Chapter 13
13
Tam
There were days when Tam never felt warm. He had mostly learned to live with the cold, but that didn’t stop the very bones of his body from aching. And he was convinced the chill wasn’t entirely due to the temperature either. There was so little warmth in his life – no soft edges to cushion life’s blows, few kind words or welcoming smiles, none of the glow inside which came from the simplicity of a comforting hug (which wasn’t from his mother). One which told you that everything would be okay. He missed those human moments more than anything.
He got on well with his colleagues at work, but as kind as Trish could be, he wouldn’t call her a friend. Those people didn’t know him; they didn’t really see him at all. And unless his circumstances changed, even the brightest summer’s day wouldn’t bring the kind of warmth he longed for.
Sure, there had been plenty of friends in the past, one or two of the closest ones even offered to help when the business went bust, but those friends also had families and lives of their own, and Tam knew that sofa surfing was a surefire way to stretch those friendships to the limit. Maybe he had pushed them away, and their offers of help, but none of them had tried too hard to change his mind. It turned out they didn’t need much encouragement at all to drift away, and so he lost them too. In fact, Eleanor was the only person he’d call a friend these days, absurd as it sounded.
He’d had many a sleepless night over the last couple of weeks, at times hating himself for the choices he’d made, at times patting himself on the back for having the integrity to make those self-same choices, but mostly just fighting down the rising tide of terror inside him. Because what would he do if he lost his job? Life was bad enough now; he didn’t think he had the strength to face what a jobless future might bring. Neither did he have a clue how to change his current situation.
He pulled his sleeping bag higher around his ears and closed his eyes, but the darkness was suddenly overwhelming, and he sat up, fumbling for his blanket which had become as twisted as his thoughts. Strangely, settling down for the night when he was cold wasn’t as bad as waking up – knowing that at some point he would have to leave the relative warmth of his covers and face the day. And although he wouldn’t have to get up for a while yet, this morning was going to prove more difficult than most.
He looked around the car park, checking the lie of the land. He’d got used to which cars came and went and which stayed overnight. It helped him to tune out the random noises which seemingly posed him no threat – car doors opening and closing, or the occasional movement of vehicles in and out. It meant he could at least get some sleep. Last night had been different though, and he stared at the space which had been occupied by the grey van, wondering if it was about to become the latest of his problems.
He’d noticed it before on numerous occasions, but there had been nothing about it to attract his attention in the past. It usually arrived before he went to sleep, and was always gone by morning, but in his wakefulness last night he’d realised that the opening of the van’s side door was accompanied by behaviour he wanted no association with. Drugs spelled trouble, particularly for people like him, and if it had happened once, the likelihood was that the trade was regular. Being sensible, he ought to find somewhere else to stay but, tucked away as it was, this little car park had been perfect. Clearly he wasn’t the only person who thought so. He sighed and leaned his head against the back of the front seat. Life could be so rubbish at times.
As he sat there, a woman came into view. He’d seen her before. She was the owner of the clapped-out navy Volvo who always parked as close to the exit as she could. She had on a woollen coat today, buttoned up to the neck, but during warmer weather, he’d glimpsed a nurse’s uniform and had always assumed she worked the night shift. It would explain her desire for a fast getaway come morning and he smiled. He didn’t blame her – he’d do the same.
She passed by the rear of his car, and he shut his eyes, as if that would magically make him invisible. At least it would spare her the embarrassment of making uncomfortable eye contact; that would be awful. When he first started sleeping in his car, he used to watch people – surreptitiously, of course – but he liked to imagine what kind of life they had. Wondering where they’d been, where they were going…Did they have any pets? What was their favourite colour? Anything and everything, small details, but ones which made up a life. This little window on the everyday used to make him feel connected. It made him feel as if he was still a part of it. But then he realised he would always be on the outside of the window looking in and the opposite happened. He turned his head away and pulled his blanket higher.
The sudden expletive was such a surprise it made him jump. It was still too early for loud noises of any kind, and certainly not ones as filled with emotion as that had been. And it was soon followed by another, different this time – the woman had quite a vocabulary. He looked over to where she was standing by her car, and he was caught by how utterly defeated she looked. Without thinking, he threw off his blanket and scooched his legs out of his sleeping bag, reaching for his trainers. He had one hand on the car door before he thought to check his appearance. A fleece and jogging bottoms looked harmless enough though, didn’t they?
The woman jumped as if she’d been shot. ‘Jesus, you scared the life out of me.’
Tam threw up his hands as if she’d pointed that same gun at him . ‘Sorry, sorry…I wasn’t thinking.’ He slowly lowered his hands. ‘Do you need any help?’
The woman stared at him and then at the car. ‘Probably…I don’t know.’ She kicked the side of the car viciously and Tam immediately saw the problem. The nearside tyre was flatter than a pancake.
‘Ah…Have you got a spare?’
She looked about her as if one might happen to be lying around. ‘Yeah…’ She scratched her head, distracted. ‘It’s in the boot, I think.’
He gestured at the car. ‘May I? I can give you a hand if you like.’
‘Yeah, okay…’ she muttered, fumbling with her phone. ‘No! Wait a minute.’ She frowned and placed a hand on top of her head, staring across the space. Tam could see the beginnings of panic stirring.
‘I don’t have to help,’ he added. ‘Are you with the AA? Or someone who could come out to change it for you?’
‘What?’
‘The tyre. Is there someone who could come out to change it for you? A breakdown service, maybe.’
She stared at him again and he winced at his words.
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to assume you couldn’t change the tyre yourself…Just that it’s a dirty job and you’re…you might not want to.’
She seemed to be having trouble understanding what he was saying. ‘I need to get home,’ she said. ‘I can’t be doing with this…’ He cringed as she let fly another volley of expletives.
‘Shall we have a look in the boot?’ he suggested, hoping to move the situation along.
‘There’s no point,’ she said, her attention suddenly snapping to him. ‘The spare is flat too. I never got it repaired. And no, I’m not with the AA or anyone else who could help.’
‘Ah…’ Tam nodded in commiseration. ‘It happens. We always think next week will be soon enough to do these things, don’t we? And then suddenly a year has gone by and…’ He trailed off. He wasn’t helping.
‘I know you,’ she said, eyes narrowing. ‘I’ve seen you. You sleep here, don’t you? In your car.’
Tam took a step backward. ‘Right…’ He should have known. ‘And I suppose you’ll be informing the police on me now, will you? Have me moved along? Or arrested for deigning to speak to you?’
‘What the hell?’ She glared at him. ‘Why on earth would I do that?’ Her eyes locked on his, the intensity of her gaze rapidly becoming uncomfortable. ‘Oh, I see, it’s because you kip here overnight, isn’t it? So, even though you know nothing about me, you’ve decided I’m the kind of person who would behave like a—’ She broke off. ‘Not very nice person.’
‘Well, you brought up the subject of me being homeless.’
‘Yes, because I’ve seen you here, that’s all. I wasn’t being judgemental, far from it. And I certainly wouldn’t call the police.’
‘So kind of you.’
‘Isn’t that allowed?’ She shook her head. ‘I’m a nurse, for heaven’s sake. Every day I see people in hospital who are there when they shouldn’t be – because they’ve drunk themselves stupid for so long their liver is a shrivelled mess, or because they’ve smoked twenty a day for thirty years and are dying of lung cancer. I’ve learned not to judge. One, because it’s none of my business, and two, because behind every damaged liver or cancerous lung is a person, with a life and a story to tell. I don’t believe in giving someone my opinion on how to live when I haven’t walked in their shoes.’
‘Well, you’re one of the few people who don’t,’ he muttered.
‘So, shoot me,’ she said, hands on hips as she glared at him. But then, realising what she’d said, she tutted loudly. ‘Fantastic…I’m standing in a car park with a complete stranger in what might as well be the middle of the night, and I’ve just asked him to shoot me. Let’s just tune into Crimestoppers now, shall we?’
‘Is that a man thing?’ he asked. ‘Pardon me, but now you’re being really judgemental.’
Her head dropped immediately. ‘Yes, yes, I am…I know, I’m sorry. I just need to get home. Sorry,’ she said again. She stared at her car, her face overwhelmingly weary. ‘I don’t know what to do…Damn it, how could I have been so stupid?’
‘Okay, let’s look at this logically. You have two options as far as I can see. One, you get a new tyre, in which case you need to contact a garage, or a mobile fitting service might be a better bet. Or two, you get a lift home and deal with the flat later.’
The woman checked her watch. ‘Nowhere will be open yet and…’ She shook her head in frustration. ‘I don’t have time for this…and I can’t afford a new tyre either. Aren’t those mobile places really expensive?’
‘I’ve no idea,’ replied Tam truthfully. ‘Do you have a phone? You could google it.’
‘The garage I use is miles away,’ she said, ignoring his suggestion. ‘It’s not far from where I live, obviously, but I’m not there, am I? And in any case, it doesn’t open till nine on a good day.’
‘Taxi then? Or…would there be someone at the hospital who could run you home? A friend, maybe?’
She gave him a scathing look. ‘You can’t just leave a hospital if you’re working. And don’t get me started on taxis. None of them will come out my way. It’s not worth their while, apparently, they’d have to charge too much. Because of the petrol prices.’
Tam nodded. ‘Minicabs maybe, but a taxi might be okay. There are probably some by the station.’
‘Which is on the other side of town.’
Tam was beginning to regret getting out of his car. Whoever this woman was, he hoped she was much better at problem-solving when she was at work. Right now, she seemed determined to make a drama into a crisis.
As if sensing his thoughts, she sighed heavily before turning her attention back to her phone. ‘I’m sorry. You’re right, and I know you’re trying to help, but I really need to get home now . Not in two hours. My husband’s disabled and, until I get home, there’s no one looking after him. He was coming down with something last night, and…’ She vented another sigh of frustration. ‘I shouldn’t have gone in to work in the first place…’
She began jabbing her finger at the phone screen and, moments later, Tam heard a dial tone ringing out. There was a long pause.
‘Hi love, it’s only me. Sorry, did I wake you? You don’t sound great, are you okay?’
The woman turned away from him, and Tam watched as she placed her hand on top of her head again. It was obviously her go-to thinking pose. She nodded several times.
‘Okay, well, I’ve got a flat tyre, so I’ll be home as soon as I can, but…No, it’s flat too…It just is, okay? So, I’m going to have to get a taxi or something and I don’t know how long I’ll be, so…Yes, I’m fine, I’m still in the car park.’
Tam shuffled from one foot to the other. There was a very obvious solution staring him in the face, but he wasn’t at all sure how it would be received. He screwed up his face, wrestling with the decision. When did things get so complicated you couldn’t even offer a helping hand when one was required? He heaved in a breath and moved to stand in front of the woman. Nothing ventured…
He waved a hand at her, motioning to the phone. ‘May I speak to your husband?’ he asked.
‘What?’ She mouthed no at him and a deep frown furrowed her forehead.
Tam held his hand out again. ‘I have an idea,’ he said. ‘Please…’
‘Hang on a minute, Jack,’ she said. ‘There’s someone here who— No, he’s just someone who came over to see if I needed any help. He wants to talk to you…Okay, hang on.’ She handed over the phone, still frowning.
‘Hi, hello…Jack, is it? My name’s Tam, Tam Murray, and I happened to be in the car park when your wife realised she had a flat. I came over to see if she needed any help changing it.’
‘Thank you, that’s kind but—’ The man on the other end sounded groggy, his voice rough. Tam broke in before he could get any further.
‘And I thought I ought to talk to you, so you’d know I wasn’t some kind of weirdo…Yes, I realise if I was a weirdo that’s exactly what I would say, but I have a car. And it struck me that in the absence of any other readily available solution, I could give your wife a lift home.’ The woman’s eyes widened at that, and Tam smiled and nodded. ‘She doesn’t look very happy about the idea, but look, I work at Chawston House, it’s a residential care home in town. If I give you the number you can ring them and speak to my boss, Trish. She’ll vouch for me.’
There was a pause. Jack was clearly thinking. ‘Again, that’s very kind but I’m not sure…We’re a bit off the beaten track and…’ His voice was ripe with indecision. ‘Perhaps I could have a word with my wife again?’
Tam handed back the phone and moved a little distance away to give them some space. In all likelihood he would still be able to hear every word of the conversation, but he could at least look like he wasn’t trying to. He forced his attention elsewhere, following the flight of three pigeons who swooped to settle on the roof of the building opposite.
After a minute or so of low murmuring, the woman waved her phone, the conversation clearly ended. She slipped it back inside her pocket. ‘Right…Um, are you sure it’s okay to drop me home? It’s a twenty-minute drive and we live on a farm so it’s at the end of a pretty rough road.’
Tam nodded, smiling. ‘My car’s older than yours, so it’s no problem. Not like it’s a top-of-the-range sports car or anything. And it’s absolutely fine. I’m not due at work until lunchtime.’
‘Okay then…thank you.’ She held out her hand, suddenly shy. ‘My name’s Beth.’
Tam could see her run her tongue over the front of her teeth. It was something he did when he was nervous, too, his mouth too dry to speak.
He took her hand and shook it. ‘Pleased to meet you, Beth. I’m just over here.’ Although, of course, she already knew where his car was.
Opening the car door for her, he prayed that it didn’t smell too malodorous inside. He tried to keep it ventilated during the times when he wasn’t asleep, but that wasn’t at all pleasant when it was this cold, and he obviously hadn’t had a chance this morning so…He climbed into the driver’s seat, painfully aware of his situation. He really hadn’t thought this through. The rear of the car was full of his things, his sleeping bag still open where he’d only recently climbed out of it.
‘So, where are we headed?’ he asked.
‘It’s Beacalls Farm, near Lower Bettesfield,’ she replied, doing up her seat belt. ‘Do you know it?’
Tam knew it well. Not so long ago, it was a journey he made every day. He nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. Moments later they pulled out of the car park.