Chapter 7 How’s Kevin?
How's Kevin?
Morgan
I can’t bring myself to tell my father that thoughts about sticking the perfectly sharpened pencil on the desk I was sitting behind in my eye were more interesting than the interview I just had.
If I were a more confident woman, I would have rejected this whole charade before it got this far. But after last week, hearing Paddy talk to my dad, rather than push against it, I played along to keep everyone happy.
Everyone except myself.
Since Holly’s party, normality has resumed in Stoney Grange. Although, it feels like Paddy O’Keefe never left. I can still feel his touch on my arm and the way I felt when he made me laugh.
I can also hear my dad telling him to leave me alone, that the likes of a man like Paddy are no good for me. Of course, I wouldn’t know because I haven’t really ever dated anybody. But the irony that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him since that night is hilarious.
I’m going to call it the reignition of an old flame.
An old flame that I was confident only I knew about until a week ago.
Until I confessed to my parents that I once liked Paddy.
Naturally, Holly has been on my case about him, but if she hadn’t been, I would have thought something was wrong with her.
The simple truth is, Paddy has intruded on my thoughts every waking second since he left, and I need to get over it.
Standing outside the café at the lower end of the small high street in the town centre, I take a seat, feeling the weight of the world suddenly on my shoulders. Venturing out of the village may seem like no big deal, but I’m exhausted, both physically and mentally.
Okay, so I don’t have a plan, but every part of me hopes I don’t have to work in the office.
The job might only be three days a week, but it was cold and crowded, and for the life of me, the grey on the walls reminded me of a prison.
Even though I’ve never been inside one, the cold chills and icy sweat I broke out in would have suggested otherwise.
Deep down I know it would be a good thing, but the reality is I’m only in this position because people feel sorry for me. I don’t want something new to start on that basis. There’s no way this is the right thing for me. I can feel it.
I’m going to make changes, once I figure out how, of course. And once I know where to actually start, I’m sure I’ll feel differently about everything.
“Morgan?”
My head darts up, seeing Mrs O’Keefe.
“Everything alright, dear?”
I swallow my anxiety of having an existential crisis, holding my hand up to block out the sun beaming down on me. “Fine, thank you,” I lie, hating how loud it is all of a sudden. I don’t know what else to say. Fortunately for me, Mrs O’Keefe is too distracted. “How’s Kevin?”
The puppy thrashes in her arms.
She huffs, and I chuckle, craning my neck to get a better view of him.
“He’s a bloody handful to tell you the truth.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Why do you carry him?”
A few people walk past us, making me tense slightly.
Mrs O’Keefe gives them a kind smile before frowning down at Kevin.
“Vets say we can’t walk him until he’s around fourteen weeks.
He has his boosters in a few days, then he can be set free.
Isn’t that right,” she says in a high-pitch tone, fussing him.
“Which is why everyone was so worried when you ran away.” She looks at me.
“I don’t know how I’m supposed to hold him still for that. ”
I gasp when he leaps, my arms naturally jutting out to catch him from across the table.
“Jesus, Mary and Joseph!”
I hold Kevin against my chest.
“This dog will be the death of me,” Mrs O’Keefe sputters, her voice shaking.
“Mrs O’Keefe—”
“Call me Siobhan, dear. How long have you known me?” She straightens herself out.
I offer her a gentle smile, finding her Irish accent endearing.
“Sorry, Siobhan. Would you like me to hold him for a moment?” Because even I can tell that Paddy was right: dead-uncle Kevin here appears to like only me holding him.
Stupid as that idea may be, the little ball of crazy stops wriggling and begins licking my face.
“Oh, now that’s the best idea anyone’s had all day.”
A chuckle leaves me. Closing my eyes, I can’t say I’ve ever been comfortable with something licking the make-up off my face.
However, his warm tongue is adorably fuzzy, and although it might be considered gross, the more I let him fuss, the more I feel my earlier anxiety slip away.
I can’t explain it. It just washes away like an unwanted stain or a dream that you can’t quite remember.
His connection with me comes without judgement.
Even though I can’t make sense of why that makes me feel so downright happy, I’ll take it.
“Well, it looks like I’ll get the coffee if you’re happy to keep a hold of him?”
“Of course.” My lips curve into a soft smile.
By the time Siobhan returns, Kevin has settled on my lap.
“Looks like you’ve got a new friend.”
My insides twist at the incredibly sad notion that my newest friend can’t even talk back to me. “Seems that way.”
“What’s your secret?” She places the coffees on the table, then takes a seat.
Kevin stirs but soon closes his eyes again.
“Uh, no secret. He just, seems to like me, I guess.” I must zone out because when I look up from Kevin, Siobhan is smiling at me. “What?” My gaze glances left and right.
I note the expression on her face. The smooth lines under her eyes. The tender way she tilts her head when she smiles at me.
“Nothing, dear. It’s nice seeing you happy.”
I’m not sure when someone other than my parents last told me that. Years, maybe. “It’s nice having something that makes me happy.”
She clears her throat at my truth. Rather than ask me what I mean, we enter a polite conversation about our days. I tell her all about my ridiculous interview, and she tells me about trying to get Kevin used to new sights and sounds.
Before long, my coffee is almost finished. Admittedly, it’s not sweet enough, but I’m grateful for the kind gesture all the same.
“Thank you for the coffee.”
Siobhan’s deep chestnut eyes glow the same way as Paddy’s. “You’re welcome. And good luck with the job, dear. It sounds like it could be good for you.”
I suppress my sigh. “Thank you.”
Looking down, I wonder how best to hand Kevin back to her. “I’m not sure how to do this without waking him up.”
Siobhan chuckles, the sound barely above a whisper. “Maybe you should come home with me, walk him and care for him.”
“Paddy would love that.”
“Pardon, dear?”
Shaking my head, I slowly stand, managing not to wake the warm puppy. “Oh, nothing. It was just something Paddy said.”
“What did I say?”
It takes my mind a second to catch up with my eyes. My body stills. For a heartbeat, I just stare at him, frightened that if I blink he might disappear again.
Why is he back here? He only just left.
Standing just a few feet away, he looks different.
His face is pale, eyes rimmed with exhaustion like he hasn’t slept in days.
I want to ask if he’s okay, but my heart stutters, caught between relief and something close to sadness.
I’ve never seen him like this, so quiet, holding himself like he’s trying not to fall apart.
As if reading my stunned expression, all he does is stare at me, holding his mother’s puppy. I want to explain why, yet again, we’re in this situation, but he blinks, leaning forward to kiss his mother on the side of her head. “Hi, Mum.”
She leans into his kiss. “Hi.”
I have to swallow and avert my gaze to Kevin.
“This looks a lot less stressful than last time,” he says, tone light, not at all matching how tired he looks.
Siobhan tuts, grabbing her bag off the back of her seat. “You should have seen him half an hour ago. He made a jump for poor Morgan. Thank goodness she caught him.”
He grins, making my heart squeeze. “He looks happy now.” Paddy’s gaze is absorbing. Everything about him is perfect. “Does this mean you’re going to walk him?”
My eyes widen, and I look Siobhan’s way. The last thing I want is her thinking I’m making a move to keep her beloved pet. “Oh, no. I was just trying to help when he wouldn’t settle.”
“Patrick, that’s a wonderful idea.” She carefully takes Kevin from my arms, and as if he can tell I’m no longer holding him, Kevin starts whining, being prematurely woken.
“That settles it. Morgan, forget the office job. Next week, I want you to come and help me with Kevin. I’ll make sure you’re not out of pocket. ”
“But I don’t know the first thing about dogs,” I plead.
Neither Paddy nor Siobhan appear to give two shits about my lack of puppy knowledge. I can just tell Paddy is satisfied with himself for putting me in this situation against my will.
He beams a wider smile, never once breaking our eye contact. “Don’t look so worried, curly fries. This is a good thing.”
I clear my throat. “For who?” My words shake when I speak. I know how I felt when it was just me and Siobhan sitting here and I was holding Kevin. Now Paddy’s here, my skin feels prickly and hot.
He nods, appearing to take his time and thinking carefully before he answers. “For everyone.”
My insides flip like they did whenever he appeared to notice me over the years.
“He’s right, dear. I need the help, and Kevin clearly likes you more than anyone. You’d be a real lifesaver by helping me.”
Within seconds, my anxiety is back, pushing my heart against my ribs, the loud pulse of it banging like a drum in my ears.
Siobhan’s face drops. “I don’t want to put any pressure on you, Morgan. I’m so sorry. Of course, if this sounds too much, please, just say, and I’ll get Paddy to help.”
Paddy quickly starts at his mother. “I’m not the puppy whisperer.” He hoicks a thumb over his shoulder. “That’s her.”
“Paddy,” I begin, but my legs begin to shake.
“Ignore us, dear. I’m sorry for suggesting it.”
Paddy’s arm comes out and wraps around Siobhan’s shoulder protectively. “Come on, Mum. We can look at finding a new home for him.”
“What?” she squeals, but Paddy turns her away from me before she can say anything else.
“It was nice seeing you again, Morgan,” Paddy says, a smirk tucked behind my name.
Paddy is fast becoming the biggest pain in my arse. He can’t just come back here again, twice in quick succession, and think he can make me feel bad for not agreeing to help his family with their puppy issue. That’s completely unfair and not my fault.
Out of frustration, I reach down and grab my bag, dumping it on the iron table a little too harshly, making it screech against the ground as it shifts from the force.
For a split second, I consider letting them walk away with the only thing that I’ve enjoyed for myself since I can remember.
“Wait.”
Paddy and his mum both turn around. Kevin’s head raised and looking my way.
The smile that breaks on Siobhan’s face is like nothing I’ve seen before. The one on Paddy’s, however, I’ve seen many times as a kid.
He thinks he’s won.
“You forgot this.”
“Ah,” Siobhan shouts, looking between me and Paddy once she’s broken out from under Paddy’s arm.
I hold out Kevin’s lead.
“Thank you, dear. Be needing that very soon, I suppose.” She lingers, and I can just tell she’s waiting for me to offer to help.
I want to.
I really do.
But I can’t.
“Goodbye, Mrs O’Keefe.”
With a nod of understanding, she places a gentle hand on my arm.
Heat swells behind my eyes. I blink and let them flicker shut until I hear her speak again.
“Bye.” And with that, she walks to her son. Her son, who’s refusing to look at me. It makes me feel like whatever I do is wrong. Wrong for me. Wrong for everybody.