Adam Chapter
Adam
Ihaven’t talked to Zach nearly enough this week. I think he’s avoiding me. At least avoiding talking to me and I can’t stand it. Every part of me wants to corner him and make him talk to me.
But I don’t think it’ll work. And it’s not that I haven’t seen him.
We’ve been to practice every night of this week.
We eat lunch together and have three classes together at school, but he’s not talking to me—not really.
He’s talking about school and football. Trying to make himself seem—okay? And I know he’s not.
I know him better than anyone and he’s not okay.
So that’s where my mind is at tonight. Not on the game like it should be. Truthfully though, I could play football in my sleep and these clowns unlucky enough to be our opponents tonight don’t stand a chance.
We wind up winning 35-0.
And everyone is excited about the win. Pumped up and heading to the party spot tonight—Oakley land, despite Oakley having graduated a while ago, to party.
Normally, I’d opt out, but when we are in the locker room after we’ve showered, I turn to face my best friend as he tugs on a pair of jeans, “We should go.”
He looks confused as he grabs his shirt. “Go where?”
“To the party.” I tug my shirt on over my head and look for my black Kensley Panthers hoodie.
He pulls his t-shirt on over his head, his eyes surveying the locker room before they meet mine. “What? Why?”
I shrug, hoping I’m coming off as nonchalant.
Like I don’t desperately need to get him alone so we can actually talk.
Away from our houses with siblings and abusive, loud shithead stepfathers.
Out of the crowded hallways of the high school.
I know I can find somewhere to talk to him where we can be alone.
“We won. It was a good win and this is our senior year. How much time do we have left to do it?”
“You mean with being the sad pathetic older people that sneak into high school parties?”
I smile at that and nod, “Exactly.”
He looks conflicted and my heart is racing inside my chest as I wait for him to answer me. “Mary and Anna are staying with grandma tonight.”
Thank. Fuck. “That’s good.”
“She’s getting older though, man.” His eyes meet mine with so much damn worry, “What if they need me?”
“Leave your phone on. They know how to reach you and I’ll have mine too.” I made damn sure Anna has my number too. “We won’t drink. Just hang out.”
My eyes are pleading with him. I don’t even care how desperate I look. I have to get him to talk to me. “Okay.” He relents and I let out a relieved breath. “For a little bit.”
I nod my head quickly agreeing as I pull on my hoodie and make sure I have my keys, he grabs a hoodie too and we walk out to my truck. “I’ll drive.”
He doesn’t argue and we hop into my truck to make the short drive via country gravel road out to the Oakley place. I feel unsettled and nervous which isn’t normal when Zach and I are hanging out.
I can’t stand it.
When we pull up, parking my truck in a row of other trucks and cars I can see the bonfire is already going and they have several camping chairs and logs pulled up around it. There are already a ton of people here, red solo cups being handing out with a keg nearby.
Someone has their truck radio blasting out music and even though it’s not really my favorite, I have to admit this isn’t the worst way to spend a Friday night. But I’m not here for any of them. Zach pushes open his door and hops out of the truck as I quickly follow him.
“So we aren’t drinking?” He asks and I grin, looking around at everyone else—almost everyone is holding a cup.
“I’m sure we could find some soda or something.”
He chuckles at that and punches my shoulder as he makes his way toward the crowd. I follow him although I really just want to take his arm and lead him away from everyone. Force him to finally talk to me.
But I guess we’re going for the long game here. Get him to relax and then question the hell out of him like our lives depend on it. And surprisingly, it’s a good time. We just sit around the fire and talk with people from the team—and people we’ve grown up with our whole lives.
But it all changes quickly when Chloe and her best friends show up with a couple of guys from Big Bend. You can feel the shift in the air as soon as they walk up to the fire, Chloe’s eyes blazing with fire as she approaches and her gaze locked on Zach.
He stiffens next to me, both of us still sitting. He’s waiting. I’m waiting. And hoping like hell she keeps her mouth shut. But one look at the smirk that firms on her mouth and I know this won’t be good. “Here I thought this party would be asshole free.”
Zach shifts next to me, but he doesn’t say a word. I look at Chloe, not bothered by the two Big Bend football players at her side. “Why don’t you just grab a beer and chill out.”
“Of course you’re standing up for him.” Her voice is shrill, full of anger. “I’m sure you guys had a really big laugh at my expense. Probably do a lot right?”
“Chloe…” Zach starts, his voice quiet and full of regret. I hate that I can’t fix this for him and all eyes are on us. “I wouldn’t…”
“Bullshit.” She screams, “You’re so full of shit. You’re a lying prick. And everyone knows it.”
I stand up now, but I don’t move toward her, “No. He isn’t. I’m sorry you broke up, but you don’t get to treat him like this. You…”
“Don’t.” Zach stands next to me and grabs my arm, trying to pull me away. “Just don’t.”
“Don’t you dare try to play the good guy now, Zach.” Chloe spits and damn it I want Zach to say something. Maybe it’s selfish, but I want him to speak up. I want him to defend himself.
Would it do any good?
Probably not. But watching him lie down and take it is ripping me apart.
“Come on, please.” Zach pleads with me, tugging on my arm again.
I give Chloe one last look, but finally follow him. We walk and walk some more. Away from cars and the party. Through trees and leaves. Until finally we stop walking, but Zach won’t look at me.
“Why do you let her get away with that?” My voice is quiet and not stern at all. I sound broken and hopeless and I hate it.
“Just let it go.”
“No.” I say, taking his arm with my hand and making sure he stays put, facing me. “You have to talk to me. This isn’t okay. She doesn’t get to treat you like this.”
“It’s my fault.”
I shake my head because I don’t believe it for a moment. I have no idea what he thinks he did wrong, but I know he didn’t. I can feel it. “Tell me what happened. Just tell me.”
He shakes his head, “I can’t.”
I let go of his arm, but just long enough to place both hands on his shoulders, “Yes. You can. You’re my best friend in the world. You can tell me anything.”
He’s still shaking his head, his shoulders slumped as my hands hold firm, “I can’t.” His eyes lift to meet mine, “I hurt her. I did this. I deserve it and you need to let it go.”
“I don’t believe you. Not for a second.” I say loudly. He needs to hear me. “You wouldn’t hurt anyone. Not ever. I know you better than you know yourself, Zachary. And you didn’t hurt her on purpose.”
He shakes his head again, looking almost manic and even though it’s fairly dark out here, the moonlight allows me to see his eyes are full of tears. “I fucked her.”
For some reason the admission is like a knife in the chest. I already knew that. I mean, not for sure, but I assumed. We never talked about it. “So.” I say quietly now, “People in relationships have sex.”
He looks away from me, his jaw set hard. “I took her virginity.”
I try my best to swallow the lump in my throat and push through. “I know you, Zach. You didn’t take shit. If you had sex with her when she was a virgin it was because she gave it to you.”
His eyes meet mine now, full of wet tears that haven’t fallen. “She shouldn’t have.”
I’m quiet for a while. This kind of stuff—well, I don’t know anything about it. Nothing. But I know him and I know he didn’t coerce her into sleeping with him. There’s no way. “She wanted to.”
“It doesn’t matter. She wanted to but I shouldn’t have done it.” His eyes meet mine, “I shouldn’t have done it, Adam.”
He sobs quietly and I watching him in horror, feeling his body shaking as I hold onto his shoulders and then pull him into a hug. “Hey. It’s okay.” I hold onto him and he clutches my neck, softly crying.
I’m not sure how long we stand like that, not saying anything as he sobs through his pain.
I don’t understand what happened, but it doesn’t matter.
Zach is all that matters to me and if this is what he needs, I’ll damn sure give it to him.