Chapter 17
17
When Ethan left for his course, I took my time getting ready for the day. I had another cup of tea on the balcony to enjoy the morning view for the last time. I looked out at the Parisian architecture and skyline and took photos of it, and made a mental note of how it felt so I could write about it in my novel, hopefully soon.
I had a bubble bath and as I got ready, Juliette messaged me to see if I fancied having lunch and then to go shopping with her as she didn’t have to work until tonight and wanted to hang out while Ethan was at the restaurant. I thought it sounded like a perfect way to start my final day in Paris, so I finished getting ready quickly, pulling on jeans and a jacket and leaving my hair loose.
As I walked to meet Juliette, I tried to breathe in the Paris air and calm my nerves. But it wasn’t easy. I didn’t want this trip to come to an end for a few reasons. I would have to face the music at home regarding my next book. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to start writing it, and the deadline was getting closer by the hour. I had no idea if I could pull off a first draft when Gita was expecting it, and that would mean I’d have to confess just how behind I was. And that thought, and her reaction and the fear my publishers might be so angry they’d drop me, really made me not want to do that. I was also worried about what was going to happen with Ethan once we left Paris and our apartment. We’d spent so much time together over the past few days and now we’d be going back to our normal lives. I didn’t know how we’d fit in with each other. I had no idea what was going to happen between us. Or really what I wanted after everything I’d been through with Joe. And my shaky relationship with love in general right now. I just knew I didn’t want to say goodbye to him.
I’d miss Juliette and Ethan’s friends too, I realised as I spotted her sat at a table outside a bistro, giving me a wave when she saw me walking towards her. She wore a trench coat with black trousers and ballet flats, her hair in a chic bun. ‘I wish I was as stylish as you,’ I said after we had exchanged hellos.
She stood up to kiss both my cheeks.
‘You’re too lovely,’ she said. ‘I love your style, it’s very streetwear London edgy. Sit, sit.’
I joined her and looked around. We were planted on the street at a small, round table, watching people walking on by. It wasn’t warm but it was dry and, in my jacket, it was enjoyable to feel the fresh breeze on my face. The waiter came and Juliette pressed me to join her in having a glass of wine. We both ordered a croque monsieur and then leaned back in our chairs.
I let out a sigh.
‘What’s wrong?’ Juliette asked me, raising an eyebrow.
‘Just kind of sucks that this is my final day in Paris,’ I told her. ‘And everything is up in the air!’
‘I think you need to translate that…’
‘Well, I was hoping Paris would inspire me to be able to write my next novel. I kind of have an idea and I’ve told my publisher that it will be set in Paris, but I haven’t been able to start it,’ I admitted. ‘And there is everything with Ethan too.’
Juliette’s face lit up. ‘Something has happened between you, oui ?’
‘Yeah, kind of…’ I found myself starting to smile just thinking about it. ‘We kissed.’
‘Oh, finally,’ she said, leaning forward. ‘It was, how you say, fireworks?’
‘It was. It was one of the best kisses of my life.’ Our wine arrived and Juliette clinked her glass against mine. I took a sip. The wine here was phenomenal. ‘This whole trip has been unexpected.’
‘That is good, oui ?’
‘Yeah, I think so. Honestly, I don’t think I would have really considered Ethan if I hadn’t got to know him first. Is that bad?’
‘No. You have learnt that connection is the most important thing.’
‘Hmmm.’ I rested my hand on the wine glass. ‘That’s a good way of putting it.’
‘I had the best sex of my life with an older man.’
I choked. ‘What?’ Juliette never failed to surprise me.
She shrugged. ‘He is fifty, and it was hot. He made me laugh. That got me into bed.’
‘Wow.’ Twenty years between them, but it hadn’t mattered. Did that mean the way I met Ethan didn’t really matter? ‘I guess you’re right. We have connected. But what happens when I go back to London?’
Juliette was thoughtful for a moment. ‘Do you have to?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, if you’re here for inspiration, to write your book, and you are enjoying being with Ethan and us…’ She paused and lo oked at me. I nodded firmly. ‘So, why not stay for a bit longer?’
‘Huh.’ It wasn’t a completely crazy idea. The thought of facing my publishers in London without having written any of my book was terrifying. If I could write something before confessing I was well behind on my deadline, that would be much better. And Ethan was here for another week for his course so we wouldn’t have to say goodbye yet. ‘I’m not sure I could justify the money though…’ I said, biting my lip. The Airbnb, if it was even available for another week, was expensive and my income depended on me writing, which I currently couldn’t seem to do.
‘Stay with me!’ Juliette cried. ‘Ethan was going to but he can easily stay with Oscar and you can have my spare room,’ she beamed. ‘It’s perfect!’
‘Oh, I couldn’t possibly…’
Juliette held up her hand to stop me talking. ‘We are friends, yes?’ she demanded.
‘Of course, yes, we are…’
‘ Exactement . So you will stay with me for however long you want to stay in Paris. Okay?’
I remembered Ethan saying that Juliette was impossible to say no to and now I knew he was completely right. I found myself nodding along. ‘ Oui, merci .’
My phone beeped and I couldn’t help but smile when Ethan’s name appeared on the screen.
I think I’ll be ready in two hours. I’ll meet you at the apartment and we can go out somewhere. xx
‘Ethan wants to meet in a couple of hours,’ I told Juliette.
‘Lots of time to go shopping then,’ she replied happily .
‘What do you think Ethan will say about me staying here longer?’
‘He will be happy,’ she said with a smile.
‘Really?’
‘Of course.’
Our food arrived then and we paused our conversation. Juliette’s optimism was catching. Despite so many things being up in the air, I did feel better in Paris. So maybe it did make sense to stay and see what else this city could do for me.
‘I’m going to text the older man and see him tonight,’ Juliette suddenly said once the waiter had left us.
I started laughing and she joined in.
After our lunch, Juliette took me to an area of Paris where there were a few vintage shops. She told me that I’d love the quirky style in them and then we’d go to a designer shop so she could find a sexy dress for her date. Juliette’s appetite for life was infectious. I knew that no one was carefree all day every day, but she seemed to try hard to be. And that seemed like a great way to live.
‘My best friend in London is pregnant,’ I said as we looked through a rail of clothes side-by-side.
‘I don’t want children but I’m happy for those who do,’ Juliette said. ‘She is happy?’
‘Yeah. She’s been with her husband since we were all at school. I guess I’ve always wanted what they have together. But I’ve realised that everyone has their own relationship. And trying to find what someone else has will never work. It’s like what you said about finding someone you connect with. Not someone who seems to tick all the boxes you dreamed of when you were growing up. Joe seemed like a Disney prince to me.’
Juliette giggled. ‘I can see that. But no one is perfect like that. Ethan is good for you. You smile more than when you did when you first got here.’ She pulled out a stunning dress and held it up for my approval. It was something I’d never wear and for a second, I felt less than again. It was the kind of dress that Joe kept telling me he wanted to see me in. I knew Juliette would look amazing in it so I nodded for her to get it. ‘Are you okay?’ she asked, noticing I had gone quiet.
‘Do you ever find it hard being yourself?’ I blurted out.
Juliette frowned. ‘Why would you want to be anyone else?’
She went to buy the dress and left me watching her go. The question hung in the air, and I knew I would be thinking about it for a long time.
When Ethan came back to the apartment, I was making a cup of tea in the kitchen and scrolling on my phone. ‘How was it today?’ I asked, looking up and smiling as he walked in. He was carrying something under his arm.
‘It was fine although the chef was particularly demanding.’ Ethan sighed. ‘Honestly, I’m kind of wishing it wasn’t a two-week course at this point. But I know it will be helpful if I have my own restaurant one day.’ He looked unsure about it.
‘You can do it,’ I told him.
‘Confident about my work but not your own?’ Ethan smiled at me.
‘Good point. Actually, I have some news on that front…’ I leaned against the kitchen counter and he stepped closer.
‘Oh, yeah?’
I nodded. ‘Juliette had an interesting idea today. We had brunch and went shopping. I told her how I felt like it was a shame to be leaving Paris when I’m just starting to feel inspired again and she suggested I come and stay with her so I could work on my book here,’ I said a little nervously in case he wasn’t excited by the idea.
But Ethan instantly wrapped his arms around my waist. ‘Are you going to do it?’ he asked eagerly.
‘I think I might…’
He leaned in and gave me a soft kiss on my lips. ‘I would love you to stay longer. Obviously for selfish reasons. I want to get to know you better and do more of this…’ He kissed me again. ‘But also, if it will help you write again, you have to do it. Where better to write a book set in Paris than Paris itself?’
I smiled, happy he was keen for me to stay longer. ‘Exactly. I have just over two weeks until my deadline and I need to get something down on the page, and soon. I haven’t told my publisher how stuck I am, but they are excited for a book set in Paris so I think this could be a good plan. Juliette said I could stay with her and you could stay with Oscar once we have to leave here. What do you think?’
‘Let’s do it,’ Ethan said. ‘So…’ He ran a hand through his hair. ‘I got you something.’ He let go of me, reached behind him and handed me a bag. ‘I walked past this stall selling prints and, I don’t know, this one reminded me of you.’
Curiously, I opened up the bag and pulled out the print. It was of a woman sitting in an armchair holding a book, a cup of tea beside her, and behind her was a window showing the skyline of Paris including the Eiffel Tower. To my intense embarrassment, I felt my eyes prick.
‘God, what did I do?’ Ethan asked, searching my eyes anxiously with his.
‘No, I…’ I wiped away a tear that had rolled down my cheek. ‘I’m being silly. It’s just I feel like you see me.’ I thought about what Juliette had said about being myself. Did this gift mean Ethan was happy with who I was ?
Ethan took the print and put it out of the way, then he cupped my face with his hands. ‘That’s not silly.’
‘After I left Joe’s place,’ I said in a quiet voice, ‘I found a flat in Putney to rent and just kind of threw my things in there and didn’t bother with making it my own. This will be the first piece in there that I love.’
Ethan touched my damp cheek. ‘You’ve had a tough time, Tessa. Be kind to yourself. You’ll make the flat your home. And when we go back to London, we’ll be neighbours.’
‘Huh?’
‘I live in Putney too and the restaurant I work in is around the corner.’
‘Oh.’ We looked at one another. I let myself hope that we could see each other back in London. ‘That’s crazy.’
‘I love being able to see the river; it reminds me of looking out at the Seine here. It feels like you’re in London but also very far away.’
I nodded. ‘I know exactly what you mean. It’s been the best part of the last two months, getting to know the area. I would love to try your restaurant.’
‘A table at Bon Appétit is yours anytime,’ Ethan replied. ‘I didn’t only get that print while I was out…’ He trailed off, looking embarrassed. He showed me the other item in the bag. It was a copy of my last novel, A Love Like Ours . ‘I want to read something that you’ve written. If that’s okay with you?’
‘Of course it is. I…’ My words caught in my throat again. A man I had been with had never voluntarily read one of my novels before. ‘I hope you like it,’ I said shyly.
‘Why wouldn’t I? You wrote it, and I think it’s pretty clear that I like you.’ Ethan reached out and wiped another tear away from my cheek. ‘Are you really okay?’
I nodded .
‘So, do you want to go out somewhere? I’ll take you anywhere in Paris you want to go.’
I thought about all the places I’d seen over the past five days and all the places I had yet to see in this incredible city. But then I looked around the apartment that we had shared, and would soon need to leave.
‘I’d rather stay in here with you,’ I admitted.
‘You would?’
‘It’s our last afternoon in this apartment,’ I said. ‘It just feels…’ I trailed off.
‘Right,’ Ethan supplied.
‘ Exactement ,’ I replied, copying what Juliette had said earlier.
He smiled. ‘We’ll make you fluent one day.’
I liked the idea that Ethan could be around for that ‘one day’.