Adam
We should probably talk about that kiss. But we didn’t. We woke up this morning, got ready, checked out of the hotel and after a quick breakfast we headed back to Kensley.
When we get back to my parents’ house it’s pretty chaotic with my two brothers and his two sisters running around the farm. My mom looks happy though. Peaceful almost as she sits out on the front porch watching the kids running around.
I walk up the stairs and she greets me with a big smile, “How was your trip? Gonna leave me for the big city?”
I snort at that and take a seat in the porch swing. I expect Zach to sit next to me, but he chooses the ledge of the porch instead. I try not to read anything into it before I answer my mom, “Not happening. But it was fun.”
She grins at that, already knowing my answer. She turns to focus on Zach now, “What about you, Zachary? Leaving us for the big city life?”
He shrugs, looking down at his shoes and then back at my mother. “Probably not. Not at least for ten years.” His gaze moves to his sisters who are petting some of the barn cats that are eating up all the attention.
Would he want that? To leave Kensley? If he wasn’t here for his sisters. I’m not really sure. And I hate the unease inside of me thinking about him leaving town.
He wouldn’t be the first one. Kingston and Camden left. My brother and Dixon are in Hayes with Oakley and Travis.
Is it even possible to live here and have everything he deserves someday? Can he walk down the streets of Kensley hand in hand with some guy—trying not to focus too much on the thought of some other guy—but still. Could he?
I don’t know.
And I kissed him. I’d like to say I have no idea why I kissed him, or I did it just to comfort him, but it wasn’t that.
I didn’t like that cute little guy touching him. Not at all.
I hated it in fact. And god damn it, I want to be enough. I want to be everything he deserves but I don’t know how.
That kiss—God that kiss—was everything. It felt so incredibly good, but I don’t know if I did it for the right reasons.
Or if I would want to do it again.
I study Zach for the moment as he sits perched on the ledge. His hair blowing in the cool wind, his lips full and plump—god they felt good against mine. I shift a little on the porch swing—my dick liking the thoughts of his lips a little too much for comfort with my mother sitting right here.
But Zach climbs off the ledge and stands up, facing my mother. “Thank you for watching them. It looks like they had a great time.”
She smiles at him, “You all can stay for dinner if you’d like.”
“Oh…” He looks surprised and maybe a little conflicted, but Mary runs up the stairs excitedly, wrapping her arms around his waist.
“Can we? Mrs. Bates makes the best food!”
Zach hugs his little sister to him, but then shakes his head, “Uh, we should probably get going.”
“Why?” I stand up and ask, almost panicked. I don’t want him to leave. I want to talk about him. The truck was quiet on the way home, and normally I like that, but all I wanted to do was get the courage to talk to him about the kiss.
But I’m a fumbling idiot when it comes to stuff like that and I didn’t know what to say. But I know I don’t want him to go now.
“Adam.” My mom scolds, “Maybe he’s ready to get to his own house for a bit.”
That’s definitely not it. Zach hates his house.
“Please. Can we please stay for dinner?” Mary asks still holding onto him.
Anna walks up the stairs casually, “Seriously. You think that El and mom will have dinner for us? They’ll be happy if we don’t come home.”
Zach and my mother frown and my stomach clenches thinking about their stepfather and mother. Anyone would be lucky to have these kids, but they are assholes. “Please.” I ask Zach and I swear his eyes look like they are going to bug out of his head before he recovers and smiles.
“You just want help with chores.”
I grin at that and let out a deep breath because I know he’s going to stay. “You know it.”
My mother smiles amusedly but turns to the girls, “How about I show you girls how to bake my famous cherry pie?”
“Yes!” Mary says excitedly and Anna looks less exuberant, but nods her head in agreement. She’s a teenager, she can’t look too excited.
They go inside and my brothers rush past us followed by my father who grunts his greeting and goes inside, leaving Zach and I out on the porch.
“Thanks for um…”
“For what?” I ask, my right eye brow quirked and amusement coursing through me as I wait for him to finish that. I can’t have things being awkward between us. That just won’t work.
“For taking me to the city I guess.” He grins, “Even though I think Coach would kick both our asses if he knew how much junk we ate when we were away.”
I chuckle at that and flex my right bicep—even though you can’t see anything with my coat on. “We’ll be just fine.”
He rolls his eyes at me but he’s smiling. “What should we do until dinner?”
There are a lot of ways I want to answer that question, but I take his hand and lead him down the stairs instead. He seems confused but goes along with me and I know no one inside is paying attention to us.
I pull him into the large barn and close the door. “Adam, what’s going on?”
What is going on exactly?
I kissed him. And I loved it.
But it’s scary too. So damn scary.
I don’t know what it means and all I know is I can’t let him down. I can’t hurt him. And I cannot lose him.
“I think we need to talk.”
He nods his head and looks almost numb. “O-okay.” But I don’t think he actually means it and he starts to pace. “I mean, we really don’t have to. Nothing has to change. We’re best friends. We don’t have to talk about what um…” He doesn’t stop moving. “About what…well you know…”
“The kiss.” I answer for him and then finally he stops moving. He’s just staring at me now.
“Yes. That um….” He takes a deep breath and I’m worried he’s going to pass out if he doesn’t let it out, which thankfully he finally does. “The kiss.”
“It was a good kiss.” I say and I swear his eyeballs might pop out of his head.
“It was?” He steps closer to me, his breathing picking up and he licks his bottom lip—I’m not sure if he’s doing it on purpose or not, but I can’t look away. “I mean, I know it was.” He stops when he’s about a foot away from me. “For me. But…”
“I liked it.” I say honestly.
“You did?” He sounds so in awe it breaks my heart. And yeah, I don’t really understand it either, but I’d never lie to him. He has to know that. “I mean… I thought that….”
I can’t help smiling. “I think we were maybe right? That I’m…” My chest swells as I think about what I’m about to say because it feels right. The more I look it up. The more I think about it. “Demi.”
He studies me, “So you need a strong connection…”
I nod my head, moving a little closer to him. “I do. And what connection is stronger than what we have?”
He brightens at that, standing a little taller and I swear I see his hand move, like maybe he’s going to touch me, but then he takes a step back, keeping his hands at his sides.
“Is this you…” He clears his throat and I watch his chest inflate with a deep breath even through his thick coat I can see the motion. “Are you protecting me again?”
I lift an eyebrow. “By kissing you?”
“No.” He waves his hand exaggeratedly between us. “By…like saying you liked it. Is that you trying to guard my feelings? Make me feel better?”
I take a step closer to him and grab his hips with my hands to keep him still. “I kissed you. Remember?”
His wide eyes meet mine and I see the heat in them. Heat that makes my body react almost instantly and it’s so foreign to me, but at the same time it feels so damn right. I want to kiss him again.
And again.
But I know that we need to talk about this. Despite finally feeling a sense of normalcy for the first damn time in my life, I won’t ruin what we have. “I remember.”
“So shouldn’t it be you making me feel better if anything?”
He scoffs at that, “I’d kiss you every damn day. Every second if I could. I don’t need comforting.”
That lights my entire body on fire and I squeeze his hips a little tighter in my hands. “I wanted to kiss you.” I say firmly as he looks into my eyes and we stand so close I can feel his breath over my lips. “I just….”
“Just?” He sounds worried, but also dazed as he stays still, just staring at me.
“I don’t want to hurt you. I can’t hurt you, Zach. And I am…” My brow crinkles as I try to find the right words to convey what the hell I’m feeling. “I’m different. This is all new to me. I’ve never felt the urge to kiss anyone before let alone actually do it.”
The way he’s watching me…the way he licks his lips and then swallows hard. God. I might actually combust with need. I want to kiss him again so damn bad that I don’t fight it anymore. I lean forward a little but not all the way.
I wait.
And wait.
As we both breathe heavily and his hand moves over my heart on top of my coat. “Adam.” He breathes my name and I hear the question in the way he says my name. The plea.
I don’t wait any longer. I surge forward and steal another taste of his full, beautiful lips. He sighs against my mouth and then his other hand moves to my hair, threading through the locks and holding me in place.
We kiss and explore, his tongue sweeping inside of my mouth and massaging my own.
It’s warm and wet, a whole new sensation and I can’t fight the deep guttural moan I let out inside of his mouth.
My lips feel swollen and puffy as we kiss and my head aches from the delicious pull of this fingers on my hair.
I don’t want it to ever end, but then there’s a loud bang of the screen door from the house and I know someone is about to run in and find us.
It’s not that I want to hide whatever this is, that I’m ashamed, but I don’t know what it is yet so I give his lips one last quick peck before I peel my body away from his.
“We’ll figure this out.” I say quietly.
I watch in complete awe as he brings his fingers up to his lips and touches them reverently. “Okay.” He says softly just before one of my bonehead brothers busts through the barn door.
“Mom said it’s almost time for dinner and you both need to wash up!”
“It’s your turn to set the table.” I say and my brother huffs.
“I know.” He turns and runs back to the house when I turn to look at Zach with a wink.
“Let’s go eat.”
I want to grab his hand. Take him inside and dare anyone to say anything about it, but we have more talking to do sadly.
And more kissing if I can help it.
A lot more kissing.