Chapter 29
We’re at William’s house for lunch. It’s a glorious day and we’re sitting outside. William’s made pizza in his outdoor pizza oven, and it’s delicious.
‘Did you hear about John and Claudia?’ William asks.
‘About going to France?’ Dot asks. ‘Yes, they came to see us and told us. Good for them, I say.’
William frowns. ‘It’s just so unexpected. Remember when we used to go on holidays to France when we were kids and he didn’t like it because the food was different?’
Dot laughs. ‘William, he was a child then. People change. You have to give them space to do so.’
He looks a bit grumpy and I see that he was hoping they could have a bit of a gossip about the situation, make fun of it.
I’m pleased that Dot is having none of it.
Now that I understand John a bit more, after he made the effort to thank me for making Dot happy, I’m on his side.
I’ll be on both of their sides, of course, but William sometimes makes it difficult.
‘How’s Tasha?’ I ask, because I think we could do with a change of subject and also because I genuinely want to know. I haven’t seen her since we visited Dot in hospital together.
Jill gives a pained smile. ‘She’s all right, I suppose. Getting things ready for the baby.’
‘Are you still not on board?’ Dot asks.
Jill looks down and William takes over. ‘It’s not a case of not being on board. It’s more that she’s young and on her own and we’re worried about her.’
‘Well, it’s fine to be worried, but don’t push her away,’ Dot says. ‘You know, I didn’t always agree with the decisions you and John made along the way, but I hope I knew when to let you get on with it regardless.’
William reaches for his beer and takes a long gulp, and no one says anything because it is clear that he is readying himself to speak.
‘It’s not like an unsuitable job or a boyfriend we don’t like, though, is it? She’s having a baby. That changes everything.’
I don’t have much to contribute to this. Don’t think it’s my place, and also I don’t know much about having children and what it means.
‘Of course it does, but I don’t think she’s doing it on a whim,’ Dot says, her voice gentle.
‘We just worry,’ Jill says. ‘You know what that’s like.’
Dot nods in agreement, and I wonder whether she’s thinking about Peter, like I am.
We all eat in silence for a few moments, and then William puts the spotlight on me.
‘What do you think, Mabel? As someone who hasn’t known Tasha all her life?’
I put my knife and fork down and swallow.
Try to pull my thoughts together to make something nice, like I’m arranging flowers into a bouquet.
‘She seems like a sensible young woman, and like she’s given this a lot of thought.
That’s the main thing, as far as I’m concerned.
I never wanted to have children, and my husband sometimes said that I would change my mind if we did it, but I didn’t want to take that risk.
What if I didn’t? But Tasha is obviously clear enough about this that she wants to do it even when that means doing it alone, and I think that’s admirable.
Plus, she’ll have all of us around her for support.
Whether that’s practical or emotional. I think people bring babies into the world in far more shaky circumstances than this. ’
Dot looks at me as if I’ve said something profound, and it reminds me that we’re still learning about each other. That we can never take for granted what the other one will think about something, how they’ll respond.
‘Do you know what Tasha would really hate?’ Dot asks, and William and Jill turn from me to her. ‘For this baby to cause a divide in the family. For your experience of becoming grandparents – of me becoming a great-grandparent – to be tainted.’
Jill looks away, out at her garden. There’s a butterfly resting on the lavender, and I wonder whether that’s what she’s seeing. Before I can point it out, it’s gone. I go back to my pizza.
‘You have this idea,’ Jill says, eventually, ‘of how your children’s lives will go. You write the script for them, and you make it as straightforward and happy as possible. And then they surprise you, by going their own way. It’s part of being a parent, I suppose.’
‘It is,’ Dot agrees. ‘And she’ll learn it herself, in one way or another.’
‘How did you feel when Sean told you he was gay?’ I ask, and they all turn to look at me. ‘I mean, that’s probably not what you expected either, I’m guessing, but he seems to be thriving.’
‘I took a while to come around to it,’ William says. ‘Jill didn’t. And she made me see that he was the same Sean he’d always been, and that this didn’t really change anything, other than us having to alter our expectations a bit.’
‘I think this is similar,’ I say. ‘You didn’t expect Tasha to have a baby on her own, so her life’s going to look a bit different to how you thought, but it’s not necessarily going to be worse.’
‘Better no man than a man who treats you badly,’ Dot adds, and I reach for her hand.
I feel like we’ve given them something to think about, and we move on, then, to other topics.
We tell them a bit about the wedding planning we’ve been doing, show them photos of the venue.
They ask about the food, the cake, the dresses.
For dessert, Jill brings out a lemon meringue pie she’s made herself and it’s heavenly.
William’s just cleared the dishes and brought out coffees and teas when Dot clears her throat.
‘Did I tell you that Mabel has seen Peter?’ she asks.
William lets that settle, Jill and I both looking to him for his reaction.
‘How did that come about?’ he asks.
‘I don’t want either of us to go into our marriage with anything hanging over us, unresolved,’ I say. ‘So when Dot told me about how things were with him, I thought it was time to find him and bring them together.’
‘And have you seen him, Mum?’ William asks.
‘We’re seeing him tomorrow.’
‘I see.’
There’s an atmosphere, and I know it’s because William feels protective over her. I remind myself that Peter made Dot’s life difficult; stole from her. It’s no wonder he isn’t keen.
‘I think he’s changed,’ I say.
‘How do you know? You didn’t know what he was like before.’ William’s tone is a little sharp.
‘No, of course, but Dot’s filled me in. And he seems very settled now, and ordinary. He has a wife and two sons, and he doesn’t live far away either. He’s in Fareham.’
‘You know,’ William says, ‘not everything can be fixed just like that. It’s not always happy families. I know you don’t have children of your own, Mabel, so perhaps you don’t know how it can be—’
‘Don’t patronise her,’ Dot says. ‘Seriously, William, don’t do that. Or we’ll leave. Mabel understands human nature and the way people are just as well as you or I do. You don’t have to be a parent to know about people.’
I’m touched by the way she’s standing up for me. I make a mental note to thank her, later.
‘Please, let’s not fall out,’ Jill says, and I see that she’s the peacekeeper.
I wonder who played that role between William and Dot before she was on the scene. Perhaps it wasn’t needed.
‘Who’s falling out?’ Dot asks, and laughs, but there’s no real humour in it.
‘Jill’s right,’ I say. ‘I think we’re all on the same team, after all. We all want everyone to be happy, we just might not see eye to eye on how to achieve that.’
Just then we hear a voice, and I turn to see Tasha coming across the lawn towards us.
‘I heard you’d both be here today,’ she says, throwing her arms around Dot and then giving me a similar greeting. ‘It’s so good to see you out of hospital, Nanna. You look radiant.’
‘I don’t know about radiant, but I’m sure I look a hell of a lot better than last time you saw me,’ Dot says, gesturing for Tasha to sit down next to her.
‘Is there any pizza left?’ Tasha asks. ‘I’m starving.’
‘Pizza and lemon meringue pie,’ Jill says, standing up. ‘I’ll get you some.’
Tasha looks like she’s about to explode with happiness. ‘How are you, Mabel?’ she asks.
‘I’m very well, thank you. We’re getting underway with wedding plans and enjoying the nice weather. And you?’
Tasha groans. ‘Can’t stop eating, and sleeping. But otherwise fine. I bought a buggy.’ She rolls her eyes. ‘Christ, those things are expensive. It was like buying a car.’
‘You know we can help you with big things like that if you need us to,’ William says.
Tasha tilts her head in his direction. ‘Do I? I thought I was making the worst mistake of my life. What part of that translates to helping me out financially?’
The tension is low, and I’m glad. I’m starting to see how these relationships work. Tasha can tease her parents like this without anyone getting wound up.
‘Let’s just say your grandmother and Mabel have been pleading your case today,’ William says. ‘And maybe I’m starting to come around. And I didn’t say you were making the worst mistake of your life, did I?’
‘Words to that effect,’ Tasha says.
They both stand and Tasha walks into William’s arms and I think about what they might have been like as father and daughter when Tasha was a child. Perhaps that’s part of it. That William loves being her father and doesn’t want her child to grow up without one.
Jill returns with the food and Tasha takes it with glee. And then William and Jill go in to start on the clearing up and it’s just Tasha, Dot and me.
‘I don’t know what you said to them, but I appreciate it,’ Tasha says.
Dot winks at her. ‘You know what your dad is like, all bluster and indignation. He’s going to take one look at your baby and fall head over heels in love, that’s my prediction.’
‘I hope so,’ Tasha says. ‘And I hope I do, too.’
Dot’s face changes, then. It becomes serious.
‘It’s not always like they say, with that rush of love.
But it will come. Remember that, if it doesn’t come immediately.
With John, I thought there was something wrong with me, and that I was just going through the motions, and then six months down the line I realised one day that I would lie down in traffic for him and I wasn’t sure where that had come from. ’
‘Thanks,’ Tasha says. ‘I like the honesty. Keep it coming. Do you want to hear some of my name ideas?’
‘Love to,’ I say.
‘Well, for a boy I like Harrison. Harry for short. And for a girl, I’m trying to make my mind up between Daisy and Poppy.’
Dot nods her approval, and then tells her some of the names she considered when she was having her boys.
‘Do you have any favourite names, Mabel?’ Tasha asks.
And I don’t know whether it’s a conscious thing, but I’m grateful to her for including me, bringing me in even though I haven’t been through this experience.
‘I always liked Charlotte,’ I say. ‘I knew a woman who had a Charlotte and she was the sweetest thing. You can’t help associating names with people you’ve met, can you?’
‘No,’ says Tasha. ‘My friend’s a teacher and every name she thought of had a bad association.’
The light is starting to fade, and William and Jill come back out with more tea, and I feel perfectly content in this garden, in this family.