Jameson
I’m trembling as I open Garrison’s window and climb inside, but not for the usual reasons. No, I’m shaking with fear and anger because I can’t believe he did that and then went on to play the baseball game like nothing happened.
He kicked ass out on the baseball field too. While I was all in my head and making errors left and right. Because my mind was on Monday when we go back to school after the rumors spread like wildfire.
And they aren’t rumors this time. He said he was gay, loud and proud. And part of me is so fucking proud of him for doing that, but the other part is shaking with fear. Because he’s out now. In Kensley.
“Hey.” He must have been waiting for me because his bedside lamp is on, and he’s lying on his bed in a pair of sweats and nothing else, his muscles flexed tight. If I wasn’t so afraid and angry, I’d definitely jump him because he looks good.
In fact, he looks so damn sexy, laid out on his bed with one arm bent and his hand under his head, I almost lose my train of thought. But I quickly regain my senses.
“Hey?” I close the window and walk closer to his bed. “You’re just going to say hey to me? After that?”
He sits up slowly, running his fingers through his thick hair and then drops his hand with a sigh. “I didn’t plan on doing it like that.”
“You mean in the middle of the crowded locker room in front of the entire team?”
“Yeah. I was going to tell Oakley privately and probably after high school was over.”
That would have been a lot better. I hate myself for even thinking it, but it’s true. “Why didn’t you? We’re so damn close. We have a month left before graduation. Why today?”
He looks damn near distraught, no hint of playfulness in his eyes as he stands up and walks over to me, standing a foot away.
“Because I couldn’t take it anymore. Because of the way they were talking about Prescott and Wells, like they were doing something wrong.
And they aren’t. It’s not fucking wrong, Bates. ”
“I know that.” My heart cracks in half because I know that with all my heart, but I saw their faces. I know to them, it’s wrong, and I’m nowhere near as strong as Garrison.
“I didn’t plan it.”
“I know that.” I throw my hands up in the air and pace the room, anger and fear sluicing through me and tearing me apart.
“You never plan anything. You just fucking jump into everything and don’t look back, but you don’t think about the consequences.
Do you know what it’s going to be like on Monday? Did you even stop to think about that?”
“No,” he answers so easily I want to scream.
I turn to face him. “No?”
“No,” he says again, and I stalk over to him, rage firing inside of me. “I didn’t.”
“You didn’t?” I stare at him, hating and loving how sure he looks right now. He’s not afraid. How the hell isn’t he afraid?
“No. Not at all. I couldn’t take it anymore, Jameson. I needed to tell them. I needed them to know. I don’t want to hide.”
“Why not?” I shout, probably far too loudly with his parents being home. But I’m still shaking, and I close my fists, trying to stop my hands from trembling.
“Because I’m in love with you! And I’m sick to death of hiding this part of me.”
I freeze. I can’t move at all. His chest is heaving. His breath is rapid, and he looks far too pissed-off to have said what I think he just said. “You . . .”
He takes a deep breath and steps closer to me, placing his big hand on my cheek. “I love you.”
“That’s what I thought you said. That’s why you told them?” So many emotions flood through me at once because does that mean he wants me to come out too? I should, shouldn’t I? If he loves me. He. Loves. Me.
Shit. How the hell did that happen? How did we get here?
“Breathe, Bates,” he directs, stroking my cheek with his hand. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I did this for me.”
I look into his eyes and see how serious he is right now. “I don’t think I like you so serious. Make a joke or something,” I say dumbly.
He smiles at that, but it’s subtle. “Can’t. It’s not a joke.”
“You really love me?” I ask quietly, leaning into his touch.
“I do. I think I’ve been feeling it for a while, and it’s not the only reason I said it today.
I just got so tired of hearing the bullshit and them talking about Camden and Kingston.
What if they’re in love and happy? Why should that matter to anyone else?
Why is it their business? And then I thought about the fact that I’m in love with you, and I want to someday be able to tell everyone. Maybe.”
My eyes widen with that. “You want to tell everyone about us?”
He smiles and slides his hand down from my cheek to my hip. “Relax. Not now. Maybe someday though. I’m not forcing you out, Bates. I would never do that. But I’m in love with you, and I need you to know it.”
I swallow hard, a lump forming in my throat and staying there. “I . . .”
He shakes his head. “Don’t. You don’t need to say it back. You don’t need to tell anyone you’re bi. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” he reiterates, and I finally let out a relaxed breath.
“You’re so damn brave.”
He looks startled by that. “I thought you were mad at me for that bravery.”
I shake my head. “I was mad that I didn’t say it too, and I know it’s going to be difficult. And I wasn’t sure if you thought about that.”
“I know it’s going to be bad.”
“What if it gets back to your father?”
He sighs heavily and pulls me toward the bed, both of us lying on our sides to stare at each other. “It probably will.”
“No probably about it. He’s in Coach’s office more than we are.” A lot of people’s dads come in to check up on Coach’s gameplan. It’s fucking weird, but it is what it is.
“Coach doesn’t know.”
I place my hands under my face as I stare at him, cocking a brow, “You said that in the locker room. He knows. The whole damn town probably knows by now.”
His gaze darkens, but he doesn’t falter. “I need to tell my dad anyway.”
I see the nerves there, but I also see the fierce courage. I’ve never even considered telling my dad. Not ever. But I think he’s always had this planned. “What if it doesn’t go well?”
He places a hand on my hip and smiles his easy smile. “It won’t, but I still need him to know. To hear it from me.”
“You don’t care that I can’t tell anyone?” My stomach twists with guilt because he loves me, and he’s insanely brave, and I’m a damn coward.
“Nope. That’s up to you, Jameson, and only you.”
“You’ve been reading on that internet thing again, haven’t you?”
We both laugh as he pulls me closer to him and kisses me hard, the conversation over as we lose our clothes and then ourselves in each other’s bodies.
I may be a coward, but he’s brave enough for the both of us.