13. Griffin
I ’ve got a busted nose and lip thanks to my prick of a best friend.
I’ve always enjoyed how good of a fighter he was, but not when I’m the one on the receiving end of it.
The only silver lining is the dark and prominent bruise I left beneath one of his eyes.
It’s not like we’ve never fought before, we’ve had plenty of arguments over the years, but it usually ends with one of us calling the other a prick, and then taking a few days to cool off.
This is the first time it’s ever resulted in a physical altercation, and I can’t say I’m surprised that it’s about Aurora.
We still haven’t talked, not since she walked away from me at brunch yesterday, and I haven’t seen her since.
As for Everest, I didn’t see him again until he walked in the house this morning, still in yesterday’s clothes, and not saying a word before he went straight up to his room to get ready for class.
That’s when I saw the bruise and busted knuckles.
I looked for him in the gym when I worked out, we usually do it together on Monday afternoons, but he didn’t show.
Now I’m walking up the path to our house, wondering what excuse he will find to avoid me tonight.
To no one’s surprise, when I walk into the house he looks up from where he is tying his shoe on the bottom of the stairs, and sneers, before focusing back on his foot.
“Really? You’re gonna act like I don’t exist?
Isn’t that what got us into this mess in the first place?
” I ask, but he doesn’t respond, and I roll my eyes, as I close the door behind me and dump my bag on the floor.
“Going somewhere?” I question, and this time he glares at me, as he rises to his feet and snatches his jacket from the banister.
“Out,” he grunts, moving to push past me, but I grip his elbow and pull him back.
“Ever, come on man, we need to talk about this,” I start, but he pushes me off with a shove and I stumble back.
“We did fucking talk about this, Griffin.” His words are low, but his voice carries more weight than if he’d have shouted, and I can feel the anger rolling off of him.
“In fact, we talked about it over and fucking over, until we came to only one conclusion,” he adds, sounding beyond betrayed, and it stings more than I thought it would.
“Come on, brother, you know that what you asked was impossible,” I reply slowly, but he’s already shaking his head.
“Was it?” he sneers, stepping toward me and poking me in the chest. “I told you that you could have any fucking girl in the entire world, anyone you wanted, just not her. That’s over four billion fucking women, Griffin, and still you went after her.
” Spit flies from his mouth, his voice cracking slightly, as he eyes me with nothing but disappointment in his stare.
“I didn’t fucking mean to, I was drunk when I did, but I pulled away, I stepped back and tried to leave, but then she kissed me,” I try reasoning with him, but it only makes him angrier.
His hands fist in my shirt, gripping me toward him. “Don’t make me fucking hit you again, you fucking asshole,” he warns, and I sigh in defeat, until he releases me with another shove. “Stay the fuck away from her, Griffin, I won’t tell you again.”
Then he turns around and storms out.
So much for talking it out.
I head upstairs to find Harden leaning against his doorframe, clearly having heard our entire conversation, and I sigh at the way he’s looking at me.
“Let me guess, you’re pissed at me too,” I snap, but of course my quiet and noble best friend just shakes his head, stepping aside to let me into his room.
Harden follows me inside, moving back to his bed and laying down right beside the wall.
Same spot as always. I kick off my shoes and lie down beside him with a sigh.
“What the fuck am I gonna do, Haze?” I ask, turning my head so I can trace the movement of his fingers.
Probably don’t kiss his sister again . He signs, and I can’t help but grunt a laugh.
“Glad to know you find my pain amusing,” I snort, turning back to face the ceiling, and for a while we both just lie in the silence of our thoughts. “Do you think he will forgive me?” I eventually ask, turning on my side to stare at him, and he shrugs.
Do you want him to? I read his hands with a frown.
“Of course I do, he’s my best friend, why wouldn't I?” I snap, and the prick shrugs again, searching my stare before he signs.
Because of her. She’s in the middle now. He explains quickly, and I huff a laugh.
“She’s always been in the middle and you know it,” I snap back, exhaling deeply, before meeting his assessing stare. “Aren’t you mad at me too?” I ask, and now it’s his turn to frown.
Why would I be mad? He’s quick to sign and I roll my eyes.
“Come on, Harden, there’s a reason we all made that pact, let’s not beat around our fucking feelings here,” I curse, and my best friend smirks slightly, but still shakes his head.
No, I’m not mad, it was hot. He explains, and I laugh again, before he quickly signs. Besides, I kissed her first.
I have to double take to make sure I read his hands right, my stare snapping straight back up to his, and there’s not a hint of a lie in his eyes.
“You and Rora have kissed,” I practically yell, snapping up into a seated position. “What? When? Where?” I ask, the shock making my voice rise in decibels, and he rolls his eyes.
At her 13th birthday party, she wanted to be kissed for the first time.
“You were her first kiss?” I repeat with a shout. “And you never told me?” I jump to my feet on his bed, jolting his entire body. “Harden Haze you dirty fucking dog,” I scream, bouncing us up and down and making him roll back and forth.
This isn’t just a confession, it’s a fucking revelation.
I’ve never seen my best friend hook up with anyone, girl, guy, or otherwise.
He’s fucking celibate as far as I know, so this is the tea of the damn century.
He tries to grab my legs but I bounce away from his hold, jumping up even higher.
I bounce so hard I’m surprised I don’t break his fucking bed, but this is just too damn juicy to ignore.
Get down you fucking idiot . He signs, but I only laugh as I jump to avoid his hold again.
“Haze and RoRo sitting in a tree,” I sing, reaching down to tickle him in my jest, and his entire body tenses.
Then my legs are swiped from under me, my back hitting the mattress with force as he pins me down and grips his hands into my shirt. I’m panting because I’m out of breath from the jumping, but he appears breathless in panic, and it’s only then I realize what I did.
I touched him without permission.
Fuck.
“Sorry,” I pant, searching his stare, as his gripped fingers flex in my shirt.
His forest green eyes are lost to his thoughts as he fights to claw his way to calm, and I flatten my hands against his mattress to reduce the threat.
“It’s okay, Harden, I won’t do it again, I promise,” I whisper, each of my words said with careful intent.
“I forgot for a moment, but it’s okay now, just breathe.
” I watch as his stare focuses back into mine, searching my eyes for something, but I’m not sure what.
“Come on, breathe for me,” I say quietly, and he nods, slowly taking a deep breath.
I feel the heat of his exhale against my lips, once, twice, three times, and it settles something inside of me that I can’t explain.
We stare into one another’s eyes, his body relaxing, and mine for some reason tensing. Until Harden shoves himself away from me, and presses his back against his bedroom wall.
Sorry . He signs weakly, before pulling in his knees and dropping his head against them, before continuing his deep breaths.
“It’s okay, it was my fault,” I tell him, moving slowly until I am sitting up and leaning against his headboard, feeling completely helpless.
I’ve been best friends with Harden Haze since kindergarten.
I know everything about him; except the reason he can’t stand to be touched.
The pain in his eyes always kills me, but what’s worse is not knowing the reason why, not knowing how to help him.
Instead, I’ve spent the last fifteen years watching him drown without ever accepting a life raft.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask the same question I’ve asked a million times, and Harden finally lifts his head and drops it back against the wall.
About what a freak I am? He signs, and my jaw grinds at the way he sees himself. So much so that I hold his stare as I gently move toward him, holding my hands up and forcing them behind my back as I put myself in front of him.
“You’re not a freak, Harden, and there is nothing in this world that you could say or do that would ever make me think that. So whatever it is, you can tell me, I’m here for you no matter what,” I tell him firmly, hoping it will erase the look in his eyes, but if anything it only gets worse.
Some secrets we have to take to the grave. He signs, pressing his hands to his chest, and his words have me flopping back against the headboard. Any other time I might disagree with him, but as I lick my lips and taste a trace of blood, I can’t help but nod in understanding.
“Then I guess I’ll save you a seat in hell with me.”