18. Katie
KATIE
T he next morning, I head down to the kitchen, my mouth salivating at the smell of coffee. I’m not sure how mornings go around here, but as my husband has reminded me—this is my house as much as it’s anyone else’s.
“Good morning, Mrs. Miller,” I hear a slightly accented voice say as I enter the kitchen. Glancing around, I expect to see Jessica, but it dawns on me she’s talking to me.
“Please, call me Katie.”
“She’s right, I’m Mrs. Miller.”
Ahhh, there’s Jessica. I hope my cheeks aren’t red with anger and embarrassment. One of the worst traits I have is wearing my emotions across my face.
“But you won’t be calling her Katie,” Jessica continues. “Her name is Katherine.”
I want to argue, but I don’t know how. I’ve always been taught to respect my elders, even if they don’t show me respect in return. Setting my jaw, I glance up at the woman with the accented voice.
“Hi, my name is Katie. What’s yours?”
Her blue eyes flit over to Jessica, then back to me. I give her a reassuring smile, nodding slightly.
“Monica. It’s nice to meet you, Ms. Katie.”
“I’ll accept that,” I grin at her. “What do you normally do for breakfast around here?”
Jessica sniffs, a sound of disgust that I’ve just introduced myself and I’m willing to associate with the help. “Fruit and coffee,” she answers for Monica. “But I figure you should probably leave the coffee alone.”
“Why?” My eyebrows come together as I try to figure out why I shouldn’t be allowed to have coffee.
“Women who are trying to conceive shouldn’t be having caffeine,” she says matter-of-factly.
Raising an eyebrow at her, I turn so that I’m facing her. “What me and my husband are doing in the bedroom is none of your concern.”
“It is, actually,” her tone is cool. “The deal we made said you’d have a baby within a year.”
Throwing my head back, I laugh harder than I’ve ever laughed before. “I’m so glad to know you have a direct line to the Lord above, Jessica. No matter what your plans are, I don’t think you can force them. There is such a thing as being able to physically conceive. What if we have issues? You can’t force things by your will.”
“If you have issues,” she puts emphasis on the you, “you’ll be seen by the best doctors and no matter what, you’ll have a child.” Her smile is cold, as is her gaze.
“Is that what you were told when you came to live here?” I ask on impulse. “Were you told to be cold to your kids and never let anyone see you sweat?”
“Cold to my kids? You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
I step closer to her. “I’ve only known your son for a few days, and I can tell you he’s never known a warm mother in his life. My parents may have sold me to the highest bidder for what they needed, but at least I felt love. I know what it is, and I can express it. I’m going to teach him what it means. He’s going to fall in love with me, Jessica.”
“The hell he is,” she snaps.
“You think just because you never showed him what it is, he’ll be at a deficit the rest of his life? Ask almost anyone who’s fallen in love. All it takes is one person to pull those feelings out and give voice to them. I refuse to live the rest of my life without knowing the kind of affection others have. You may have assumed I’d be easy and not ask questions, not make waves, but I’m here to tell you, you’ve got the wrong idea about me.” My stomach is aching as I say these words. My hands are shaking, but somehow I don’t allow it into my voice. I sound poised and unaffected.
Jessica steps closer, so close I can feel her breath on my face. “Don’t play with me. No one has been able to one-up me; ever. You may think a pretty face and a tight pussy will make him be loyal to you? Good luck. This is my house, and you won’t be taking it from me.”
She turns on her heel and walks out of the kitchen. The exchange has left me exhausted. I sag against the island, feeling the adrenaline rush from my body.
“Are you okay?” Monica asks, holding a palm to her chest. “Those words? I feel as if she’s walked over your grave.”
“Words don’t mean much.” I play off what had just happened as nothing special. “What’s going to matter is how I can make Trace feel, how I can make him see there’s more to life than this. More to life than this piece of land in the middle of nowhere, Montana. I’m sad because of the way she expects him to live. Who wants that for their child?”
Monica doesn’t answer, probably because she’s scared to. There’s no telling what they’ve threatened her with to keep her working here. Instead, she’s careful with what she says. “I think as parents we all want what we believe to be best for our children.”
“Too bad some think what’s best for their children is what’s best for them.”
She makes a non-committal noise in the back of her throat, before putting a plate with eggs and bacon in front of me. “I hope you enjoy your breakfast, Ms. Katie. If you need anything, let me know.”
I’m left in the silence, and with that, I’m told all I need to know. It’s going to take more than standing up to Jessica to get people around here to trust me.
And I don’t think I’ve ever felt as alone as I do right now.
* * *
Two hours later, I’ve managed to look all over the house, and it’s colder than I imagined. While my parents have money, and do prescribe to a few of the old ways—hence why I’m in an arranged marriage—I could at least feel the warmth of our home. There were family pictures up and I know my parents and brothers love me.
There’s no pictures on these walls that are family.
There’s no knickknacks lying around that the boys wouldn’t have given either of their parents for Mother’s or Father’s Day. It’s as if I’m in a museum and nothing can be touched.
Looking outside, I see the sun shining and realize it’s got to be a million times better than being in here. Heading upstairs, I put on my boots and grab a long-sleeved shirt to protect me from the sun. Before leaving the room, I catch a glimpse of myself in the dresser mirror.
If anyone else looked at me they wouldn’t see anything different, but I see it.
I see all of it.
The way my eyes are slightly brighter than they were yesterday. The almost imperceptible bruise at my neck from where Trace’s lips turned my legs into jelly. My insides warm as I think about the way he played me. Inhaling deeply, I grab a hair tie and put it around my wrist before I turn and head out the door; down the stairs, and into the open air.
It’s a beautiful day, or maybe I’m just seeing it through new eyes, with a brand new appreciation for what Trace and I will be trying to do together. Knowing that we have each other in the middle of this crazy situation makes it easier.
There’s a lot going on toward the barns, so that’s where I head. I’m sick of being by myself, and if there’s people to talk to, I’d much rather be there. That’s when I catch a glimpse of him.
My husband.
Sitting atop a horse with his jeans pulled tight against his thighs. He’s wearing a regular baseball hat with a pair of aviator sunglasses. My stomach clenches as he turns toward me and smiles. I can see the brightness of his teeth from here.
He pushes the horse toward me, and as he approaches, my heart beats a little faster with every step.
“What’s going on?” he asks as they come to a stop in front of me.
“Figured I’d come outside and see what’s going on. Was getting stuffy and lonely in there,” I shrug. “What’s going on with you?”
“Fixing to go ride to check out a few fences.” He turns, glancing at the group of men who were going with him. They’re waiting, trying to avoid looking at us.
“Have fun,” I give him a smile. I try to keep the disappointment out of my voice. I’d hoped there would be something I could help with.
“You wanna come? You can ride with me if you want. You do know how to ride a horse, don’t you?”
“I do. I can ride my own if you don’t want me with you,” I offer.
“Nah.” He reaches down, grabbing my hand with his. “I’d rather have you next to me.”
In a tremendous show of strength, he lifts me up, putting me in front of him. It’s one of those things you imagine people can do, but never expect it to happen.
“I can’t believe you just did that,” I giggle.
“You like that?” he teases.
“One of the hottest things ever.”
He leans in, his mouth at my ear. “I’ll have to remember that for later.”
“Please do.” I grab hold of the saddle horn and hang on as we take off toward the horizon.