Chapter 14
14
Ethan was quiet while we ate our pasta, then we split up to get ready for Juliette’s brother’s party. When I came out of the bedroom, Ethan was on the sofa with another glass of wine, scrolling on his phone. He looked up and did a double take. ‘You’re stunning,’ he said. Then he coughed like he’d been too honest. ‘I mean, you look nice… great… I, uh, like the outfit.’
I smiled, trying not to feel too pleased, but it was hard not to. I was wearing a faded t-shirt tucked into leather trousers with my ankle boots, and slung over my shoulders was my black blazer. I’d curled my hair and done my eyes smoky for the occasion. Ethan seemed taken aback by both how I looked and how he’d complimented it.
‘Thank you. I like your shirt,’ I said, noticing that he’d put on a dark shirt and trousers. They suited him. ‘Oh, it’s sparkling.’ I moved towards the balcony to look at the Eiffel Tower. ‘The perfect start to the night,’ I said, smiling at the lights. ‘How is this city so magical somehow?’
‘I love seeing it through your eyes,’ Ethan said quietly, standing up and coming over to stand beside me. ‘I kind of stopped looking at it.’ He nodded at the Tower. ‘But it’s beautiful.’
‘We forget to look at beautiful things and appreciate them, don’t we? I’m the same when I suddenly remember to look up at sunrise or sunset. It’s always worth it.’
‘You’re right.’ Ethan smiled across at me. ‘So, shall we go to the party? And I meant what I said about not having to stay long. Although I think Juliette has everyone eager to meet her new English friend who writes romance.’
‘Oh God, I hope the birthday boy takes the attention away from me,’ I said, biting my lip. There was nothing I hated more than being the focus of a group of people.
‘I wouldn’t count on it,’ Ethan murmured. His hand grazed the small of my back as I stepped off the balcony in front of him. I was surprised that it didn’t feel strange. It felt familiar. I grabbed my handbag as he closed the doors to the balcony, and he picked up a gift bag from the kitchen counter as we left the apartment. ‘I got Seb his favourite bottle of whisky,’ he said when I raised my eyebrow at it.
We walked out of the building and Ethan led the way around the corner to another apartment building.
‘Juliette’s place,’ he said when we reached the main doors. ‘She and Seb are always at the family restaurant so they said they wanted to have the party here instead.’
Juliette’s apartment building was more modern than the one we were staying in and when we reached her floor, we saw the door was open. French music with heavy bass was playing loudly.
‘Her neighbours must be a relaxed bunch,’ I said as we headed inside.
‘I suspect, knowing Juliette and how she makes friends so easily, they are all here. ’
I looked around. The apartment was packed with people. There was a long table set up with drinks and canapés, and hanging from the ceiling were LED candles, making the place look magical.
‘Tessa! Ethan!’ Juliette appeared out of nowhere, kissing us both on the cheeks, a cloud of Chanel No.5 perfume floating around her. She was wearing bright-red lipstick that imprinted on our cheeks and a skin-tight black dress, making her figure look even more stunning. ‘Ethan, you handsome man!’ she shouted over the music. ‘And Tessa, trés jolie . That blazer, I must have it.’
‘ Merci beaucoup ,’ I said back loudly. ‘I know some French,’ I added to Ethan, who was grinning at my bad accent. ‘You look gorgeous, Juliette. Thanks for inviting me.’
‘You’re part of us now,’ she replied with a wave of her hand. Her words warmed me from the inside out. She pointed though the crowd. ‘Seb is over there with that detestable man Alain,’ she said with a grimace. ‘Oh, Celine, there you are!’ She disappeared again and Ethan and I exchanged a smile.
‘Let me introduce you,’ Ethan said. He held out his hand and I took it, letting him weave me through the people in the living room towards the kitchen. I could tell who Seb was instantly; he looked so similar to Juliette and wore all black like she did. Ethan hugged Seb and gave him the whisky, wishing him a happy birthday and then leaned back. ‘This is Tessa,’ he said.
Seb grinned. ‘ Enchantée. My sister hasn’t stopped talking about you,’ he said, kissing me on both cheeks.
‘I can see why,’ the man with him declared. Alain was introduced as Seb’s friend from university. He was tall and dark and very much my type. ‘Excuse my English but I will die if you’re not single. ’
‘Ignore him, he knows exactly what he’s saying,’ Seb said as I blushed.
‘Shut up, Seb,’ Alain snapped. He leaned in so close, I took a step back. ‘You really are a pretty little thing, aren’t you? I could show you a good time if you let me, darling.’
I understood why Juliette had called him detestable. He was sleazy with a capital S. Very much not my type after all.
‘No thanks,’ I said firmly. I looked at Ethan, who was staring at us. ‘Can we get a drink, please?’
‘Hell, yes. Excuse us.’ Ethan took my hand again and led me firmly away from Alain and into the kitchen. ‘What a twat,’ he said angrily, shaking his head.
I shrugged. ‘He’s good looking, probably thinks he can get away with it.’
‘I can’t see the attraction personally,’ Ethan said. ‘Wine?’ I nodded and he poured us both a glass. ‘I hate it when people think someone must find them attractive. I mean, does that give you the right to treat people like a piece of meat?’
‘Preaching to the choir here,’ I said, raising my wine glass. I took a long gulp. ‘I’m avoiding all tall, dark and handsome men from now on.’
‘Should I be offended or pleased I’m not classed as one of them?’ Ethan said. He smiled but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.
It was funny. Ethan wasn’t like anyone I’d fancied before. I doubted I would have noticed him at this party if we hadn’t come to it together, but he had an energy about him. It was the calmness. I felt drawn to it, as someone opposite to that calm, I supposed. He felt like a safe port even though I didn’t know him all that well still. I remembered telling Carly when were younger that I never wanted to be with a man who wasn’t taller than me, but that felt spectacularly shallow now. Ethan being my height meant I could easily look into those blue eyes of his and find them gazing back at me. A warm feeling ran through my body from his attention.
‘Neither of us are tall or dark,’ I said, leaning in so he could hear me. ‘But of course, you’re handsome.’ I’d had a couple of glasses of wine, which meant that was easier to say without wanting to melt into my shoes from embarrassment. I wasn’t lying. Those eyes but also his warm smile, his soft hair, his cosy jumpers, his voice when he spoke in French, it was all attractive. And maybe more so because you had to really look at him to see it. And I had been looking at him a lot the past couple of days.
‘And sweet?’ Ethan was looking at me with an expression I couldn’t read.
‘Sweet is good,’ I insisted.
He shook his head. ‘So, want to meet more people or see my favourite part of Juliette’s apartment?’
‘You already know the answer.’
I followed Ethan down a few steps until we were in a small, cosy room. A whole wall was made up of shelves with vinyl records stacked in rows, and there was a sofa and two beanbags plus a fur rug and a record player in the corner. The party suddenly seemed very far away.
‘This is so cool,’ I said, going over to look at the records. ‘Juliette has a huge collection.’
‘She loves music. She can sing beautifully. I think one time she wanted to be a singer, but then it’s hard when you have a family business, you know?’
‘Juliette told me at brunch that she wants to open her own restaurant,’ I said, walking across the wall to look at all the record spines. ‘With you. ’
Ethan turned to me. ‘She told you? Yeah, that is the dream.’
‘It would be amazing. I’d be first in line.’
‘Yeah?’
‘Now you know I like fancy food.’ I nudged him playfully.
Ethan went to put a record on the player. ‘It’s a long way off.’
‘Because of Joe?’
Ethan’s hand stilled. ‘I don’t want to talk about Joe right now.’
‘I get it. But I understand why you feel like you have to pay him back. He has a way of making you feel like, I don’t know, you owe him something.’ I sighed. I remembered when Joe bought me a necklace for my birthday. He made such a big deal about how expensive it was, it made me feel uneasy to wear it. I had left it at the flat we shared when I moved out. I had felt relieved not having it any more.
‘And yet you moved in with him,’ Ethan said as a dreamy French song started playing. The singer was full of emotion so even though I couldn’t understand what she was singing about, goosebumps pricked up along my arms. We looked across at one another. ‘You’d never describe Joe as sweet.’
Was that why he was upset – because I called him sweet? I crossed the room quickly to stand in front of him. ‘No, I wouldn’t, but surely you don’t want to be anything like him?’
Ethan sighed. ‘No.’ He looked at me. ‘Are you still in love with him?’
I shook my head. ‘No. I’m not sure I ever was, to be honest. Because I didn’t know him; he didn’t let me in. It was all superficial. Yeah, he’s good looking, he’s generous, he was fun and he was great company, but we never really talked. About our feelings, what he wanted from life, what we thought about… I don’t know…’ I trailed off and thought back to looking at the sparkling Eiffel Tower with Ethan. ‘About noticing the beauty of the world. He never told me to be myself. I never told him how much I worr y about things.’ I stepped closer. Ethan’s eyes were warm but uncertain as he looked back at me. ‘I don’t think it was ever real. That’s what hurt the most. That I wasted six months thinking I’d found something that I hadn’t.’
‘You wish it had worked out though?’
‘Because I want to believe in happy endings again, not because I want one with Joe.’
‘Dance with me.’
‘Huh?’
Ethan had wrong footed me. His arm came around my waist.
‘Please?’
‘Okay.’ I wrapped my arms around his neck as he pulled me closer and we moved in slow circles to the beautiful song he had put on. I could count on one hand the number of times in my life I’d slow danced with a man. I had a scene in one of my novels where the main characters dance and readers always said that moment melted their hearts. This was really tugging at my romance-author heartstrings. I felt myself melt into him.
I leaned against Ethan’s shoulder and his hands tightened on my waist. He felt strong and steady. My heart started to thump inside my chest at his closeness and how much I was enjoying it.
‘I want you to know that I noticed you, Tessa,’ Ethan said then, leaning close to my ear. ‘That night Joe brought you to meet us. I know it was really brief but… I thought you were beautiful.’
I pulled back to look into his eyes. ‘You didn’t notice me that night,’ I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
‘I noticed you, Tessa.’
I couldn’t lie. I hadn’t noticed Ethan. I’d been so nervous, so desperate to make Joe’s friends like me, so eager for his approval, to make him happy, all I’d paid attention to was him. Then I’d felt so confused that he’d swept me in and out of that bar so fast, not introducing me to anyone, worried he was ashamed of me – I’d felt like a failure of a girlfriend. I hated how he had manipulated the situation to make me feel bad to cover up his cheating.
‘I wish I had noticed you too,’ I said honestly. ‘But we are here now, aren’t we?’
Ethan started to say something, but voices in the doorway broke us apart.
Juliette appeared, Oscar and Seb behind her, a bottle of tequila in her hand. ‘Shots, everyone?’ She saw us step back from one another. ‘Shit, are we interrupting?’
‘No,’ Ethan said, too quickly. I glanced at him. ‘Shots sound perfect to me.’ He avoided my eyes. Seb handed around shot glasses and Oscar poured out the tequila. I gripped my glass, my heart still beating faster than normal.
Ethan noticed me. He thought I was beautiful before Paris.
My mind was whirring.
‘Perfect, let’s raise a toast, yes? To my baby brother, I cannot believe you are twenty-six. To all your dreams coming true!’ Juliette said, raising her shot glass in the air.
We joined in the toast then all poured the tequila down our throats. I shuddered at the burn. Oscar immediately poured another and this time, he toasted Seb, then it was Ethan’s turn.
‘You are like the brother I never had,’ Ethan said. His toast was so simple, but Seb looked really emotional at his words and clapped him on the back.
Then a final round was poured out and they all looked at me expectantly.
‘Oh.’ I shifted on my feet, nervous. I was feeling very light-headed from the shots. ‘Happy birthday, Seb. I hope you have a wonderful year. How do I say “Cheers” in French?’
‘ Santé! ’ they all chorused, and we drank our final shot.
Oscar pulled out his phone. ‘A picture for Instagram.’ They all crouched down around me. Juliette slung an arm over my shoulders and Oscar snapped a few pictures of us. ‘I’ll tag you all!’ he said, typing into his phone.
I pulled my phoned out and looked at the photos Oscar had shared. Ethan was next to me in the picture, barely touching me, but I had felt that touch everywhere.