Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
NATE
I am showered and have a towel wrapped around my waist. My skin is damp as I sit on the couch and give myself a minute or two before I have to get ready.
Dinner is at seven, it's now just past six.
James is showering and the temptation to walk in there is overwhelming, but I don't. I keep my distance like the good boy I am.
I have so much to sort out before the Maldives and I am internally kicking myself for setting this whole thing up. I could really do without it. What with Secure Corp, then I also have loads of stuff down at the club I need to sort out and this doesn't even include Mills, Spencer and King. Things are starting to kick back up again after everything that had happened with Wolfe, we're starting to rebuild our clientele and are even trying to find replacements as such for Kaleb and Titus. I get it, Titus doesn't want to bodyguard anymore, and Kaleb is more focused on wanting to start a new life with Connie. They'll still be here... maybe, but they have new dreams now, and it doesn't include our little business.
Titus has made it very clear that he wants to move away to the country. Arizona and Keaton will most likely follow as well as Xavier and Royal. There is no way he would let Amora move further away than she already has. The man upped and left England so he could be here with her. Her twin brothers are meant to be moving state side in the coming months so the whole Archibald family will be here in the US and Titus is going to be livid.
He will never get away from them.
Then it'll be just Killian and Reese, Kaleb and Connie, and me.
Little old me.
The loner.
Who will never find love because the one woman I have been infatuated with will leave me after finding out my truths and I'll be left to die alone.
Maybe I'll move away, find a new job, step back from our business and maybe it's time for us to close the doors.
It's not like I don't have an income. I do, I have my fingers in many pies, but maybe I need to find a new passion, a new dream. Kaleb and Connie want to see the world, Killian and Reese are trying for another baby so really, where does that leave me?
James has already said her dream is to move back to Blossom Cove and go into equine care, and who would I be to stop her? She wouldn't stay here because of me. Especially because she wouldn't even stay here for her ex when in a real relationship.
So yeah, I’ll end up alone and she will thrive, and no doubt meet some hot and rugged cowboy back in her small town and they'll live out their happily ever after.
Fuck, I am so bitter.
And I am only going to get worse the older I get. I am forty-eight this year.
Forty-Eight.
And what do I have to show for it?
Amazing computer skills that could have me hacking into anything and a cat named Jeff.
I mean, Jeff is pretty important in my make up here. He is my baby. My son.
But that's all I have.
Everything I earn and have on this earthly plane will be left to who? Or what?
I need a legacy.
I need something to continue my name.
I am not about to let Spencer die with me.
So now I needed to act quick.
A business? A baby? Fuck, I don't even want kids, or do I?
Tugging at the root of my hair I am exhausting myself by letting my thoughts racket back and forth in my mind.
“All okay?” James' voice floats across the room and I jump.
“Fuck,” I grit, as I look over my shoulder at her and my expression softens. “You startled me.”
“Sorry,” she smiles softly, “you were muttering incoherently, and I didn't know if something was wrong.”
“No, nothing is wrong, just kind of lost with my thoughts for a moment... doesn't happen a lot but when it does, well... it gets kind of loud.”
She stares at me as if she understands and that's the first time someone has looked at me that way, as if they truly get who I am.
I know I have always been different; I didn't need anyone to tell me that. I have just never felt that I have fitted in.
I have my quirks, and there are certain ways I like things, but that's just who I am.
I'm mostly quiet, unless it's on a one-to-one level like this, I find it easier. When we're in a group I kind of just shrink back against the wall and stay there until it's just a one-on-one conversation.
It's different with my friends, I can slip in and out of conversations, I can be loud, or I can be quiet. But I am a private man. What goes on in my life stays with me. I don't need anyone knowing anything about me other than my name and what I do for a living.
That's it.
I don't tell anyone anything.
But already, I feel that James is slowly chipping away at the barrier I built around myself, the walls crumbling down ever so slightly with each interaction we have.
“Okay,” she nods, “are you going to get dressed?” she sweeps her eyes over my attire and my lips twitch, pulling at the corner and then I let my eyes trail down myself.
“Yeah,” I nod and make my way upstairs where James hung the rest of my clothes even though I told her I was happy to live out of my bag.
But the truth was, I wasn't happy with that.
I hated creased clothes.
They have to be pristine.
But for her, I would live out of my duffle for a couple of days.
Pushing up with a groan, I hear her laugh and I twist to look at her properly, my eyes widen at the sight in front of me. A light gray sweetheart neck dress clung to her body and she looks phenomenal. Red hair pulled off her face and tied into a messy bun, loose curled strands framing her face. Long lashes curled, piercing blue eyes catch mine as they roam up and down her body. Her cheeks a pretty pink, lips a pillar box red and she looks every bit beautiful.
“You look...”
“Thank you,” she casts her eyes away from me as she looks down to avoid eye contact, but she still reels me in, even when her pretty blues are not hooked on mine.
With a racing heart and a wide toothed grin, I disappear upstairs and into the bedroom. Pulling at the closet, I find a crisp white shirt and light gray suit pants, kind of want to match her.
I dress and finish buttoning up my shirt, leaving the top one undone and opening my collar a little more. Slipping gold cufflinks in, I loop my black and gold buckled belt through and tighten it. I slip my feet into black oxfords and mess my hair up with product, styling it. Spraying myself with cologne, the room fills with the fresh spritz. Walking into the bathroom, I hang my damp towel on the heated rail and make my way back downstairs.
“Well, look at you...” and now it's her turn to sweep her eyes over me.
“Handsome right?”
“Very, Mr Spencer,” she winks as she reaches for a black clutch, popping it under her arm. “Oh,” she says as she begins to turn towards the door, “Brooke will take you up on your offer, if that's still okay of course.”
“Of course,” I smile, two long strides and we're toe to toe, my body against hers and I don't miss the whisper of a gasp that passes those full, cherry red lips. “You smell divine,” I rasp, lowering my lips over hers and I know I am playing with fire, but for her, I would burn into ashes.
“Nate,” she whispers, her piercing blue eyes on mine as I step fowards and press her back against the wall, my fingertips brushing along her cheek and tucking a strand of her burning red hair over her ear, smiling at her as I take in every feature of her.
“Yes, Mrs Spencer?”
Her eyes volley, the breath catching at the back of her throat.
“We're going to be late.”
I drop my head, inhaling in her scent one last time and hoping it'll be enough of a fix to keep me going through the night.
“Come on, Ember,” a ghost of a smile on my lips as I lift my face, stepping back and cupping her hand inside mine as I lead her to the car.
My heart is jack hammering in my chest and I have no idea if I can keep doing this.
I needed her.
But I couldn't have her.
I needed to remind myself of that.
We would never work.
And the sooner I got that through my thick skull, the better.