23. Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Three
Blaze
“Where’s Addy?” Kade asks as I lean against the wall, sipping on my now-warm beer. “It’s weird to see you here without her.”
“I don’t know.”
Kade’s brows disappear into his hairline. “You don’t know where she is? Since when? The two of you are practically conjoined at the hip.”
“Not tonight,” I grit out, trying to swallow the emotion in my throat.
Things are so wrong between us right now, and the way she’s been avoiding me has left me reeling. It’s all my fault for kissing her—I know that—but I don’t know how to fix it. I’ve been trying to get things back to normal, but she hasn’t really wanted to see me or talk to me since we got home.
Kade is silent for a few moments. “You okay?”
“Yeah, of course,” I lie, forcing myself to smile. “All good.”
He shakes his head. “No, you’re not. You’ve got that blank expression on your face. Something’s up. Just tell me what it is, and we can talk about it. Come on.” He gestures for me to follow him out into the backyard, where some people are swimming in the pool. We head to the corner of the patio, where the string lights are keeping the place lit up.
“Okay, spill.”
“There’s nothing to spill. It just feels weird without Addy. She’s always here.” I chug the rest of my beer, trying not to visibly cringe as the lukewarm liquid slides down my throat. “Things are weird between us right now.”
“Yeah, Dylan told me you kissed her.”
I chuckle, picking at the label. “Does he ever not tell everyone everything?”
“No.” Kade laughs. “He doesn’t, so let’s figure this out. Do you regret it?”
“No.” I laugh. “It was the second-best kiss I’ve ever had.”
Kade raises a dark brow.
“Right behind our second one.” I admit, feeling my face heat up.
“You kissed her twice ?”
“Yeah… I thought we could clear the air after our first kiss over a picnic, so I rented out a private beach. But we ended up playing truth or dare, and she dared me to kiss her again. I did it without hesitation—I don’t know how I even stopped myself. She’s addictive like that.”
“Sounds like you have some feelings,” Kade says carefully. “And considering she dared you to kiss her, she probably has feelings for you too … and maybe that’s something you both need to address. I mean, it really seems like there’s something more between the two of you.”
“She knows we’re just friends.”
“But do you ?” Kade shoots back. “Weren’t you the one who kissed her at that wedding? You’re gonna have to own up to that and whatever caused it.”
My stomach knots up. “I don’t know. I got lost in the moment, I guess.”
Pretending to be her boyfriend brought out real feelings.
Kade shakes his head. “Well you better think long and hard about why you did it and where you’re gonna go from here, because she’s clearly feeling some type of way. And if you have feelings for Addy, you need to tell her—whether you move forward with them or not.”
“I’d never risk it.”
He narrows his eyes. “What do you mean? You already are risking it … right now. Addy’s not here. She’s always here. You need to get this straightened out before you lose her either way.” He pats me on the shoulder and then moves on to another group of people.
I slink back into the dark corner of the patio, wishing it would swallow me whole. I pull out my phone, seeing absolutely nothing. Addy’s never gone more than a few hours without texting me, and I’m starting to feel her absence.
I pull up our message thread and type out a text message to her.
Me: It’s weird to be at a party without you. How’s your evening?
I hit the send button and stare at the screen, waiting. After a few minutes, I decide that she’s probably sleeping. Or maybe she’s not feeling that good. I have this weird urge to go to her house and check on her—but I shove that away. I know that’s my anxiety talking.
The read receipt pops up, and I breathe a sigh of relief as the three dots appear on the screen. My heart thumps heavily in my chest as I wait for her to respond.
The dots flash over and over again for nearly five minutes…
And then they’re gone.
No reply.
My jaw drops. Addy’s never done that to me before. I have the strong urge to text her a second time, but clearly, I’ve already pushed it enough for one night. It’s time for me to back off. I know that.
And it hurts.
I lean back against the patio wall, my mind flickering to all the times I almost kissed her in college, thinking that maybe Addy and I could be more.
Seven Years Ago…
“Hey, congrats,” I tell her, threading my arm around hers. “You did it, graduating college and all that.”
She bursts into giggles, leaning her head against my arm. “Yeah, I guess I did. Are you excited for the party tonight, Mr. NHL Superstar?”
“Don’t say it like that.” I laugh, cherishing the way it feels to have her warmth against me. “It makes me out to be a bigger deal than I am. I’m just the same guy I’ve always been. And we’re celebrating you, not me.”
“Ha, yeah, okay.” We walk into the party, and Penny runs to greet the two of us, wrapping us in a warm hug.
“You did it!” She plants a kiss on Addy’s cheek. “Look at you, with your business degree.” Her bright red hair is up in a weird sort of bun on her head, and while I’ve never understood the eccentricity of Addy’s best girlfriend, I’m good with it. It keeps things interesting.
“I know.” Addy beams, and then looks at me. “And it’s crazy—Blaze is in the NHL. It’s like we’ve all made it.”
“What’re you going to do now?” Penny asks, handing us beers and leading us out to the backyard. “I bet you’re going to be a millionaire by the time you’re thirty.”
“No.” Addy laughs. “Though, if my family has their way, I’ll be married to one.” She frowns at that. “Did you know they’ve set me up with a date next week? His name’s Archer . We were friends in second grade, but then his family moved to London. I guess he’s back now.”
“Wow,” I say, my stomach flip-flopping. “What’s he like?”
I hate it when we talk about Addy’s prospective boyfriends.
That, and I’ve finally decided—now that I’m making the kind of money in the NHL that can live up to her family’s standards, I’m going to tell Addy that I’m in love with her.
And tonight’s the night I’m gonna do it.
“He’s not my type.” Addy looks up at me, her gaze lingering for a few moments. My heart hammers in my chest. She turns back to Penny, the two of them going on and on about Penny’s new boyfriend—one she thinks she’s going to marry.
I stand there and listen to the best of my ability, but tonight, my goal is to get Addy alone so I can finally tell her what I’ve been holding onto for the last few years. I’ve been quiet about my feelings since we met…
But tonight, I want to be loud and vocal about them.
Now, I can meet her family’s expectations. I can be the millionaire she marries by the time she’s thirty. My head starts to imagine that scenario, and my palms start to sweat.
I can do this.
I can tell her that she’s the one for me.
Then she won’t have to go out on a date with Archer.
“Oh my gosh, he’s cute,” Penny hums, staring at Addy’s phone. “And this is Archer?”
I swallow the lump in my throat, telling myself to ignore it. Penny calls any guy with a face cute . Archer is no different, I’m sure.
I roll my shoulders and then slip off to grab another beer. I pop the top and head back, seeing that Addy is finally alone.
Just tell her.
It’s now or never.
“Hey, you okay?” Addy looks at me, probably noticing that I might pass out at any moment.
“Yeah, totally,” I tell her. “Can we talk though?”
She giggles. “We are talking.”
“I mean, with a little more privacy.” I choke on my words.
Addy knits her brows together. “Oh, yeah, of course.”
I nod and grab her hand to lead her further from the crowd. It’s not the first time I’ve held her hand, but it’s the first time I’ve done it with the intention of not letting go. I have to admit, it’s getting to me.
“Is everything okay?” Addy pulls her hand from mine as soon as she turns to face me.
Okay, maybe I will let go of her hand.
I sigh, trying to conjure up the words to tell her. “You know, we’ve been friends for, like, three years now.”
She smiles. “Almost four, actually.”
“Okay, yeah, almost four,” I amend. “And they’ve been the best four years of my life. You’re like family now.”
“Aw, you’re so sweet.” She beams, her bright blue eyes alight from the dim glow of the moon above us. I swallow hard, trying not to look at her luscious lips, begging me to kiss them.
Holy smokes, I really want to kiss her.
My heart throbs in my chest.
C’mon, Blaze. Hold it together.
If I can’t tell her that I’m in love with her right now, then I’m not going to ever take the step.
“Blaze?” Addy tilts her head. “What’s up? You said you need to talk? What is it?”
“I just love you,” I blurt out, feeling my face grow hot.
She’s quiet for a minute, and then laughs . “I love you, too. I’m so glad we got that off our chests since you always say that we’re like family. Family loves each other.”
“Uh…” I trail off as I realize she misconstrued what I’m saying. “No, I—”
Addy’s phone text alert goes off. She groans as she checks the notification. “Oh my gosh. It’s my mother. She’s so dead set that this Archer guy is going to be the one.” She peers up at me, shaking her head. “And for the record, I kind of hope he is, too, because I’m so tired of being forever alone. I mean, Archer and I were friends as kids. He supposedly had a crush on me in grade school, but he never told me. Cuz, you know, the moment that someone has a crush that’s one-sided, everything goes sideways.”
My lips part, wanting to shout at her that I’m in love with her, but I can’t seem to find the nerve—and her words give me pause. “So, if one of your guy friends liked you as more than a friend, you wouldn’t be friends with them anymore?”
She furrows her brow, looking up at me. “Um, it would probably be awkward.” Addy goes back to her phone, her fingers viciously typing something out to her mom. “But thankfully, that’s never happened.”
“Yeah, for sure.” I swallow the rejection and stare off into the yard, trying to look at anything and everything but Addy. I had it in my head that everything was going to go my way tonight, but clearly…
I was dead wrong.
There’s no way I would ever want to lose Addy over me being in love with her.
I pick at the label on my beer and vow to bury these feelings for her deep down in my chest. Maybe if I bury it deep enough, I’ll get over her.
And I’ll forget this moment ever happened.