Chapter 16
16
I woke up still snuggled up against Ethan. I opened my eyes, last night drifting back to me like the remnants of a really good dream. I looked at him sleeping, those bright-blue eyes of his closed, his chest rising with his steady breaths. I remembered the feel of his lips on mine and I smiled.
Kissing Ethan had felt as easy as breathing but sweeter than any kiss I’d had before. I ached to get closer to him. But at the same time, I understood why he had stepped on the brakes. This had been a whirlwind. I had no idea how to feel, especially after that call from Joe. He hadn’t left a message or sent a text so I was in the dark as to why he had tried to contact me. I wanted to forget about him completely, but it was so hard.
My phone buzzed on the bedside table. I rolled over, wondering if it was Joe again, but it was Carly requesting to FaceTime. I grabbed my phone and as quietly as I could, I climbed out of bed and tiptoed out of the bedroom so I wouldn’t wake Ethan up.
‘Hi,’ I said in a low voice, making my way into the kitchen to make a cup of tea .
‘Why are you whispering?’ Carly asked, frowning. ‘Oh, you’re in your pjs. I’m sorry, did I wake you up?’
‘No, I had just woken up anyway,’ I said, switching on the kettle as I was in desperate need of tea. ‘We went to a party last night. It was eventful so I slept a long time. Are you feeling any better?’
‘Your hair is a mess.’
‘Gee, thanks,’ I said as I leaned against the kitchen counter while I waited for the kettle to boil.
Carly peered at me suspiciously. ‘I mean, it’s very tousled.’
‘Christ, are you a detective or something?’ I looked at the doorway and lowered my voice. ‘I maybe kissed Ethan a little bit.’
She shrieked. ‘Tessa! You’re supposed to be swearing off all men and focusing on writing!’
‘I know. But you wanted me to be inspired in the City of Love, right?’ I saw her look of concern. ‘It’s okay. It was just a kiss. I promise.’
‘What was the kiss like?’
‘It was really good. And, God, I want more.’
She sighed. ‘I saw the Instagram picture you were tagged in; you and Ethan looked very cosy together. But you’ll be careful though, won’t you?’ she asked me.
I shifted my feet, uncomfortable with her scrutiny. I decided to change the subject. ‘Are you in the bathroom?’
‘Yes. I’m taking a pregnancy test.’
I just caught my phone before I dropped it on the floor. ‘What? You’re what?’
‘Well, you know I’ve been tired and feeling like I had the flu coming? Well, I realised I’m late. So, yeah…’
‘You let me talk about Ethan!’ I cried, forgetting to be quiet.
‘I was trying to distract myself. ’
‘So, hang on, you’re FaceTiming me while you take a pregnancy test?’ I propped the phone up on the counter against the fruit bowl while I made my tea, shaking my head. ‘Only you.’
‘We promised when we were sixteen, we said we would always take them together,’ she hissed.
I nodded. We had a friend who’d had a scare and we agreed we would never want to be alone if we had to do one. ‘You couldn’t wait until I come home?’
‘You know Luke will be wondering why I’m not PMS-ing soon.’
‘Luke is too good at buying chocolate for that,’ I agreed. He knew her too well for her to hide it from him. I made my tea and took a sip. ‘How do you feel?’
‘I don’t know. We’ve always said that we would have a family, but before now it felt so long off. I thought in my thirties… Then I reminded myself, I only have a couple more years until I am thirty. How did that happen?’
I nodded. ‘I know. I still think of us as teenagers.’
She twirled a strand of her hair: a nervous habit. ‘It’s scary. I’m scared. But I have good butterflies too.’
‘You guys will make the best parents,’ I told her sincerely. ‘And I’m godmother and aunt, okay?’
Her phone alarm buzzed. ‘Oh God, it’s time to look. No, Tessa, I can’t do it. I don’t know what I want the answer to be! Help!’
‘You’ll only know when you see it,’ I said.
‘Can you look for me?’ she asked, a hopeful expression on her face.
‘Seriously?’ We stared at one another. Years of friendship flashed before my eyes. I’d been there for everything. So had she. This was just another chapter. ‘Okay.’ I took a breath and put my mug down. ‘Hold it up to the screen. ’
She carefully picked up the test and then slowly turned it to face the iPhone camera.
‘Can you see it?’ she asked. ‘Tell me. But only if you think I can handle it. If you think it’s good news. Will I like the answer? Tessa? Tessa?’
To my side, I could feel Ethan walking into the kitchen, but I kept my eyes on Carly. I beckoned him closer with my finger. ‘Yes to it all. You’re pregnant, Carly.’
‘What?’ She went very still.
‘You’re pregnant!’ I cried. ‘God’s sake, turn the test around so you can see for yourself!’
‘Oh, yeah, good idea.’ She turned it slowly and her mouth fell open. ‘Oh my God. Oh my God.’ She stumbled backwards and hit the bath and screamed. She fell back against the basin just as the bathroom door opened.
‘Are you okay? Carly? Tessa, is that you?’ Luke walked in, looking confused and worried.
Carly hopped about, swearing in pain.
I bit my lip because this was just them to a T. ‘Guys, you’re having a baby!’ I shouted, clapping my hands.
‘We’re what?’ Luke cried.
Carly managed to hop towards him with the test.
‘Are you joking?’
‘We’re deadly serious,’ I said as Carly fell into his arms. ‘Congrats, guys, I’m going to let you?—’
‘You’re the best!’ Carly cried over her shoulder. ‘We love you, Auntie Tessa!’
‘I can’t believe you two took the test together,’ Luke said, laughing as he and Carly started jumping up and down excitedly. ‘Actually, I’d expect nothing else!’
‘I really stubbed my toe,’ Carly cried then.
‘I’ll speak to you later,’ I called out as they leaned in to kiss, before ending the call with a grin on my face. I looked up at Ethan, who was now the other side of the kitchen counter. ‘My best friend is pregnant.’
‘So I gathered.’ He smiled. ‘They sound hilarious. That was the weirdest and most wonderful call to listen to. I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were on the phone. I woke up and you’d gone and…’ He trailed off uncertainly.
‘Waking up with you made me happy,’ I assured him. I stepped closer. ‘I don’t know if it made you happy but I wanted you to know that.’
‘Of course it made me happy. When I saw you’d gone, I was worried in case you regretted it.’ I was so close now that Ethan lifted his arms and touched my waist lightly. ‘I really didn’t want you to regret kissing me.’
‘I don’t. I think the tequila made me a bit too bold though. I can’t quite believe I climbed onto your lap or that I took all my clothes off in front of you.’
His mouth twitched. ‘That was the best part of the night. So, was it just for last night or can I kiss you again?’
‘I’d like more,’ I confessed. I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck, stepping fully into his embrace.
Ethan leaned forward and brushed his lips against mine. I scooted closer and he kissed me again. He took his time, pulling me closer and dropping soft touches against my lips before parting them and caressing my tongue with his. I murmured and leaned against him, enjoying the strength in his arms, the warmth of his chest against mine, the way he kissed me like I was something to savour.
He then broke away from my lips and dropped soft kisses on my cheeks and along my jaw and down my neck before looking at me with a smile. ‘I could kiss you all day. ’
‘Just kiss?’ I was both impressed and frustrated with his restraint.
‘I thought you’d want to take it slowly too,’ he said, looking at me seriously.
I leaned back against the counter so I wasn’t pressed together with him any more. I sighed. ‘I know we should. You’re right.’ I didn’t want to admit that I fancied him more than I expected I could. That I longed for him to erase the past six months. But I knew he couldn’t. And I shouldn’t have expected him to. I was still hurt and still scared to trust someone else. Even though deep down my heart was telling me that Ethan was a man I could trust. That I was desperate to open my heart again and trust him. ‘It’s just taking it slowly is even more scary than if we’d slept together last night.’
‘We did sleep together,’ he said softly.
I rolled my eyes. ‘You know what I mean.’
Ethan reached up to stroke one of my arms. ‘Why is it scary?’
‘Because the longer we wait, the more feelings there will be.’ I blurted out my fear even though I was embarrassed. But Ethan’s honesty was addictive. I wanted to be open with him in a way I’d never been open with a man before. I didn’t want to go back to who I was when I was with Joe – afraid to say what I was thinking or feeling in case he didn’t like it or didn’t feel the same way.
‘I know,’ he said. ‘I’m scared too,’ he added, his eyes bluer in the morning light than I’d ever seen them. I didn’t know how I’d missed how gorgeous they were. ‘I’ve never felt this way before.’
I sucked in a breath. ‘I want to believe you but it’s hard…’ I had believed Joe loved me once and I had been burnt by that.
‘I know what you mean,’ Ethan said. ‘I’m so different to who you were with before…’
There they were again. Our insecurities .
‘These past few days with you have been unexpected for us both,’ Ethan continued. ‘It’s complicated. I know how much you loved Joe…’ He swallowed hard. ‘I want to believe that you could love me one day.’
I really wanted to tell him that I could, but I wasn’t sure.
‘I don’t want this to stop,’ I said. That I was certain about.
He leaned in to give me another soft kiss. Then he let go of me. ‘It’s your last day in Paris. Do you want to spend it together?’
‘Yes, please,’ I said eagerly.
‘I have to go to my course this morning but I’ll let you know when I’ll be ready to meet up and we can do something.’
‘Okay,’ I agreed.
I wished it wasn’t going to be our last day here. I wanted to believe we would have many more days together. But I didn’t want to get my hopes up and face being disappointed again either.