Chapter 12
The evening’s ball was less fantastic than the first had been, or the social season had lost its glimmer somewhere in the haze of indiscretions. That, or I was simply and selfishly disinterested in the daily routines of ladies in Chalke, while the memory of Mr. Evergreen lingered upon my lips.
Regardless, my fiancé didn’t notice or he didn’t care. He was too focused on the portrayal of our act.
“I’d say blush was your color,” he told me.
“Thank you, sir,” I said in response, and in response to every compliment he gave.
“Your braid is neat, today,” he chose. “Did your maid tie it differently?”
“No.”
“Would you like to dance?”
He collected my hand before I could decline, and he pulled me to the floor. There were many eyes.
“You’re sporting tonight, Your Highness,” I said. “Did you have a nice time with your Lady Agatha?”
I’m sure I’d struck a nerve but he didn’t say. He smiled toward someone who’d greeted us, then twirled me and when I was back in his charge, he changed the subject.
“How is breaking Ice coming along?” he asked.
“Ah, now you’ve remembered her name,” I remarked.
“Hard not to,” he said. “You did correct me for it, love.”
Another face appeared beside us, wishing the ‘happy couple’ a beautiful and long-lasting holy matrimony. I felt ill.
“How is my Cyrus anyway?”
“What?”
“Cyrus? You saw him earlier, didn’t you? I think I might be jealous of how often you see the man. I used to be his favorite.”
“Ice is coming along,” I said.
“Great. And tomorrow? What are you doing then?”
“I suppose the same as we did today. We take Daniel and Jocelyn now,” I said.
“Daniel?” he asked.
“My cousin.”
“Who?”
“Ser Willoughby,” I said.
“Ah. Right. Do you fancy a trip to town with me tomorrow?” he asked.
“A trip to town?” I blinked a few times, confused. “No. I have plans with Mr. Evergreen.”
“I see,” he said. “Then the day after?”
“Well, I- No. I have plans with Mr. Evergreen then, too.”
“What fun it is that you should be friends,” he replied. “Though, I do think we should be seen together more.”
“Why?”
“I have been absent. It looks weird, it was suggested.”
“You’ve been gone by choice,” I reminded him.
“Aye, by choice, and I’ve apologized for it, I’m sure. Give me a chance to right my wrong, love.”
“A month ago, I would have believed that request,” I said.
“Then you disagree that we should be seen?” he asked.
“No, but…”
Across the room, Agatha and her sister traded whispers and watched. My stomach churned, my lashes fluttered, and I looked up at the Prince.
“Your friends are waiting for you,” I said.
He didn’t look. “I know. Let’s finish our dance.”
“Did you…?” I searched his face. “Did you fight with your mistress?” I asked.
Sameer shushed me, brightly. He smiled at a passerby and then met my eyes.
“Please, the dance?” he asked.
“I am dancing,” I said. “We’re dancing.”
“Right, sorry.”
I shook my head. “Unbelievable.”
“I am sorry,” he said.
“No, I… Your Highness, as a woman, I must tell you, the longer you remain attached to me this evening, the worse she will feel, and the worse your punishment shall be, should that be what’s happening.”
He sighed. “How terrible you must feel in her shadow.”
My eyes narrowed and I let go of his hands, severing our link. He looked around, unsure of how to respond, then figured to take a cordial bow.
“Your Highness,” I said, pursing my lips.
“Svana—”
I curtsied. “Go. You’re free.”
He whispered, “I—”
“Thank you for the dance, Your Highness,” I announced louder.
Sam waited. Then said, “The honor is mine,” but didn’t go. He looked bothered.
I lowered my voice. “I don’t know why I’m helping you when all you do is hurt my feelings but here’s your solution. Apologize. That’s it.”
“For what though?” he asked.
“How should I know?” I shrugged. “Whatever your fight was about.”
He asked, “Grand. Alright. …How?”
“Say the words ‘I’m sorry.’ Are you that dull?”
Sam nodded. He said, “Honestly, yeah.”
“Oh…. Well good that you know, I guess.”
“Thank you,” he said, then casually, he made his way across the floor to his lady.
Ser Willoughby was standing at the end of the corridor furthest from the party. It took me a few minutes to locate him, and the moment I touched his back, the smaller frame that his hid came into view.
“Oh,” I said, as if I had stumbled upon something rare. “Miss Jocelyn. My apologies. I, uh… I can come back.”
She hung her head to blush. “Come back?” she muttered. “For what purpose? You’re not interrupting anything private.”
“Good evening, Svana,” my cousin said. He politely shelved his hand at her. “I was just describing the fanfare to Miss Jocelyn. She was kind enough to entertain me for so long. How can I be of service?”
Josie smiled at him; he offered a slow, cordial nod.
“Good night, Ser,” she said.
“Good night, Miss Jocelyn,” he replied.
I stifled a laugh, quickly shaking my head. “You don’t need to say good night on my accord. In fact, I don’t need you anymore, cousin. I bid you a good night.”
“I was just leaving, Miss,” she said anyway. She met his eyes. “Will I see you tomorrow, Ser Willoughby?”
I stood awkwardly, as I continued to intrude upon the moment.
Neatly, Willoughby said, “I do hope so.”
“Me, too,” she replied.
I widened my eyes a bit. “It’s truly not far of a walk. I’ll see myself to my chamber.”
“That isn’t necessary,” Willoughby said.
“It really feels like it might be,” I replied.
He canted his head, but when he went to look at me, his eyes departed to a shape beyond my shoulders.
“Ser Elías,” he announced boldly.
“Happy to accompany you, Your Highness,” the Lord Commander said.
I spun just as he came to my side, promptly greeting him with the world’s most well-executed, most respectful, but most close-quartered curtsy.
“Ser Elías,” I said.
“Your Highness,” he returned. His brows went up to the other Blade.
Ser Willoughby shook his head. “I’m not preoccupied, Lord Commander,” he said. “I’m happy to escort Svana.”
Intently, I replayed their exchange and searched Eli’s rigid demeanor for any glint of willingness to be close to me or even a sense of obligation.
“Elías,” I said so softly I was shocked he heard it.
He glanced my way, then nodded curtly.
“Hi,” I said.
Lazily, or annoyed, he dipped his head another time, and in response, said, “Good evening, Your Highness.”
No one else said anything but Miss Josie urged me to comply with a silent look as Ser Elías took a long step to the side and ushered me from the pairing. He bid farewell for us both, and walked us down the hall. I stared as we went.
“Is there something on my face?” he asked.
“What?”
“You’re staring at me,” he said. He looked back. “Just to your bedroom then? Or somewhere else?” he asked.
“You look well,” I replied.
He waited for my response.
“Yes,” I said. “My bedroom, please.”
“As you command.”
The lull until my door was agonizing. Once we were outside it, he turned to go, but I stopped him, catching his arm.
“Have you been?” I asked.
“Have I been what?”
“Well,” I said.
“Ah. Yes. I’ve been well,” he said.
It was silent again. “…Any word of bandits?” I tried.
“No,” he replied.
“No?” I asked. “Or like, no, there’s nothing I should know about?”
“Just no,” he said.
“I see.”
“You’ll know what I know when I know it, Your Highness.”
I nodded. Elías turned.
“Wait!” I said, stopping him a second time.
“Something else?” he asked.
“I don’t,” I told him. “I don’t want it.”
“Want—?”
“The distance you old goat! This space between us! You said I wanted it. But I-I don’t.” My eyes were wet. “Please forgive me. I’m so sorry for my inexcusable behavior. I was wrong. I was rude. I’m so very sorry, and I don’t want you to go away. Not ever.”
Elías rolled his neck. “We are fine, Your Highness,” he said. “There is no space.”
“But, there is space, and you keep calling me Your Highness, not Svana, and you said ‘we are,’ not ‘we’re,’ and I said I was sorry. Please. Please call me Svana, Ser. Please call me a brat. Please tell me I am poorly behaved. Please just speak to me!”
He sighed and said, “Svana…” nicely, then danced his shoulders. “You don’t have to injure yourself apologizing, alright? I am not upset with you.”
“How could you not be upset?” I asked. “I was so very rude.”
He looked around and then spoke quieter. “Not entirely. You are an adult now. I am not your father.”
“You’re right. You’re more important.”
“That’s not true. Don’t say things like that,” he said.
“You care about me. The King does not.”
“Nikolai cares. He loves you. He just can’t-”
“No, you love me,” I said. “And I love you, and I’m sorry. And I miss you.”
He nodded. “I miss you, too.”
“You do? Good. Then we must vow to never fight again,” I told him. “Not ever.”
That rolled his eyes, near out of his head as he opened my door.
“You won’t agree?” I asked. “You think we ought to fight?”
“No.” He grinned. “No. I think you’re entirely too much of your mother to make good on that vow, is all.”
“You don’t think I’m more of my father with how angry I got with you?” I asked.
“No,” he said, chuckling. “Angry or not, Nikolai and I rarely fight.”
I considered it. “You fought with my mother?” I asked. “I thought you were friends? Close friends?”
“We were,” he said. “But we fought.”
“Oh.”
“I think we fought more than we got along, if I’m being honest.”
“Well I don’t want that!” I told him. “I said I was sorry. I meant it.”
“I know you’re sorry. And obviously tired,” he replied, inspecting the color beneath my eyes. “Have you not slept well?”
“I’m alright,” I said. “Just… There’s a lot to think about these days but I’ll be fine. Iron and all, right?”
“Can I do anything?” he asked.
“No. You’ve done enough,” I said. “Hellveig is gone. I’ve just had a few bad dreams of her, is all.”
He nodded.
“And Ser Willoughby… Strangely, he was… comforting, I think. He woke me the other night. He told me he wanted to protect me.”
“He’s devoted, that one,” he said.