28. Willow Kingsley
Chapter twenty-eight
Willow Kingsley
Jason wasn’t himself. When we got home last night, he went straight to bed, saying he was tired. I didn’t have the courage to ask him to stay up and talk. The despair in his eyes was so intense it hurt to meet them. I thought he’d be upset with me, but it seemed like he was more angry with himself.
I twist my wedding rings round and round my finger, watching the horses roam from my spot on the back porch swing. I’d hoped coming out here would clear my mind while I waited for Jason to come out of his room, but it’s only given my mind more silence to fill.
I hate that he’s upset. It’s spurred a sick feeling within me that I haven’t been able to shake since we spoke at Aiden’s party. The feeling has made me realize just how much I’ve come to care for Jason. I want to talk things through, to ease his burdens somehow.
Just go to his room. I bite my lip as I consider the thought. Does he want space or does he not know how to deal with this? I don’t know what to do without the answer. I could make everything worse if I get this wrong. Who would have thought a fake marriage could be so hard? I’d seen my parents and grandparents work through things, but they were in till death do us part marriages. I’m not sure what Jason and I are.
I check my phone, sighing when I see that it’s almost time for the documentary crew to get here. I wasted all this time worrying when I should have knocked on his door hours ago. Now we’ll have to go through this filming without having talked things through. Ugh .
I stand up and turn toward the back doors. Maybe I can at least assure him that he can talk whenever he’s ready before they get here.
I’m opening the back door when I hear the sound of hoofbeats. I glance over my shoulder to find Jason riding up on what I’ve come to know is his favorite horse, Shadow. The stallion’s midnight-colored coat shines in the late morning light. But it’s Jason who draws my eye. He’s wearing a black henley and a black cowboy hat. He looks like a dark and brooding character from an old Western movie. The kind that makes girls swoon every time he nears. The only thing keeping me from doing so myself is the stormy expression he wears as he dismounts.
“I was about to check on you. I didn’t realize you had gone on the trails,” I say as he begins leading the horse to the stables.
It may not be the best decision, but I follow him.
“I should have told you where I was going, I’m sorry. I left before you were awake.”
“It’s okay. I just…” I trail off as we walk into the barn. “I want to make sure you’re okay. We haven’t had a chance to talk.”
Jason removes Shadow’s saddle, then feeds the horse some kind of treat from his pocket. The sight makes me smile. Even while upset, he’s caring for his horse.
“I’m okay,” he says as he leads Shadow toward the pasture area.
“You know you can tell me if you’re not.” Him holding back makes me bold. “I’m your wife,” I add.
He pauses at the opening. Shadow has happily trotted into the pasture, but Jason keeps his back to me.
“What kind of husband am I that I couldn’t remember us meeting?” He shakes his head. “We need to go inside. The documentary crew is probably out front by now.”
“Jason, I want to talk about this,” I say as he passes me.
“I can’t right now, Willow,” he bites out. “I know it’s selfish of me, but I can’t face the pain I’ve caused you. I can’t .”
I nod, realizing that perhaps a night wasn’t enough time for him to process everything. My hands clench into fists, nails biting into my palms to keep me from saying more. I want to tell him that there’s no pain to be spoken of. That he’s shown me he’s a different man. A man that I–
The thought cuts off as I spot the documentary crew rounding the house.
I paste on a smile for the crew, linking my arm with Jason’s. He usually relaxes beneath my touch, but today he tenses.
“We were wondering where you two were!” Nancy chirps. “Are you ready to talk about tomorrow’s game?”
Do we have a choice? I bite my tongue. I’m beginning to despise these people. They’ve done nothing but poke and prod at Jason. I’m certain they’ll do that today. They can probably sense that he’s weak.
“We’re ready!” I try to match her tone, but I feel numb.
“Perfect. Let’s go inside and away from all these smells.” She lets out a laugh that sounds far too condescending for my liking. As soon as their backs are turned, I scowl.
“How much legal trouble would we be in if we chucked their cameras off a cliff?” I mutter to Jason.
He doesn’t respond, but I think I hear a breath of a laugh.
We enter the house and let the crew in before settling on the couch.
“We just have a few questions about this weekend and then we’ll get out of your hair. Tomorrow morning we’ll be getting lots of pregame footage at the stadium since it’s a home game,” Nancy explains as she sits in a folding director’s chair behind the cameras.
Jason is stiff next to me. I’m cuddled up to his side, but it doesn’t feel the same as it did at MJ’s house. He’s not relaxed or happy. It makes my heart ache. I miss the version of him that tickled me and whispered I was his. The one who traced patterns on my arm and sent tingles down my spine.
“Before we talk about the game, we heard one of your new players had a birthday party last night.”
I clench my jaw. It’s never just about football with them. They’re going to attack him in his own home. In our home. About his personal life, which is none of their business.
“What about it?” I ask, my tone snippy.
She raises a brow. “We heard that a few of Jason’s old teammates were there. The ones he used to have a lot of fun with.” I’m not a violent person, but I could slap the smirk off her face. “Were you worried about that, Willow? I’m sure the reminder of his past wasn’t pleasant.”
I sit up more fully, moving away from Jason’s side. I want to look this woman in the eye when I say what I have to say.
“When I first heard about your documentary, I was excited for Jason and his teammates. I thought it would be a great way to show how hard they work and how much they care. But over the course of our conversations, I’ve learned that you are intent on attacking Jason at every turn. I refuse to allow that.”
The crew shifts, staring at me in discomfort. Good . I hope they feel every bit of discomfort they caused Jason.
I rise to my feet, looking down at the producer in her ridiculous chair. She watches me with wide eyes. “We welcomed you into our home, and you have been vindictive and rude in return. Jason is a good man . He’s a fantastic role model to his brother, a thoughtful friend, and an amazing husband. Instead of shining a light on all of his good qualities, you have focused on his past, which is just that: his past . I won’t put up with it any longer. You can leave. When you’re ready to conduct a legitimate interview, you can speak to his agent and we will determine if you’re worthy of the second chance you won’t give to him.”
Nancy opens her mouth. I hold my hand up, then point to the door. I take off the microphone pack they put on me and throw it down on the table. Jason’s joins it shortly after. A crew member picks them up, and they leave in silence.
I let out an exasperated huff, pushing my hands through my hair. That felt good. I turn to Jason with a small smile on my lips, but it dies upon sight of his withdrawn expression. Is he upset that I sent them away?
“Did I do something wrong? I know you have a contract with them–”
He cuts me off. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. I just hate that you felt like you had to lie for me after how I hurt you.”
“Jason, that party was so long ago. I’ve seen who you are now. I know you’re different. I meant everything I said.”
The distance between us feels like a hundred miles instead of a few feet. I take a step to attempt to cross it. He shakes his head.
“How could you think that about me? You should want them to paint me in a bad light. You should punish me.”
“Was me pushing you away and throwing insults while you didn’t know what happened not enough?” I ask him, incredulous.
“No, I–” He growls in frustration.
“Then what would be punishment enough?” I push, taking another step.
“ I don’t know! ” he shouts. The brokenness in his expression is heart wrenching. He throws a hand toward the door. “Ask that producer, or any of the media, maybe they’ll tell you. I can’t escape the past. I keep hoping that if I pay my dues and keep my head down, I’ll one day be able to go to a party without feeling like one wrong move will ruin everything. But no matter what I do, I’m still that guy.”
I shake my head. “No, you’re not. That’s not how I see you.”
“How can you say that?” His voice cracks. He presses a fist to his mouth. The green eyes I’ve come to know and love shine with tears. Wait– love ? Do I love him? I watch his chest rise and fall and take in the tortured lines of his expression. My gaze roves over his tensed arms. The same arms that carried me out of a party when I was hurt, and held me close on our wedding day. He’s done so much for me, given so much. There’s no denying it. I’m in love with my husband.
“Because I love you,” I say quietly.
He blinks in disbelief. “You love me?”
My own eyes begin filling with tears as I cross the remainder of space between us. I look up at him.
“I love you, Jason Kingsley. I love how thoughtful you are, how much you care for others, and how hardworking you are. I even love your ridiculous teasing and overly flirtatious remarks,” I say with a wet laugh. “I tried so hard not to love you, but you made it impossible.”
I place my hands on his chest. He looks down at them, then meets my gaze again. His heart is pounding.
“Are you sure?”
The cocky quarterback has disappeared and in his place is a man unsure of his worth. Well, I’ll just have to show him.