Chapter 10 Paddy O’Keefe is not a fuck up
Paddy O'Keefe is not a fuck up
Morgan
I rub at the pain pressing behind my eyelids.
The telltale signs of my oncoming headache are hitting hard this morning.
Confusion only makes it worse. I only have myself to blame for that because of course, I’m obsessing over holding Paddy O’Keefe’s hand when I should be trying to find out why he’s home.
Not only that, but why he said he’s only here until things get better.
What happened to him?
“Okay, last throw,” Paddy calls to Evie.
She’s got her arms in the air, waiting to catch the ball he brought along for Kevin.
“Aren’t you supposed to be throwing that for the dog?”
The loud laugh he barks out makes me laugh at him. He’s like a big kid. “Yeah, but this is more fun.” He launches the ball, his physique strong and so breathtaking it should be illegal.
Evie adjusts her feet, hands at the ready. “I got it! I got it!”
“No, you don’t,” Paddy sings for only me to hear, making me chuckle.
We’ve been launching the ball like this for the past twenty minutes, ever since we worked out that Kevin must be a super-pup. Little thing keeps jumping up Evie’s body and stealing the ball before she can catch it.
“All this running can’t be good for him,” I chime.
Paddy looks my way quickly. “Ah, don’t worry, curly fries. Look how happy they are.”
I haven’t looked away from Evie, but I can feel Paddy’s eyes lingering on me. “Here he goes.”
Kevin swipes the ball from the air, flipping and landing on all fours. He’s blowing heavy breaths, slobber running from his mouth.
“Crap sticks,” Evie shouts playfully, sinking her knees to the grass. “I thought I had that one.” She fusses Kevin as he walks in tiny circles around her legs. “Uncle Pads, he’s really hot.”
“Okay, time to stop,” Paddy calls back. The two of us make our way over to Evie. “Think we should carry him for a bit?” he asks, bending over Evie and checking Kevin.
Evie nods at him. “Can you carry me too?”
One of Paddy’s eyebrows lifts. “I thought you didn’t want to be treated like a kid? Carrying you seems pretty babyish.”
Evie pushes to her feet. “Not if you give me a piggyback it isn’t.”
Paddy drops to one knee. “Guess I have some stuff to learn.”
In a silent understanding between the two of them, Evie wraps her arms around Paddy’s shoulders.
“You okay carrying Kevin, Morgan?” Evie asks.
“Of course.” I pick up Kevin, ignoring the drool around his mouth.
“Little shit loves Morgan more than Grandma.”
I chuckle as Evie tells Paddy off. “You shouldn’t swear you know. You’ll have no money left.”
He jolts her playfully in his arms. “I’m not as bad as your dad was.”
“I know,” she says. “But that still doesn’t mean it’s okay to swear in front of me.”
My eyes widen Paddy’s way. I see him look at me for backup. He won’t get it. “She’s right.”
“Okay, girls, I’m sorry.” Then he mutters under his breath. “I bet you made a killing off your dad.”
“You should be sorry. Grandma will string you up if she finds out you’ve been swearing in front of me.”
“So don’t tell her,” Paddy replies.
Evie moves some of the loose strands of her hair off her face. “You want me to lie?”
Honestly, the way these two talk has my heart singing. I feel like a massive intruder, but I find the good-natured way they tease each other and the sincere conversation deeply comforting. It’s sweet.
Paddy’s feet stop. “No, I’m just saying don’t tell her. No lying involved.”
“Like a white lie?” Evie asks, sounding unsure.
Paddy takes a breath. “Um, no, kiddo. A white lie is different.” We continue walking.
“A white lie is something you tell when you don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings.
” Evie remains quiet. “It’s like telling Grandma Siobhan her casserole is the best you’ve ever tasted, when actually it’s mine.
You wouldn’t want to upset her by telling her the truth. ”
“But that wouldn’t be a lie. I do like her casserole more than yours.”
Paddy jolts her in his arms. “Thanks, kiddo. So glad you’re here.”
We take a few more steps, heading back in the direction of home.
“Is it forever?”
“Is what?” Paddy asks Evie, looking over his shoulder at her.
“Do I have to live here forever now?”
There’s a pang in my chest. A knock that makes my feet falter. I sense Paddy’s hesitation when I look up at him, noticing the way his lips pull tight.
He drops his chin to his chest. “It’s what your dad thought was best.”
I don’t want to pry on such an intimate conversation. Looking away, I try my best to walk slower to give them some privacy.
“He always knew what was best, didn’t he?”
In the corner of my eye, I see Paddy’s hold on Evie loosen. She slides down his back, and he turns to face her. “I know it’s shit, I mean, rubbish, but,” he shakes his head, pain written all over his expression, “you’re going to be okay.”
Evie takes Paddy in before she closes her eyes.
I watch a single tear hit her cheek, leaving a wet track on her face.
Every part of me wants to reach out and comfort her, but I’m hesitant.
She doesn’t know me. I don’t want to frighten her when she clearly needs someone she knows and who loves her to make her feel safe.
Paddy doesn’t waste any time. Taking her hand in his, they hold each other’s gaze, eyes misty and tender. They have a conversation without uttering a single word. It’s beautiful.
Paddy eventually winks at her, and Evie nods back, mutual understanding running between them. “We’re going to be okay, kiddo.”
Her eyes press together. “Pinky promise?” She wipes away another stray tear before holding up her free hand to Paddy.
He sighs heavily before letting her other hand go and linking his little finger with hers. “Pinky promise.” Then he pulls her into him and kisses the top of her head. “Now, you think you can walk for a bit?”
Evie nods, and with a sniff, she asks, “Can I carry Kevin?”
Paddy turns his attention to me, and I unravel my arms, passing the pup to Evie. “Be my guest.”
She takes him in, snuggling her nose into his fur. Without another word, she walks ahead of us.
“That was very sweet,” I say when I know she’s out of earshot.
He rubs the back of his neck and sighs like he’s trying to release his tension. He looks like he’s aged in the past few weeks. It makes me wonder who’s been there for him while he’s been away. Friends? A girlfriend, perhaps?
“She doesn’t have anyone else.”
His words are sombre.
“Well, it looks like she has you now.”
He studies me, a small pull of his lips that never quite reaches a full smile. “Yeah. Poor kid.”
I suddenly don’t understand. “What makes you say that?”
Keen, dazzling eyes search mine. As though he’s reading my thoughts, he sighs, disbelievingly. “Because I’m a fuck up.”
I can’t help myself. Grabbing his wrist, I pull him to look at me.
I am never this confident with anyone, but with Paddy…
I spent years pining over him. Lost sleep over him.
I know he’ll never see me as anything more than his sister’s friend, but seeing him so down and hating himself, it’s unsettling. I hate seeing him so fragile.
“Paddy O’Keefe is not a fuck up.”
He licks his lips with a subtle shake of his head. “You don’t know what I did, Morgs.”
“No, but I know you well enough to know that whatever you did came from a place of love.” God, I can’t believe I’m talking to him like this.
“You still blindly put your trust in me?” It isn’t really a question.
I shrug but I can’t deny my feelings. “It’s easy trusting you.
” Before the silence that begins stretching between us gets any bigger, I say, “Remember when I was eighteen and you came to pick up Fi from mine and saw me crying?” He nods, and I feel my cheeks flush at recalling the story.
“Well, do you remember what you said to me when I told you who had upset me?”
He looks Evie’s way, checking she’s okay. “It was Rory Lane, right?”
My head dips. “That’s the one.”
“I told you I would kick his head in if you wanted me to.”
I hold his gaze. “You didn’t even know what had happened, and you were willing to do that to him for upsetting me. Why?”
It’s his turn to look embarrassed. “I don’t know.” He scratches his head, breaking eye contact.
“I don’t believe you.”
His eyes snap back to me. “What? Why?”
Feeling brave and without overthinking, I say, “Come on, Paddy, be real for a second. You liked being the hero. You always went out of your way to help anyone. I always knew you would go on to help people professionally. Personally, I thought you would become a police officer, but becoming a paramedic is so fitting. Honestly, it makes so much sense for you to do what you do.”
Unlike me who never achieved anything.
He clears his throat. “Maybe.” He looks at Evie then back at me, apparently unable to take my compliment. “What did he do to upset you?”
I double take. “Who? Rory?”
“Yeah.”
So many years have passed since that night. Paddy can’t surely want to know what really happened. “He uh…” My hands tie together nervously. “He wasn’t very nice, that’s all.”
After a beat, Paddy chuckles. “You know, you shouldn’t lie, Morgan Brooks.”
My head snaps his way. “I’m not.”
Dark eyebrows pull on his head. “Okay, well, you should know that Fi and I were pretty close before I left to work in the city. She told me what happened.”
Forcing myself not to combust, my throat suddenly feels too tight. I never told anybody what happened, so Fi couldn’t have told him. “No, she didn’t,” I manage to push out.
He forces a smile, one lip tugging up slightly, but I see his features tighten. “Regardless, I broke his nose like I said I would.”
My insides twist. “You didn’t?” I pull his arm back to make him look at me, heat flaring in my ears.
Sure-fire eyes glare back at me, forcing me to hold my breath. “I did. And I would do it again in a heartbeat if I ever saw him around, Morgs.” He watches me for a moment, his jaw ticking.