Chapter Twenty-Nine
“I can’t believe we’re really doing it.” Jennifer bubbled with excitement. “Oh—can I help you with that, Rachel?”
Rachel was collecting eggs from the chicken coop.
It was a task that, under ordinary circumstances, Mason would have assisted her with, but he had been avoiding her lately.
She wondered whether Adam had told him she was going to be leaving.
She’d have liked to tell him herself, but, of course, what she’d told Adam was true—Mason was not her child.
It was Adam’s privilege to tell him whatever he thought was best. Rachel was just… someone who worked here.
“It’s not necessary,” she told her sister. “I can do it on my own. You don’t really even need to be here, Jennifer, though I do appreciate you keeping me company, of course.”
“Well, I’m happy to do that,” Jennifer said. “But I think you should let me help. I’m interested. I’ve never done anything like this in my life.”
Rachel smiled. “All right,” she allowed, sitting back on her heels. “You might get dirty, though, kneeling on the ground.”
“I don’t care,” Jennifer said eagerly, dropping to her knees.
“You know, Father would hate the idea of me getting dirty, but I think that only makes things more exciting, personally. I like the thought of doing things he wouldn’t like very much.
” She grinned at Rachel. “Was that part of the fun for you when you first came here?”
“He never liked anything I did all that much,” Rachel said. “So it wasn’t exactly novel for me, the way it is for you.”
“It’s not new for me either.” Jennifer reached into the coop and pulled out an egg.
She placed it so carefully in the basket that Rachel felt a surge of fondness for her.
This gentle care was a new side of Jennifer.
She’d always seemed so harsh. “He rarely approved of me, to tell you the truth. The difference between you and me was just that I always tried to get his approval. And I guess you never did.”
“I never thought it was possible for me,” Rachel murmured.
Though she wouldn’t ordinarily have done so, she sat all the way down on the ground.
Adam wouldn’t come out here while she was here.
He’d made that clear. There was nobody to impress.
“But,” she added, turning back to a more pleasant topic, “we’ll be away from all that soon.
We’ll never have to think about him again.
Have you thought about where you want to go when we leave here? ”
“Not a bit.” Jennifer’s voice was cheerful.
“I think we should just go to the train station and buy a ticket to anywhere that looks interesting. We’ll sell the gems when we get there, and we’ll use the money to get ourselves a place to stay.
And then we can look at teachers’ college for you, and I can get a teaching job right away…
it will be marvelous. I can hardly wait. ”
“What about your things?” Rachel asked. “You didn’t bring much with you when you came to us here. Is there anything you want from home?”
“I wrote a letter to Edith,” Jennifer said. “I sent it off this morning. I asked her to gather as much as she could and put it in the lilac bushes outside the house. I can go around and pick it up tomorrow morning.”
“No,” Rachel said quickly. “I’ll be the one to do that. I don’t think it’s a very good idea for you to be seen wandering around that area. Ted Levine is still looking for you.”
“I don’t want him to see you either.” Jennifer withdrew from the coop and sat down facing Rachel, a worried frown etched on her face. “If he does, he’ll cause trouble for you. He can be rough.”
“He might threaten me,” Rachel agreed. “But if he sees you, he might just grab you and disappear altogether. That’s the bigger danger, so I ought to be the one to go.”
Jennifer’s eyes filled with tears, and she reached out and caught Rachel’s hand.
“I never knew what it was to have a sister,” she said, her voice trembling.
“I hope you realize that I’ll do whatever I can to help you from now on too, Rachel.
I know I haven’t been a good sister to you, but that’s all going to change now, because I know what really matters. ”
“You don’t need to worry.” Rachel squeezed Jennifer’s hand. “Things are different between you and me now. I know that. And I’m so grateful for it. I’m glad we’re going to be a part of one another’s lives from now on.”
“We ought to get up out of the dirt,” Jennifer giggled, struggling to her feet. “Even though Father isn’t here to judge our untidiness…we are getting very dirty.”
“We are,” Rachel agreed. She rose as well, and reached over to pick up the basket of eggs they had collected. “These need to go up to the house.”
“I’ll take them,” Jennifer said quickly, holding out a hand. “I know you don’t much want to go up there.”
“You don’t have to.” Rachel hesitated.
“I know I don’t have to,” Jennifer said. “Will you let me? Please? It’s such a small thing, but let me do something for you. You’ve done so much for me.”
Rachel smiled. “Very well.” She passed the basket to Jennifer. “You don’t have to wait to speak to Adam if he isn’t there. Just set these in the center of the table.”
Jennifer nodded eagerly. “I’ll do that.”
“And, Jennifer?”
“Yes?”
Rachel swallowed hard, unsure of what she wanted to say.
She wanted to give her sister a message to take to Mason.
Something to say in case she saw him there.
She wanted to pass along to Mason that she loved him, and that it wasn’t his fault she was leaving.
That they would always have the memories they’d made together, and she would never stop caring about him.
But how could she say any of those things secondhand through a messenger Mason had never met before?
He hadn’t even been informed of Jennifer’s presence on the ranch until last night, and the only way Rachel knew it had happened at all was that Ruth had told her.
It had been strictly practical information, an advisement that Jennifer didn’t need to stay indoors all the time anymore. Rachel had been grateful to know it.
But Jennifer would still be a stranger to Mason, even if he did understand who she was. He would look at her and see someone he didn’t know.
Rachel’s final message of affection could not come out of Jennifer’s mouth.
“Nothing,” she told her sister. “Never mind.”
***
“Will you miss anything?” Jennifer asked Rachel later that night.
The two of them were having dinner in the bunkhouse, as had become their habit.
Ruth had taken to bringing it over for them, a task she hadn’t complained about once.
When Rachel had thanked her, she’d offered a very genuine “We’ll miss you around here,” and had rested a hand briefly on Rachel’s shoulder.
Rachel had a feeling that was the most heartfelt farewell she was going to share with anybody.
“Ruth,” she said. “I’ll miss Ruth.”
“Ruth is so kind,” Jennifer said, bouncing to her feet.
The two of them were sitting on their beds with their dinner in front of them on trays, but Jennifer couldn’t seem to keep still.
“She’s been so welcoming, allowing me into her home like this.
Though I still can’t believe that you and she live in this cabin! How can you bear it? It’s one room!”
“We don’t know what conditions are going to be like for us when we make it to our new home,” Rachel cautioned.
She picked up a piece of cheese and nibbled at it.
Lately, her appetite had been less than it normally was.
“We may have to share a room. We may have to share it with people we don’t know. ”
“It won’t be like that,” Jennifer said breezily.
“Not with the money we’ll have once we sell these jewels.
At least Ted was good for one thing. He’s set us up perfectly for the life we have ahead of us.
Once we sell these things, we’re going to have all the money we need, Rachel.
” She sat down on the bed next to Rachel and put an arm around her, leaning her head briefly on Rachel’s shoulder.
“You’ll see,” she said. “You’ll see how much money we get for these things.
It will be enough that we’ll be able to do all the things we’ve dreamed of doing.
We’ll have the lives we’ve always wanted, and there will be nothing to worry about anymore. ”
Rachel sighed and leaned into Jennifer’s embrace. If only she could believe all this as easily as Jennifer seemed to. If only she could set aside her fears and focus on the beautiful vision Jennifer was laying out for them.
But her life had never been charmed.
“I think it’s easier for you to believe in these things than it is for me,” she mused.
“I think you know what it’s like to have a life in which everything is going the way you want it to, so you’re able to anticipate that.
It isn’t the same for me. It’s been years since I had a life that was free of worry. ”
“My life has never been free of worry,” Jennifer countered.
Her expression darkened slightly. “That’s what life with my father has always been.
He always put too much pressure on me. I’m not surprised that he was trying to manipulate my future with Ted, you know.
I’m only surprised that Ted was a part of it, because I didn’t think he was that kind of man.
But Father…of course that’s how he is. He’s been telling me for years that I’m only worth the quality of the man who marries me.
And as I got older, he made sure to let me know that I wasn’t pretty enough to expect a really respectable match.
That I would be lucky with whatever I was able to find. ”
Rachel gasped and pressed a hand to her heart. “He said that to you?”
“Well, it’s the truth,” Jennifer said matter-of-factly. She didn’t seem distressed. It was as if she was sharing a truth that had no emotional impact on her whatsoever. “We both know that I’m not beautiful like you are, Rachel.”
Rachel’s heart ached for her sister. “No,” she said firmly.
She shifted her dinner tray out of the way so that she could move to sit directly next to Jennifer.
“We don’t both know that. That’s what your father has made you believe, but it isn’t true.
Don’t let this business with Ted make you think differently.
You are beautiful. Just because the two of them were never able to see it, that doesn’t mean no man ever will. And I see it right now.”
Jennifer smiled. “You’re more than I deserve,” she said, taking Rachel’s hand.
“Nobody deserves anybody,” Rachel said. “You’re more than I deserve too. Life is about what we’re willing and able to give to one another. Nothing more. And you and I are going to start a new life for ourselves together, and it’s going to be everything we ever dreamed of.”
Jennifer gave her such an enthusiastic smile that Rachel’s heart ached.
Oh, God, please let this be all she wants it to be. Jennifer has been through even more than I have. I want nothing more than to see her have a good life.
***
They left two days later, before the sun was up.
The sky was still gray as they made their way out of the bunkhouse, tiptoeing so as not to disturb Ruth. They hadn’t told her they would be leaving today.
They hadn’t told anyone.
Rachel had gone to Nathan’s house yesterday afternoon and retrieved the bag containing Jennifer’s belongings from the bushes where Edith had left it.
After that, there was no more reason to delay.
If she was going to leave, there was no reason not to do it right now. It was never going to get any easier.
Looking at the dark house, which would be coming to life without her in a matter of hours, brought tears to her eyes.
If only Adam had asked me to stay! I would have done it if I thought he wanted me to.
But he said himself that he didn’t need me.
That Jennifer needed me more. And I can’t force myself on someone who doesn’t want me in his life.
Mason, she knew, would miss her. She would miss him. But since she couldn’t remain in his life, there was no reason to delay her departure. It was better to simply go.
“I wish we could take a horse to the boarding house,” Jennifer grumbled. Though her spirits had been high since they had begun planning their departure, early morning was proving to be a struggle for her. Her suitcase was heavy, and she struggled to carry it.
Rachel put a hand on her arm to stop her. She took the suitcase from Jennifer and handed Jennifer her own, which was lighter. It was a struggle to lift Jennifer’s heavy case, but her years of work had left her with physical strength her sister didn’t have.
“Wait here,” she said as they passed the house.
“Did you change your mind?” Jennifer asked her, setting the suitcase down. “Do you want to say goodbye to them after all?”
More than anything.
“No,” Rachel said. Allowing herself a final goodbye would make it that much more difficult and painful for everyone when she left. “Just…wait.”
She hurried up the front steps. As she did, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. Drawing a breath, she walked forward and bent down, pushing it carefully under the door.
She pressed her fingertips momentarily against the wood and bowed her head.
Goodbye, Adam. I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you wanted me to be.
Rising to her feet, she turned away and ran back to Jennifer, and toward their shared future.