Chapter 44
44
STELLA
Once I stepped off the plane, I headed straight for the toilets. When I took off my sunglasses and caught sight of my reflection, I gasped. My eyes were red rimmed and although my skin was darker thanks to the sun, somehow it looked grey instead of brown.
That’s what heartbreak does to you.
I didn’t know why I was so upset or why I’d spent most of the plane journey hiding behind my sunglasses as I sobbed into my shoulder.
Max had said from the start that he wasn’t looking for anything serious. And I was the idiot that assumed that just because I’d felt an intense connection towards him that it was mutual.
How could I blame him for what he’d said in the car when all he’d done was stick to our agreement? He was very clear about what he was able to offer. And I was the one that laughed at his suggestion that I might want a relationship from him.
I’d got exactly what I’d asked for. Something casual. That was why crying like a baby was stupid .
Instead of shedding tears, I needed to woman up, be grateful for the time that we spent together and move on. Simple.
After going to the loo and washing my hands, I headed to passport control. Luckily there wasn’t a queue so it wasn’t long before I was out of the airport and back on the train home.
As I looked out of the window at the dull, cloudy sky, my mind drifted. This time yesterday, I was on the beach, soaking up the sunshine, and listening to the waves gently caressing the sand.
I was inhaling Max’s beautiful woody scent and the fresh sea air.
I was snuggled up on a picnic blanket whilst we talked and laughed together, eating our delicious brunch, looking through photos and picking the final selection of songs for our playlists.
The playlist . I hadn’t even listened to it. I reached for my phone, then paused. There was no way I could play that now.
Instead, I continued looking out the window and reminded myself that the holiday was over. Just like my time with Max.
It was done. Finished. A distant memory. Time to get back to reality.
When I stepped through the front door, Mum was waiting, her eyes wide with excitement.
‘You’re back!’ She gave me a big squeeze. ‘I’ll put the kettle on so you can tell me all about it!’
‘Mum, I need to shower. And I’m a bit tired. Can we talk later?’
‘Oh.’ Her face fell and my stomach twisted.
‘I’m so sorry.’
I knew she’d been waiting for me to arrive and tell her everything and I felt terrible about letting her down, but I really wasn’t up to talking right now. I was doing my best to try and be strong and just get on with things, but for some reason it wasn’t working.
‘Don’t worry. Have you eaten? I’ve made your favourite barbecue chicken stir fry.’
‘Thanks. That’s really sweet. Would you mind keeping it in the fridge so I can have it later if I feel up to it?’
‘Is everything okay?’ She put her hand on mine.
‘I’m fine.’ I squeezed her hand. ‘I’ll speak to you later.’
‘What the hell?’ I rubbed my eyes, then lifted my head from the pillow and squinted at my watch.
That couldn’t be right. My watch said it was nine o’clock. In the morning. Which meant I’d slept for fourteen hours. Shit.
I sat up in the bed and my stomach rumbled. No wonder. I hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday afternoon.
After I dragged myself to the bathroom, I headed down to the kitchen and was surprised not just to see Mum sitting there, but Sammie too.
‘She has arisen!’ Sammie bellowed in a deep voice.
‘Awww! We were going to give it another half an hour before we went and checked again for signs of life!’ Mum chuckled.
‘I must’ve been a lot more tired than I thought.’ I opened the cupboard and took out a mug. I needed coffee. Preferably drip-fed to me for the next twenty-four hours.
‘That’s what all that shagging will do to you!’ Sammie threw her head back, laughing.
‘Sammie!’ I gasped. ‘Not in front of my mum!’
‘Oh, please .’ Mum rolled her eyes. ‘I was just about to say the same thing! I may be your mother but I’m still a woman who appreciates a good roll in the hay! How do you think you got here?’
‘What? You mean the stork didn’t bring me to you?’ I smiled.
‘Surprisingly not! If you like, I can share the story of how you were conceived.’
‘No! Please don’t ,’ I cringed.
‘Why don’t you tell us what’s happening with Max instead?’
‘Oh, God,’ I groaned, pouring the fresh coffee into my mug and sitting on the stool opposite Mum and Sammie. ‘Do I really have to?’
‘Yes!’ they both replied.
I’d have to tell them sooner or later. And I was glad that Sammie was here too. Not just to give me moral support, but also so I’d only need to tell the story once.
‘Okay,’ I sighed, reaching for the buttered toast in the centre of the table.
Once I’d finished explaining what had happened over the past twenty-four hours I blew out a breath, relieved I’d got it out of the way.
‘And that’s it. Max and I were just a holiday fling. He’s going travelling for business for a couple of months, so it’s over.’
‘Oh, hon. I’m sorry,’ Sammie said. ‘You never know though. Maybe you could get together again when he comes back?’
‘That’s what I suggested. I said he could call me when he’s back but I doubt he will. He’ll probably meet some goddess in Australia or America and forget all about me.’
‘No way! The way he looked at you in those photos didn’t seem like he wanted to forget you. He was smitten. You’re the only woman for him.’
‘Yeah, right!’ I scoffed. ‘That’s why he’s desperate to commit to me. ’
‘Sometimes it’s just about timing. It could just be a case of right guy, wrong time. Be patient.’
‘I can’t put my life on hold in the hope that he’ll change his mind. I just need to forget him. What about you?’ I looked at Mum, who was unusually quiet. ‘Aren’t you going to add your two cents?’
‘What?’ She snapped out of her thoughts. ‘Sorry. I was just thinking. You said Max is going travelling?’
‘Yes.’
‘So instead of waiting to see where things stand between you when he comes back, why don’t you just go with him? You’ve always wanted to see more of the world. Now’s your chance.’
‘I told you, Mum. He’s going for business.’
‘And?’
‘And he’ll be working the whole time. Plus, if he wanted me to come with him, he would’ve asked.’
I’d be lying if I said the thought of going to Australia and America didn’t sound appealing, but there was no way I was going to ask him if I could tag along. That’d sound too desperate.
‘Maybe, maybe not.’
‘Plus I’ve just got back from holiday. I can’t go swanning off again – and for two months! That’s more than double my annual holiday allowance. And you need me.’
‘Oh…’ Mum shuffled in her seat, her gaze dropping to the table. ‘About that. I wanted to talk to you about your position. I’m really grateful for all of your help, you know I am. But whilst you were away, Marjorie proved to be quite an asset. She was great with organising the orders and dealing with customers and we got on really well. So I was thinking that maybe you could think of finding another job?’
‘Wait, what?’ My jaw dropped. ‘You’re firing me? ’
‘No, of course not! I love us working together. But this isn’t what you’re meant to do. You deserve to do something much more stimulating than taking lacy thongs to the post office every day.’ She reached across the table and grabbed my hands. ‘I want to see you fly, darling. Maybe it’s time to start looking for more freelance design work. Starting your own business like you’ve always wanted to.’
‘I agree with your mum,’ Sammie chipped in.
I took a sip of my cold coffee as I tried to gather my thoughts.
Of course I’d love to do that, but I didn’t even know where to start. It was so daunting. I’d need to find clients and that wasn’t easy.
‘How long do I have before I’m unemployed?’ I asked.
‘You can work here for as long as you need. Maybe you could reduce your days and use that time to start working on your own thing? Don’t worry about the money. Business is really picking up so I’ll pay you the same and Marjorie can come in a couple of days a week to shadow you. Then when you’re ready to take the leap, we’ll have everything in place.’
Wow. Mum had really thought this through.
It was really kind of her to offer to pay me the same salary.
I racked my brain, trying to think of more excuses not to try, but the more I thought of it, the more I realised Mum had given me an incredible opportunity. The freedom to follow my dream.
Although I was scared shitless, I’d be crazy not to at least try.
Look at Max. He wasn’t able to follow his dream and it crushed him. I didn’t want to look back at my life with regrets. I owed it to myself to give it a go.
That was why, right there at that moment, I decided to do it. I was going to try and branch out on my own. To follow my dreams .
I wasn’t able to make a relationship with Max work out, but I was determined to do whatever I could to finally make my career take off.