Chapter 19
ASPEN
“Are any of my regulars asking for me?” My boss at the escort agency has been unusually silent lately, and with things well and truly over between Ryder and me, there’s nothing to stop me continuing to add to my restaurant fund.
“Mr. Whitiker has placed a retainer on you.”
“Can someone do that? What about anyone else who wants me to go out?”
“He’s paying double what any of them do. You’re being paid for nothing right now, as am I.”
“But it’s not right. I don’t want his money. Do I need to go and find a new agency to work with?”
“No, Danielle. I don’t understand why you’re opposed to free money.”
“Because I’m not his possession. I’m not a toy that no one else can play with. I took this job because I want to pay my own way and on my own terms. He’s making that impossible.”
“Do you want me to set up an actual date for you? I know he won’t be opposed to that.”
“It’s fine. I’ll handle it myself.” I hang up the call and toss my phone across the room, frustration driving me to the edge.
Jude hears my phone smack into the wall and clatter to the floor and comes running.
“What happened? Are you okay?” She follows my gaze to my now-cracked phone.
“Every time a client calls for me, he’s intercepting it and paying double.”
“You’re getting ten grand for nothing? Score.” She doesn’t understand.
“I don’t want his money! I make an honest living.
He’s the only guy who’s pushed me outside of the boundaries I set for myself.
He can’t keep doing this. I’m giving him the money back.
I’m not going to open my restaurant with funds that came from him.
And certainly not because he’s dictating who I can and can’t spend time with. ”
“Guys do stupid stuff when they’re in love.” She clasps her hand over her mouth the second she says it.
“He’s not in love with me.”
“I promised I wouldn’t spill the beans. And you seem to hate him now, but also, you don’t get this riled by someone you don’t have feelings for.”
“What? What do you mean you promised? When did you speak to him?”
“The night you came home crying. Remember, I went down to get your bracelet back. He looked so distraught, and I called him on it. He’s in love with you, but he didn’t want me to tell you because he didn’t want to influence your feelings for him.”
“But he can influence who I see and how I earn?”
“Shut up, Aspen!” I’m startled into silence.
Jude has never told me to shut up. “This guy is totally crazy over you, and he doesn’t want other guys paying to spend time with you.
I get it. It’s not his place, but you won’t even talk to him.
He’s trying to be there for you, even though you won’t give him the time of day.
Maybe if you exchanged more than two words outside the kitchen, you’d realize that he’s head over heels. ”
“He’s not.” I protest.
“And you’re into him.”
“No. That’s… I’m not… it’s absurd. No. Nope.”
“I’ve been your best friend for ten years. Don’t bullshit a bullshitter.”
“You don’t understand.”
“Then explain it to me.”
“I can’t. I signed an NDA.”
“What the fuck is going on, Aspen? You’ve been acting strange since the moment you started working at the restaurant you won’t let me come to.
I’ve eaten food at every place you’ve worked over the years.
Dives. Diners. Hoity-toity restaurants. And that was just when you were waitressing.
You’re finally cooking, and you won’t let me come.
Now you’re pushing away a guy I know you’re into. ”
“It’s complicated. And I can’t tell you.”
“What the fuck kind of restaurant makes you sign an NDA? It’s not normal.”
“No, it’s not, and that’s exactly why I can’t act on my feelings for him. We’re from very different worlds. I can’t be what he wants me to be.”
“And what is that?”
I retrieve my phone and start busying myself tidying my room. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“If you won’t tell me, then he will.”
“Don’t get involved. I’ll handle it.”
“You’re going to tell him that you’re in love with him?”
“I’m not. I’m in love with the idea of who I thought he was. There’s a difference.”
“Tell yourself whatever you need to, but if you are so intent on staying away from this man, why did you ask him to come back? He gave you space, and you couldn’t handle it.”
“Because I want to learn from him! Sex has nothing to do with it.”
“You’re lying to yourself! He walked away for you, and you invited him back in. Whatever is going on with you two is far from over. Just admit it. You want him. And you can’t stand that you want him. Say it!”
“Fuck you, Jude. You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Fuck me? Fuck you! This code of silence bullshit is eating you up. I’m just trying to be a good friend, and you’re shutting me out. You’re right, this guy isn’t good for you, not because of anything he’s done, but because you’ve become a colossal bitch since you broke it off with him.”
“And you’re so perfect! If you knew what he really wanted from me, you’d be first in line to kick him in the nuts.”
“But you won’t talk to me!”
“Because I can’t. He could sue me if I say anything.”
“Stop with the dramatics, Aspen. Either tell him you have feelings for him or walk away. What you’re doing is cruel, and for the record, his feelings are valid. Would you want him spending time with women for money?”
“That’s beside the point. I didn’t lie to him.”
“You didn’t tell him either. Take some fucking responsibility.”
“I don’t need to justify myself to you, him, or anyone else.”
“Fine.”
“Fine!” I grab my purse and keys and storm out of my room with no thought of where I’m going.
Jude and I never fight.
As I wander aimlessly around the streets of Manhattan, I find myself outside of Venom, and a chill runs down my spine.
Am I here because I think Ryder is here?
If that’s the case, he’s probably fucking a woman who can give him everything he needs, and I have no right to feel the clawing, primal jealousy ripping through my chest in this moment.
I rummage in my purse for my employee ID and head inside. I’m going to hate myself in the morning for putting myself through the agony of seeing Ryder with someone else, but maybe it will help me move on.
He’s the one who wanted closure the last time we were together, but the way he makes every nerve ending in my body sing calls to me. I want him more than my next breath, and yet I hate him for making me feel like a whore.
“Good evening, Ms. Struthers. I wasn’t expecting you tonight. Can’t stay away?”
“Something like that.” I’m conspicuous in a pair of faded blue jeans and a plain white T-shirt.
If I had known I’d end up here, I’d have dressed appropriately.
The thought has me about to turn on my heel when the doors open, but I came here for a reason.
Somewhere inside me, I need to know. I have to see it with my own eyes.
With trepidation in every pounding beat of my heart, I step inside and hold my breath as it whisks me to the opulent foyer of Venom.
“Hello, Ms. Struthers.” The most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen addresses me as she checks her coat.
I’ve seen her in the bar with a man kneeling at her side like a pet.
She’s even more breathtaking up close and intimidating as hell.
Her raven-black hair cascades down her back, a stark juxtaposition to her porcelain skin.
Her curves are slight, but feminine, and her legs go on for miles.
“Hello.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t bite. I’m Genevieve,” she says, offering her slender hand in greeting.
“I’m Aspen.”
“Yes, I’m aware. Are you working this evening?” She looks me up and down, answering her own question.
“No, not tonight.”
“I didn’t realize you were interested in the lifestyle.”
“I’m not. I don’t think. I’m not sure why I’m here. I went for a walk to clear my head. I had a fight with my best friend. I just sort of ended up in the lobby.”
“Would you like to join me for a drink? I meant it when I said I don’t bite. I’m meeting a friend who is a little confused about this place too.”
“Oh. I don’t want to crash your evening.”
“Aspen,” she says, linking her arm through mine. “First things first. No apologizing unless it’s to your Dom or submissive.”
“Which are you?” I’m about to say sorry for asking such a personal question, but she’s quick to answer with a bright smile.
“The former. Thank you for asking. Most would assume I’m a submissive, but I like to think I can pull off some ‘big dick’ energy around here.” Her gentle laughter has me grinning, a little less intimidated. “Let’s have a drink.”
“Thank you.”
As we enter the bar, I’m taken aback by the splendor of every surface. I don’t usually take notice after a long shift, but it’s stunning. It’s the height of luxury. I am most definitely underdressed.
Another beautiful woman beams at the Domme beside me as we reach the bar.
“Jenna, this is Aspen. She makes all that decadent food up on the rooftop.”
The bombshell redhead stands from her stool and welcomes me with a hug. “Hey. Your food is to die for.”
“Thank you. Chef Stevens put together a wonderful menu.”
She giggles. “I’ve never heard anyone call Ry that before. That’s hot.”
“He’s my… mentor.” I suppose we’ll never be any more than that now.
“He’s gorgeous. How do you get any work done?”
“I…”
Genevieve beckons me to take a seat, and to my delight, Eli appears. A familiar face in the crowd. “Good evening, ladies. What can I get you?”
“Three Cosmopolitans, please, Eli,” Genevieve says with absolute confidence. She does exude ‘big dick’ energy, as she calls it.
“I’m underdressed. Everyone in here looks so glamorous.”
“You look gorgeous,” Genevieve reassures me.
“Thanks.” I tuck a loose tendril behind my ear before taking a sip of my drink.
“Are you in the lifestyle?” Jenna asks.
“No. The extent of my knowledge is what I’ve gleaned working here.”
“But you’re intrigued?” she probes.
“I don’t know.”