Then you shouldn’t have done it.”
“Done what?”
“Got involved with her and then broke it off without even telling her why.”
“Not this again,” I say, pouring the eggs in the skillet. “We’ve been over this a million times.”
“Yeah, and I still think you need to tell her.”
“Why? It wouldn’t change anything.”
“I think it would, but whatever. You’re not going to listen to me so I don’t know why I even bother.”
“It’s good you finally figured that out,” I say, smiling at him.
“I was joking. You really think I’ll stop giving you advice?”
I lean back against the counter, looking at Cole. “I never intended to get involved with Trina, and I definitely didn’t want to hurt her. Things went too far with us and it had to end. And I wasn’t the one who ended it. She did.”
“Because she knew it wasn’t going anywhere.” He walks over to the coffeemaker and pours himself a cup. “Now she’s back with her ex because she thinks he’s her only option.”
“If she really thinks that, then I feel bad for her. She could do a lot better.”
“She wouldn’t be with him if you got back together with her.”
I look over at Cole. “I don’t want a relationship. How many times do I need to say it before you finally believe me?”
“You don’t want it because you’re afraid of what might happen.” He sets his coffee down. “That’s not a good reason to give up a girl you actually felt something for, especially when you haven’t felt that way since Megan.”
“We’re done talking about this,” I say, turning to the stove to check on the eggs. “These are almost done. Grab some plates.”
He takes two from the cupboard and sets them next to me on the counter. “Why not just see where this could go? Maybe it’ll work, maybe it won’t, but at least you’re not just giving up.”
I divide the eggs between the plates and grab some forks.
“Would you rather have her go back to her ex?” Cole asks.
“If she wants to be with him, that’s her decision.” I take my plate and sit down at the counter.
“She doesn’t want to be with him,” Cole says. “She wants to be with you.”
“Seriously, Cole, we’re done talking about this. It’s over with Trina. Just let it go.”
His phone rings and he answers it. “Hey, what’s up?” He listens, his eyes going to me. “Okay, I’ll be right there.” He ends the call. “Dana’s apartment has a pipe that’s leaking. I’m going to go shut the water off and see if I can fix it. If I can’t, you okay if I call the plumber? It’ll cost extra on the weekend.”
“Go ahead and call him. I don’t want water damage up there.”
He picks up his plate. “I’m going to take this to go. Sorry I’m missing breakfast.” He heads to the door. “I’ll see ya later.”
I remain at the counter, eyeing the pan of cinnamon rolls, wondering if I should bring one to Trina. She never has any food at her place and she loves Cole’s cinnamon rolls. Or I could invite her over. It’s just breakfast. We should be able to have breakfast together.
Before I can change my mind, I pick up my phone and call her.
“Scott?” she answers, like she thinks I might’ve called the wrong number.
“Yeah, hey. Cole brought over this whole pan of cinnamon rolls and it’s way more than I can eat. I was wondering if you want to come over.”
There’s silence and then, “Um, yeah. I’ll be over in a few minutes.”
“Great! See you then.”
She’s coming over. This is good. Maybe it means she’s open to being friends. I hope so, because I don’t like how things have been between us. We don’t even talk anymore. I might get a hi from her in the hallway, but that’s it.
“Thanks for coming over,” I say, greeting her at the door.
She’s wearing yoga pants and an oversized sweatshirt, her hair in a ponytail and no makeup on. She’d say she’s a mess, but I think she’s adorable. I’ve always liked that she can be herself around me and not worry about how she looks.
“You had me at cinnamon roll,” she jokes as she comes into my apartment. “I don’t have any food. I need to get groceries.”
“You want some eggs?” I ask, going to the kitchen. “Or I could make you something else.”
“I’ll just have a roll,” she says, sitting down on one of the barstools.
I hand her a plate and set the pan of rolls next to her. “Help yourself.”
She looks around. “Where’s Cole?”
“He had to deal with a leaky pipe.”
“He’s not coming back?”
“Probably not. I’m guessing it won’t be an easy fix. He’ll have to call a plumber.”
“Oh.” She sets down the roll she was about to bite into.
“Is something wrong?”
“No, I just thought Cole would be here.”
“Nope. Just me.”
She nods, her eyes bouncing around like she’s nervous.
“Hey.” I come in front of her, remaining behind the counter. “I know this is a little awkward. You and me, alone here. But that’s kind of why I asked you to come over.”
Her eyes meet up with mine. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t like how things have been between us since we decided to, you know, end things. The way we’re avoiding each other. Barely speaking to each other. It shouldn’t have to be that way.”
“So what are you suggesting?”
“That we go back to acting like we used to, before things got… complicated.”
“I’m not sure that’s possible,” she says, looking down at her plate. She picks up her cinnamon roll, tearing it into little pieces.
“Why isn’t it possible?”
“Because things changed when we…” She sighs. “It’s just different, okay? I don’t think I can go back to how it was before.” She points to her roll. “Can I take this to go? I have some stuff I need to do.”
“Trina, you don’t have to leave. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. We can talk about something else.”
She shakes her head and gets down from the stool. “I can’t stay. But thanks for breakfast.”
“You didn’t even eat it. Here, let me get you a bag.” I grab one from the drawer and hand it to her.
She hurries to put the roll in it. She doesn’t want to be here, because of me. I screwed up, and now she doesn’t even want us being friends. Why does that hurt so much? It never did before. If I broke up with a girl, I felt nothing. I didn’t even think about it.
“I’ll see you later, Scott,” she says, going to the door.
“Trina, wait.” I walk up to her. “What’s going on with you and that guy?”
“Asher?”
My anger rises just hearing his name. “Yeah. Why was he here?”
“He took me to dinner.”
“Like on a date?”
She looks at me, a hint of anger in her eyes. “Why are you asking?”
“I just wondered. I didn’t think you talked to him anymore.”
“Okay, well, I’m gonna go.” She opens the door.
“Are you seeing him again?”
“You shouldn’t be asking me that. You’re my landlord, and my neighbor. That’s it, right? That’s all you want to be.”
She’s giving me a chance to change my mind about us, but why? Why now? Is she trying to decide if she should go back to her ex? Am I part of that decision? Would she turn him down if I said I wanted her back?
“Just tell me,” I say, frustrated she’s not giving me an answer. “Are you back with him or not?”
“No,” she says, then she storms down the hall to her apartment.
I let out a sigh of relief. I’d convinced myself she’d gotten back together with him, but fortunately I was wrong. So then why was he here? Maybe they needed closure. Maybe last night was a goodbye, an official end to their relationship.
As I’m cleaning up breakfast, I think about the conversation I just had with Trina. I’m disappointed she doesn’t want us being friends. I understand why she can’t. It’s hard for her to be around me and not have those feelings return. I’m struggling with that too. Seeing her just now, I had this overwhelming urge to take her in my arms and tell her how much I’ve missed her. But I didn’t, because I can’t. Having those feelings and not being able to express them is hard, but I’d rather deal with it than not see her at all.
Someone knocks on my door. Three times. Really hard.
I walk to the door and open it. Trina’s standing there, her hands on her hips.
“Hey.” I smile at her.
She doesn’t smile back. She looks angry, like she wants to slap me.
“Why’d you do it?”
“Do what?”
“Why’d you yell at me in the storage room that day? Were you trying to get me to end things between us so you wouldn’t have to?”
“Trina, no. I—” I stop myself, not wanting to tell her what happened.
“You what? What were you going to say?”
“Nothing. I just wasn’t myself that day.”
“It was more than that. Something happened. Everything was great between us and then it’s like you just snapped.”
“I’m sorry about that. I shouldn’t have reacted that way. But it wasn’t about you. I just… I don’t know. I can’t explain it.”
“Then explain why everything fell apart after that. How did we go from having a perfect morning together to breaking up?”
“I thought that’s what you wanted. You said we needed to end it.”
“I only said that because I could tell you wanted out. That’s why you acted that way in the storage room. Just admit it. You started a fight with me so we’d break up.”
“Trina, that’s not what happened.”
“Are you saying you didn’t want that?” she asks. “That you didn’t want to break up?”
I look down, rubbing my jaw, wanting to tell her everything but not able to do it.
“Why didn’t you try to change my mind?” she asks, her voice trembling. “If you didn’t want it to end, why didn’t you say something?”
I let out a heavy sigh. “Because you were right. It needed to end.” I look up at her and my heart breaks when I see tears falling down her face.
She nods, gazing down at the floor.
“Trina, I’m sorry. I—”
“You don’t have to say any more. I got it.” She races down the hall, back to her apartment.
I can’t do this. I can’t let her think things ended between us because I was just having a bad day. If that’s all it took, it implies she meant nothing to me, and that’s the farthest thing from the truth.
I didn’t want to do this, but I don’t think I have a choice. She deserves an explanation.