Chapter Forty-Four
“How are you feeling?” Caz asked.
She’d come upstairs to find Grace sobbing on the floor of the nursery. Little pink and blue teddies on the floor with her, except for one, the biggest, that Grace was clutching to her chest and almost screaming into.
Caz had dropped to the floor, wrapping herself around Grace from behind and holding her until the sobs died down. It was probably what she needed, maybe what they both needed, because Grace had calmed after that and allowed herself to be taken to bed. She’d lain there quietly while Caz had run down and brought the plate of leftover food upstairs, insisting they should try to eat something.
The room was warm as the rain lashed against the window outside; a dark and thunderous storm, but at least it was calm again inside the house.
Beneath the duvet, Caz lay prone, while Grace snuggled into her side. One of her arms wrapped around Caz’s waist, her fingertips flexing and relaxing against the warm torso. Caz’s arm was squashed beneath Grace, hooked around her shoulders, pulling her closer, but she wouldn’t complain when it went numb and pins and needles crept in.
Remnants of pizza crusts and garlic bread on a plate rested on Caz’s legs. She was grateful Grace had finally eaten something, even if it had just been a couple of half-eaten slices. It was better than nothing.
Grace sniffed and said, “I don’t know…I’m still sad, but…less angry?”
“That’s good, I think.” Caz squeezed her arm a little tighter. “You needed to be angry, and now, you can be sad.”
“I don’t want to be sad forever, but…it feels like I might.”
“I’m not going to let that happen,” Caz promised.
“Promise?”
“’Course, I’ve never failed you before, have I?”
For a moment Grace was quiet, but then she said, “No.”
“Feels like there’s a but there…”
Grace breathed in and out deeply. “I’m worried…that I’ll fail you.” Caz went to speak but Grace moved a finger to her lips. “Let me finish…please.”
“Okay.”
“I said that I loved you, and I do, not just as a friend. I find myself feeling things for you I’ve only ever felt with men before, but I’m not gay…I don’t know what to do with that? Or how it works with you…”
“I get that…I’m kind of nervous too,” Caz said. She reached for the plate and placed it down to the floor before twisting so she could face Grace. “I think right now isn’t the time to worry about labels and whether you’re gay or not.”
Grace nodded.
“And I think maybe it would work better if we just let whatever it is between us happen in its own time. What does Dani say? Things should be organic?”
Grace chuckled. “Yeah, I like that idea.”
“We’ve got all the time in the world. You already married me. So you can’t escape.” Caz smiled and pressed her lips against Grace’s forehead.
“I like it when you do that.”
“Kiss your head?” Caz questioned.
Grace nodded again. “My forehead, head…mouth,” she said, looking up into Caz’s eyes. “I think that time when you were drunk and kissed me…it was more than nice, but I just put it to one side and figured…” She laughed. “Oh, I dunno what I thought, but I knew I wasn’t gay and so I didn’t think about it again.”
Caz drew her fingertip down Grace’s cheek. “It’s good to hear you laugh. See, I told you I wouldn’t let you stay sad for long.”
Eyes welled up instantly. “I know, and I know my emotions are all over the place.”
“All totally normal under the circumstances.”
“Yeah. Will you stay in here tonight?”
Caz chuckled. “You threw me out.”
“I know, that was so mean, I didn’t want to…I just…I couldn’t see how we moved forward, and I didn’t want to hold you back.”
“You could never do that.”
“And I took my anger out on you and I’m ashamed of myself for doing that.” Grace looked away.
With one finger under Grace’s chin, Caz brought her back, face to face. “It’s okay, don’t carry that…”
“Does that mean…will you move back in here?”
“I’m already here.” She kissed her forehead again. “And I told you before, I’m not leaving.”