Chapter 14 #3
“You just have a lot more in flux right now than I do. And I don’t want this—us—to distract you from exploring it,” Hallie said against Brynn’s chest.
Brynn shook her head in violent opposition. “You aren’t a distraction. Why would you think that?”
Because, really! Why would Hallie ever think that?
Moments passed as Hallie breathed silently against Brynn’s chest. Finally, she spoke quietly. “Maybe not a distraction. But what happens when you move on from this period in your life? Move on from Stoneport? I was thinking about it outside…”
“And?” Brynn asked softly, realizing the weight of the moment hung between them. Whatever Hallie was about to say mattered a heart-palpitatingly enormous amount.
She brought one of her hands up, gently cupping Hallie’s head before running her fingers through her soft locks.
For a brief few seconds, they existed in this perfect space, where their breathing was in sync and all that Brynn could think about was Hallie wrapped up in her arms, allowing herself to be supported and adored.
This was what Brynn wanted. It was all she wanted, in fact.
“I’m not the kind of person that people change the entire trajectory of their lives for.” Hallie’s words hit somewhere deep inside of Brynn, making her whole chest hurt.
She could only pull back and look at Hallie, trying to understand how it was possible for someone as amazing as her to feel this way about herself.
Scanning Hallie’s face, she clocked where the perfect dimple on her left cheek should be, though Brynn couldn’t see it because Hallie wasn’t smiling.
Her hazel eyes were almost brown in the dim room, even as they were clear and present with the heaviness of this moment.
And sure, Brynn was wildly, life-alteringly attracted to Hallie, as evidenced by what they’d just done, but it was so much more than that to her.
It just really sucked that Hallie couldn’t see that. Didn’t see herself through Brynn’s eyes.
An intense blush flamed across Hallie’s cheeks. “You have got to stop looking at me like that.”
Brynn shrugged, still taking Hallie in. “I can’t.
I think you’re beautiful. And I was just thinking about all the reasons that I am so drawn to you.
All the reasons that I think we’d be pretty great together.
” If Hallie was going to delude herself into thinking this wasn’t a good idea, she wasn’t going to get any help from Brynn.
“Talk to me, Hallie. The only possible thing that could make me regret what just happened would be if this changes the good parts of who we are together.”
Hallie’s sigh was heavy with feeling. “I think there was a part of me that, even though I wanted this—so badly—I just assumed that I was making it all up in my head. That if everything came to a head, you’d tell me that I was mistaken, and then I’d be able to work through my feelings for you.”
Brynn ran her fingers along Hallie’s cheek, stopping just short of her lips, which she drew her thumb across slowly. “Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but the feeling of attraction is wholly mutual.”
She loved the indulgent sigh that Hallie let out. She accepted the touch until she shook her head, like Hallie was clearing her confusion away. “I mean, look at this from my perspective. It’s like I’ve suddenly found myself in a Hallmark movie. A wealthy—”
“I’m not wealthy,” Brynn interrupted, even though she knew how it made her sound. She could already feel Hallie gearing up to showcase all the ways in which they were different instead of focusing on the ways they were so incredibly complementary.
“You just bought, like, five grand worth of hats and board games today, Brynn. And I know how much we both make. Don’t argue with me on that point,” Hallie finished, leveling her with a stare.
“Anyway, as I was saying, a wealthy, beautiful, highly educated woman breezes into town to heal her broken heart—”
“My heart wasn’t broken.” Brynn had been embarrassed. Offended. Angry. But she wasn’t broken-hearted. Not by a long shot. She hadn’t even known the depth with which her heart and body could feel until recently.
Another look as Hallie leaned back, fully on her side now. She smirked. “Do you want to let me know now which points you plan to argue with me on so that I can formulate my own rebuttals?”
“Do you want to let me know why you’re so intent on talking yourself out of us before we’ve even had a chance to become something?” Brynn asked, scratching down Hallie’s stomach, watching in real time as she wavered at the touch.
Maybe it was an unfair card to play, but it was the first time Brynn had ever had this card to use. She was only human. A human who very, very much wanted Hallie to lean into how good this felt. Them, together.
“I’m scared.” Two words came from Hallie’s perfect lips, and they knocked all the wind out of Brynn’s sails.
She was quick to want to rebut them, but then Hallie spoke again.
“And it’s not your fault. You are honestly perfect, Brynn, exactly the way that you are and exactly because of who you are.
But what about me says that I’m the type of woman who takes chances? ”
Brynn bit her lip. “I’m not much of a risk-taker either, if you haven’t noticed.”
Hallie slid one of her hands down Brynn’s arm before intertwining their fingers.
Usually, that would comfort Brynn, but it didn’t in this case.
Because she knew Hallie was about to say something that she didn’t want to hear.
“Six months ago, you thought that you’d be going into academia and married to Grant.
Five months ago, you took off to Louisiana to volunteer.
Then, when you came home, you decided to come to Stoneport.
And now you’re here, have been here for a couple months, but…
there’s no reason for me to think that this is your last stop. ”
“No one can know anything with absolute certainty.” If they could, the world would be a much different place.
She wasn’t going to sit here and pretend like she knew everything that would or could ever happen, especially when the newness of the feelings she’d just discovered were involved.
All she knew was that no one had made her feel the way Hallie had, and it wasn’t something she wanted to lose.
Hallie nodded, but the shine in her eyes from moments ago had dimmed, like she was trying to make peace with a reality that Brynn herself was still not on board with in the slightest. “These may not seem like risks to you, but we move through the world differently. Stoneport is my home, and it’s where I want to be.
I love the inn. Sydney lives here now. I finally got the kitchen sink to stop leaking,” Hallie finished, trying to lighten the moment.
“I love it here, too.” Stoneport had already come to be a place she loved deeply. Where she could imagine herself living for far longer than a few months.
“And I love that you do,” Hallie said, taking a deep breath that made Brynn jittery.
“But maybe your life will pull you in a different direction. Maybe you’d want to take a teaching job in California.
Or travel the world for a year. Or volunteer in the Peace Corps or something.
And I wouldn’t want to be the reason you didn’t pursue any of those things. ”
Hallie’s words hit a nerve because of how much truth was steeped in them. Brynn, at varying points over the last few months, had mentioned every single one of those things as hypotheticals that she could consider at some point in the future.
But any hypothetical paled in comparison to the reality she’d been existing in. Here, with Hallie.
Somehow, Hallie’s next words clawed into her even deeper so that elation and frustration mingled, making it a little hard for Brynn to breathe.
“This wouldn’t be a fling for me. And it wouldn’t be a good memory that I’d have when you’re gone.
I’m already falling for you, Brynn,” Hallie admitted.
She squeezed Brynn’s hand, like she was imploring her to understand.
“Do you trust me?” Brynn asked, echoing Hallie’s words from earlier. At the end of the day, that was all that she really needed to know. Everything else could come with time.
She didn’t need a declaration from Hallie that this was going to be forever. Or that Hallie would wake up tomorrow to find all of her fears and concerns had disappeared.
All she needed to know was that Hallie wanted her in the same way she wanted Hallie.
If she had that, Brynn could be brave enough for the both of them while she waited for Hallie to see what was becoming clearer to her by the day: that this was real, and that these feelings weren’t going anywhere.
Hallie nodded, wide eyes unblinking like she was taking an oath. “I do. A scary amount.”
“Then, can that be enough for now? That we trust each other and enjoy what’s happening between us?
And that you believe that I would never abuse your trust in me or take it for granted?
” Brynn let out a light laugh and a crooked smile.
“I know that the last six months of my life haven’t been the most stable, but I promise you, Hallie, this—us—is something that I want.
And I’ll do anything to make it work. Let me show you that. ”
Brynn had never considered herself impetuous or flighty or capricious or whimsical or any other word that conveyed someone who moved through life carelessly. In her own mind, she was the ultimate pragmatist. She thought things through with precision and focus and regimented scientific inquiry.
She asked hard questions because she needed to make sure she had all the information and got to the most accurate conclusion.
But now it was Hallie asking the hard questions, when all Brynn wanted to do was push forward and follow the path they’d stumbled down for as long as she could. Maybe forever, but Brynn wasn’t going to say that right now.