18. Elyse
CHAPTER 18
ELYSE
T wo days pass in a blur, and if it isn’t the guilt of what I’ve done becoming harder and harder to swallow, it’s the impending jail sentence I know is looming when I return to my father’s care that kills me. I can’t even enjoy Sebastian’s company because everytime I look at him, I nearly confess what I’ve done. The gaping hole in my chest grows a little wider, the secrets I’m keeping filling the space, drowning me from the inside out.
Honestly, I don’t know how much longer I can do this before I either make good on the deal with my father and disappear or vomit the truth out to Sebastian.
A few days ago, he announced we were going back to school. Which surprised me because I didn’t remember ever seeing him actually attend classes—at least not any I attended. Although I guess he was…he wouldn’t be able to play football if he didn’t attend, right?
I put down the piece of bagel I'm holding and finish chewing. "What's your major?"
He blinks up at me from his own bagel and the tablet that he stares at every morning like it’s the newspaper. He's been scrolling through a news site since we sat down. "Uhhh, where did that come from?"
I shrug and slide the tiny slice of bagel around the plate, thinking. "I was just thinking I haven’t really ever seen you attend classes. Yes, I saw you at the Mill, and on the football field, and around campus, but I don't think I've ever seen you in an actual classroom."
He dusts his hands off over his plate. "I'm majoring in business, as dictated by my grandfather before he died. You’re not majoring in business, so for obvious reasons you wouldn’t see me in class.”
“Right. I guess that makes sense. With me studying vet services, you and I wouldn't have a lot of crossover; plus, you’re about to graduate.” I’m babbling, subconsciously trying to push the thoughts that won’t leave me alone away.
“Are you okay?” He asks, tilting his head to the side as if he’s examining me.
Oh god. “Yeah, I’m fine. It was just a question of curiosity. Can’t I get to know the man I married?”
Slowly, he scans me, from my jeans to my hoodie, and then down to my bare feet. "You already know me, Little Prey. Now go put your shoes on; we are going to be late."
Damn, he's bossy, and what does it say about me that I like how bossy he is? I extinguish the spark of desire burning low in my belly before it can become a raging inferno. Then I hop off the stool to go find some sneakers and grab my bag. By the time I return downstairs Sebastian is waiting, his letter jacket held out for me to slip into.
It takes a minute to waffle the bag between my hands as I slip my arms inside the coat, but like always, he’s patient. He settles it over my shoulders and then tips his head to the door. "Are you ready for this?"
All at once the rush of desire I'd felt seconds ago coils into a knot of fear. I do my best to hide it and plaster a smile onto my face. “Ready for anything.”
We walk outside together and he opens the passenger side door to a sleek black sports car parked outside the garage. "You're driving us today?"
He holds my bag while I slide in and buckle up, then passes it to me. "Yes, I thought it might be fun. Plus, it sends a message.”
I peer around the oiled leather interior, taking in the new car smell lingering in the air. "A message?"
He climbs into the driver's seat and buckles himself in before turning to me. “Yes, and that message is that we’re together.”
I hold my hand up, the light catching on the ring. "I really don't think that is going to be a problem, not with the giant ring on my finger and the knowledge that you’ve gone from player to husband in a matter of weeks.”
“Player?” His tone is teasing, relaxed. “I don’t remember promising any of the women I’ve ever been with anything. They knew the score.”
He’s not lying, I suppose, but it doesn’t change the fact there were so many before me. I stare out the window at the frosty multi-colored leaves. "I mean, yeah. It’s not like you dated anyone, although I could be wrong. I don’t recall you ever having a girlfriend, but I can tell you a good majority of those girls thought they were the one.” Almost absentmindedly I massage my upper arm where two perfect scars are hidden.
“First of all, that’s their problem. If they thought it was more than what it was I can’t help that. Secondly, just because you didn’t see me with anyone doesn’t mean I wasn’t with anyone.”
“Oh, believe me, I know. I changed your bed sheets. But there is a difference between being with someone physically and dating them.”
“Says the one who lost her virginity to me.” He snickers, and my cheeks heat. He turns into campus parking a few minutes later, and we head to my first class, an animal biology seminar. When he said we needed to return to classes I didn’t actually think we were going to be attending classes together but here we are. As I suspected him to always be, Sebastian is the model student as he takes the spot beside me. I find myself glancing at him on and off through the lecture and smile when I notice him jotting down notes on his tablet.
At the end of the lecture, I stand and peer over his desk. He's drawn little doodles of stick figures in inappropriate positions. Should’ve known he wasn’t taking notes. When I shake my head at him, he grins at me, and I can't help but grin back.
This feels normal. It feels...good.
Until I glance up the tiered seats to the girls in the back row and catch them glaring at us.
I shoulder my bag. "Let's go. I think I need some coffee."
He doesn't argue and shoves out of the chair quickly, following me out of the lecture hall. We make it to the coffee cart stationed in the quad, and I'm relieved to notice hardly anyone seems to be watching us. I mean yes, students are looking but not in a way that makes me feel singled out. The line is longer than I remember, but we stand together, my own impatience intensifying my anxiety. Sebastian reaches for me and links his fingers with mine lazily. My insides warm from the gesture and touch. He’s never shown me off before, and I’m not really sure how to handle it.
It’s nice, but it also makes me feel like the spotlight is on me.
"Well, isn't this fucking cozy," A mocking voice cuts through the warm cuddly feelings, tossing me deep into shark infested waters.
Whirling around, I spot Tanya as she ambles towards us. God, please kill me now. I try not to stare at her, but it’s damn near impossible when she looks like she walked off the page of a magazine, a fur wrapped around her upper body while her legs are encased in skin tight denim. Her dark hair is straight and hangs down to her waist, shimmering in the sunlight.
There’s a shift in the air around me, a sudden rush of cold, and I look at Sebastian, watching as his features change in an instant. Releasing my hand, he takes a step forward.
"What the fuck are you doing here, Tanya?"
She shrugs. "Whatever I want. It's a public campus, and I'm a very generous donor. No one is going to stop me from getting a coffee."
I clench my fists, suddenly returning to that night where I watched her straddle him in the study. I hate her and not because of what she’s done to him but because of the shitty person she is.
Her hard gaze shifts back to me, judgment building with every blink as she takes in my features and the love bites Sebastian left on my neck.
"Oh, Elyse, you look tired." She leans in and brushes her lips against my cheek. "It won't be long until he gets tired of you, too. Just wait," she whispers, barely loud enough for me to hear.
Seb circles my waist with one arm and hauls me backwards, putting distance between Tanya and myself. She smiles like she expected him to make that move."Well, I'll leave you two love birds. I have a meeting with the dean that I need to get to. I’d hate to be late when he’s always so accommodating.”
Taking a step back, she tightens her arms around her fur coat and turns before walking away. The sound of her heels tapping rhythmically on the concrete steps rings in my ears as she disappears from sight. She’s up to something..
"Why would she need to talk to the dean?"
The look of horror in his eyes remains for a few more seconds, and then, as if realizing he’s safe, he recoils into himself, his body relaxing slowly.
"What did she say to you?"
I shake my head, closing the space in the line we'd left while dealing with Tanya. "Nothing. She is just trying to rile us both. As usual."
I'm a heartbeat away from asking about that night, about what happened with her and about their past, but as I consider it, I realize it's not something I really want the details of. The main points seem obvious enough in context. And I especially don't want to talk about it here, with so many of the campus' eyes on us.
We make it to the coffee cart, and Seb orders for us, handing me a hot paper cup when the barista is finished. As we move away, I spot a bench and head to sit.
Tanya’s arrival stirred everything into hyper focus. It’s all too much…the sound of students talking, the scent of the coffee in my hand, even the burn on my tongue. When I realize my hand is shaking, I lower the coffee to my lap and try to steady myself before I have a panic attack.
It takes me a second to notice Sebastian is speaking to me. "...you have one more, right?"
I quickly try to fill in the blanks. "Class?"
He nods, studying me more intently. "Yes, one more class, right?"
I try to keep cool, because letting him know my internal system is going haywire will not help any. "Yes, one more."
Something in his eyes changes, and I watch as darkness fills his eyes. "Elyse," his voice becomes stern. "Talk to me. What the fuck did she say to you? And don’t tell me she said nothing, because you look like you saw a ghost, plus you’re shaking, and before she showed up you were fine.”
I take another sip of the coffee. "She didn’t do anything. I think it’s just the sudden change. Returning to class, feeling everyone’s eyes on me. It’s going to take some time to get used to again.”
He white knuckles his coffee cup, and I worry it's going to collapse in his grasp and spill hot liquid over us both. "Really, it's fine. I'm fine."
"No, obviously you're not. Maybe we should go home. We can go to your other class tomorrow or whenever it's held next. This has been enough for one day."
I shake my head and stare at my lap. "No, I can do this. I want to do this." I don't add...I want to prove I can do this. That I'm not this fragile broken creature now. Especially when it’s how everyone keeps looking at me. Like at any second I'm going to lose it and run away screaming.
"I promise I’m okay. Just give me a minute to caffeinate.”
"Coffee isn’t going to fix your reaction to Tanya showing her face here."
He’s right, and I know it, but I don’t want to tell him the truth. As quickly as my panic set in, guilt washes through me. If he wasn't trying to make me happy by taking me back to school then we wouldn't even have been here for Tanya to ambush. I’m so stupid. This is all my fault. All of this, and if we stay, it's only going to get worse. "You're right, we should just go home. It's probably safer there."
"Safer?" he echoes. "What do you mean, safer?"
I shake my head. "I don’t mean it like that. Let's just go. Why don't you show me what that fancy sports car can do?"
He flashes me a smile. "You think that car is safer than being here? Than going to animal surgery classes or whatever?"
I stand and hug the jacket tighter around me. "Yes. Anywhere you are is safest for me. We can think about transitioning back into classes a little slower.”
He nods and tosses his still half-filled coffee into the trash. "Whatever you want.”
He leads me to the parking lot by the lecture hall and helps me inside the car again. I buckle up and relax. No one can hurt him here; no one can get to him when it's just us like this. We speed off campus out to the forest roads at the edge of town, and he opens up the speed on the car. And holy hell, it goes fast. By the time he slows, I'm gripping the door and his arm so tight my nails ache.
He laughs as he pulls off to the shoulder and parks. "How was that?"
"Better than animal surgery or whatever," I mock.
When he smiles at me, like I’m his reason for breathing, my heart aches. All it takes is one look, and I’m consumed with desire and need. I want him, and it terrifies me as much as it excites me.
"Keep looking at me like that, Little Prey, and we won’t make it back to the house for me to properly fuck you.” He pulls onto the road again back toward town, and I can't help but stare at the beautiful trees flying past.
This feels good; it feels nice again. Like it did before. Slowly, I relax, until we make it to the driveway and crawl up toward the house.
He helps me out of the car. "Wait here a second, I'm going to put the car away. With the minimal staff I've got to move the vehicles myself."
I nod and as he pulls toward the garage my phone vibrates in my pocket. I grin as I tug it out of my pocket, thinking maybe he’s acting like a weirdo and texting me from three feet away, but it’s not him. That warm safe feeling I'd been harboring pops like a balloon.
Unknown Number: Tick tock.
My throat tightens, and the dread intensifies. I open the phone and type out a response.
Me: I know. Meet me tomorrow night at the edge of the property.
I stuff the phone back into my pocket and prepare myself for the hard part. I don’t want to leave him, what we share, or the feelings developing between us, but I have to protect this. I have to protect him from more of my mistakes.