59. Jace
JACE
Producer: “Can you see yourself saying “I love you” soon? You did propose.”
Jace: “Wait, have I not said that yet?”
Awedding when you aren’t the one paying for anything is definitely the way to go. Not that Kieran would probably bat an eye at any of the prices, but I cannot imagine footing this bill with my own money; New York City prices are outrageous.
The proposal went even better than I’d hoped. I was a little worried about how Kieran would react to the park aspect after what David did to him in our old spot, but we talked about it afterwards, and he confirmed my hope that it was a reclaiming moment for us.
I also explained that I didn’t think the producers would appreciate showing up in the morning and finding out that I had proposed the night before off camera like I’d really wanted to.
What we did was definitely better television, even if they’ve been begging to read what was in the journal ever since.
But Kieran and I are the only ones who ever need to know what it says.
I know our engagement isn’t real and that Kieran would’ve said yes no matter how I asked, but it still felt like my one shot to propose to the man of my dreams. He deserves the best of everything, so I wanted to give it my all without making it a spectacle since so much of his life is already lived in the spotlight.
Things have been moving pretty quickly since the proposal.
They’ve had everyone move back into the same hotel downtown where the ceremonies will take place at the end of the week.
We’ve already gone tux shopping, picked out elaborate flower arrangements, confirmed our guest list, and last night they had us do a full tasting of the dinner menu options with the other couples on the show who are engaged.
We’ve done countless interviews with Andy, talking to us individually and as couples, and even other pairings and groups that the producers hoped would make good television.
Now we’re waiting to begin the thing I’ve been looking forward to the most: sampling all the wedding cake options.
“Hi, I’m Kayla.” A woman with blonde hair pulled back and a white apron on comes to meet us while we wait at the table in the bakery.
“Hey, Kayla,” I say with a small smile, trying to contain my excitement.
“Hi, I’m Kieran, and this is my fiancé, Jace, who forgot to introduce himself because he’s already eyeing the cake.”
“Sorry.” I laugh, holding my hands up. “I’m just so excited about this part.”
Kayla chuckles. “Good. That’s what we like to hear. I’ve got six flavors for you to try today. Once you decide on your favorite, we’ll talk fillings, frostings, and decorations.”
Kayla sets down a tray with neat little squares of cake, each labeled with a tiny card with the flavors: chocolate ganache, lemon raspberry, vanilla bean, red velvet, strawberry, and carrot.
“Oh god,” I groan. “How are we supposed to pick? I want them all already.”
“I think I know what one I’ll like the best, but let’s try them,” Kieran says, and that reminds me…
“Is red velvet still your favorite?” I ask, nudging the plate with red velvet toward him.
He turns to look at me, his fork hovering over the cake, and there’s this small, surprised smile on his face. “You remember that?”
“Well, yeah,” I say. “Bringing you that cupcake was my really smooth teenage excuse for us to spend more time together. I thought about that moment a lot, and I still always think of you whenever there’s red velvet cake.
Or cake in general. Or baked goods, really.
I pretty much always think about you, and I’m not just saying that. ”
For a second, he doesn’t move, just looks at me with that analytical expression that makes me feel like he’s memorizing the moment. Then he finally takes a bite of the red velvet, and he smiles as he chews.
“Still my favorite,” he says softly. “But this is the best red velvet ever because now you’re here too.”
My heart flutters the way it only ever does with him. I lean closer and whisper, “I really want to kiss you right now.”
He doesn’t bother whispering back, just steals the air from my lungs with a quick kiss that leaves Kayla politely pretending she’s very invested in rearranging her sample tray.
Ever since our hometown visits, Kieran has been acting like we’re in a real relationship, and it’s given me hope that what we’ve built might last beyond the show.
I want to ask him if anything’s changed so badly, but I don’t want to burst this little bubble of happiness we’re living in. Maybe I’ll wait until after we’re married because I really do want him to be my husband, and I can’t risk us not making it to the altar.
I want to build a life with him. I want to support him, learn how to be a cat dad to Freddie, maybe even spend our nights cross-stitching on the couch together in our shared living room.
Being with Kieran would give my life a sense of purpose I’ve never had before.
I was always looking for the missing piece, but it’s always been him.
I went along with the career Patrick offered me, and I was immensely grateful and surprised by how much I ended up enjoying it.
I have a place where I live, but I chose it to be near my uncles; the only sense of home I feel there is when I’m spending time with them.
I’ve spent so long going through the motions, taking what’s handed to me instead of creating my own life.
I love building spaces where other people create their homes, their careers, their memories, but I’ve never had that for myself.
I will with Kieran, though, as long as he’ll have me and keep me.
I want a partner and a home, and now I even want a cat. Having something real with Kieran feels like the first thing I’ve ever truly chosen for myself and I’m going to keep fighting for him… for us.
That’s all I can think about as we go through the flavors one by one, trading bites. They’re all so incredible, and I’d guess the chocolate ganache is a close second for Kieran. But he keeps sampling bites of red velvet and going back to it, so I know what we’ll go with.
“Do you know what flavor you’d like for the cake?” Kayla asks.
“They’re all great,” I say, glancing at Kieran, “but I think we’re going with red velvet.”
Kieran blinks, surprised. “Really? I thought you liked the vanilla one best.”
“I did,” I admit, bumping my knee against his under the table. “But you love red velvet, and it was damn good. Plus, it reminds me of our woods. I want our wedding to have that one, baby.”
His cheeks flush, and he shakes his head. “Thanks, Jace.”