58. Kieran
KIERAN
Producer: “Early on, you’d mentioned hoping to find someone you could be fully yourself around, someone who was there for you and not your online presence. Do you feel that way with Jace?”
Kieran: “I… yeah. Actually, I think I do.”
We’re walking through Central Park, hand in hand, filming the second day of Jace’s visit, but I still feel like I’m waking up from a strange dream, trying to adjust to my surroundings after everything I thought I knew has changed.
I was confident Jace and I had no chance at a real future because of our past when we first reconnected on the show, but now? Now, I’m surrounded by more choices, and I don’t know what’s right.
Did last night confirm things could actually work out between us?
And if they did, does that mean we should continue with the show as planned?
Or should we quit and pursue a real relationship outside its structure without all the pressure to get engaged and married in a matter of days?
I don’t know if it’s fair of me to go back on the plans we’ve made, or if I’ve just been swept up in the romance filming and maybe things will fall apart when it’s over.
We still have to navigate real life together, see how it works in our regular routines and schedules, so maybe the plan we have is still the best course of action.
I’ve always tried to remain confident and go after what I want, but today I could barely choose between the two outfits I’d packed. I’m in no shape to be contemplating major life decisions.
It’s fine though, I remind myself. I don’t have to make any changes today. The original plan is still in place; we don’t need to break our show contracts or decide on forever right now. We’re still filming as the perfect couple we’ve been presenting to the world.
Jace squeezes my hand, slowing our pace, and he pulls me off the side of the path we’re walking on in the park. “Hey, can we stop here for a minute?”
I shrug. “Sure, are you finally going to tell me what we’re doing here?” I ask with a laugh. When I’d tried to get details out of him on the drive over, he’d seemed nervous, not looking at me as he claimed we were just enjoying the outdoors.
“Yeah,” he admits before taking a deep breath. “I was thinking about what we talked about last night. How you thought I sent David that day. I hate thinking that your final memory in our woods was such a horrible one.”
“Hey, it’s not your fault,” I try to reassure him. “I know that now. I really am sorry I didn’t listen to you back then.”
“It’s okay. You’re here with me now, that’s what really matters.
” He gives me a small smile as he squeezes my hand.
“Those woods always felt special to me. They were the only place where I could truly be myself, could be with the person I wanted to be with. I was wondering if you might play along and give me a do-over. A chance to reclaim a different spot as ours and play out what I hoped would happen that day. This was the best I could think of in the city,” he adds, gesturing to the trees surrounding us.
I think about what he said last night, about how he’d planned to kiss me that day if he’d been on time, and I can’t help but wonder how different both of our lives might look today if that had gone like he’d hoped. I guess we’ll never know.
But he’s right. We’re both here now, together, surrounded by different trees, and it’s easy to forget the cameras and that so many people will see this moment play out on their screens. All that matters is the man standing before me, asking me to give him a second chance.
I might not be ready to make any real decisions about our future, but this choice is easy. “Jace, will you kiss me?”
His whole body relaxes as a huge smile lights up his face before he leans in to bring his lips to mine.
He cups my jaw in his large hand to tilt my face up the way he wants it, moving his lips against mine in slow, sweet motions that leave my heart aching.
It’s nothing like last night’s kiss that was full of desperation and lust. It’s romantic and confident, and it feels like an admission of just how much he cares about me.
How does this man continue to break down walls I didn’t even realize I’d built to protect myself?
He teases my mouth with his tongue but keeps the kiss mostly innocent. A moment worthy of the airtime I’m sure it will get across the country. When he pulls back, I’m not ready for it to be over, and find myself leaning toward him again without thought.
He chuckles and squeezes my hand again. “There is one more thing,” he says slowly, reaching into his coat. He pulls out a sparkly notebook.
“What’s that?” I ask, unable to shake the feeling that I’ve seen it before, but I’m not sure where.
He looks at it for a long moment, letting out a deep exhale before glancing back up at me. “The first day of junior year, I took this from you,” he admits, and I suck in a sharp breath as I remember that day. The first time he called me Sparkles.
There’s no way that’s actually the same notebook he’s holding now.
But as I look more closely, I see how dull it actually is, how worn the edges appear. My heart is racing as I wait for him to explain why the hell he still has it and why he’s giving it to me in front of the cameras.
“I should have thrown it away because we both know I was too big of an asshole to have returned it,” he says with a chuckle.
“But for some reason, I hid it instead—I couldn’t risk my dad finding a sparkly journal in my things—and I had no idea why.
” He rubs his thumb across the cover, smiling fondly at it.
“At first, I think I just liked having something that reminded me of you. But then when we stopped talking, I decided to write you an apology.”
“When we were eighteen?” I manage to ask, voice barely a whisper as emotions threaten to close my throat.
“Yeah. I realized I might never get the chance to say it to you, but I needed to get the words out, and this felt like my best option.” He hands me the journal, and I flip it open to the first page. At the top, in handwriting I distantly recognize as his, is the date
June 26th, 2012
and under that is a letter addressed to me, one that lasts for multiple pages. I try to make out some of the words, blinking away the tears that are attempting to fall. I know I’ll need to read this in more detail when I’m not being filmed.
I flip past the letter and am shocked to see more entries. “What else is in here?”
“The things I wished I could say to you for the last thirteen years.”
I swear my heart stops beating entirely.
How did I ever hate this man? How did I believe that he was the example of who I should protect my heart from?
I read the next entry, it’s much shorter.
July 23rd 2012
Kieran,
You posted a video today. I’m so glad that you didn’t let what happened break you. I’m proud of you.
J
I flip to another.
April 25th 2013,
Kieran,
1 million subscribers! Congrats on the gold creator award, I’m sure you’ll earn the diamond in no time!
J
The next one.
August 25th 2014
Kieran,
You announced your first brand deal today. That’s so amazing. I can’t wait to see what else you accomplish.
J
There aren’t a ton, but it seems like all of the major moments in my career are mentioned, spanning the years that we were apart.
November 1st, 2018
Kieran,
I bought the latest Sparkles’ line of products that came out today. I’m going to give them to my sister. I always love seeing your face blown up on ads in makeup stores and thinking back to the one you worked in.
J
I should probably be creeped out or worried that he’s a total stalker or something.
But I love it. I love that the man I’ve never been able to forget—even if I thought it was because I hated him—never forgot me either.
“I know you didn’t feel the same way, but I’ve never felt like things were over between us, Sparkles,” Jace says softly. “Read the most recent entry.”
My hands are shaking as I turn to the page with today's date.
February 12th, 2025
Kieran,
I’m going to ask you to marry me today. I know that it’s still not real and that’s okay, but I’m really happy to have you back in my life. Thanks for giving me a second chance.
J
I look up to find Jace already down on one knee, smiling up at me.
“Kieran, when we first met, I never imagined we’d end up here one day, but I’m so glad that we have.
Every day that you’re in my life is better because of it.
” He opens the ring box he’s holding, revealing a platinum band that matches my other jewelry.
“Will you make me the happiest man alive? Will you marry me?”
Jace’s note might have said this isn’t real, but as I nod, choking out, “Yes! Of course I’ll marry you,” through tears I can’t stop, it doesn’t feel fake.
Especially not when his hands are shaking as he slips the ring onto my finger, and definitely not when he kisses me again like he’s trying to memorize the moment.
I know the cameras are still pointed at us, but somehow this feels right. It feels real.
And I don’t think I want it to be anything else.