Chapter Adam
Adam
Ihope this was a good idea. I mean, Zach seems excited as he sits in the passenger side of my truck and we drive into the biggest city I’ve ever been in. It’s already dark by the time we get here, but there are so many lights that everything is illuminated.
There are cars everywhere and we have to sit at stoplights for damn near five minutes each time we get stuck at one, but the way he’s looking out the window at all the buildings makes me smile.
We left straight from school, taking my truck and Zach said the girls were excited this morning about getting to stay at my house for the weekend.
I don’t think this was a bad call despite the yucky feeling I get in my gut every time I think about someone touching Zach at the club tonight.
I don’t know how to handle that shit, but I promised myself I would find a way to make his life as normal as I can. And this was what I came up with. I park at the hotel and we go in, checking in and grabbing our keys.
Obviously we’ve both been in hotels before. We aren’t total hermits, but this is the first time we’ve ever been on our own like this. It’s honestly a great feeling. New and exciting.
We use the elevator to go up to the third floor, both of us with our bags over our shoulders and he uses the key card to let us inside. The hotel isn’t fancy by a longshot, but it’s clean with two queen beds and a separate bathroom.
There’s a desk with a coffee maker and a television on a dresser. Zach drops his bag and goes over to the window pulling the curtains open. The view is just of other buildings, a hotel and a coffee drive thru. That’s pretty much it, but it’s a vast change from what we’re used to.
I drop my bag and plop down on the edge of the bed, just watching Zach look out at the street. “So what do you want to do first?”
He turns toward me, his bottom lip tucked between his teeth and I can tell he’s nervous. “I’m starving.”
Phew. Okay. I’m here to get him laid or whatever the hell he wants, but truth be told, I could use a little easing into this and part of me was worried he’d want to head right to the club.
“Sounds good. Let’s go.” He’s grinning big now, less nervous and not abusing his bottom lip anymore as we head out into the hall, making sure we each have our keys. We find a barbecue restaurant near our hotel and stuff our faces until we can barely move and then head back to the hotel.
I’m waiting for him to say he’s ready to go out but he just flops on his back onto the bed and grabs the remote for the television. “Score. The original Fast and the Furious is on.”
I watch him as he rolls to his side to watch the tv a little better, he looks comfortable and relaxed. I sit down on my bed, still full from dinner. His eyes are trained on the television and I know it’s time to talk about going.
Maybe we both need a shower and to change before we go, but I can’t seem to bring myself to do it. Instead I kick my shoes off and scoot up to the top of the bed, leaning back against the comfortable pillows.
Zach turns his head to look at me and must decide to make himself more comfortable too because he sits up, kicking his shoes off and then climbing up to rest on the pillows on his bed too.
He crosses his ankles and then he’s focused on the movie again. I know, I need to say something.
The whole reason for the trip was to allow him to go out—dance, flirt, kiss—I don’t want to think about anything further. The thought of it makes me sick and not at all because it’ll be with men instead of women.
I didn’t like seeing him do those things with Chloe either if I’m honest. I hated it. Even now knowing that he didn’t really enjoy it either doesn’t make it any better for me to think about it.
After an hour of watching the movie in the hotel room I know I need to finally say something. Maybe he’s worried about me? That’s entirely possible.
“Zach?” He turns his head to look at me and I swear he looks nervous again.
But is it the good kind of nerves like before a big game or is the bad kind like before a test?
I can’t tell. “Are you ready to go out? Maybe we should shower?” His eyes widen a little bit but he seems to recover pretty quickly.
He shifts on the bed, but makes no move to stand up. “Um…I don’t know. I’m kind of wiped out and really damn full after dinner.”
I study him closely, “So you want to stay in tonight?”
He shrugs his shoulders, appearing to be nonchalant to probably anyone else that would be looking at him right now, but I know him better. He’s anything but calm. “Yeah is that okay? I mean, I’d rather rest up for tomorrow and just go then.”
“Right. That makes sense.” I say dumbly. “There’s always tomorrow.”
“Yup. Tomorrow we’ll go to the club and I’ll get my experience.” He grins at me goofily and that’s not at all forced.
“Yeah. Tomorrow. Sex with something other than you hand.” Which is all I know. He’s at least had some experience even if it wasn’t exactly positive.
I’ve never even kissed anyone.
And my brain takes that moment to think about what it would be like. And not with some nameless faceless human. No the lips I’m picturing pressed against mine are all too familiar. Pale pink and full. Often swollen slightly from him dragging it under his teeth when he gets nervous.
Shit. What the hell was that?
I look over to find Zach watching me and I wonder for a second if he knew what I was thinking about. Would he be mad? What if I told him it wasn’t the first time I thought about it?
Would he think I’m messing with him?
I wasn’t lying when I said I’m not like other people and the more I think about the demisexual label the more it seems to fit me. That I need this strong connection before sex gets involved. There’s no stronger connection on earth than the one I feel with Zach.
Could it happen?
Would he want to?
Would I want it?
What if I freak the hell out the moment his lips touched mine and I wasn’t as interested in the contact as I thought.
Jesus Christ I am truly messed up.
“Adam?” his voice cuts through my thoughts and I clear my throat.
“Uh yeah?”
His eyes narrow as he watches me, “Is that okay? If we stay in tonight? I don’t want to ruin your plans.”
“That’s totally fine with me.” I say honestly. I’ll always choose a night alone with Zach over everything. Doesn’t he know that?
But I also don’t want him to miss out on anything because of me.
Because my brain doesn’t really work like other people’s.
Because I’m different and would take the solitude of living out on the farm over the city noise any day.
Because I can’t get the courage to ask him if maybe he’d like to try experience with me.
It’s too damn scary. Too many variables.
I’m not sure if I would want to actually kiss. Or touch. Or more. Although, if I’m being honest my dick seems to be on board with all of the above at the moment.
And that’s strange.
Maybe I could.
I look over at Zach who has stood up now and grabs his bag, “I’m going to uh, go shower and change for bed then.”
I nod my head dumbly thinking about Zach in that bathroom. Stripping down and climbing under the spray of the shower. My dick jerks inside my jeans and holy shit I seem to like the idea of Zach being naked a whole hell of a lot.
Wow. I don’t know what the hell is going on with me. He leaves the room, closing the door behind him and I find myself hating that damn door. Wanting to look inside like some sort of damn creeper.
I lay on my back and breathe in deep trying to get my body under control—something that I swear I’ve never had to do before.
I don’t know what the hell is going on, but I can’t say I absolutely hate it. What I hate is the unknown. That and thinking about going to the club tomorrow night and watching Zach around a bunch of guys wanting to get into his pants.
Guys that can certainly give him exactly what he wants.
Can I be that guy for him?
I just don’t know.
And if I don’t know, I can’t wreck his only chance at normalcy.
Fuck, I really am a mess.