28. Rabbie
28
Rabbie
I hold the door open to The Drunken Duck for Crystal, and she smiles as she brushes past me. I haven’t stopped smiling since she told me that she didn’t want to go back to Boston. I was starting to dread that topic of conversation, and was putting it off for as long as I could. But now I know that she potentially doesn’t want to go back at all. It has filled me with hope that this could truly turn into something.
Seeing the tears well in her eyes really set it in stone for me, that she cares for me as much I care for her. She was worried I would think that she wanted to leave as soon as the website was finished. This woman continues to surprise me, her thoughtfulness is beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. I’ve lived my life constantly judging women and instantly jumping to the conclusion that they will eventually leave me. Crystal has changed my perspective that not every woman is like my mum. It’s a lot to unpack but I’m getting there. I’ve wasted so many years with that mentality, but that changes today.
I feel like a prick for not giving women in the past a chance. I would quickly come to the conclusion that they were like my mum, and I would bail on them before I could get hurt. I never thought about how that might have affected them. Not until the night I told Crystal I couldn’t go through with it. The look on her face, the rejection she must’ve felt because of me. I never want to put her through that again. She was quick to tell me straight. Seeing her dancing with Angus Anderson lit a fire in me that needed to be lit. I knew I’d fucked up the night before and the thought of losing her because I was too much of coward was the the tipping point. From that moment I refused to stop living in fear of abandonment and truly enjoy my life.
When I was a wee lad I was so bitter and angry about why I didn’t have the perfect family, but when I started getting older the anger turned into fear. I was scared that I would fall in love with the perfect woman, and she would eventually leave me. So I became the guy who was always the friend or the one night stand. I never allowed myself to get too involved, but then Crystal came along and changed everything. She has her own views on relationships but I think we’ve both shown each other that things aren’t so scary and things don’t have to be so serious when putting a label on a relationship.
I scan the pub and find our friends where they always are, sitting at our little table in the corner next to the fire. Our little family. I order a round of whiskys for us all at the bar with Mac whilst Crystal chats to a couple of the locals. We make our way over to the group, they’re busy deep in conversation to see us approaching, but as soon as I place our tray of whiskys on the table their heads snap up to me and Crystal.
I help Crystal sit on the bench seat, holding her hand as she steps over the bench. I sit down next to her and scoop her closer to me. She sinks into my side as I put my arm around her shoulder. The look on their faces still tells me that they are shocked to see me being so public about my affections towards Crystal. I don’t blame them. I’ve been single for most of my life.
“Jesus, Rab. We usually have a few beers before whiskys,” Fiona laughs.
“A-aye, you trying to get me drunk,” Hamish pipes in.
I smile at my friends, and then down at Crystal and she squeezes my hand.
“Well, we have cause for celebration,” I say as I hand out the glasses of whisky to everyone.
“Crystal has finished the website. It’s ready to go live,” I tell everyone.
“That’s amazing,” Fiona cheers.
Everyone else chirps in with their congratulations, but I look down at Crystal. It’s only her I see. She’s the one who has created the website and elevated my business to the professional standard it needed to be. If it wasn’t for her my life and business would be stagnant. I grab my glass of whisky and raise it and everyone follows.
“To Crystal, I couldn’t have done it without you,” I wink at her.
Only she knows the hidden message in my toast, her green eyes are glossy in the low light of the pub.
“Slàinte,” I say as I take a sip of my whisky.
Everyone else cheers, clinking their glasses together, all the while I’m staring down at the redheaded cowgirl who has changed my world, and for the better. She takes a sip of her drink and melts further into me which I didn’t know was possible. It feels good to be so public with her, and she doesn’t seem to let everyone looking over at us bother her, which I was worried about.
Dylan looks at her best friend with teary eyes. “So, when do you go back to Boston?” She asks Crystal.
I can see how much Dylan has loved having Crystal here and seeing her teary face tells me that I’m not the only one who doesn’t want her to go back to Boston. Crystal looks up at me, and smiles.
“Well, I’m going to stay until I have to go back to Tennessee for the holidays. I know it only a couple of weeks away, but I’m actually enjoying it here,” she tells everyone. She squeezes my hand and looks up at me.
Dylan squeals in excitement and grabs her best friend’s hand across the table. “Oh my god, this is the best news ever! We can bake cookies and watch a Christmas movie before you leave, our little tradition,” she smiles at Crystal.
“Only if it’s Home Alone,” Crystal smiles at Dylan.
“I wouldn’t expect anything different. It’s the only one we watch,” Dylan laughs.
Everyone else laughs, and I can see how much these girls love each other.
“So what does this mean after Christmas?” Fiona asks.
I know she’s not being nosy, she’s curious like everyone else who seems to lean in to that question.
“Well, Crystal is going to plan a launch party for the website in the meantime, and then we’re going to see where things lead after Christmas.”
“Oh, a launch party is a great idea,” Dylan claps.
“Crystal’s idea,” I smile down at her.
Hamish and Fiona beam congratulations at us, but Cam shifts in his seat. He hasn’t said a word the whole time and I’m starting to get worried. He’s not one for words but he’s usually said something by now. His face is hard to read, but then again he always has a sullen face. But it’s his unwillingness to look at me that has me frowning. It looks like he’s still in a grumpy mood from last night from when I made a very public display of affection towards Crystal. I know Cam has always had his reservations, hell he even dug his stubborn heels in when he was trying to convince himself that he didn’t like Dylan, and look where that ended up. I try not to let my best friend’s reservations doubt my feelings towards Crystal, but I look up to Cam as a big brother, his support and approval means a lot to me.
The girls are in deep conversation about the launch party when I head to the bar with Cam and Hamish to order another round of drinks. Cam hasn’t said a word since we told the group that Crystal and I are seeing where things lead. Hamish orders our round of drinks with Mac, and we wait by leaning against the bar looking back over at the girls sitting at the table.
“Come on then, spit it out,” I say to Cam.
I can’t bear the silent treatment any longer, and I want to know why he’s being so off about the situation. Cam and I have never had many arguments, only when he was going through a rough time and I had to dump bottles of good whisky down the sink because he was drinking himself silly.
Cam and Hamish’s head snap to me, and by the look on their faces they’re shocked to see me willing to talk about this.
“Nothing,” Cam mumbles.
“Bullshit, you’ve barely said a word since I got here and your face looks like a smacked arse. So, come on out with it. I want to hear it from my best friend.”
Hamish blinks at me, and Cam scratches the back of his head. Usually, I’m never one for confrontation, but this is starting to piss me off. My best friend should be happy for me, but I’ve been met with reservations from him.
“I dunno, I don’t want to see you get hurt. I’ve never seen you this serious about a woman, given your past and that,” Cam shrugs his shoulders.
He looks me in the eyes for the first time since I got here, and I can see the genuine concern for me in them. I crumble at the brotherly bond we have, and I can tell he’s looking out for me, like so many times in the past.
“Aye, I appreciate your concern. But if you can find happiness then so can I.”
I look over at the girls at the table all bunched together on one side of the table, heads together, laughing. Seeing Crystal so happy here makes me realise that I want her to come back after the holidays and never leave.
Cam opens his mouth to protest, but I cut him off.
“All I ever wanted when I was a wee lad was to have a big family and to be happy, and I’ve finally got those two things. I can’t keep living my life in fear that people are going to leave me, because what kind of life is that? Crystal has shown me that. I’m not scared anymore,” I tell my two best friends. My brothers.
They both look at me now with complete shock written all over their faces and then they soften at me. I’ve never been this open with them before, but it feels amazing to finally get this off my chest.
Cam places a large hand on my shoulder and pulls me in for a bear hug. I wrap my arm around him, whilst Hamish pats me on the back. They both smile at me as we break our brotherly moment.
“I’m happy for you,” Cam finally smiles at me.
“A-aye, although now I’m the o-only single one now,” Hamish stutters.
Cam and I both look at Hamish and then back to Fiona sitting at the table and chuckle to each other. Hamish follows both of our eyes and his face flushes. He clearly thinks everyone is oblivious to his feelings for Fiona, but we’ve both known for years that they have feelings for each other.
“Brother, you need to tell her how you feel,” I pass him his drink from the bar.
Hamish chokes on his beer and splutters. Cam breaks out in a loud boisterous laugh, and I can’t help but laugh at how Hamish is freaking out.
“I-I dinny k-know what you m-mean,” He stutters a bit more because he’s clearly nervous.
The fear in his eyes tells me everything I need to know about how scared he is that this is common knowledge. He chugs most of his beer, and I order him another one.
“It’s okay mate, we wouldn’t say anything,” I reassure him.
He relaxes a little bit, and finishes off his drink. I hand him the one I just ordered for him and give him a soft pat on the back.
“T-thanks,” he shakily takes a sip of his beer.
“Come on, let’s get back to our girls,” I tell both my brothers.
We make our way back over to the table, and the girls are still talking about the launch party and what type of decorations they will get. Hamish always sits next to Fiona but as she smiles and scooches over on the bench to make room for him, he sits on the other side of the table. Fiona frowns slightly at this, and darts her eyes to me and Cam. I try to keep a poker face, and not give anything away but Fiona knows me and she narrows her eyes at me. Hamish is clearly in his own head, and has made it obvious that something is wrong.
I try to break the weird tension because the girls clearly have their suspicions now. I don’t usually like to gossip anymore since I know Crystal hates it but Hamish is starting to sweat and I need to help out my brother.
“Did you hear that Mr Hodkingson got drunk and walked into a streetlamp and has a black eye? Mrs Hodkingson has put him on a ban from The Drunken Duck for the foreseeable future, she even came in and shouted at Mac like he was a naughty wee school boy for allowing her husband to get so drunk,” I tell everyone.
I hope my gossiping doesn’t upset Crystal, but I think she can sense the weird tension between Hamish and Fiona too. Everyone looks up from their drinks and breaks out in roaring laughter. Hamish claps me on the back with a thankful glare. Crystal winks at me as she takes a sip of her drink. I relax knowing she isn’t bothered by it.
We spend the rest of the evening drinking and laughing. There’s less awkwardness between Hamish and Fiona as the drinks continue to flow. I look around the table, and across the pub at all the locals enjoying their evening, and I couldn’t remember a time when I was this happy.