Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
NATE
I wake stiff, groaning as I twist on the couch, and I feel the dull ache in my lower back. With a grunt I swing my legs around and sit a little taller, toes curling on the soft cream rug beneath me. I slowly look over my shoulder and towards the kitchen, but the cottage is still quiet. She is probably still sleeping.
I wanted to talk to her about how she felt last night, but I didn't want to pressure her either. I didn't want to cross that line, and I had to believe her that she was okay even though I knew she wasn't. I don't think anything happened between her and the girls, but maybe she was a little too lost inside her thoughts.
I scrub my face and push from the sofa, wincing as I straighten my back.
“Damn couch,” I groan, my hand pressed against my lower back as I try and rub out the ache. Padding across the floor, I find the filters for the coffee machine and replace the old one before turning it back on to let it warm. Yawning, I move to the refrigerator and grab the carton of milk and as I close the door, I jump when I see her leant against the archway in just an oversized tee.
Her eyes roam up and down my body and I am now fully aware that I am just in my boxers. They sweep over me one last time and her lips twitch. Her hair is in a loose ponytail, a pillow crease on her pretty face and eyes all dewy.
“Coffee?” I ask, still standing staring at her, milk carton in hand and she smiles at me.
“Please,” she nods and steps into the kitchen, reaching up for two mugs and I greedily grab a gaze at her, the tee rising and resting just on her ass cheek and revealing pretty black panties.
I spin quickly just before she catches me and curse myself at the semi I am sporting. Fuck.
Pulling the coffee pot off its stand, I reach behind me and take the mugs from her.
“You sleep okay?” her voice floats across the room and the base of my neck pricks with goosebumps.
“Yeah,” I lie, because she will make me take the bed and I don't want that. I will be wrapped up with all of her. Her scent. Her sheets that have been across her body. I'll be torturing myself and I won't do that.
Tempting, but no.
Filling the mugs with coffee, I top them up with milk and place the carton next to me on the work surface. I breathe in heavily, before casting my eyes down to make sure I am in the clear. My lips tug at the corners as I turn to face her, pushing the mug into her hands and watch as her face lights up, fingers wrapping around the warm cup and I move quickly back into the living room, sitting on the couch and tugging my blanket over my lap so I am covered, just in case.
That thing has a mind of it's own and I really did not need it to become awkward this morning.
“So,” she says softly as she sits on the large armchair in the corner of the room. Her eyes dart up to me and I can see she is holding words back.
“So?” my voice is soft as I bring my mug to my lips and take a small mouthful.
Her cheeks puff out. “What's wrong, James?” and my skin pricks, eyes narrow on hers as I wait for her to tell me what's wrong.
“Rune reached out to me late last night.”
My stomach coils, bitterness coating my tongue.
“Did he now?” one of my brows raise and I couldn't stop the jealousy that enveloped around my words.
She nods.
“What did he want?” I brush my thumb across the smooth surface of the warm mug.
“Told me he misses me, and would I give him another chance,” and now her eyes bat down to her lap, fingers tapping on the rim of her cup.
“What did you say?” and it doesn't matter how much I try and not have a bite to my tone, I can't help it.
My subconscious is screaming at me, reminding me that this is all a fabrication but I don’t care.
She is mine.
Mine .
My back is firmly up.
“I haven't responded.”
I nod, pondering on her words for a moment.
“I was going to, but what the hell do I say?”
I inhale heavily and I need to remember why I am doing this. Why I am using her for this task. I need to remember that I do in fact care for her and she is no doubt looking at me for advice.
“Who dumped who?” and I hate having to ask her this, hate that I can feel the fire burning deep inside of me at the thought of her being with him. The thought that he has got to do everything that I want to do to her, what I dream of doing to her.
“It was kind of mutual maybe? He instigated it, but then,” she scrunches her nose up, “I couldn't trust him, and what with all the embezzlement...” she pauses, and her eyes finally meet mine and I feel the air shift between us, crackling with tension.
“Was that the only reason?'
You care for her; you care for her.
“Yeah...” she trails off and lets her gaze drop from mine and I miss it in an instant.
“Really?”
Then she shakes her head at me.
“It just stopped working, he stopped caring and I suppose I stopped caring too.” She nods as if I am agreeing with her but in fact, I am just watching her, I am watching as she slowly comes undone whilst sitting in front of me. I can see how much she cares for him still, and it doesn't take a genius to work out that she still has feelings. And maybe if it wasn't for me, she would go back in a heartbeat and drop this whole thing.
“Do you miss him, James?”
Her watery eyes blink up to mine.
I wait for a moment or two, silence crackling between us as the tension thickens, the seconds pass.
“Do you miss him, wife? ” my tone is venomous, and it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth and I fucking hate it.
“No,” she whispers.
“Truthfully?”
She nods as a tear rolls down her cheek.
“Then why are you crying?”
“Because I should miss him, because I should feel something after I gave so much of myself to him. I should go running back but I don't want to because someone else has filled the void that he left.”
And I watch as her throat bobs, another tear following in the line of the one she angrily swiped away.
“Do you still want to destroy the company, James? Because if there is even a doubt in your mind then I need to know now before I tear it to shreds.”
Again, she waits, lip trembling, chin wobbling and she nods, heavily.
“Then delete his message and block him. I can't have him clouding your judgement wife , and he will realize what he let go of so easily is now no longer available to him.” My upper lip curls and she stares me down, eyes burning into mine.
“Only for a year,” her voice is quiet and my blood burns beneath my skin, heart thrashing in my chest at her comeback.
“It's still a year...” I lick my upper lip and she smirks, shaking her head from side to side.
If I have my way, she'll be mine for longer than a year.
“Did he say anything else?”
“No,” she brings her mug to her lips and blows softly on the hot coffee, her eyes still a little glassy and I hate that she has cried.
“Can we circle back...” I roll my lips together and shuffle in my seat for a moment, resting my coffee mug on the arm of the sofa.
“To what?” and now it's her turn for her words to be venomous.
“Where you said someone else has filled the void,” and I would be lying if I said my heart hadn’t skipped a beat or two when she said that.
I watch as she rolls her eyes and scoffs a laugh.
“Something funny, wife ?”
“Yeah,” she pushes from the sofa and stands, one of her hands curled around her hip.
“What is it?”
“You,” she snipes, and my eyes widen.
“What?” and now it's my turn to push to my feet and take a step closer to her.
“You want to circle back?” she steps forward and we're standing toe to toe.
“I do,” I breathe, neck craning as I look down at her, her beautiful blue eyes on mine.
“I take it back,” I see the tremble of her lip, the corner of her lip curling into a smirk.
“I don't believe you,” my voice is low, chest rising and falling, and she is getting under my skin, but I want her there, like an annoyance constantly reminding me that she is there.
“I do, no one has filled the void, especially not you,” and she just manages to squeeze the last word out when my hand shoots up and grips the base of her neck and her eyes volley between mine before her smirk grows into a full, teeth bearing grin.
“I think you're teasing me wife, and I don't like to be teased,” my voice rumbles through my chest and vibrates into my throat as a growl.
“I think you're lying,” she whispers as I edge my lips closer to hers.
“I don't lie,” and my voice is flat, the grip around her throat tightening and I feel her pulse race beneath her skin as it dances against my fingertips. Slanting my head, my lips twitch into a smirk and I curl my spare hand around her hip, pulling her closer to me and I don't miss the soft gasp that passes her full, luscious lips.
I am rock solid; I know it, she knows it and I am not about to pull away and hide from her.
Not anymore.
“You're a temptation, Little Ember, and I don't know how much longer I can stay away from you.”
Her eyes shift to my lips, her pulse quickening as her chest rises and falls.
“What if I don't want you to stay away?” she whispers and her baby blues pull me in, sucking me into her soul and I never want to leave.
My lips edge dangerously close, and just before I can brush them against hers, the front door opens.
“Morning fuckers,” Killian's voice fills the room and James pushes me back making me stumble back, falling onto the sofa.
Her cheeks are flamed and before they can even say hello, James bolts up the stairs and I seek out Killian who has a knowing look on his face, a look that he has no doubt seen many a times when he used to sneak around with his daughter’s best friend.
“Do you not know how to knock?” I grunt, grabbing the throw and wrapping it around my waist as I stand and grab the empty coffee mugs and move towards the kitchen awkwardly past him and Reese.
“Oops,” she scoffs a laugh as she turns away and I know it's because I in fact have a hard on that's poking through like a God damn tent pole.
Placing the mugs into the deep kitchen sink, I close my eyes as my fingers curl around the counter, head falling forward as I inhale heavily.
“You okay bud?” I hear the sound of Killian's feet dancing across the tiled floors, and I hold my breath for just a moment, trying to silence the voices in my head for a split second.
“Yeah,” I managed a grunt, throat constricted. I was also trying extremely hard to get rid of the hard on that was still throbbing in my boxers.
“Did we come at a bad time?” and I don't even have to spin around to see the smile that will no doubt be plastered across his face.
“No shit,” I scoff and try to fill my mind with all the things that don't turn me on.
Chairs.
Grass.
The sea.
Tables.
James spread on a table.
No. No.
Floor.
Killian.
Kaleb.
Titus.
I can feel the relief swarm over me, the dull ache finally soothing between my legs.
Xavier.
I spin around and cast my eyes over my friend.
He is wearing a tight tee that clings to his arms, cargos and sneakers. He has a black lightweight jacket tucked over his shoulders.
He looks cool.
A little too cool.
Thick brown hair pushed away from his face and styled.
“Are you okay now?” his eyes fall to my boxers, and I see the playful glint that sparks inside his deep brown eyes.
“Yup,” I snap. “I am going to go and...” I pause and look towards the stairs when I see James step onto the creaky wooden floor beneath her. Cheeks still crimson, eyes a little hazy and I give her a soft smile.
Killian nods, then looks over his shoulder at my wife and I swallow down the annoyance that is tickling at the back of my throat.
Continuing forward I pass James and there is so much I want to say, but I don't. I keep walking and move towards the bathroom, slamming the door behind me.
Frustration bubbles under my skin, blood flaming through my veins.
The way her eyes casted to mine, her full lips parted, the way her curvy body was pressed against mine. I knew she could feel everything. I wanted her to feel everything.
My cock swells between my legs again and I know I needed to relieve myself.
I couldn't spend the day with her, knowing that my mind was filled with dirty thoughts of her and even worse knowing that I couldn't do anything about it.
I put that rule there.
I put the contract in place.
This was all on me.
Pushing my boxers down and kicking them across the small bathroom, I step towards the shower and turn on the faucet, waiting for the hot water to kick in before I move under the stream of water and groaning in appreciation when the hot spurts hit my skin, massaging my tired and aching muscles that ripple under my skin. I have no reason to be tense, but I know it is because of her.
Because of how much I want her, even if it was only once.
But I wasn't going to cross that line.
Maybe it was a blessing in disguise that Killian turned up when he did, stopping it from going any further than what it already had.
My cock throbs as soon as it's in my hand and I slowly pump it up and down, brushing my thumb over the tip of my cock, pre-cum spurting onto my thumb pad and my skin breaks into goosebumps as a shiver dances up and down my spine.
“Oh fuck,” I rasp, head tipping back because if I keep watching, I will come in three seconds flat.
Slow and torturous pumps up and down my thick, long cock and I am chasing my release.
My mind fills with images of her, all innocent with her heartbreaking blue eyes, looking up at me whilst she is on her knees. I fantasise brushing my thumb across her pouty bottom lip just before I edge the tip of my cock into her hot, wet mouth.
And it's like fucking pure ecstasy as she hollows out her cheeks and takes me to the back of her throat, taking my length like a pro.
Fingers tangle in her fiery red hair, tugging her head back softly as I slip further down her throat and her eyes water.
The words ‘ you're such a good girl, James’ play on my tongue but I swallow them down. My cock pulses in my hand and I finally allow myself to watch because I couldn't hold it off any longer.
“Fuck,” my jaw locks as hot cum seeps from my cock, mixing with the hot shower water as it washes away and I feel myself relax almost immediately. Sexual tension is no joke.
She is going to be so much harder to resist, especially now I have just jerked off to her.
Fuck it.
I scrub my skin raw with shower gel and wash my hair with her shampoo.
I didn't mean to do it, but I am also not mad about it.
Her scent consuming me as I wash the suds off my body.
Cutting the shower, I wrap myself in a warm towel and step onto the bathmat. Rolling my heavy shoulders back, I click my neck side to side and shake off any feelings of James.
Brushing my teeth then running the brush through my hair, I finally step out from the bathroom and make my way into her bedroom where my clothes hang. My eyes dart around the room and I see the tee she was wearing for sleep folded up neatly on the end of the bed.
I look over my shoulder to make sure the coast is clear, I know it's clear, I can hear her in idle conversation with Reese and Killian.
Gliding over to where the bed is, I swipe her tee up and bring the soft material up to my nose, inhaling heavily at her scent before dropping my head back as if I have just received my first hit of the day, the poison burning through my veins and I know that will be enough to get me through the next few hours.
Placing it where I found it, I root through the closet and grab jeans and a tee. Basic, but we're doing activities today so I would rather be comfortable than wearing something a little smarter and regretting it.
Padding back into the bathroom, I close the door behind me and drop the towel as I pull my clothes on then hang the towel onto the heated rail before running my hand through my hair again, messing it up.
Rummaging through my toiletries bag, I reach for my contact lenses and pop them in before spraying myself with cologne.
My lips twitch at my reflection and I can see my post orgasm haze pinching my cheeks.
I needed it.
I gave in.
But it was better than me doing something to James and fucking this up for the both of us.
So, my hand had to do.
Dragging the drawer open, I reach for the hairdryer and plug it into the socket by the sink and rough dry my damp hair before I tousle it with my fingers then add product giving it that messy look. I am getting used to the longer look now, kind of lost the interest to get it cut. I have been a little preoccupied and honestly, I am not mad about the longer look. A bit shorter than your typical curtains, but long enough to be able to run your fingers through and grab a decent handful.
My mind floods back to James and how she would look as my face was buried between her legs, her fingers locking around my hair, her eyes all hazy, cheeks blushed a pretty pink and lips echoing her moans as my tongue laps against her clit, making her come undone.
Shit.
No.
I rush out of the room with force and run down the stairs. I couldn't be on my own. I would have my pants down around my ankles jerking off again.
“You okay?” Reese looks at me, eyes a little wide and I know it's because I have just come into the living area raging like a bull in a China shop.
“Yeah, fine,” I casually push my fingers through my hair, the other hand folds into the front pocket of my jeans.
“Would you like a coffee?” James asks, lashes fluttering as she stands, and I let my eyes rake over her body. I didn't get a chance to look at what she was wearing earlier because I was in fight or flight mode.
She wears a light denim skirt, that sits against her milky thighs, and a pink cropped floral top with capped sleeves. Her look is completed with cute cream sneakers. She looks beautiful. Her hair is in a loose braid, sitting over her shoulder and her blue eyes bounce between mine as she waits for me to answer.
“Please,” I roll my lips, and she picks up her mug from earlier as she walks into the kitchen.
“What is wrong with you?” Killian leans in and whispers.
“Nothing.”
“You're all jittery and shit.”
My eyes cast to Reese who nods and half shrugs a shoulder up.
“Where is Celeste?”
“With Connie,” Reese smiles.
“Don't change the subject,” Killian hisses and I roll my eyes and slump myself in the armchair.
“Nothing, just a little bit of tension that's all.”
“Sexual?” he wiggles his brows, and I roll my head back in an exaggerated manner, my neck resting on the back of the sofa cushions.
“Nope,” I snap, when in truth, it was.
“Want to talk?”
“Nope,” I repeat the same answer and refuse to look up.
“Okay then,” and I don't miss the hint of sarcasm to his voice, and I let my hand come to my face as I scrub it.
I hear the sound of her footsteps approaching and I sit up, a smile plastered on my face as I take the hot coffee from her before she proceeds to give Reese and Killian their drinks. Reese thanks her and Killian gives her a soft nod.
“I really like her,” Reese's voice is low as she blows across her coffee.
“Oh good,” I smirk, my head turning as I watch her collect her own mug from the work surface.
She looks around the small living area and before I can suggest that I move, she perches herself on the arm of my chair and my breath catches at the back of my throat.
She’s too close .
“So, what's the plan for today?” she asks, smile still painted across her lips as her eyes bounce between the three of us.
“I think it's brunch, and then some couples activities...” Reese side-eyes Killian, “and just a chill out, some drinks, chatter and all that jazz…”
“What couples activities?” James asks.
“No idea,” Reese shrugs, “she hasn't told us.”
I don't believe her. Reese is Connie's best friend. She will know.
She just doesn't want to tell us.
“You're lying,” I narrow my gaze on her, and her lips twitch before she drops her head and plays with her gold pendent.
“Nate,” Killian says softly, but not without lacing it with a warning.
“I'm just saying... she clearly knows.”
“Yeah, I do,” Reese's head lifts and her eyes zone in on me, “but as her best friend and matron of honour, well, it's my job to keep some things under lock and key, and this is one of those things. So Mr Spencer, no , I do not know what the activity is,” and she fucking smirks at me, before she settles back into the sofa and sips her coffee like the brat that she is.
“That told you,” James scoffs, shaking her head just as my hand hovers above her thigh, fingers dusting against her skin.
“Just wanted to know,” I sigh, finally letting my hand sink to her thigh and my skin burns, my heart racing and my stomach somersaulting.
I was terrified.
We were up and out not long after our coffee. James stayed close to me as we walked side by side down the small, cobbled sidewalk that winded along the beach. The sea was calm, the beach empty but it was still early. The skies were blue, the sun was shining and the warmth felt good on my skin. One hand was folded into my jean pocket, the other hanging by my side. James walked quietly, her eyes ahead, a small smile graced her face as she watched Killian and Reese. His arm was thrown around her neck, her arm was tucked behind his back, hand slipped into the back pocket of his dark denim jeans. She is looking up at him, a giddy smile on her face and eyes full of wonder and glee.
I sigh heavily and she catches me.
“You all okay there bud?” she nudges her shoulder into me, but she is a lot shorter than I am.
“Yeah,” I scoff, trying to act shocked that there would be a reason why I wouldn't be okay.
“Okay,” she faces forward once more and falls back to watching Reese and Killian.
I glance down between us, her hand is by her side, relaxed as she walks. Mine is inches away.
Flexing my fingers, desperate to brush my tips against hers.
But any hope of that soon diminishes when we're crossing the road and walking up towards Connie and Kaleb's house.
“Mommy,” Celeste squeals for her mom and I smile as she runs towards her parents. Reese bends down just as Celeste crashes into her arms, and she swoops her up into an embrace, Killian brushing the hair from her eyes as he places a kiss on the top of her head.
My heart throbs painfully in my chest.
Oh, to be loved like that.
Growing up with a family that literally didn't care for you hurts. But it made me who I am.
“You good big man?” James' soft voice pulls me out of my headspace, and I give her a nod as we walk up the front lawn towards the house.
Everyone is already here, Royal and Xavier are being terrorised by Seb and Smith, Royal is laughing along and joining in, Xavier looks like he wishes he was anywhere but here.
Twyla clings to her mom's legs, half wanting to go to her grandad, but still not sure.
The boys are rough playing. They love rough play. Twyla and Celeste? Not so much.
Celeste tries to play with Twyla but it lasts for just a while until Celeste is whining because Twyla isn't playing the game correctly.
It's a cycle.
“Hey,” I wave my hand as we walk into the chaos. Connie is in the kitchen with Arizona; Amora is standing in the lounge, watching and trying to edge Twyla towards her parents.
James walks past me and crouches down in front of the little red-haired girl and talks to her softly. Xavier grunts at me and Royal waves a little too enthusiastically. Reese and Killian soon come and join the carnage, and I take that as my cue to slip into the kitchen for a little piece of quiet. Not that it does much, the house is open-planned, and the noise just echoes through.
“Morning,” my voice is low as I swipe one of the fresh lemonades that sit on the work surface. My nose scrunches when I pinch the pretty lilac flower off the top. “Why was there a plant in my drink?”
“To make it look pretty,” Connie looks at me as if it's a strange question.
“Right... does it enhance the flavour at all or?” She walks up, swatting me around the back of the head. “Hey,” I laugh, shock evident on my face. “What was that for?”
“Felt like it,” she shrugs and Arizona giggles behind her hand.
“Kaleb!” I shout just as he rounds the corner.
“You called?”
“Sort your woman out, she hit me around the back of the head.”
He looks between me and Connie, and she gives him the prettiest damn smile I ever did see.
“There must have been a valid reason,” and I roll my eyes, throwing my hand up in the air.
“Of course you would choose her side,” I shake my head in disbelief as Titus walks through the door with beers. “That's more like it,” I nod, downing the lemonade in one and placing the glass on the work surface.
Titus chuckles, handing me a beer and then pushes one into Kaleb's hand. Twisting the bottle lid off I bring it to my lips and take a mouthful and my God does it taste good. I'm not really a beer man, but sometimes it just hits a little different and today was one of those days.
I thank Kaleb and hold my bottle up to Titus and him before I turn on my heel and walk back into the lounge, my brows raising as I look at the calm environment.
James is sitting on the floor, coloring with Seb and Smith. Twyla is sitting on Xavier's lap whilst he reads her a story about a magical unicorn and Celeste is playing tea sets with Royal.
Reese walks towards me, hand on my chest as she has one last gaze over her shoulder.
“Your wife is a miracle worker,” she pats me then disappears into the kitchen behind me.
I am in awe.
I know she has her dreams of moving back home and pursuing her career in equine veterinary, but she is amazing with kids.
Less than five minutes ago it was absolute chaos in here, and she has changed that.
Turning back to face the kitchen, all eyes are on me.
“Why did you hide her for so long?” Reese asks the burning question that sits on everyone’s tongue.
“Because I wasn't ready to share her,” I shrug, reaching for a beer and twisting the lid off. I move towards Xavier and hand it to him. He looks at me, then to the bottle before his eyes are back on mine, the whole time wearing a scowl.
If I didn't know him, he would terrify me.
He isn't someone I would want to get on the wrong side of.
“You're welcome,” I say sarcastically then ask Royal if she would like a drink. She opted for a lemonade. So, like the good man I am, I fetched her one, with the flower still intact.
“Thank you, Nathaniel,” her British accent is so strong. Every word is pronounced perfectly, it just rolls off the tongue.
But I suppose that's what happens when you're a royal, you have to be brought up with etiquette.
And then I look at her husband and furrow my brow.
Their dynamic shouldn't work. Like, at all. But it does.
In some weird and fucked up way, but then truthfully, as I look around the room, none of these relationships should work.
From best friend’s dad to dad's best friend, to bodyguard... none of these should work. But they do. They really fucking work.
And just in that moment, James' eyes meet mine and I know there is no way in hell I will ever let her out of my grasp.
Ever.
“Okay, are we ready?” Connie calls as she locks up the door to their cottage.
No one responds but we all begin walking.
We're heading to a small lobster restaurant on the ocean front, it's meant to be amazing and of course I have already looked at the menu and decided what I am having.
James and I haven't really spoken, there have been a few stolen glances, a couple of smiles and a quick ‘ are you okay?’ , but we haven't really had a chance to sit and speak about this morning.
Knowing that Rune reached out to her, well, it kind of rubbed me the wrong way.
I know there is something between them, feelings don't just switch off, but they do fade.
I have watched and waited for her for too long and there is no chance that I would give her up so easily. That was his loss. And honestly, after this morning, the drive to want to take everything from him, including James, has lit a fire so deep in my stomach that nothing will ever extinguish it.
Rage burns through my veins, but no one would know looking at me.
I am calm and collected and have learned to condition myself in such a way.
When I was a teen, not so much, I would flip the lid so many times, a red mist would coat my eyes and a bitter taste would tarnish my tongue and it wasn't until someone had snapped me out of it, I had realised I had lost it.
Hated it.
Hated coming around and having no clue what had happened.
So, I turned it off so to speak.
Learned to let it live inside of me instead of showing it.
I was always the different kid.
But my friends, they never thought I was different. They liked me for all I am and all my little quirks. The more I have matured, the more I have controlled them.
It happens I suppose.
“Hey,” James' voice floats over me and pulls me from my past.
“Hey,” I turn and look at her, smiling down into her pretty blue eyes.
She twists her lips.
“They were all well impressed with you back there,” I say confidently, hands in pockets to stop myself from touching her like I so desperately crave.
“Really? Why?” she scrunches her nose up, her head shaking softly from side to side.
“The way you calmed the room down.”
She laughs softly and it's such a beautiful sound.
“Oh, it was nothing,” she waves her hand in front of her like it's no big deal.
“James, seriously...” I pause for a moment as I stop walking, curling my fingers around her wrist as I pull her back towards me.
“What?” she whispers, eyes bouncing between mine as she waits to listen to the truths I am about to spill.
“You're so good at this, I know you want to pursue your dreams with horses, and I would never be one to extinguish that light that shines so deeply inside of you. But…”
She blinks at me, her eyes welling as tears threaten on the bottom of her lid.
“I just don't think this is for me,” she sighs, looking out at the ocean, the soft warm breeze dancing in her hair and she has never looked more beautiful than she does now.
“How do you know?”
She waits for a moment, a long pause between us.
“Because I don't feel it in my heart,” and she smiles at me, eyes all hazy and I can see the dreams galloping around in them.
“Then it's not right for you, baby,” I admit, and nod for us to start walking, a long stretch between us as they're now in the distance.
She just nods; arms crossed against her chest as we walk in silence.
“Are you okay?” I find myself wanting to know, my fingers playing with the gold wedding band that loops around my finger.
“Yeah,” she smiles, “I've had a really nice time.”
“Good,” I hum, watching as they all cross the road up ahead, the strollers bouncing down the kerb.
“About this morning,” she turns her face to look at me, and I see her fingers softly pulling at her ring, then sliding it back towards her knuckle again.
“It's fine,” I try and shut the conversation down because I am not sure if I can get into it right now before we go for brunch because I swear, I'll end up rock hard and be sitting at a table with no way to relieve myself.
“I didn't mean to upset you with Rune,” she doesn't listen to my half attempt at cutting the topic. “I just wanted to tell you, you know... seeing as you're my husband and all...” she pauses, her cheeks bitten red.
“I appreciate you telling me,” I smile as we stand at the edge of the kerb, “but nothing changes, you're still my wife. You're mine James.”
“For a year,” she reminds me harshly and I feel the knife split between my shoulder blades knocking the air from my lungs.
“Did you block him? Because if I am about to start looking into this company, then I need to know that all contact has been dropped.”
“Yes, every tie has been cut.”
“Good,” I nod, scooping her hand into mine as I bring it to my lips and plant a soft kiss on her warm skin.
“I was thinking...” she pauses as we reach the other side of the road, her hand slipping from mine and I miss her in a second, “once this is over,” her finger moves between the both of us. “I am going to move back to Blossom Cove,” and my heart plummets.
“That makes sense,” I swallow past the lump in my throat, ignoring the way blood pumps in my ears.
She nods heavily; eyes cast down.
“And with the money you give me... well, I can go back to school, get myself a little home there.”
“Is there...” and I slam my mouth shut.
I know that her grandparents lived there, I knew their names were Jim and Nancy. Knew he was a hardworking blue-collard man, and she was a home keeper, growing crops and making honey on their little run down farm. But I didn't want her to know that I knew her past. I didn't want her to know that I knew where she lived with them, where she grew up. I was about to ask her if there was a chance she could move back home and into her grandparents’ house.
“What?”
“Sorry,” I laugh, rubbing my hand around the back of my head, “kind of lost my trail of thought.”
I can see the confusion that pinches at the corners of her eyes.
“No problem.”
“But...” I sigh and I hate the words that are about to roll off my tongue, “I get it, that's where your dreams live, why would you stay here with me.”
Her lips open but close quickly.
She doesn't know how to answer that.
Especially because it is an arrangement.
Just a year.
No feelings.
One contract.
But the problem was, the feelings that I have harboured for years are now resurfacing and I have no idea how much longer I can push them back into the depths of the ocean.
“Come,” I drop the conversation as quick as it started, climbing the steps to the restaurant and opening the door. She glances at me, holding my gaze for a while longer before she finally walks into the restaurant and I stay standing for just a moment to compose myself before sitting down with my friends, my family and my wife.